Wintear
10-07-14, 05:04
I don't think I can do this anymore on my own...I lost my Uncle (he was a father figure to me..me and my blood-related father do not get along at all..he's a total deadbeat and my Uncle knew this..) back in March of this year, so only four months ago. He passed in his sleep...
I can't get over this. No matter how hard I try to face facts and admit that he's really gone. I just can't. My stomach wrenches and I feel like throwing up while simultaneously bawling my eyes out.....
My heart aches at the mere idea of him never being there for me ever again. I can't stand it. No words could ever possibly do this kind of pain justice....
My anxiety is through the roof. I feel physically sick/feverish all the time, weighed down (as if there is constantly a massive pile of cinder blocks resting on my shoulders/chest), I break out in random panic attacks throughout the day/night (even when I first wake up or sometimes right out of a dead sleep), I'm struggling to breathe, I'm hyperventilating, I'm light-headed and dizzy off/on, I'm shaky, I'm hot one moment then ice cold the next, I get tingly sensations in my hands/feet, I experiencing an intense feeling of impending doom in the pit of my stomach, I'm devastatingly depressed like NEVER before, my mind's always racing and overwhelming me, I can barely sleep and have little to no interest in eating, and I'm now suffering through bouts of PTSD...
I feel so alone. I have no one there for me..at all. My "friends" have distanced themselves and don't even bother checking in on me anymore. My family is rather dysfunctional so that's a no-go. I'm stressed to the max day in and day out and the worst part of it is is that I fear this is only the beginning.
I lost my best friend (literally) of 20 years. How the hell am I suppose to accept something like that?? Let alone COPE???
I've never been this "needy" before, so to speak, but I really need someone to talk to.....I'm so desperate just to vent to someone who genuinely cares. I can't take much more of this......I just can't!
I can't get over this. No matter how hard I try to face facts and admit that he's really gone. I just can't. My stomach wrenches and I feel like throwing up while simultaneously bawling my eyes out.....
My heart aches at the mere idea of him never being there for me ever again. I can't stand it. No words could ever possibly do this kind of pain justice....
My anxiety is through the roof. I feel physically sick/feverish all the time, weighed down (as if there is constantly a massive pile of cinder blocks resting on my shoulders/chest), I break out in random panic attacks throughout the day/night (even when I first wake up or sometimes right out of a dead sleep), I'm struggling to breathe, I'm hyperventilating, I'm light-headed and dizzy off/on, I'm shaky, I'm hot one moment then ice cold the next, I get tingly sensations in my hands/feet, I experiencing an intense feeling of impending doom in the pit of my stomach, I'm devastatingly depressed like NEVER before, my mind's always racing and overwhelming me, I can barely sleep and have little to no interest in eating, and I'm now suffering through bouts of PTSD...
I feel so alone. I have no one there for me..at all. My "friends" have distanced themselves and don't even bother checking in on me anymore. My family is rather dysfunctional so that's a no-go. I'm stressed to the max day in and day out and the worst part of it is is that I fear this is only the beginning.
I lost my best friend (literally) of 20 years. How the hell am I suppose to accept something like that?? Let alone COPE???
I've never been this "needy" before, so to speak, but I really need someone to talk to.....I'm so desperate just to vent to someone who genuinely cares. I can't take much more of this......I just can't!