Work anxiety

[Hermos]

Hi all,

I would really appreciate some advice. At times I feel like I'm going insane...

I'm 23 and currently living in a flat in south east england whilst working full time, having completed my maths degree at the age of 21. I spent a good few months unemployed after graduation, which, combined with my low self-esteem, caused my anxiety to get worse.

I spent six months in my first "real" job before the anxiety got too much and I decided to seek help. I left the job for another (easy) job that paid far less with 0 progression. In the meantime, I sat through CBT and it really helped. My anxiety was pretty much gone and I wasn't scared of doing new things or engaging with the world around me. I found myself this job, and decided to move out of my parent's house and create a new life for myself. My counsellor thought I was ready - and I was - and we discontinued our meetings. This was in October last year.

Fast forward to now. I have been in this job 9 months now, and I'm starting to feel like a failure again. I'm making mistakes and now I worry that I've taken the wrong career. Is this anxiety acting up again, or am I valid in my concerns as an employee? I'm terrified my mental health is slipping (especially since I live alone) and now the days seem to blur together. I'm disappointed to say that I've actually been talking to myself at times (though this seems normal, I'm not having full on conversations) but I tend to blurt out "what if I just died" to myself at times when my anxiety becomes unbearable.

I don't know what to do. I was so happy after my six months of counselling and thought I could take on the world. Old habits die hard... but I want to get that joy back again. Should I move careers and try something different that might displace this anxiety..?

I don't know what to do. I'm terrified I'm an idiot and I'm going to get fired because I'm awful, I don't socialise and I've got such a negative view of the world right now.

I am terrified my life is passing me by. I'm in my early 20s with no girlfriend, a decent career but the constant anxiety I have makes me think I'll never progress with either of those, and I'll end up dead in my flat, found because I didn't turn up to work. I'm really scared I'm messed up past the point of no return and I can't come back from this... that it's now ingrained in my personality and any change is just temporary. What can I do?

[WillyB]

Hello Hermos, I'm sorry you're feeling so low and anxious at the moment. In truth, reading your post was a shock as I'm in a freakishly similar position. I'm 23, from The north of the UK but now living alone at the very bottom of the country away from my family. I moved here for a job 8 months ago, having just started to recover from over a year of severe depression and anxiety. For the first 6 months here, I felt great. My confidence and happiness soared quite quickly, which was surprising considering I came from such a low place. I was so happy and felt like I had beaten all of the issues and would never feel like I used to again and was so hopeful of my future. Several months ago, after a few particularly stressful situations and decisions, my mental health began to slip. I've been feeling extremely anxious, depressed at times, indecisive and constantly ruminating about the future. I've found I'm quick to worry about anything again, just like I used to.

I'm worried I'm not suited to this career, its very hard to feel hopeful or optimistic when feeling like this, not to mention it has hindered my ability to do my job which makes me scared. I'm simply quite confused. And like you, the relentless anxiety makes me feel like I won't get anywhere. I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to relapse and have to give everything up, the thought of going back to such a miserable place with the added weight of knowing I've lost so much more is unbearable.

I'm trying to hold things together, I've spoken to a doctor and I've referred myself for counselling. What I do know is that I must help myself, I do not want to go back to that dark place, I want that joy back like you.

What I want to say to you is that you're not an idiot at all. I don't think you (or myself) are messed up beyond the point of no return. We have both managed to recover from anxiety and depression and have made positive changes in our lives. The doctor I saw said I should be feeling very positive about what I've achieved, I know she is right, and the same thing easily applies to you. You should be proud of how far you have come. I think people with the same issues as we are bound to face hurdles and difficulties from time to time, but with each one I think we do become stronger, making the next one a little bit easier to overcome.

Maybe you should see a doctor about how you're feeling? We're both living away from our family, I also don't socialise enough to confide my problems with anyone so I have nobody for support, I recognise this is a dangerous position to be in, I think we all need someone we can talk to openly about our issues so perhaps seeing a doctor or maybe a counsellor will give you the personal support you need.

Take care

[briandel]

Hermos,

I can certainly relate to your situation and can only tell you how I approached the same problems concerning my job. Unlike you, I am 53. I have been in the same work environment for over ten years and am proud of my accomplishments. Six months ago we had a restructuring in management which placed some of us in newer or management positions. I expressed my concerns stating that I really did not have the required experience for the position I was moved to. In short, the last six months have been hell. I have had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and flat out hate my job. Things got so bad I ended at the doctors and started counseling along with some meds. To be honest, I had a reaction from the meds so I took myself off them. I had planned a vacation, and before leaving I told my supervisor what I had been going through. Believe it or not he was very understanding and to make a long story short, we agreed that I would be taken out of that position and placed in one more suitable for my talents. While on vacation I found this site and have been reading and practicing many techniques for dealing with my problems and to my surprise I actually feel better. Today is Thursday, I will be returning to work Monday. Don't get me wrong, I am still nervous about returning and a bit apprehensive about how other employees may few my demotion, but have come to the conclusion that I don't give a damn. In the mean time I plan on seeking a new line of work altogether. Point is, hang in there. Your intelligent, young and have a full life in front of you. You will be amazed at the things will accomplish. Stay in counseling, consult friends and family and try to get out and relax. ABOVE ALL, seek help. I know I have kept this in for years and it not healthy. Drive on my friend I will let you know how my first day back at work goes. PS- Even if I do get fired that does not make me an idiot. I have been around to long to settle for that.
Take Care my Friend.