Best Man Speech - HELP!

[SANick]

It's my best mates wedding at the end of the month, and I am best man. Needless to say I am dreading the thought.

I have to do a speech, in front of roughly 100 people. When I even struggle in groups of a few.

I can't even use alcohol as a remedy, because they know I often drink alot in social situations to try and calm my anxiety, they are making sure I don't drink first..

[hanshan]

If you are sober, everyone will laugh themselves silly at whatever you say (if you want them to laugh), as they'll all be somewhat more tipsy than you. They're not there to judge you, just relax.

As best man, can you think of something to say about the groom that comes from your personal experience of him and is really positive? That would be a real plus. You would then say it's something he can bring to the marriage and make it a success.

[AnxietyDJ]

I was literally just talking about my experience as a best man a while ago and how nervous and stressed I was beforehand...

The best thing is to get your speech written early and then practice it a lot so the actual words come out naturally without thinking... then you can put more focus on breathing, staying relaxed and enjoying the situation.

Also, try to perform the speech in front of a few friends and family members, as though it was the actual day - i found that helped a lot (especially when they were all laughing, telling me how good it was etc - i know they are biased, but you can still gauge a natural laugh when you hear one!).

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a couple of drinks on the day, just to steady those final nerves... Obviously don't get drunk or anything, but a glass or wine or two isn't going to hurt (by the way, i am not trying to say alcohol is the answer to your problems!!!).

Good luck with it - hope it goes well :)

[NE21 worrier]

Hi,

I was the best man for my best mate in March 2012 - this was just before I actually first sought some help for my anxiety (and part of the reason that I really I needed some professional insight). Because it was in advance of any of my education in this matter, I didn't know how to cope with the rising panic and, indeed, I got myself in such a terrible state, I could barely eat or drink anyway and left the room at the dinner time for some fresh air.

At that stage, I think most people thought I wouldn't be able to do it at all - but, yet, a few minutes later, I stood up and actually delivered my speech to a decent reception. I remember being disappointed in myself that I had not done a better job - I was still showing very clear signs of the nerves and couldn't make it sound as funny as it was in my head. Nevertheless, I was still given praise by people there (and especially my mate) so this made me feel a bit better.

The reason why I have revisited this is to tell you that I was in a really bad state - and yet still did it, so you can do so too, even if you've pretty much got to read it off the paper. It always looks a bit better if you can do it more naturally so it is worth having something well-prepared and practiced.

I do write blogs etc so my preparation was fine - but I am also very shy so I was too scared to practice it and it could have gone better if, as advised above, you practice in front of a few friends or family members.

TL;DR? Just a few tips:
1. Prepare well
2. Practice it - actually read it in front of people, not just in the mirror.
3. On the day, try and enjoy the other speeches - remember the best man traditionally goes last which can have the unfortunate effect of building up the pressure. For this period, forget your speech and enjoy the others as if you were any other punter in the crowd.
4. Don't be too hard on yourself. People know this is one of the most nervous things a bloke can do so they're generally not expecting Martin Luther King and they'll generally be pretty nice to you afterwards.

As Henry Ford once said: "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right!"

Good luck,
Peter

[SANick]

A big thankyou for the replies, I did read them but didn't reply as I was in quite a state of anxiety leading up to the Wedding and couldn't focus.

It's fair to say that I did have a few drinks first, my speech was last so I sat there feeling extremely nervous as the other people did their speeches.. However, once I had the mic in my hand and opened my speech by saying how lovely the Bride looked and was met with loud cheers it all of a sudden seemed easier. Maybe it was nervous energy but my speech went well, I even managed to ad lib.

I had a few people come up and tell me that my speech was very good afterwards.

:)

[yiannis]

congratulations, babyfaced! may this be the first on a long list of achievements as regards to your social anxiety! I myself love speaking to crowds. Once I spoke in front of a thousand people and I still remember that sweet rush, it was as if I were someone else!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well done!

I've done a lot of presentations in my last job and I know exactly what you mean. When I first started doing this, I found it hard but after the first few minutes you settle into your stride.

After doing a hell of a lot of them years later, it was much easier and any wobbles were brief and rare.

Remember this for the next time something like this crops ups, you can and did do it!!!!