made0fscars
19-07-14, 14:21
Hi, if anyone looks at my profile on this site they will see that my previous posts have been regarding my health anxiety, However, this year I have developed a very strong phobia of insects and most recently, spiders.
Basically my mind makes me absolutely crazy with irrational fear etc. Last night a spider was right near me, almost on me, it was very tiny and something I wouldn't usually react that badly to. I killed it with my bare hands in the moment, I would usually kill it with a piece of tissue or an object but it was very fast. I forgot to wash my hands and without thinking I just carried on about my business. After a while I had touched my down below area because I had an itch there and I thought nothing of it. Then about 15 minutes later I started thinking 'Oh my god, what if the spider had been carrying its egg sac around with it and now I've put it inside myself by accident'.. I know this sounds EXTREMELY far fetched but the worst case scenario is the conclusion my mind jumps to. So I went a bit google crazy and reacted ever so badly when I discovered a lot of spiders do in fact carry their eggs around with them.
So many people would do this and think absolutely nothing of it but now I can't think about anything else, I can't focus on anything good that's happened in my life because of this one incident. Now I'm in (and going to be in) constant fear that one day they are gonna hatch inside me and all come out at once or something. How stupid do I sound?
I'm so scared. :weep:
Basically my mind makes me absolutely crazy with irrational fear etc. Last night a spider was right near me, almost on me, it was very tiny and something I wouldn't usually react that badly to. I killed it with my bare hands in the moment, I would usually kill it with a piece of tissue or an object but it was very fast. I forgot to wash my hands and without thinking I just carried on about my business. After a while I had touched my down below area because I had an itch there and I thought nothing of it. Then about 15 minutes later I started thinking 'Oh my god, what if the spider had been carrying its egg sac around with it and now I've put it inside myself by accident'.. I know this sounds EXTREMELY far fetched but the worst case scenario is the conclusion my mind jumps to. So I went a bit google crazy and reacted ever so badly when I discovered a lot of spiders do in fact carry their eggs around with them.
So many people would do this and think absolutely nothing of it but now I can't think about anything else, I can't focus on anything good that's happened in my life because of this one incident. Now I'm in (and going to be in) constant fear that one day they are gonna hatch inside me and all come out at once or something. How stupid do I sound?
I'm so scared. :weep: