Little Pig
19-07-14, 22:22
Hello. This is my first time connecting with others who have had the same or similar experiences - it feels very strange after all this time to find people who describe the same things.
I've been an anxious sort of person from a young age (though I begin to understand the reasons for that). I had a panic attack at the age of 8, and subsequently developed what I now know is an anxiety disorder, coupled with depression (learnt the last bit by reading here).
So I've had bouts of depression/anxiety over the years - that first one lasted from 8 until my mid teens, and nobody knew about it, not even my parents, because I never told anyone, and had another major bout a few years back during a horribly stressful period. Other than that, the symptoms have come and gone, and I've learnt enough to have seen them off - I've been learning about panic symptoms and CBT etc for a few years, and it's beginning to sink in not to fear them, so theoretically I think I should be doing better.
But just recently I've had difficult kicking a round of A&D, and I've just a few days back only realised I must be withdrawing from the citalopram I'd been on for a year (been on it before that and stopped no problem that I can remember).
I went cold turkey - my GP told me when I wanted to come off, it would be no problem just to quit! I actually did reduce the dose for a while to half a tab, but since I'd never noticed any effects when I'd skipped doses or stopped previously, one day I just stopped taking them. WELL. At first I felt fine, then in the first week or so, my emotions became very unstable, irritible etc, enough to start St Johns Wort. That seemed to help the moods, but then I developed this anxiety, which pretty quickly spiralled into depression, which I couldn't seem to get a handle on even with all the tools I have.
I now must be 5/6 or more weeks out from my last citalopram, and in many ways the A&D is better - I am on top of the symptoms again, and have been working really hard CBT-wise - but am still prone to afternoon dread, fearing the return of symptoms and dread - the usual spiral by the sounds of things.
I am taking Inositol (just started) and another homeopathic remedy, and overall I think I'm doing better - until the low mood spiral begins, then I feel yuk. It's weird - I am actually fine, and my conscious mind tells me I am, the symptoms are ok, not really bothering me, I even have perhaps heightened enjoyment of some little things, like watching a bird (I suspect the heightened awareness is the effects of noradrenaline in my system), but at the very same time feeling increasingly worried that my mood will worsen. It seems to be mostly the dread I dread now. It always lifts, and so I'd say there's a general improvement but it feels horrible while I'm in it! I think it's just a slight dip in mood which my heightened awareness notices and then puts out alarms about. The weather is not helping.
So, reading here last night, I wondered if there was any point going back on citalopram at this point and coming off more slowly, or if, this long after, I might as well persevere! Esp bearing in mind the inositol will probably get me through the last bits.
I live in New Zealand, which is tiny and we don't have the resources available in the UK or US, and I don't trust my GP, so I don't have many places to go for info, although I am lucky to have someone very knowledgeable in mental health who is mentoring/coaching me, so that's good! I'm off to have a look at the CBT for Panic website.
And also, thanks to whoever started this forum and those who take the time to run it!!!
I've been an anxious sort of person from a young age (though I begin to understand the reasons for that). I had a panic attack at the age of 8, and subsequently developed what I now know is an anxiety disorder, coupled with depression (learnt the last bit by reading here).
So I've had bouts of depression/anxiety over the years - that first one lasted from 8 until my mid teens, and nobody knew about it, not even my parents, because I never told anyone, and had another major bout a few years back during a horribly stressful period. Other than that, the symptoms have come and gone, and I've learnt enough to have seen them off - I've been learning about panic symptoms and CBT etc for a few years, and it's beginning to sink in not to fear them, so theoretically I think I should be doing better.
But just recently I've had difficult kicking a round of A&D, and I've just a few days back only realised I must be withdrawing from the citalopram I'd been on for a year (been on it before that and stopped no problem that I can remember).
I went cold turkey - my GP told me when I wanted to come off, it would be no problem just to quit! I actually did reduce the dose for a while to half a tab, but since I'd never noticed any effects when I'd skipped doses or stopped previously, one day I just stopped taking them. WELL. At first I felt fine, then in the first week or so, my emotions became very unstable, irritible etc, enough to start St Johns Wort. That seemed to help the moods, but then I developed this anxiety, which pretty quickly spiralled into depression, which I couldn't seem to get a handle on even with all the tools I have.
I now must be 5/6 or more weeks out from my last citalopram, and in many ways the A&D is better - I am on top of the symptoms again, and have been working really hard CBT-wise - but am still prone to afternoon dread, fearing the return of symptoms and dread - the usual spiral by the sounds of things.
I am taking Inositol (just started) and another homeopathic remedy, and overall I think I'm doing better - until the low mood spiral begins, then I feel yuk. It's weird - I am actually fine, and my conscious mind tells me I am, the symptoms are ok, not really bothering me, I even have perhaps heightened enjoyment of some little things, like watching a bird (I suspect the heightened awareness is the effects of noradrenaline in my system), but at the very same time feeling increasingly worried that my mood will worsen. It seems to be mostly the dread I dread now. It always lifts, and so I'd say there's a general improvement but it feels horrible while I'm in it! I think it's just a slight dip in mood which my heightened awareness notices and then puts out alarms about. The weather is not helping.
So, reading here last night, I wondered if there was any point going back on citalopram at this point and coming off more slowly, or if, this long after, I might as well persevere! Esp bearing in mind the inositol will probably get me through the last bits.
I live in New Zealand, which is tiny and we don't have the resources available in the UK or US, and I don't trust my GP, so I don't have many places to go for info, although I am lucky to have someone very knowledgeable in mental health who is mentoring/coaching me, so that's good! I'm off to have a look at the CBT for Panic website.
And also, thanks to whoever started this forum and those who take the time to run it!!!