Today is really hard!

[lior]

Stressed about:

- not having a job, and the endless possibilities of what I should focus my time on in order to get one
- a particular freelance possibility is supposedly happening but I don't have enough details
- bad relationship with dad
- bad relationship with boyfriend
- learning to drive

It's just too much, and everything is confronting me at once and I can't cope. Had conversation with dad this morn, conversation with boyfriend last night, haven't been sleeping well for last week, talking to people about work/lack of constantly.... I have to have a driving lesson in an hour and I'm so stressed. I need positive ways of thinking about these things! Help!!

[AnxietyDJ]

Hey, sorry to hear you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

Unfortunately, there is no magic cure, so the only advice I can really give is to try and break the problems down into manageable chunks and work through them gradually to make them clearer in your mind, rather than having them as one overall jumble.

Can't comment too much on your relationships with dad / bf as I don't know the ins and outs, but if they are not willing to support and help you, then perhaps you need more distance to avoid the extra stress they cause? This is just my opinion of what I think I may do, if someone I knew was causing me greater stress and anxiety due to their behaviour towards me - i'm not saying it is necessarily what you should do... As I said, obviously I don't have the ins and outs of your life, so it is hard to say more.

With regards to the potential work, what is stopping you from getting more information about it and then doing what you can to land the work?

Hope you're doing ok - let us know what happens :)

[lior]

The guy who said 'let's work together' hasn't responded to two emails I've sent over the last two weeks. He responded to texts in a positive way but didn't respond to emails. I think I'm going to have to call him if he doesn't get back to me.

My dad and bf are both making effort to fix things but I don't feel particularly receptive because I'm so stressed about everything all at once. There's other stuff too in the background. I think that maybe putting distance between me and them might in fact be a good way of managing my stress levels.

[Jenwales]

If you try the living life to the full website they give problem solving advice. I've just written it down so I'll explain it to you:
Step 1: Identify the problem and break it down into manageable chunks. It seems like you have a lot of problems right now so identify which one who need to solve. How about you need to help yourself to cope better with stress and these problesm?
Step2: Think of some solutions. Brainstorm, even funny ones. e.g. do some exercise or some relaxation exercises to help you relax.
Step3: List the advantages and disadvantages of each solution
Step4: Choose a solution
Step5:Plan steps to the solution, how will you do it?
Step6: Carry out the plan
Step7: Review the outcome. Did it work? How did you feel? If it didn't try something else.

You can use this for each problem including the issues with your family. Do you have anybody you can talk to about these problems, sometimes an objective view can help you to see a solutions, or realise problems are not as big and mean as they seem.

Has for thinking of the positive, you don't have a job, well then use the extra time you have to relax and help to ease your anxiety, learn some skills to help you (like the one I just said). You're learning to drive, yes that's stressful but if you enjoy it just think of that and don't let it stress you.

At the moment it's all getting on top of you as you are doing what we all do, we have one problem and get stressed and then see so many. Or we have many problems and worry and make it worse. Take a deep breath, let it out and maybe do a mindful meditation exercise (youtube) then try and see if you can solve the problem

all the best

[Oosh]

Forget about it all for now. You don't know how you feel about things at the moment but in the future you will, moods change. Things become clearer in different moods and then you'll understand how you feel.

Today -

Driving test ! Stay calm, repetition, it comes. It's pretty easy.

That annoying man !
Call him, knock on his door, climb through his window, anything, getting work is your priority. Freelance sounds fantastic.

Your dad, bf, it'll come to you. Relax for now, get back into work, monitor how you feel about things considering everything you've thought about.

[lior]

You won't believe this - a van went into the back of me during my driving lesson! Not sure if I have whiplash.

I was shocked but now I feel a bit calmer than before. It's sort of wiped the slate clean. I think fielding all the emails coming in to my inbox puts me in perma-anxiety mode - I'm watching like a hawk for any potential job opportunities. At the same time I flash back to all the negative experiences I've just had regarding other situations and my frustration/sadness about those situations.

I've stopped looking at emails for now. I'm going to take the rest of the day off and see my friend at a gallery private view. I've been in a car crash, I deserve some time to recoup and recover from the shock.

[Oosh]

(-After your advice she's gone out and smashed up white van mans van.
-After my advice ?
-Yeh
-Are we covered ?
-No we're not covered !
-Say we're covered. Say we're covered by er ... Tesco, Butlins, someone powerful like that. Say we've got powerful lawyers and you'll never get a penny out of us. She's been around an art gallery anyway. She'll be all dreamy and deep now and will believe anything.
-Yeh, good idea
-Yeh )

Hiya Lior *cough*
Sorry to hear you've had a bit of a crash on your driving lesson.
What's that, you feel better now ?
Calmer and clearer ?
(Jot that down. Add it to our repertoire of advice. "Smashing into white van man = an effective de stressor)

I think it was a good idea to take the day off.
Sometimes answers come to you when you're looking the other way.
Your mind can lock up when you're always thinking about stuff.
Maybe if you spend some time away from your problems for a while you might regain a bit of perspective.

Who just goes off and has a private viewing at an art gallery anyway ???

On a serious note I hope you feel better after your accident and your necks ok.

[lior]

Haha you haven't met me, nobody would think that I'm this anxious all the time... I go to private views and get into gigs for free etc because I ask to be on the list! And if you ask nicely enough and you happen to make friends with the people in charge, they will get you in when they can.

My driving instructor is insured so apparently there might be £3000 in it for me because of the whiplash. We'll see, I'm not holding out for anything.

Seeing a good friend, standing in a gallery, and a curry and a beer all helped too. It's a rare day that ends much better than it begins :) a rare day too which ends well which involved a car crash!

Thanks Oosh :)

[AnxietyDJ]

Oosh... Legend!

Glad you're doing a little better Lior - sorry to hear about the knock in your instructor's car though... glad it wasn't too serious.

Keep us updated with how you're doing! :)

[Catherine S]

He's a scouser DJ...nuff said :D

[lior]

Today has been hard again - I worked (trying to find work) for too long and travelled too much. I'm exhausted. I'm losing confidence in my abilities - I think I'm starting to seem a little less confident than I normally seem.

I have so much to offer - I want a good job so badly - a job that will help improve people's lives, and will use my skills and talents, and will pay me enough to be independent. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

[Oosh]

Well what IS going wrong ? You're the same person with the same skills and ability so maybe it's just the job market that's changed.
I know I hear people say, these days, it's all about the competition for jobs being the problem. So although you're good, you may just be coming up against large numbers of applicants.

It sounds like you're highly skilled. I remember you describing what your job entails in the past and it was a bit intimidating. You sound very capable. Would you not consider travelling further afield to where there is less competition ?
Annoying though as you're already in London and I don't imagine you want to lose the benefits of that.

Can you maybe fill the time between jobs by improving your skills somehow, adding something highly sought after that will put you ahead of that competition ?

I think times like these are a good opportunity to work for yourself. So I think these days more and more people are solving the competition problem by freelancing. I know you said that bloke possibly had an opportunity but it certainly sounds like a positive step if you can somehow think of ways to increase the amount of freelance opportunities you have. Nothing better than being in control.

I tell you what though, you sound like you're working really hard to get back to work. Sounds like you're devoting a lot of your time to it which is really admirable. With dedication like that I think you'll be putting yourself at the forefront of those applicants.

Don't lose yourself in it though. I'm sure you can split your time so you have enough time to enjoy yourself and forget about all of these issues going on in your life and still be putting plenty of time into looking for that new dream job.

Don't get downhearted. That opportunity will eventually come. It's just a question of how much time between now and then. Fill that time as positively and productively as possible so you can properly take advantage of it when it comes.

Appreciate these lower points. When things go right you'll feel incredible and that will be because you can measure it against moments like these. It's why the high points are high points. Without the lows and highs you'd be at a boring flat level all the time where you'd appreciate nothing.

Now engineer "things going right" ! :]

[-that last bits gonna make her wanna smack you right in the face because she already IS trying to engineer things going right !
- yeh, but it's inspirational. Makes me sound like Jeremy Kyle or the Pope or something.
-yeh good point
-yeh ]