Very panicky today - would welcome support

[dorabella]

I'm sitting here on my birthday feeling wretched - just about every phobia I have is kicking in - can't tolerate the heat, sleeping but constantly waking with a start, burning guts, terrible thoughts, aches in stomach, feeling nauseous and trying desperately to keep hold of myself.

My father had a minor heart attack two days ago, and although he seems to be on the mend I am desperately worried, trying to support my mum but all I want to do is cry. Unfortunately my family are 100 miles away -my father told me not to dash up there but of course I want to see him. I suffer from agoraphobia too and am bracing myself for a journey up to see him tomorrow. Just worried that I will break down and I don't want to do that and upset him, my mum and other family. Every time my mum updates me with progress I am expecting the worst........

Anyone reading this will probably think I am pathetic - but I hate people to see me like this - trying to be strong for others but inwardly I could scream at myself for being so weak. I would be grateful for any support from the No More Panic community to lift me out of this panicky stupor.

Dorabella

[spuder]

First of all hun happy birthday second of all you r not pathectic hun it's hard when u have a love one in hospital I would be the same so don't be too hard on yourself hun. If u do breakdown I think your family will understand hun. I am sending u big hugs right now hope I've helped a bit and hope ur dad is ok :hugs::hugs:

[Mrs Panda]

Awwww so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time and on your birthday too! :(
Happy birthday though. It's difficult not to worry about loved ones, especially when you have anxiety yourself, it just makes everything seem bigger, scarier and more sensitive than it is at times. I wish you all the best for your trip and also for your dad's health. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure your dad will be thrilled to see you. You are doing a good thing visiting him when you feel so crap yourself. That takes courage. You can do it!! :) Hugs xo

[Ruby13]

You are not being pathetic at all, the worry you feel over your dad's health is totally understandable and being an anxiety sufferer does not help either. Surrounding you with love and courage and also wishing you a happy birthday too.

[dorabella]

Thanks for the understanding and encouragement guys - that's what is so wonderful about this site - we all appreciate each other's anxieties.

Feeling a bit better than earlier - everything just getting on top of me. My dad is much better today -had a word with him this morning.

D

[sedalia]

Happy birthday! You are not being pathetic at all. You have a lot on your plate at the moment its no wonder you feel the way you do. And this awful weather is really stressful too. Don't be hard on yourself, you are being very brave in making the journey to visit your dad. So often the thought of doing these things is far worse than the event. I have agoraphobia too so know exactly how you're feeling. Hope your dad makes a full recovery x

[nikkim]

Happy birthday dorabella!
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad but thank god he seems to be doing good.
Don't ever think you're pathetic.
We're all going through stuff that doesn't make sense to us but you should take comfort in the fact that you have people who can relate to you and want to see you get better and be happy.
It must be hard to have to be so strong right now but I admire you a lot for being there for your family when they need you.
sometimes in our darkest moments we pull ourselves together and show ourselves how strong we really are.

I really wish you the best and nothing but happiness.

[Sunshine84]

Happy birthday dorabella, dont beat yourself up, you are going through a difficult time so be kind to yourself. I hope your dad is ok, just look forward to giving him a big hug tomorrow. Hopefully when you are with your family things will seem better. Sending you my best wishes for you and your dad x

[minn]

happy birthday and no your not pathetic or weak, i always say we with these problems are the tough ones its not that easy living with anxiety day to day. you go to your dad and enjoy being with him your going for him and will feel so good for getting there. be proud of yourself for even going. i wish your dad well take care

[angeldust]

Hello, I am so sorry about your dad.Try and smile it will help both of you.Second, your birthday is not over and I know you will change your day around.Happy Birthday!!!
I hear all of what you are saying,I feel the same inside and as you know on here you are not alone.My guts have been a real bother lately and that sure makes it hard for a person to feel better.I would love to chat if you like.Please smile.

[dorabella]

I appreciated all your replies to my posting, and did get to see my dad who is now home and recovering. He and my mum were just pleased to see me and I got through the visit without breaking down, which was good for both of them.

Must admit though that since I came home I've been feeling physically wretched. I've been so tense and now my insides are kicking back at me - burning guts, sharp aches and pains in my ribs and the fibromyalgia is flaring up big time. Must be a delayed shock and come down after all the stress.

D.

[krischoy]

Hi,

We are always here for you and ready to listen to your problem. Don't worry to much, be strong and always pray. I know you can do it, hope everything is OK. We will pray for your dad's fast recovery.