View Full Version : I cannot continue to cope without sleep
Everyone at NMP will now know the problems I am having with sleep. I can't believe its not getting any better. Last night was dreadful - and I was convinced |I was going to get a good night as I'd had a particuarly busy and physical day.
It really is dragging me deeper into this pit of despair, and as much as I want to force myself out of it, I just don't have the energy. I've been awake since just after 2.30 (having turned out the lights at 11.30). Two PAs after two strange dreams in a half sleep resulted me taking a Propanalol around 3 am (A bit naughty because I'd only had one at around 11 pm), but I just couldn't sort myself out and I was desperate. I honestly can't go on like this - its no sort of life feeling like this, its barely even going thru the motions.
I honestly don't think I can cope much longer like this.
Sandie
hi sadie im am the same about 2 230 every night i wake i feel so tired all the time and i beleive it makes my ans worse but hold on in there i had the same thing 3 years ago and it did sort itself out i no its hard but be strong it will stop take care
d knibb
Hi Sandie,
Sorry you are still having this problem. The propanalol is a beta blocker, it isn't a sleeping tablet - and insomnia is a common side effect with beta blockers ('Beta blockers decrease nocturnal melatonin release, perhaps partly accounting for sleep disturbance caused by some agents').
I think you need to ask the doctor to review your meds, in fact not ask TELL him to. If you need sleeping tablets (even short term) then he needs to give you some. The beta blockers are beneficial in reducing heart rate, but sometimes the adverse effects of meds outweigh benefits. I really hope you can get it sorted hon.
Nel xxx
___________________________________________
"At the end of a storm, there's a golden sky..."
Just to top everything, we've had the sad news today that my father in law died early this morning.
We've had a shocking year - I can't wait for it to end, as long as there is a better one around the corner.
I know it seems strange, and selfish too, but it some ways having to focus on someone else and their needs (my mother in law), might be good for me.
I just hope and pray things can only get better.
Sandie
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Just to top everything, we've had the sad news today that my father in law died early this morning.
We've had a shocking year - I can't wait for it to end, as long as there is a better one around the corner.
I know it seems strange, and selfish too, but it some ways having to focus on someone else and their needs (my mother in law), might be good for me.
I just hope and pray things can only get better.
Sandie
<div align="right">Originally posted by sandie - 18 December 2006 : 11:15:25</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Sorry to hear Sandie. Take care (and R too),
Nel xxx
___________________________________________
"At the end of a storm, there's a golden sky..."
nomorepanic
18-12-06, 17:16
Sandie
So sorry to hear the sad news about your father-in-law.
Nicola
People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel
Hi Sandie,
I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law, and sending you big hugs.
As for the sleep, you are certainly not alone in this, and it seems to be quite an issue for many at this time of year. In fact I had a bad PA and a very vivid dream last night. It is healthy to dream - it's a way for our emotions to be released.
This awful phase will pass, and now take each day as it comes. You will come out of this, Sandie.
Thinking of you,
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
feels_like_home
18-12-06, 22:53
Hi Sandie,
I am sorry to hear about your father in law. I know what it is like to have trouble sleeping. I can always fall asleep, but continually wake up throughout the night and early in the morning. I often wake up confused because of my dreams. I have gotten to the point where I can barely get through the day. I am always so so tired. I find the more I focus on it the less sleep I get. Sorry to go on, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Michelle
Hi Sandie,
So very sorry to hear about your father in law.
Lynnann
sorry to hear about your FIL and sorry to hear you cant sleep , i know exactly what thats like i have terrible insomnia lately i went to bed at 11.30pm exhausted woke up an hour later and its 3.50 am now and im still awake and no sign of sleep hitting yet . i really expected to sleep tonight as i went out with my dog for an hour today which is quite a big thing for me. so im both surprised and dissopointed.
bb natty
eeyorelover
19-12-06, 05:29
Sorry to hear about your father in law.
Hope things get better soon.
xxx
Sandy
Hello everyone
Thank you for all your messages of support - it really does help, particularly when the support comes from people who UNDERSTAND.
I was supposed to go with my husband yesterday to be with mum, help sort things out and help make arrangements for the funeral etc. As the day wore on it become clear that I really wasn't coping very well, was beocming increasingly stressed and that perhaps the 5 hour drive wasn't a good idea. Consequently I've stayed at home - mum is coming back with my hubby, and she will be spending christmas with us. We will all go back for the funeral after christmas. Having mum here will give me something to focus on, instead of wallowing in my own issues. My husband is an only child; in addition to losing his father, he has had to cope with all the terrible issues we've had this year, and the burden I have become for him; don't ask me why but he doesn't see it as a burden - I've become so aware of what broad shoulders he has, but he is only human for goodness sake!!
So many of my issues are deep-rooted and need to be SORTED OUT FOR GOOD. I am due for CBT, but it won't happen for a couple of months yet. In the meantime I'm going to get hold of some self-hypnosis and relaxation downloads to help me try to get a handle on things.
I HAVE GOT to get a grip on things myself - no-one is going to wave a magic wand. I stopped the ziomovane sleepers a week ago - they weren't helping anyway. I haven't had a propanalol since yesterday lunch-time - they may well have been contributing to my insomnia. I've started more and more to talk to my PAs - to challenge them, and to try to use coping mechanisms. I know we should wean ourselves off meds, but I feel inclined to just stop - as of this moment, and cope with the palps and PAs in a different way.
Last night I slept well - much better than I have for many weeks. As a consequence I feel better able to cope today - whether I will feel the same at lunchtime is another matter. I feel lonely this morning but plan to keep busy until mum and hubby are home. Today may be a good day, but I hope if that's the case its not a "one-off".
Thanks to you all - take care.
Sandie
groovygranny
19-12-06, 10:06
Sandie, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
We are all here for you, as you know already, I just say (again) thank God for NMP.
I too am an only child who lost my father two years ago come January, so I empathise with your dear hubby as I do with you. And what a dear he is giving you such support in the midst of his difficulties. I know it makes such a difference to have the love and support of a partner, something for us to give thanks for at times like this, eh?
Lots of love to you
GG
xxxbig hugxxx
'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'
So sorry to hear about your father in law.
(((S)))
Love Piglet x
Hi Sandie
Interesting to hear that you slept well last night. It is funny how situations, often bad situations can give us relatively good surprises like that.
I had to sleep over at my brothers last night and thought that would be an unsafe place as I usually prefer the comfort of my own home. Yet, the first time in about three weeks, I went to bed without the anxiety that comes on as soon as I hit the pillow.
I lost my mum 18 months ago and there was a lot to do in preparation for the funeral. Somehow, I was able to just get on with it. Maybe I was just so focused, that my anxiety thoughts didn't get a word in edgeways!
Take Care
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Well mum is here, and at 82 whilst she is still very independent she is, in her own way, quite hard work, and it is stressful. Last night I had a bl**dy awful night - just 2 hours sleep; I got quite distressed in the night and unfortunately disturbed my husband. Mum used the bathroom at 2 am and woke us - hubby got back to sleep but of course I didn't, Consequently I feel dreadful this morning - really shattered. I know she has to use the bathroom several times a night (she visited again at 5 am, but as I was already awoke it didn't seem to matter).
I'm really quite anxious about the whole thing - mum is with us until 28th when we all have to travel back for the funeral, christmas is stressing me enough as it is, without the certain knowledge that I KNOW I am going to be disturbed by her nighttime visits to the loo.
I did try a day without the propanalol yesterday, but the night was so bad, and the PAs were constant, pressure on the chest, tightening around the heart, constant palps etc. Today I'm back on - I really do think that I need to be in a much better place emotionally before I can let them go.
Thank god that when I'm as tired as I am today, I can share the "cannot cope feelings", with all of you, and hubby. He knows, because I've told him, that sometimes I feel so exhausted and so desperate, I'd just like to fall asleep for good.
Sandie
Sandie
My heart goes out to you. I know only too well how awful it is to have a lousey niight's sleep.
I think its a viscious circle too because the more we get churned up about whether or not tonight might be okay, the worse it gets .
I'm new here so don't know all your story but often it does seem to be meds that cause the insomnia. I have had friends who have no anxiety problems also tell me that they went through sleep pattern disruption as they approached menopause .
I have gone through awful phases of disrupted sleep myself and I wasn't even on any medication. Just like you, sometimes I would practically fall into bed some nights feeling sure I'd be dead to the world until morning only nope..within an hour or two, I'd be up again. In the end I had to convince myself it didn't matter..even though I was going to work looking like a complete wreck! I felt sure some colleagues thought I'd been out all night drinking.
I think you might be right about focusing on your Mother in law. It must be a terrible time for her and she will be glad of your support I reckon. I find too that having someone else to care for seems to take my mind off my own problems.
I wish you well and all I can say is that it WILL pass and you will get it sorted out.
Hi everyone
Just a quick update for you all (if you're interested).
For 2 nights running now I've managed 4 hours sleep - I know its not enough but its a heck of a lot better than it has been for over 3 months now.
Back up to full dosage of the propanalol - the anxiety palps and pains came back with a vengeance when I reduced.
Still anxious - not so much about christmas now, but the funeral on the 29th, and then that awful flat anti-climax feeling in early January.
2007 is going to be a year of such changes for us - that's inevitable. Mum has now started talking about selling up and us getting a place together. It would certainly solve a situation for us, and would obviously help with her loneliness and at 82 she does need support. Needs a LOT of thinking about though because I would be the one on whom it would impact the most.
I am coping better - it just goes to prove that the sleep thing can make such a difference. If I could somehow get the sleepto a more normal 6 or 7 hours then that would be brilliant.
Ron is going to download some self-hypnosis stuff this weekend for me as well as open an MSN for me.
Trying hard to keep positive and busy - been out 2 days running too with mum and it does help having someone with you.
Will keep you all posted.
Sandie
Hi Sandie,
Good to hear from you this morning and I am glad you are sounding more positive. Getting sleep certainly makes such a difference.
I think you are right to stick to the prescribed dose of propanalol especialy during this stressful time. Just take one day at a time and you will find the inner strength to cope. You will get through this.
Thoughts are with you.
chillx
Just a quick one worthy of some note, I haven't had a sleeping tablet for almost 2 weeks now!!!!
I take a warm glass of milk and an occasional melatonin (which is natural).
I THINK I'm gradually becoming more positive, but I KNOW there were be some dark days - I'm almost too hesitant to think too positively because I worry that hopes will be dashed suddenly. Its the 'what-if' scenario constantly in play!!
Sandie
groovygranny
22-12-06, 15:40
Hi Sandie, good to hear you are having some rest.
Going through a few 'What if's?' myself at the mo so I've decided to pinch Piglet's signature for us lol !! Hope it isn't copyright [Oops!]
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Take care
GG [:P]
xx
'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'
hi sandie
sorry to hear about your father in law and the trauma your suffering at the moment, just to say im thinking about you and sending some positive vibes your way
Take care Mick
my life has been full of terrible events most of which have never happened!
So sorry to hear your sad news.
I will be thinking of you at this difficult time.
I know from personal experience that lack of sleep makes it much harder to cope. Keep strong.
shoegal xxx
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