PLEASE HELP!! Anorexic from not eating much from anxiety!

[Blondiexxoo]

Hey guys! I'm really at a loss here and need urgent help/advice!
I was on 50mg of Zoloft for 4 years. I loved it, I was very calm. The only problem was it threw off my thyroid a little (TSH/T3/T4) and it kinda made me a little careless (like throwing caution to the wind). But I was functioning very well and living a great life. I loved food so much. Because of the side effects, I decided last year in July to go down to 25mg despite my doctor telling me not to. I broke the 50mg pill in half and took it in applesauce like I usually do. From July-December, I appeared to be decently calm but I did lose 8 pounds. I went from 120 (which I was happy with) to 112. But I was still eating 3 meals and fully functional. From January on, I became extremely anxious and lost 6 more. Went down to 105/106. I've had numerous blood tests done and nothing explains the weight loss. For the past few weeks, it's gotten even worse and I've developed a fear of food (probably related to my fear of throwing up and diarrhea). I ask my mom a million questions. I wasn't eating as much but at least then I was still eating relatively okay. I could eat pasta and chocolate still no problem.

Then Thursday night/Friday morning around 2am, I had diarrhea. I was extremely terrified. The next day I stuck to basically plain toast, half a baked potato, and apples. I had diarrhea like twice the next day too. I've never had diarrhea from anxiety before either so that probably wasn't it. I went to see my doctor who suggested I go back up to 50mg when I told her what was going on. My heart would beat like I'm exercising practically 24/7. I told her about the side effects and she suggested 37.5. So I took half of the 50mg pill and half of the 25mg pill, mixed them together, and put it in applesauce. The first night I felt calmer. My heart stopped beating fast. But I felt tingling in the roof of my mouth. I still had diarrhea the next day although it appeared to be getting a little better. Last night the tingling got worse after taking it and my mouth felt like it was on fire. I called a pharmacist who thought it was an allergy to the color dyes in the 25mg pill (since I haven't taken that before) and told me not to take that again cause it could have a cumulative effect since my mouth felt worse the second day. There's 3 color dyes in the 25mg pill compared to 1 color dye in the 50mg pill so that's probably what it was. I freaked out all night and didn't get to bed till late. After about 2 hours of sleep, I woke up and started shaking and panicking and my teeth were chattering I was so scared.

My mom had me eat some breakfast. 2 pieces of plain toast, a banana, and a very small amount of juice. I felt a little better. I went back to bed and when I woke up, I had a little bit of pasta with a little bit of sauce, another piece of plain toast, and an apple. I had another bowel movement, where it was a little bit of diarrhea combined with regular poop. So the virus is practically gone I assume. But I still haven't got my appetite back, I feel nauseous all the time. I'm anorexic but I don't think I'm fat!!! But I'm literally anorexic. My body has no meat on it. I'm scared I'm gonna die!! I'm crying as I type this!! :'( My mom says I have to have a will to fight and that if I don't eat I'm depriving my future kids and grandkids of their future. But she doesn't understand how bad my anxiety is! And I don't know why I can't eat. I've never had a problem eating pasta even when my anxiety is really bad. Never had a problem with it. I feel nauseous all the time and it's scaring me cause I don't know if it's cause I'm hungry or a side effect from the increase from 25 to 37.5. I feel like that's only a small increase. I went from 25 to 50 when I first started it years ago and didn't have side effects, that I can remember. But I look really really bad! I can't even describe it to you. I'm skin and bones! And my mom is trying her best to help but she's getting frustrated, understandably so. I don't know what to do at this point!! Is it best just to take 50mg tonight or not since I haven't been eating much? I'm now 102/103 pounds!!! I'm just so scared! PLEASE HELP, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP MYSELF :'(

[PanchoGoz]

Right - from reading this one thing is clear - you do not have annorexia. You have anxiety related weight loss. You are getting very scared and stressed from the idea of having annorexia and your mind will be understanably magnifying the effects of this wieghtloss and you will see yourself as skin and bones. What is your height please? If you are healthy, you can accept the wieghtloss as part of the fear you are experiencing and try very hard to put in all food you can. Loss of appetite tricks you into thinking food isn't doing you any good - but it is doing you as much good as it ever was if you just put it away with "quiet determination" ~ Claire Weekes and even if you throw it up, which is unlikely if you eat slowly and thoughfully. I've been through this before too, it will get better, just don't get trapped in the cycle of fear.

[Blondiexxoo]

Thank you for replying and for the advice! I may not literally have anorexia but I sure look like it. My mind is not magnifying the effects of this weight loss, trust me. I'm 5'3 102 now. And I'm in my 20's. My whole body is stick thin. My face looks sunk in like it has no shape. No roundness or anything. My mom is concerned, saying how thin and bad I look and how it's going to keep getting worse. I'm almost under 100 pounds!

I will try to keep eating the best I can but my fear of throwing up is getting the best of me here since I already feel so nauseous. Throwing up is like my worst fear! But I'll try to eat some honey nut cheerios one at a time that I ate daily up until a couple weeks ago. I'm just very worried!

Are you sure it will get better and I will survive this? I just want to be back how I was on the 50mg but I don't know how to get back to that point! :'(

[PanchoGoz]

I can tell you your weight will not kill you or make you ill as you are - but you could certainly pack on a few pounds. I am now healthy, about 8 and a half stone, 5,7. THere are many on this board much less than this.
Exposure is the antithesis to fear - you must keep eating and eat and eat untill you no longer fear - there is no room for avoidence here.
It is deeply upsetting when people say " how thin you look" but remember that same person in a month can say "how well you look!!" It is such a nasty spiral the way you feel bad, someone else makes you feel worse when they mean well and you feel like eating less as a result and get worse. Be above that.
The link in my signiture "nothing works" explains a lot how pretending there is nothing wrong with you can get you better, by tricking your fear responses.
Don't let yourself get down from other peoples' well meaning but hurtful responses, it's a ticky subject and an awkward stigma.
really, eat eat eat eat. It can do you no harm, only good. You can also purchase build up shakes to help you with this. Don't think avoiding exercise will help keep your weight, sometimes it can help your exercise and mood to get out a lot.

[Sunflower2]

Don't worry about thinking you are anorexic, it's when you purposely limit your food for a certain reason, but you just don't feel like eating so in a few days you should start to feel better. Talking from experience, I weight normally around 100 pounds normally, but have recently lost weight due to various reasons - I made a thread about it in case you're interested! But yeah, I haven't been eating enough and I'm already classed as anorexic in terms on weight and bmi and possibly my mind set :wacko: but I'm slowly trying to increase the frequency of meals as I struggle with quantity. Stick to plain stuff and things you enjoy normally for now. Plays chocolate bars although unhealthy have been a life safer for me!

[Blondiexxoo]

Thank you both!

I really hope by tomorrow my eating habits will be back to normal cause I really hate having hunger pains, headaches, nausea, and feeling weak. I wouldn't be worried about not eating for a few days if my weight was at least 110. My stomach is always growling and I'm always hungry but it's just so hard to eat. I'm going to keep trying my best though.

[pulisa]

Rachel, you mentioned that you had had thyroid problems in the past-would this be an overactive thyroid? It could explain some of your unpleasant symptoms now if you haven't had your levels checked recently?

[Blondiexxoo]

I had them checked recently and everything is normal except for the antibodies which just means we watch it. But thank you for asking!