Followed AGAIN.

[HalfJack]

I became agoraphobic after being attacked.
I moved to a new area about a year ago and although I'm much better now the new area is pretty rough (gangs) and I can't go out on my own unless I take public transport.
I'm pretty nervous when I'm in town alone but I'm a tough cookie so I know if anything did happen I'd probably be OK, it's taken me a lot of soul searching not to feel like a victim ALL the time and convince myself that I have the power to save myself.

I did my second day of volunteering on thursday and on my way home a guy followed me. I stopped outside the library to wait for a lift home and I noted a guy who'd been behind me for a while walking over, I thought it was nothing so just sat down. He had been following me and he ended up bothering me until my lift arrived. He didn't hurt or touch me but it freaked me out. I'd already had to deal with an aggressive shoplifter and an old guy on the market yelling fowl things I assume he thought were flirtatious so I was feeling pretty fed up. By the time I got home I was miserable.

I've been attacked, sexually assaulted and bothered so many times I'd be foolish not to worry. I really want to keep volunteering and I think I am strong enough to keep it up but this has made me really scared. I don't want to feel like a victim all the time.

[swgrl09]

Wow, I would be the same way if I was you. That is scary. I worked in a tough area and if we felt uncomfortable we would go in pairs. Do you have somebody who can walk you home? Or carry pepper spray or something. I think it's being smart on your part, not being a victim.

[HalfJack]

Thanks :) I think pepper spray is illegal here but I imagine hairspray does the trick too. I'll look into it, thanks for the idea.
No one can walk me home, I just have my boyfriend and he's under a lot of stress without having to take me home too.

[Oosh]

Jesus. That does sound rough. Can't you get a cheap moped or scooter ? I think you can ride up to 50cc without any hassle.

My life changed when I got my first vehicle. On foot you are restricted to a much smaller area. With a vehicle your horizons immediately broaden.

Carry a huge pin. Always make lots of noise. Scumbags generally don't like attention being drawn to them.

[Sunflower2]

Oh my goodness I can't believe you have to put up with that in your area! At university last year the police were handing out rape alarms, you could try get one of them as a back up? I'm a big baby when it comes to going somewhere scary by myself, but I'm from the country so not really used to having to deal with that, it freaks me out even when people shout things at me!

[koala]

I don't blame you for being scared.Maybe you could call someone on the way home and stay on the phone to them until you are in the car?

[Carnation]

I am so sorry you have had to put up with that after it had taken you so much courage to do this in the first place. It would be a shame to not go anymore, but you can't give yourself unnecessary stress and worry over this. I would telephone the Manager and explain what happened and ask if there is someone you could leave the shop with; even if it is the Manager herself. This should deter anyone trying to follow/harass you and will stop you worrying. She may even offer to drive you home, which would be even better. If she is nice, she will understand and try and help you on this.:)

[HalfJack]

I can't really afford any more big expenses, but it's a good idea for the future. I'd never considered that before, I have a bicycle but I'm still pretty wobbly on it and not sure I'd feel all that safe on the roads but a moped could be good.

A huge pin?

I've lived in a lot of places, a lot of them were a bit rough but this is the only place I've lived where I can't go out because of gangs. I've never seen any around here but my boyfriend has had a lot of trouble from them in the past. Thankfully gang crime round here's decreasing and the immediate area around is pretty safe and nice most of the time.

I might try and get a rape alarm, I hate the name though. I wish they'd call it a defence alarm or something. I go to central london on my own to see friends sometimes, i'd rather do that than walk around here! Londons prob more dangerous but I've never had any hassle in central. I hate being shouted at, I'm semi used to it because I've had it for years when I was a teenager it was because I liked rock music, now it's stuff like "get your t**s out love!" and it makes me feel sick. Generally when people shout they are just showing off and they don't take it any further at least, but it is scary. I think a lot of them don't realise how aggressive it is.

---------- Post added at 21:52 ---------- Previous post was at 21:40 ----------

Thanks :) I've been feeling very silly for being nervous about it. Really glad you all understand. I've been thinking about asking my boyfriend to talk to me while I wait but I don't think he'd like to. Next time I'm going to wait inside the library or outside somewhere with security guards lol.

Everyone gets the bus home and I have to go a different way to them. I'm going to tell her about it next week so if he ever comes in the shop - which is very unlikely but it's always good to plan ahead - I can go out the back and let her know straight away.

[Oosh]

Lol I don't know if I can elaborate any further than "a big pin". I heard women discuss this subject once, maybe on telly and someone definitely said a big pin. I don't know a lot about knitting, sewing etc so never did have an idea of specifically what they meant.

I can get the idea though. Something that you can carry in a pocket and always have to hand that can quickly be jabbed into someone should anyone grab you.

I think it's hat pin.

[HalfJack]

I wasn't sure if a big pin was a brand name or something haha. That's not a bad idea really, I sew so I have plenty! Hat pins are pretty big.

I wonder if bodyguards accept cake as payment...

[Oosh]

Haha. I don't know but I'd love to be there when you ask one.

I think if you're gonna ask a bodyguard if he'll take payment in cake you're probably gonna be adding bodyguards to the list of people you're worried about getting assaulted by lol

[HalfJack]

Hahahaha. I make good fudge too. Probably not enough though.

[AnxietyDJ]

God, that's awful... I've had several things happen to me over the years, the worst of which was having a knife to my throat (i'm a guy, so it has always been violent, rather than sexual incidents), so I can totally empathise with how you worry every time you go out. I haven't really ever told anyone about it, but I worry non-stop any time I have to walk somewhere on my own, even if it's the middle of the day and somewhere I know to be safe. I'm so paranoid that every person I walk past is going to try and cause trouble in some way. No idea why, but it really is always me out of my friends that gets all the aggro :(

It's so horrible, but you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. No matter how many times people say "you just have to forget about it", or "try not to worry", it doesn't make it any easier or change the experiences you've had.

I don't know what the answers are, but most definitely feel your pain. Hope you manage to sort something out and can avoid any of these idiots who think it is acceptable to treat you this way xx

[HalfJack]

Thanks dude. Really sorry that happened to you man.

Always us! Argh. I feel like they must pick up that I'm nervous, but I think I do a good job of hiding it so I dunno. I'm pretty small, maybe I just look like an easy target.
Do you find it harder to talk about because you're a guy? I don't think anyone (male or female) should go out at night alone unless they are a body builder, a ninja or a wizard lol :)

I used to feel like that but the more I go out on my own the better I felt about it, though every time something like this happens it shatters my confidence for a few days. I worry about strangers, but really most people don't want trouble they just want to get on with their day and go home in one piece xx

[AnxietyDJ]

I'm the opposite to you... I'm tall and well built, so I don't think I look like a particularly easy target... I can only imagine that a group of guys spot me and want to show how 'tough' they are to their mates by starting on the big guy?!?! That's the only logic I can derive from the situation anyway! Either that, or its just the fact that I am reeeeeaaalllly unlucky and always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time! I try to not let it stop me from going out if I need to, but when combined with the fact that I am naturally quite jumpy anyway and also that my anxiety doesn't exactly fill me with confidence in public situations, I can end up being a bit of a wreck, even if I only walk to the local shops.

I do definitely find it hard to talk about because of being a guy... I mean, we're not meant to be afraid or show fear, are we?! Also, I grew up in a working class family, so men are meant to be men and I don't know what my friends or family would make of it if I tried to explain how I feel.

I whole heartedly agree re: having some sort of protection with us at all times... I'll give Gandalf a call and see if he's available...