View Full Version : fear of blushing
I have been socially anxious for many years, and have an extreme fear of blushing, which is now affecting every aspect of my life.
I have had several courses of CBT, plus psychiatry input and mindfulness meditation training, but have never mentioned this problem, as was too ashamed. Finally, after decades of suffering and an escalation just recently which has left me feeling suicidal at times, I plucked up the courage to speak to my GP about it. He virtually laughed in my face, and became quite hostile I felt. I asked if he could try to understand. His response was "I can try but I never will."
I don't know which way to turn now. Medication - SSRIs, SNRIs etc - has failed to make any difference to this.
I mentioned surgery to my GP - an extreme course of action, I know, but this is an extreme situation. He seemed angry that I could even suggest such a thing.
Can anyone help? I feel totally despairing about this - the problem itself, but also the response of my GP, which has left me feeling very alone and very frightened.
Hello and welcome I just had to write back to you as I no exactly how you feel as I too have a fear of blushing... Bit about me ........ I have always been shy really and always gone red but it wasn't until probably in my twenties that it became a problem.. I suppose when I was younger I thought I'd grow out of it , maybe it would stop when I left school cuz I hated school or maybe stop if I lost weight etc... All wishful thinking I think... Anyway as I got older either people commented more or I noticed the comments more I can't be sure but I started to get really worried about going red infront of people and I mean petrified.. I would do anything to make sure I hid it like keeping busy, pretending to sneeze or cough ( weird I no) leaving rooms to go to the toilet etc... Anything I could do... It led me to leave 28jobs by the time i was 27... But I still didn't realise how muchof a problem it was becoming so I started avoiding different odd social occasions till eventually I didn't go anywhere or see anyone... Two years ago I had a nervous breakdown and since that day haven't seen my friends and that day was my wedding day... So now two years down the line I can now see members of my family because at one point I couldn't do that, I
Can go shopping, go walking, I've joined a gym... I have now realised the only way through this problem is to face it head on and try not to avoid situations...I'm sure you have heard of exposure and this is how I have done it... I have slowly put myself in anxiety provoking situations where I would go red so that the fear loses it's power... The more I do it the more confident I get.. I have a long way to go and I no I'm not cured and can't give you that cure your looking for but it's as good as.... Don't try and hide your blushing or fight against it... Go with it let it happen and let the fear lose it's power... It's not easy I no that... There are a few things I do to help me keep facing my fear... I take quiet life tablets, I go to the gym(I've just started and this REALLY helps and it's the one place I go red and I don't care as everyone is red so I feel normal) I meditate, drink camomile tea, eat anxiety reducing foods such as bananas, whole grains, sesame seeds, fish etc.. (Lots of info on internet for this) stay hydrated, gardening and coming on here.. I'm now 31 and it has been a very difficult two years for me but I'm slowly piecing my life back together... I tried everything beforehand like hypnosis, medication and lots more but the thing is the only way forward is like I said to face it head on... When I finally accepted this was my only option I started to slowly get my life back... Yes I still go red but I promise you it's not as much and the fear is not as intense at all times as it was...I wish I have a cure for you because I no how you feel but I don't all I can offer you is my story and a few tips I've picked up along the way and also to say your not a lone... I read a great book once called feel the fear and do it anyway and this is now what I'm trying to do..... If I can do it you can too hope this helps good luck to you.... Sorry about a long post xx
Sorry to hear about both of your cases, that sounds awful and i can't even begin to imagine how stressful and upsetting it must have been.
To the op, the way your doctor treated you is so unprofessional and just plain nasty. You should report him if you feel it warrants it, so that other people don't have to go through the same thing. Are you able to go to a different doctor?
Welcome to the forums - so many lovely people here who are always around to chat and help out where they can :) Take care of yourself and i hope your situation can improve soon.
Thanks so much to both of you for taking the time and trouble to reply, and jefferina, so grateful to you for sharing your story. It's hard for me, at the moment, to feel that the situation could ever improve (both medication and therapy has failed, which is why I felt maybe surgery was the way to go for me), but it does help to hear that, for you, it has.
Regarding the exposure thing, did you just introduce this yourself, or did you get professional help/advice?
Yes, AnxietyDJ, GP was nasty and unprofessional - "malpractice with a vulnerable patient" a friend described it as - but I am afraid that by making an issue of it, it will make matters worse for me. I am already in despair, and don't think I am strong enough for this kind of battle. As I have a long history of mental health problems, it would be very easy for him and his collegues to dismiss my side of things as the ravings of unstable person. I know I am that, and I also recognise that I must be a frustrating person to try to help, but his response did seem unnecessarily harsh and cruel.
I have a psychiatrist who I guess I could contact, but I am afraid that she will take his side, and that this would make me feel even more scared and alone.
I am so grateful to both of you for your support. This seems like a good place to hang out. I really need somewhere to go to talk about all of this, as I have told nobody apart from my GP (or rather ex-GP - I will have to see someone else next time) but also hope I can support others too.
jefferina - you are very brave to have tackled this head on. I hope I can be as brave in dealing with my own situation. I am on the point of ending my relationship with my partner (we have been together 6 years, and live together, so that would be a big deal) because I can't bear to be looked at by him.
Yes, I can understand your concerns. It is a shame that he can just get away with treating someone who places a lot trust in him and needs really his help, like that. Makes me very mad indeed :curse:
I obviously don't understand the specifics of what you are going through, having never experienced it myself, but I am always around to chat - feel free to drop me a message, any time :)
Hello again... Is that the only reason you wish to leave your partner?? The reason I ask is because I felt the same I couldn't even sit in a room with my husband without the dreaded blush well for me blotchy face and neck taking over... I would literally have to keep walking out it was horrible.... All I did to get over this is just make myself sit with him... I explained what was wrong and he promised not to comment and try and help me... He wouldn't say anything if it happens and sometimes he would try and distract me like by talking about something else or putting something good on tv... Now I can always sit with him... It took time but not along time because once you face it head on I promise you the fear lessens bit by bit.. I suppose it's about telling yourself you ain't bothered any more... As for exposure I had 5 telephone sessions with a therapist which was useless I actually learnt it by the free therapy off here it's cbt for panic by robin hall very good you should tAke a look... I to have had
failed medication I took sertraline and failed hypnosis and at the time I was devasted but it was never going to work because my mind weren't in the right place... What I mean is I was desperate and just wanted this to stop wanted something to take it away so was just relying on those things to do it but in reality only I can do it... I would really recommend you change your diet eat as healthily as you can, exercise too by either walking or exercise dvd, relaxation and meditation is great... Please read that cbt for panic and just try little tasks at a time... My first task along time ago was just to sit in a room with my family, just my mum dad and husband... Like I said though I do have along way to go but the more I face it the easier it will get.. I have tough days but the exercise helps me then and I come on here to... Any more questions please don't hesitate to ask and I will try and answer best I can ... And you can do it trust me I could even walk out my front door at one point and never thought I would again...
You are so brave jefferina - and sensible! Yes, pretty much - the main reason for wanting to leave. Also because depression makes me crave solitude and it can be difficult to be around him for that reason, but that is secondary to the blushing thing. As you know, it is unbearable.
I am very frightened of telling him, in case it makes things 100 times worse and I blush even more. He once commented - once in 6 years - and I have never forgiven or forgotten but other than that (when I told him he must never do so again) is sensitive, although I think totally confused.
How did your husband react when you explained?
Yes, I'm getting to the point now where I don't want to leave the house. I go out to work 3 days a week, but other than that am doing nothing. Only go to shops miles away where I know I will not meet anyone I know.
I think the source of my problems is intense shame, which I believe I was made to feel throughout my childhood. I have spoken about this (although not the blushing) to many therapists over the years, but it has never been resolved. After the way my Gp reacted, I am terrified of telling anyone. He was so angry at me for saying I wanted surgery. Just now, it feels like the only way, but I know there ARE other ways and all you say about exercise, meditation etc is sensible. I have done both over the years, and will try to get back to a regular regime.
---------- Post added at 21:14 ---------- Previous post was at 19:07 ----------
Yes, I can understand your concerns. It is a shame that he can just get away with treating someone who places a lot trust in him and needs really his help, like that. Makes me very mad indeed :curse:
I obviously don't understand the specifics of what you are going through, having never experienced it myself, but I am always around to chat - feel free to drop me a message, any time :)
Thanks for your kindness AnxietyDJ. It is much appreciated. I know that the despair I currently feel will probably pass, not because the problem has improved, but because that is how it has gone in the past. But I trusted my GP with something noone else in the world knew about - to be treated so harshly and unsympathetically is very hard to get over.
Deepthinker
14-07-14, 21:26
:hugs: I don't have much to add, applecore, but I wanted to say that I hope you find another doctor. Your GP should never laugh at you when you tell him something you are struggling with. It sounds like these other ladies on NMP have been very helpful and can relate somewhat to what you're going through. I wish you the very best. Blessings!
Thanks Deepthinker. Yes, plan never to see this GP again. He described me as "aggressive" and said he felt I'd come there looking for a fight, and I'm worried this will now be in my notes. Although I know that I was only responding to his hostility and complete lack of empathy, having shared with him my "big secret", I still feel very, very ashamed. I think I mostly have a reputation for being a gentle person, who would shrink away from a fight, so it hurts a great deal to have been described this way, and to have been pushed to behave in a way I wouldn't normally.
Really appreciate your good wishes.
Deepthinker
16-07-14, 20:03
you're welcome, applecore. :) i hope you are having a great day!
It sounds like these other ladies on NMP have been very helpful
Hey! And guys too :) :yesyes:
Hello sorry for the delay in replying been busy I have a four month old baby girl she just having a snooze... When I first had my nervous breakdown a couple of years ago I think my husband found it very hard to deal with but he had seen what i was like before so he knew it was real... I have always been shy but didn't really effect me as much as it did when I had a breakdown so he did see a big difference in me.. To start it was hard lots of arguments etc,,, but I sat him down and tried to explain... I said imagine living everyday feeling the most scared and afraid you ever felt over something that seems so silly....so irrational... I said I no it's hard to understand and it's hard for me too I feel as if I'm going mad.. I explained it that when I'm in a room with people the panic starts to set in and I go red and blotchy and then when that happens I get more and more anxious which make me go even more blotchy then even more anxious and I just want to run and cry... It then leads to an anxiety attack...at this time the anxiety takes over and all logic goes out the window.. I explained how I was struggling to cope and he wanted to help... I said to try and ignore when it happens and try and distract me... I occasionally feel it now with him particularly if I try and go out anywhere with him and if I do feel bad like I'm going to go red I say to him I'm not feeling right.... Then if I go red he is sort of expecting it...
As for going shopping I used to do exactly the same as you and I would last about two mins in a shop before I broke down crying and run out... Absolute nightmare.... But what I did is just try and stay longer every time get a small a mount of shopping... If I really couldn't do it I would leave. I still have times when I'm scared but my body is slowly learning to stay calm. There is one shop I'm struggling with a lot but I try and go in there little bit at a time.. The thing is the more I avoid it the more I'm telling my self I'm right to be afraid so that's why you must face these things to tell your brain it's wrong and your not afraid.. Maybe you could start going to a shop closer to home just for milk or a paper... First go through self serve then go through checkout then buy more items then say hi to a worker etc... Little baby steps... Thanks fir saying I'm brave but I don't feel it.. When I realised the only way through this is to face it I was devastated didn't want to believe it but once you except it it really is the only way it starts to work... I too have failed at cbt and exposure before and now I realise I wasn't doing it right for example if I had a fear of dogs and went to a house where there was a dog for an exposure task but didn't sit in the room with the dog or go near it that is not exposure.... So going into a shop running around avoiding all contact, head down, grabbing anything just hoping I won't go red is not exposure task being done correctly... You have to go in shop take you time head held high, no rushing round you need to let your self go red feel them feelings cuz the more you do it the better it gets... I'm sure you no about exposure I just didn't realise I was doing it wrong for a long time that's all..hope that helps a little hope it makes sense was rushing to write it before baby wakes up... As for your gp what an uneducated idiot he/she is... Don't let there opinion effect your all my gps have never understood me either... I apt service very good give them a call numbers on internet they are good to talk to... Hope Your ok take care xx
I really, really appreciate you taking the time and trouble to tell me about your situation, which in some ways is VERY similar to mine.
Actually I don't know much about exposure - I always thought, no, I'm not brave enough, it would to too hard for me. But you have made me feel like maybe it's possible. You're right - rushing in and out of a shop that I'm afraid of is not the answer. Facing the things I fear most is probably the only way.
So glad that things have worked out with your husband. He sounds like a good guy! And we can't expect them to understand unless we explain it to them. My partner knows I have a "big secret" that I told the GP about and which he dismissed, but is not pushing me to tell him, although he must wonder. I am just so afraid that, if I tell him, I will be red ALL THE TIME.
I have ordered a CBT workbook off Amazon "Overcoming social anxiety and shyness" - I know that face to face works well for lots of people, but it never has for me, as I can't be honest, as am too ashamed. I will give this a go, and see how I get on. It's something anyway. I was on the point of giving up before I posted, and you and others responded. It means the world to me, it really does.
I'm going to try to change my diet as well - more fresh fruit and veg, less coffee and sugar etc. Anything you can recommend either avoiding or making sure I get more of?
Congratulations on your baby by the way. I bet you're a great mum, as you come across as really sensitive and understanding!
Deepthinker
17-07-14, 20:23
Hey! And guys too :) :yesyes:
sorry 'bout that anxietydj! you are right! :)
Thanks Deepthinker. Yes, plan never to see this GP again. He described me as "aggressive" and said he felt I'd come there looking for a fight, and I'm worried this will now be in my notes. Although I know that I was only responding to his hostility and complete lack of empathy, having shared with him my "big secret", I still feel very, very ashamed. I think I mostly have a reputation for being a gentle person, who would shrink away from a fight, so it hurts a great deal to have been described this way, and to have been pushed to behave in a way I wouldn't normally.
Really appreciate your good wishes.
Hi applecore,
Sorry I'm late to this thread but I want to second the people here who've said you should give this GP a miss from now on.
I understand your not wanting to get into a fight with him if you find it hard to be assertive, but have you got anyone who would be willing to act as an advocate for your interests? It sounds to me as though he needs to be made to take a look at himself.
You have nothing to be ashamed of btw, quite the reverse; it takes a lot of courage to ask for help in a situation like yours.
Thank you so much for that reply really nice of you xx
If I was you I would have to tell my partner (but that's me) I see it that by not telling him your letting the fear win and take over which it wants to do..... Don't let it.... I no it's hard... I too thought like you that I just wasn't strong for this and I did give up lots and lots of times... Start small build your confidence.... Even just sitting with your partner for longer then you usually would... Make the fear lose it's power... Please have a look at cbt for panic it's free on here... Really good at explaining exposure much better than me... Please believe you can do this like I said I couldn't even walk out my door a year ago and now I can... I find quiet life tablets have helped me too they sort if take the edge of redness and panic.... I would say drinking water I helps too... I think what your doing with your diet it's great good step forward well done... Now tackle that big secret could you tell maybe a friend or other family member first?? People understand more then you think... Like I said before I told people that when I get anxious I go red ....although to you I would admit it's probably the other way round but found it easier saying it that way...having a secret I believe is making the fear grow ... Good luck to you you can do this xx
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