View Full Version : Anxiety v Social Life
...in this case anxiety and feelings of illness won.
In response to my thread:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=157175
Anxiety won, been feeling utterly dreadful all day, had to make a decision earlier on whether I could go ahead or cancel - I cancelled, lost my £70 rail ticket fee but saved on hotel (free cancellation) and spending money.
Utterly devastated, had to call friends and make an excuse up (gastroenteritis) as they do not know about my condition - obviously all parties gutted including them (20+ of them) who will no doubt have a wonderful time and they then tell me that "you will be here in spirit we will send you drink texts" - yeah thanks, that will make me feel better!
Now got even more anxiety about cancelling and thinking constantky about them all having a good time and then seeing photos and listening to them going on about it for months after.
I just could not face it - I let anxiety win, I feel weak about it and I feel I never do anything social again. I need to get serious medical help and will be at my GP on Monday to make an appointment and will be letting him know EXACTLY how I get and what he proposes to do to help me - whether that is altered meds, counselling, CBT or whatever.
If this is not addressed soon my life may as well end now as I cannot interact with people or go to social gatherings, holidays and I will not be booking anything ever again until I know some progress has been made. I am now scared to commit to anything but it it not the social side that scares me it is the lead up to it and the fears of "what ifs" etc.
Doing my own research it seems I have GAD although this has never been formally diagnosed, only anxiety and depression with some OCD which is why I was originally prescribed Citalopram which now obviously do not work or I need a stronger dose or something more fitting to my condition.
I know I am weak, I know I let anxiety win but is there anything else I could have done? I may well have been OK but I also may well have been a misery all weekend, not able to drink, feel ill all weekend and just be looking to get home ASAP.
Any words that will help me feel better? Was I wrong cancelling? Am I just a uselss person that may as well just give up and become a hermit?
Right now I feel angry, upset, anxious, disappointed, gutted and totally dispondent with life
I truly sorry to hear of your decision :( It's obvious you're beating yourself up over it.
So many worry so much about "What If's" and it's the the "What If's" of the things we didn't do that are worse than failing at those we did. I see so many people stand on the edge and never step off for fear of "What If?". The way I see it is: We know how to swim and the water isn't that deep that you'll drown. the worst that can happen is you get a little wet. That's why there are towels in the linen closet.
You have a choice now. Allow this to continue to hold you back in life or seek help to beat it. Only you can make the decision and act on it. What will you do?
Positive thoughts
Thank you, I have already made my decision that things cannot carry on the way they are so I will be seeingmy GP next week and INSISTING I get help through meds as well as counselling/CBT. I need to be helped and I recognise that I do so that is the first step.
Thank you, I have already made my decision that things cannot carry on the way they are so I will be seeingmy GP next week and INSISTING I get help through meds as well as counselling/CBT. I need to be helped and I recognise that I do so that is the first step.
Well done!
Positive thoughts
Sunflower2
17-07-14, 20:55
I have cancelled things in the past due to not feeling up to it. You just feel so so angry at yourself for letting your mind hold you back. I completely understand. It sounded a pretty hectic weekend away, perhaps you can try something a little less intense in the future to regain your confidence? I hate thinking of the amount of things I have missed out on, but I get round it now by making alternative arrangements to make sure I do go. So instead of driving myself somewhere (which I can chicken out of) I will get a lift from someone. Yes it's a compromise and means I'm not so independent, but it means I am rebuilding myself slowly without relapsing backwards.
Don't beat yourself up about it, everyone struggles with something. See it as a wake up call that things aren't quite as settled as you thought and you are going to grab anxiety by the privates and work on kicking it out your life.
Thank you, and yes, I am beating myself up about it, all I can think about is what fun they will be having and what I am missing out on. I know it is only the weekend but I am missing out on the banter, fun and laughs of it all. This illness is ruining my life, that is what I do know. I am promising myself, no more booking stuff until I get serious help
What a great morning, upset stomach and lethargy and seeing posts on Facebook of all my friends at the train station ready to go to Newcastle. I feel great about this and then hearing about it all when they get back.
Thank you anxiety, thank you for ruining my life and all of my plans. I appreciate it
I've cancelled on stuff a lot before as well, sometimes I feel pretty bad about it, sometimes I just know I needed to do it, and it sounds to me like you needed to do it this time. It's really tough to be in such a large group if you are feeling run down (mentally or physically).
I've had evenings out when I've been feeling a bit off and end up just sitting on the sidelines while everyone else has a good time, usually on those evenings i would end up in floods of uncontrollable tears but I now know that forcing myself to do something I don't really want to, is just going to make me end up feeling worse about it all. Sometimes it's better to take the down time, don't dwell on what you might be missing, find yourself something else to do this weekend, no matter how small it seems, a nice pub lunch or cinema trip or something. THAT can be your own private reason for not going e.g. "if I had gone to Newcastle, I wouldn't have had that awesome roast!" Besides GUARANTEED in a group that size, and although they might not show it (certainly not on Facebook), not everyone will be having a perfectly amazing time, someone will perhaps throw up in a bin, lose something or do something they regret; later they might turn it into a hilarious story, but no-one enjoys that shit while it's happening... :D
By all means go and get yourself some help longer term, but I hope I've said something that helps you feel a tiny bit better this weekend at least.
Thank you, yes, that message helped. Managed to go out with parents today and have a walk down the beach and yes, when I think of the positives like the money saved and thinking I could be miserable up there it does make me feel better.
Also, my parents said something that made me think a lot - the group going are all aged around 38-50 (I am 40) and it is basically, bar Saturday daytime in South Shields on the beach (forecast is rain anyway!) a p*ss up the whole weekend. Whilst I like a few drinks I cannot take the pace with themeds any more anyway so all in all what amI actually missing out on?
Yes, seeing photo's andhearing the stories willmake me jealous but a weekend p*ss up at that age - could do that anywhere I guess! Also,what will the photo's be? Mates in silly hats in a pub/club - I haveplenty of them
I won't pretend I am still not gutted but I also need to stop dwelling as I am not there and I can do nothing about it now.
Not feeling any better - had to force myself in to town to have a coffee with an old friend and was trembly and had stomach aches and palpitations. Obviously after so many years my Citalopram 20mg are not working and I need to get my meds reviewed.
Also feel so angry with myself seeing pictures of all my mates having fun whilst I am a trembling mess with thoughts that I will never have a social life again. I am now scared to organise or commit to anything - if I cancel anything again I will not be peoples good books.
I now think it is time to come clean - they just think I am ill i.e. flu etc none of them know about my condition. I feel I need to tell them now so they know so I have done an email to close friends and also said I will explain more when I see them next. It is not fair on me or them for this to carry on.
After reserach it seems I do have GAD as well as seperation anxiety as when it is just a day out I am generally OK, this alsways happens (holiday cancellations) when I know I am staying away and having to travel - whilst I am not agorophobic and OK when with friends (so not social anxiety) it seems I do have GAD and SA.
Can I be helped? Will meds help me? I need to get my life back before I never do anything again and become even worse than I am now.
Well it is now Sunday, still shaky and depressed - I have suffered with depression before so know the signs (low mood, no enthusiasm, got out of bed at 12 when normally up around 8) etc so I| have depression as well as anxiety.
I text a few mates to say I hope you had a good time and of course they all said it was brilliant and one of them is putting up around 150 photos later so that will make me even more jealous and anxious that I could not be there. Now I think as I was not there they are all best buddies without me and I will be excluded from everything. No doubt the next event organised I will be up for and then not go AGAIN due to this dreadful condition.
I am going to my GP tomorrow to make an appointment to get my meds changed and I really do need to do more to get out of this rut I am in but the problem that makes it worse is all my friends have a good social life, work, their own places and most have partners so pretty much a normal life - I live at home, no job as made redundant last year, live with parents who are also ill and also have to listen to me go on and on and am single - I do not have ANYTHING going for me at all and that is what depresses me and makes me anxious as well - I am also the only child and have no other family.
I feel when I see my GP he will just fob me off with a change of meds or do nothing at all and so nothing is being achieved. I feel anxious about other social events as now they know I have cancelled thelast 2 big events twice and I worry the next one I will also not be fit enough to go to.
Please tell me I will get better, tell me it does not have to be like this constantly as all I want to do is sleep and do nothing apart from sit in my room watching TV and using the laptop.
I used to be so social, life and soul of the party and confident. Now I am constantly anxious, depressed and have very low self esteem and confidence and everything is an effort to do so even if I do manage to get out it is with a big effort and usually cannot wait to get home.
I feel so low and down.
Matt,
A GP is a medical doctor trained to treat physical issues. While they can be and are very helpful, there comes a time when you must seek the help of medical professional trained in illness of the mind. Meds can and do help but I feel, after reading your posts, further intervention is needed. Ask you GP for a referral to a mental health professional and start tackling this.
Positive thoughts
Hi Matt
I agree with Fishmanpa.
It doesn't have to be like this.Ask for that referral,and really spell it out to your GP,the way youve done here.
Once your mood has been lifted a bit,other things won't seem so much of a challenge.
You were the way you want to be once,you can be like that again.
Best wishes
Hey Matt, sorry to hear about your weekend. I still think you made the correct decision not to go this time, but it's good that you are realising you need to talk to someone.
Agree with the two posters above, meds aren't the only answer, sounds like you really need to talk with someone, so try some therapy. But also, you might feel a bit better now you've been a bit more open with your friends. You may find you are not alone, a lot of people get anxiety, but if they know they can support you better
Hey all, an update - a few friends have replied to my email - very supportive and understanding and they said I was missed but the weekend although good was not as good as other ones we have been on.
I have a GP appointment (double appt) booked for 8th August so I can chat to GP about it all then - suffering with stomach pains at the moment although not an upset stomach as stools are normal so must all be anxiety.
I also agree, I think I made the right choice in not going and feel better now it is over and seeing the photos and comments it seems as though I did not miss that much.
I have another medical appointment in August but now I can start to move forward and get my life back as I will insist on medicine review as well as therapy.
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