What to do

[pas74]

I knew this anxiety would return but this time can recognise and hopefully deal with it knowing it will not hurt me.

I think it has resurfaced as I try to deal with disposing of my parents' belongings. My dad died in 2000 and mam in 2012. There is so much stuff. Is it normal to feel this guilty about inanimate objects and getting rid of their belongings which have so many memories attached to them?

My head tells me to just get rid of everything so that I can move on. What do I do with so many photographs? I feel as though if one is thrown away then somehow I'm throwing part of them away. Is it normal to feel like that? My mother used to knit and sew but hadn't done anything for years but left loads of wool and fabric in cupboards. It's driving me nuts but I can't get rid of it. I don't need it, won't use it so why hang on to it.

It's the same story with the rest of the things. Even the house, which of course is costing me money in council tax etc. I'm a fool to myself I know. It is so difficult.

Forgive my ramblings. Ignore if you wish but it's now written down.

[shakey1961]

I'd probably say it's quite normal. I too have a similar problem. I still have loads of my parents stuff and I can't get rid, but it is getting better.

What I've done is go to my parents grave and talk to them. Explain to them that things have become old and worn and you need to get rid of things, but that you're not getting rid of them.

As for so much wool, perhaps you can find a charity or small knitting group who would welcome a donation. Tell them that your Mum knitted so much and you have so much wool left and would they like it in memory of your Mum. I'm sure she'd be pleased to know that someone is putting it to good use like she did.

The other thing I've done is I've kept (if possible) a little piece of the thing I had to get rid of, that way you still have part of it left so you're not throwing everything away.

I hope it helps.

[pas74]

Thanks Shakey. I rather like the idea of having a graveside chat I'm sure it will help. I've also been having a talk with myself explaining that mam and dad would want me to look after myself and be happy not be tangled up in yesterday.

Tomorrow I will take the first step.

[shakey1961]

If you're running two houses you certainly have to do something with one. Either sell your own or your parents. I'm presuming they've left it to you.
If you would feel better moving into your parents house then do it and sell the other one, least that way you don't lose the house.

You have to do what you think best. Talk to them.

On a personal note, I have visited a clairvoyant who I trust. She's told me far too many things that she would have no idea about and are correct. She's told me my parents are looking after me. I realise this is controversial, and it may not be for you, but it has certainly helped me.

I'll send you a private message.