why do i feel like this?

[tricia56]

hi ive been having behaviour therapy with cbt the last few weeks and feel as if im getting a little bit better slowly, but the other day i was just sat thinking that im feel im getting better and thinking what ive achieve the last few days then all of a sudden because i thought that thought i felt really scared and overwelmed with fear as straight away i thought wat if i do overcome the anxiety and get better something bad will happen to me like ill get a seriouse illness or die or something,i dont know why im so afraid of getting better and why i think this way, it just seems that im scared to let the anxiety go because of this and i just feel frientened and really anxiouse every time i think about it, dont know if any one can relate to this and give me any answers as to why im thinking this way or if any one else felt like me when they start to overcome thier anxiety sorry for posting but it is worring me.as i think im not normal in thinking this way thk you

[spuder]

It's horrible is anxiety I think the way u r feeling is due to the unknown u haven't known yourself without anxiety :hugs: hope I've helped in sum way

[Lyn89]

Absolutely can relate to this. I used to get so scared when I felt better at first. I thought it was too good to be true, my mind shutting everything out rather than getting better, that I wouldn't be able to cope with being 'normal' again. Anxiety is there to protect you--it's your body's natural defence when it perceives you are in danger. It takes time to override this defence but you will get there. In my experience it comes without you realising. You just look back on your day or week and think: hey that was better than usual... And you start slowly having more good days than bad. It's a normal part of recovery, just know you are on the right track and everyone doing cbt goes through this stage. Talk to your therapist about it, in sure she will tell you it is a very normal reaction and will pass in time :) just try and go with the flow and accept how you're feeling. It's okay to feel better, you deserve it :)

[tricia56]

hi thk you both for replying i feel abit better now knowingi normal and not me thinking im crazy or something, i have noticed i get that scared feeeling that something bad will hapeen to me if something good happens as i won 3000 pound 2weeks ago and i didnt want it because and got scared and anxiouse and even cryed to my daughter over it becausei was so scared and felt so stupid reacting the way i did and because i got the thought that just lately good things are happening to me so something bad will follow for some reson i dont know why i think like that, not sure if its because of the anxiety thats making think and feel that way. so thk ypu once again.

[swgrl09]

I can totally relate, especially when you said you won a prize and didn't want it. I am the same way. I think for me, it's because my mom was always like that growing up. She would say she didn't want to win the lottery because she'd get cancer or something. In the end, she got cancer anyway and we didn't win the lottery so there's disproving her logic right there. But part of that fear still lingers with me. Like if things are too good, something has to balance it out. I tell myself it's illogical as life is just random but I can definitely relate to the fear.

[Lyn89]

It is anxiety-- but you have to remember life isn't that simple and doesn't follow a set of rules like that. Something good happening doesn't mean something bad is around the corner. We may be amazing, but we can't predict the future! I think you need to be kinder to yourself. It sounds like you are expecting bad things because that is what you are used to, or maybe you feel you deserve them. You don't-- you a strong person who deserves to be happy and have good things happen to them :) Try telling yourself that more. It takes huge guts to do CBT-- so worth it in the end but it is hard work! The fact that you're coming to this stage now means you've worked really hard and should be proud of that. Not everyone can do it. I know I felt at times that I couldn't. But you're passed that now, keep going and the future will be brighter :)

[Fishmanpa]

I've seen others post similar feelings. It's as if the individual has a co-dependent relationship with their illness. As bad as it makes you feel, you feel attached to it. It's a comfort despite the negatives. That and the very nature of anxiety stems from uncertainty. It's truly a vicious circle :(

As some members posted recently, you have to truly make an effort and have the desire to get better. You wouldn't be going to therapy if you didn't want to make some changes in your life. Keep working at it. You'll get there!

Positive thoughts

[inCOGnito]

Ok so there is two things going on here.

1. What is the purpose of worry? The purpose of worry is a protection mechanism. The mind uses worry to think about adverse events that might happen in the future so that you can plan and avoid them or reduce them. Trouble is, this requires action, and worry can be excessive and about things that you can't possibly control. So for example, say you are planning a trip to a little coastal resort. The mind kicks in and thinks "what if the car were to break down? I might get stuck miles from help." Then you can actually plan. You can get breakdown cover or make sure you have the number for a local garage in that area. With anxiety, we tend to worry to excess because we can't always take action and because we can never have enough certainty.

To relate this to your question about scared of feeling better. It's a kind of strange one, yet it is explainable. Your habit is to worry in order to keep you safe. Now this is where it gets interesting. If you don't worry then the mind starts to worry that if it doesn't worry then it will be vulnerable and won't be able to keep itself safe! So do you see that subconsciously the mind is scared about not worrying because it thinks it will be more vulnerable from not worrying.

So that's one reason why you are anxious about being well.

2. The second reason is another strange one we don't really realise that is happening. So we all have a sense of who we are. It's a subconscious thing. It develops and changes over the lifetime, forever evolving. But it can be quite steady and have a lot of your core beliefs holding it together. The mind seeks to maintain this sense of self, afterall, it's who you believe you are. When you have lived with anxiety for a long time, a part of your sense of self revolves around anxiety. You believe that 'you are an anxious person'. Now that has become a belief in your mind the mind seeks to hold on to it and worries what will become of 'you' if it's taken away.

To make that clearer, when you think about being no longer anxious you worry about what will become of you! Although no one likes being anxious it becomes so familiar that you worry about losing that familiar sense of self! But don't worry, it's just a worry!