Please can someone help me.

[Ollie28]

Please can someone help, I'm starting to think I'm going crazy!

I can't find myself! It feels like time keeps in stopping I don't know what to do or what I'm doing like I'm froze, I can't think straight and struggle so much to even feel like I use to.

What's happening to me!!! I'm scared I'm going to go crazy!!

I've been like this for 5 months now, up and down! I can't think straight I can't function like I use to I feel like I'm not here most of the time!

What do I need to do to get ****ing help in this country? I've been passed from pillar to post! I fear I'm going to lose it soon!
Do you have to slit your wrists in this country to get help?!! I'm a human being who's paid £10000s in taxes over the last 10 years! My dr was moaning about paying for a mri!!

I have no motion about me, it's like I'm just here, I don't know what to do. I just feel like im lost in time. I can't live like this it's impossible
I honestly can't cope no more

I'm lost, when I say lost I don't mean down or upset I honestly feel lost I can't find myself or a motion of life - I feel like a new born who dosnt know what to do

I'm just getting up in the morning and wishing for some sort of normal ness!


I want my life back I want to feel normal I want to feel like I'm part of life again,

I want to think straight and intelligent like I use to and be aware of money, clothes, cars, work, and what the hell is going on in the world!!?

I want to go work come home and feel normal and do normal things.

What's going on with me!!!!?? Where am I and why don't i feel, think, behave like I use to, why does my brain constantly feel like it's being kicked!

Is it much to ask to feel human and normal again will I ever be like I use to??!!!!!!

[Ruby13]

Your GP should be helping you, if not, see if you can see another GP. It is sickening when you have paid taxes and cannot get the help you need. Ask if you can be referred to a counsellor. You deserve help and should get it. :hugs:

[Carnation]

Ollie28, I agree with Ruby13, you need to keep trying different GP's until you find one that listens. I know, you shouldn't have to do this, but this is what happened to me, in fact I started a thread on the subject. Try and see if there is a GP that specializes in Mental Health. If not, try and see one of the Head Honchos. Don't give up.
I know that you feel like you are going Mad and feel like you are losing control and can't do the most simplest of things in Life added with Bodily Symptoms that you don't understand why they are happening. This is all Anxiety and Panic Attacks.
Something or lots of things have contributed to the way that you are feeling. Your Mind can not take anymore and has to start repairing itself. And , it will. But, maybe you have to change some things in your lifestyle. I highly recommend seeing a Therapist. Unfortunately, due to the not so fantastic system that we have and the ever growing population, there is always a very long waiting list for this. You may have to seek this privately and you can find many through the Internet. You need plenty of rest and relaxation and try not to drink too much coffee or alcohol, this will make your Anxieties worse. Let me know how you get on.:ohmy:

[Ollie28]

Thanks to both of you for the replies.

My gp is hopeless, I've asked him to re check my thyroids, I've asked can I see a neurologist, I had to beg him for a mri.

It's pot luck if and when I feel half normal or normal or completely not even able to have the mind power to look after myself.

I'm not having any Physical symptoms, I don't feel depressed either I feel petrified and worried about what the helps going on with me!

I find it hard to do anything because it feels like my brain is low on provessing power and normal function.


It all started the first time by feeling like my brain just shut down completely, I couldn't take nothing in at all, ild be driven to a place and it would be like I can't even move or take in how I got there! Ild be following my partner around like a complete disfunctional person without no brain power or common sense, it lasted like that for a week, every day and evening I was at the drs and walk in. It was terrible!! I swear I couldn't even hardly function enough to drive or do anything.

We moved house I got a skip and was skipping everything because I couldn't function enough to even think if I should keep it like my brain could cope with it.

Completely shut down!! It hurt too, like it was being crushed inwards.

I can remember going shopping with my wife and walking behind her like a zombie I couldn't even talk. I couldn't even pick things off the shelf it felt like I wanted to but my brain just wouldn't process it.

End of that week I got a week of diazepam and I was ok (so I think) 3 week later I'm trying to go back work and I starts some setraline
I swear to god 3 days in I was on my hands and knees screaming on my landing It felt like my brain was being ripped apart and electrocuted!

Ever since I've been like I am! Constant head tension type headaches.
Basicaly feels like I'm using the front of my brain 24/7! And it tenses up and hurts with fatigue. Imagin doing a maths sum over and over 24/7 how much your head would hurt.

I've had electric shocks in my head, I've had this feeling that i can't control more do I start it it just comes, pure fear type of feeling gets worse and worse and worse until it feels like all my nurves endings in my body and brain is being twisted up and attacked, it physically hurts Its brought me to tears.

I've had recently a crawling like sensation like there's spiders crawling in my skin only had this for one day.

The worst feeling is the lack of "me" honest to god I don't know how I'm getting through each day!! I can't think straight everything is just twisted, forgetful, pain, I cry a lot of the time because of it. Sometimes it's so bad I just want to scream! Because that's how it feels I should be doing! If you was to go as crazy as you could scream as much as you could go as load and nutty as you could that's how it feels inside my head but I just remain as calm as I can.

It's been so bad at times I've sat in the corner of my bedroom with my head in my hands crying - I explained it as imagin if you could think backwards in your head how much it would hurt and twist up your brain well that's how it feels.

No panick attacks, no thumping heart, in fact I've noticed I hardly breath as heavy as I use to.

It changes though - I'm always pretty much like this, I blame the setraline.
It's really feels like I can't do anything at all, it's horrible. It's hell.

Thought process in terms of outwards relaxed normal forward thinking and out going has gone. Normal intelligent talking and behaviour has gone I'm having to think about everything and that's if I can, my mind is blank most of the time.

Time standing still - what's that all about it freaks me out!

Sometimes it's like I get a bit of brain power back my head clears up I can process thoughts and ideas and talk and act outgoing and normal and just be me if only a little, sometimes I can be clear and feel like I can return to work and do my job, remember things, process thoughts, feel attatchment to things.
Sometimes 4 occasions it's like bang someone turns the switch and it all goes away! I become mentally fully sharp, outgoin, forward normal shape thining, full awareness, full memory and able to take things in, my hearing is sharp, eyes are clear and sharp it's like I've been away! And a massive load of huge yawnssss!!!
I don't understand what is going on,
Coming on 5 months now, still no better off, I look forward to bed time it's the only time I can sit and not worry about how I feel for a few hours.

Is this really anxiety? Why would my brain switch on like that? Why would I just lose my function and ability to act normal, I've been physically numb a few times too, the dr said it's not possible unless there was something up with the brain -
I don't feel good idea bad idea it's just what ever I can't process or feel towards it. It's frustrating me. It's hurting me physically and emotionally! All I want to do is return to my job and life feel like I use to like when I snap out of what ever it is and take care of my family and move on.

Sometimes it feels like I do things in stages, the I between bits don't happen, I don't do things because I don't think to "sounds stupid" I know but what I mean is it's like my brain is low on power abd processing so usually like anyone if you see someone talk to them say by walk away your aware of that moment, I walk away and it's like it's not happend no feeling I rawness of oh I've just seen such and such, it's like this with everything I do sometimes really bad.

Stuck in the front part of my brain on manual with no outwards feelings or outwards awareness or attachment, it's horrific, I forget about family members and friends and basic things - not oh I just forgot they may as well not exist!
I fear being alone like this I fear being stuck like this! 8-(

I'm crying everyday now out of pure frustration, how can u be not good at all one minute, then I can function a little and have a little bit of my brain power, then not function at all, then have ideas like my brains processing normal then it twists up and I get lost and in pain, what's going on,

My moods alter basicaly based on how I can function. If I'm really bad il be like I've had enough of this now. If I feel I can be me a little I feel ok and am able to thing positive out going ECT.
I'm only 30, I've led a physically fit life, I have a young family, worked since I left school as a gas fitter and have so much I want to do in life. At the moment I struggle to even remember and process what food we have in the food cuboard not to mention what I can put together to make a meal it's that terrible.


Please god give me my life back!!!!!!!

[Carnation]

Ollie 28, believe me, you are not alone. Been there and coming through the other side. You are not going Mad and you will get better. It's what they use to a call a good old fashioned nervous breakdown. They call it Anxiety Disorder now.
I had the electric shocks going through my head and body all the time. Sometimes I would have three different shocks in my head in three different places all at once. I couldn't speak properly, dress properly, didn't know how to peel potatoes anymore, found it difficult to walk, eat and loads of other stuff I won't bore you with. Your body needs to repair itself, it will take time and slowly you will feel more like normal again. You may have relapses but you will improve and live your Life again.
I used to cry constantly; it's healthy to cry, releases het-up emotions. You need to repair your Mind/Brain and in turn it will heal your Body. Rest, sleep, relaxation is what you need with a good diet and gentle exercise. You have to take baby steps and one day, you will wake up and you won't have that head-ache and another day where you don't feel dizzy/light-headed or disorientated. By the way, extreme heat or cold makes it worse. Don't know why, but it does. You need to do some feel good things, even if you don't feel like it. Watch some Comedy stuff on TV, go back to playing games, child-like stuff. The Brain needs to produce more cells on the Happy side than the depressed side. Stay off processed foods and fatty and dairy foods. Eat plenty of fruit, vegetables and oats, nuts and try to keep off alcohol. And, whatever you do, don't Google your symptoms, this will definitely make it worse. Take Care.:)

[Toconfused]

I'm going through the same thing :( I feel like I'm in a dream

[Mrs Panda]

There is a wonderful book I found called 'At Last a Life' by Paul David. It explains all the symptoms of anxiety very well, especially that weird not feeling real feeling. It has helped me tremendously already and I am only halfway through it. You can get it from Amazon.com. It's also available as an Ebook so you can get reading straight away if you're impatient like me ;)

[Ollie28]

There is a wonderful book I found called 'At Last a Life' by Paul David. It explains all the symptoms of anxiety very well, especially that weird not feeling real feeling. It has helped me tremendously already and I am only halfway through it. You can get it from Amazon.com. It's also available as an Ebook so you can get reading straight away if you're impatient like me ;)

Hi I've actually read that book, it's a cracking book the only part I can relate to though is some of the DP, the only thing is though I done a hell if a lot of inward thinking when going through my trauma 4-5 months solid then what I have come on straight away. Imagin inward thinking so much your brain switched all power In to that part and shuts the rest down, the part that makes you feel you and aware of what's happening around you.,
I'm not having panic attacks or other related symptoms,


I feel like my brains been fried!! Im physically fit I can run, play football, box, chase after my kids. I just feel like my minds physically twisted up damn it hurts.


I'm worried it's something else because why else would it all just go away like in normal like someone's pushed a button then I'm here alive, looking around the room taking it all in like where the god damn hell have I been!!

Can anyone tell me why this would happen?

I'm really greatfull for everyone's help and advice your a great bunch of people - I'm just so worried I'm stuck like this, when I click open and out of it why can't I just stay like that for gods sake!!!

How the hell do I get out of this shit?? I've tried not thinking about it, I've tried being outwards I've done it all day today and by lunch I was lost, when I say lost I mean my mind way twisted, my head was killing like someone was crushing the front part of my brain and twisting it.

I know I'm close to losing my job - but that's just it, I don't feel anything or I can't thinkng straight to think what to do or oh no or what ever.

I don't want to be like this much longer. 5 months solid 24/7 in pain and twisted up lostness, god knows how I'm getting by - starting to struggle financially now too with 2 kids, ild never ever thng life could be this crap, it kills me to even have to sit and feel like I can't even help. I'm a proud hard working man I need to better to go to work and provide for my family

Why can't it all just click out and stay away!! What's going on up there for this to be like this.

[Ruby13]

Ollie, you have made a start by putting your feelings on here, that is healing in itself. You are not alone here and will receive good advice.

[Ollie28]

Thanks ruby. It's mainly out of frustration. Lack of help and support by my dr.

I've just been to my best friends he and his wife had there first Baby 5 weeks ago - the last 5 weeks they may of well not existed in my life because it's like that with a lot of people I just don't have the brain power to even know they exist,

This afternoon I've felt like crap, not ill or down or sore but like I can't think straight I can't function constant tension head aches, it's hard to explain how it is I feel.

I had a shower went down stairs and started looking at a Load of old pictures on my Facebook of fireplaces I've fitted over the last 5 years, pictures of my kids and me as a family before this all started and for some reason my head cleard up and outwards, I could think I felt about 70% myself outwords, clear head, intelligent and some personality! Then I remembers (like I forgot) about my best mate of 20 years his & his wife's baby! So i went over to his with the presents.

I've sat there for a hour - I've had to come home because I've gone back to how I've been and the head aches I'm having is horrible, all the front of my head like it's being crushed, basicaly because I've been trying to have a outwards proper conversation and just like normal take it in my brain has tensed up, it can't handle basic stuff! I've sank back all inwards and can't function outwards,

I've no control over it!!

Why is this happening to me?!!!! I've never hurt anyone or done wrong! All I've ever done is go work and provide for my kids and give them everything I could,
I've never done bad to anyone so if there really is a god why me!!!

[Zoecat]

....sounds like you are in a really, really uncomfortable place right now, but it is just temporary. like others have said go back to your GP or ask to see another one, if you feel like they are not listening. Have you had any counselling or therapy at all?

[Ollie28]

Good morning,

I was refered to the local open mind place, I was assessed and told it was DP,
So I accepted it and went with it continuing to struggle

I started CBT the day I went I was in such a bad way I could hardly hold the pen to fill out the forms, I couldn't think straight and struggled to write my name,

I told the therapist I'm really bad and I can't remember anything she is about to tell me or ask me to do, I started crying to a woman I have never met in my life out if pure frustration of what's happening to me.

The session ended I got home I sat on the couch in a state, it was my little boys 2nd bday so I just say down and opens up page on my internet on my phone all of a sudden out of no where "click" I come alive! I come back! 10 minutes before I couldn't write my name I couldn't even put a thought together.

I sat there looking around the room, like wheee have I been!!

That's happend a few times to me so if it was anxiety related why would this happen? Why don't I feel normal but get anxious feelings or feel worried.

The CBT didn't last long she sent me back to the assessment team, now there saying it's something else, I have to wait 5 weeks for another therapy.

I don't want be like this much longer. Suppose I have no choice.

My mum has bipolar she can't relate to anything I'm going through,
My sister has anxiety and panick attacks triggers by chocking why on holiday
And a old school friend of mine had a really bad break down why in a tv show in Spain, he was hearing voices and seeing things he was admitted to hospital for a whole he's ok now but even he can't relate to anything I'm going through!

Medication isn't helping, citalopram not doing anything, buspirone nothing,

My little boy is 2 - I feel like I don't know him because of how I feel on a daily basis, I'm with him all day everyday and it feels like I don't see him because it dosnt go in my head.

[Naushy123]

Hi guys, I feel the same as you guys, tensed head for years, can't think straight, feel nervous and anxiety but that's because of the headaches, somehow it also affects my speech can't speak clearly. Same as you guys their are days where I feel normal, more confident, and also less self conscious. Anyone have any clue, or suggestions advice please. I normally read through these types of posts but this is the first time I have as it relates to me the most.

[Ollie28]

Im still the same as when i posted this...

Done a bit more research and spoke to another psychitrist who thinks im suffering from PTSD & dissociation with somatation (i think its called) symtoms
Its a hell i cant escape,

I was a happy hard working family man that had it all.
My kids and family was my everything, my security my home my life. My partner of 16 years decided out the blue 3 weeks before christmas she no longer wanted me, hard enough as it was because of the timing circumstances ect i then found out someone else was involved, anyways alot happend it went on for months and months in the end i broke and now im suffering some horrible horrible things,
Detatchment from reality, my family, thoughts, feelings - pains. Mood swings, paranoid thoughts and ideas. Physical symptoms like my body shuts down i can barley walk & talk.
Loss of time & awareness - basically stuck in hell.
At the point now where im living for the 2 - 5 minutes i have where i get chance to feel half normal, other than that im pretty much suicidle alot of the time - i dont want to die but i cant do this much more i miss my family & life and i miss feeling "me"
My wife is stunning model material and im petrified one day il lose her because im not able to have a relationship with her. I have no personality no more im no where! Im lost totally lost. I love her so much more than i could ever love someone but at the end of the day i guess she has a life too, i would struggle on my own i barley can make the thoughts to get out the house most days and when i do i just go around like a lost soul barley able to think,

Its hard to take, im worried for my future im worried il never get to enjoy life again or complete the dreams i was working so hard for when i was to retire,

I dont feel aa if i have control over my life no more i feel that ill,

I have 2 choices either stay with my family and pray one day i will get better mentally and physically or i leave and i let them get on with there lifes without me as me being there is bringing my family down.

One thing i do know is i love them
All more than life itself and i miss them so so much, this is not how i wanted life to be and i hate to think where i would be now if non of this ever happend to me.

Regarding the illness apparently its to do with the flow of blood through the brain, apparently it stops flowing through a cirtain part, the phychatrist did explain it better but my memory & awareness is as good as a gold fish.

My nurvous system has trapped all my emotions and feelings due to my trauma continuing for so long over and over and over again with my partner basically using me like a puppet.

Im due to start therapy new year with a therpist skilled in dissociation, this is my last hope of gaining any form of life. If not and i cant get better i can guarentee i wont be here next christmas its just to mentally, emotionally and physically hard. Im everywhere in my head to the point i feel like im going crazy 24/7 some days, the fact i can pull myself conciously to aside for a few seconds keeps me sane.

Good luck any help would be great.