Claudiafullmoon
21-07-14, 02:34
Hi all, first time posting here but a lot of times reading, your posts have helped many many times so thank you all.
It's 2am and I can't sleep....I felt I needed to talk to someone..
Tonight I tried keeping a blank mind just before bed, normally it works but tonight the worries just came rushing, I could feel my leg veins throbbing so immediately thought DVT, but the gp ruled that out last week so it had to be something else....and so on...after a few hours and just when I was falling asleep the palpitations start, my breathing stops and I wake up, then the adrenaline kicks in and I panic and try everything on the book to get distracted, breathe, music, etc, it's a never ending cycle but this didn't help today, had to get up and come downstairs to check my peak flow, I've got ashtma, take medication twice a day, so I'm in constant panic not knowing if I don't have enough O2 or if it's anxiety.
My hubby is getting more and more overwhelmed with this, in one year and a half I got my first depression (hopefully last) caused partly by my intense job, near 40 and not having kids yet, followed by panic attacks and full blown health anxiety. I quit my job and I'm home, it's been 5 months now, my money is long gone and hubbies patience is running out. I get his point but it still saddens me, I like to think I would be more patient if he had this problem. I don't feel I'm in a good place to go out there and work and be able to do a 8am job without sleeping properly and potentially losing it in front of colleagues. But I do think about money too, I can't afford not to work and I've never depended on anyone. I've resorted to faking everything is fine when it's really bad, I keep looking at job offers and delaying sending my cv and I hide my fears & tears. And I think about the babies I don't have and that my hub thinks I'm too unstable to have.
I'm tired and in desperation, I've been closed off all these months, I don't know...I'm part ashamed part stubborn thinking I can fix this on my own, so I've cut all contact with ex colleagues and friends, I pretty much only talk to my family and his family. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know what else I can do or change to make it better. Thanks for listening.
It's 2am and I can't sleep....I felt I needed to talk to someone..
Tonight I tried keeping a blank mind just before bed, normally it works but tonight the worries just came rushing, I could feel my leg veins throbbing so immediately thought DVT, but the gp ruled that out last week so it had to be something else....and so on...after a few hours and just when I was falling asleep the palpitations start, my breathing stops and I wake up, then the adrenaline kicks in and I panic and try everything on the book to get distracted, breathe, music, etc, it's a never ending cycle but this didn't help today, had to get up and come downstairs to check my peak flow, I've got ashtma, take medication twice a day, so I'm in constant panic not knowing if I don't have enough O2 or if it's anxiety.
My hubby is getting more and more overwhelmed with this, in one year and a half I got my first depression (hopefully last) caused partly by my intense job, near 40 and not having kids yet, followed by panic attacks and full blown health anxiety. I quit my job and I'm home, it's been 5 months now, my money is long gone and hubbies patience is running out. I get his point but it still saddens me, I like to think I would be more patient if he had this problem. I don't feel I'm in a good place to go out there and work and be able to do a 8am job without sleeping properly and potentially losing it in front of colleagues. But I do think about money too, I can't afford not to work and I've never depended on anyone. I've resorted to faking everything is fine when it's really bad, I keep looking at job offers and delaying sending my cv and I hide my fears & tears. And I think about the babies I don't have and that my hub thinks I'm too unstable to have.
I'm tired and in desperation, I've been closed off all these months, I don't know...I'm part ashamed part stubborn thinking I can fix this on my own, so I've cut all contact with ex colleagues and friends, I pretty much only talk to my family and his family. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know what else I can do or change to make it better. Thanks for listening.