I have no life, no job, no girlfriend, hardly any friends. Feel very lonely and down.

[Ryan92]

Hi everyone :) hope you're all ok

I often feel really down with how lonely I am. I've suffered with anxiety and OCD for around ten years but in the past few years, it's become much worse (anxiety, I'm managing to sort of control OCD)

I've been unemployed for a couple of years thanks to the economy :doh: (and anxiety) I was searching for work for a few years, last year I attended an interview and I was offered an apprenticeship but with me being unemployed for nearly 3 years, my anxiety was bad.

I was (still am) stuck at home 99% of the time. For over 3 years I've spent most of my time at home. It makes me feel irritable and frustrated.

I accepted the job because I thought "I can cope", I was just trying to keep positive :) I even phoned the job centre to cancel my JSA. I was seeing therapists while looking for work so I thought I could cope.

I had to wait a week before I started the apprenticeship which wasn't ideal, each day my thoughts were out of control. I was like a yo-yo lol, I was trying to keep positive and think to myself it'll all be okay.

Then the next minute, I'd be feeling incredibly anxious and stressed, crying, having panic attacks, thoughts of suicide. I turned down the job. I cant cope well with change and feel like I'm stuck in a rut :wacko:

I don't go to bed until 3-4am because I just don't see the point off going to bed early, getting up early, being bored and down all day. Usually spend all night on my playstation or listening to music.

I've not had much therapy this year. I had my last CBT session in January. After waiting over 5 months, I started seeing a counsellor but I didn't find it very helpful. Talking about all my past traumas with anxiety in my life was really upsetting and stressful so my mum recently referred me for more CBT. Im also seeing an occupational therapist but don't know if I can cope with what lies ahead.

I only have 1 friend but I don't see him much anymore because he's busy with his job. I feel so lonely :weep: My mum is really supportive but my dad doesn't really care or understand.

I don't see him much, probably 3-4 times a year. I have 2 half brothers and they're the only thing that makes me happy when I see my dad.

I'm critical of myself all the time, usually feeling guilty for no real reason or having thoughts like "I don't deserve the support from my mum". I also have thoughts like "my dog should have an owner who isn't useless".

My last CBT therapist told me I'm being critical of myself because of my low confidence. I've suffered with very low confidence for years.

I take our dog for walks but not usually very far. Also this heat's affecting my anxiety.

I don't drive so my mum and mums partner have to drive me to places, which makes me feel more guilty and mad about myself. I rarely catch buses due to anxiety, social anxiety. I've been on a few buses this year though.

I worry I'll be single for the rest of my life because of my anxiety. I'll admit though, I'm definitely not in the right place in my life mentally to even think about relationships right now.

I just feel like I have no future and thanks to mistakes I have made and my anxiety, the rest of my life is ruined. I was wondering if there's anyone else in a similar situation to me ?

Sorry for the long post, just wanted let it all out.

Thanks for reading

Thanks to anyone in advance for your support, replies :hugs:

[Oosh]

Hiya Ryan

I've been where you are. I know exactly what you feel like. It's terrifying anticipating getting into work etc when you feel that anxious and short of confidence.

Some significant things that got me out of it -

Routine.
I forced myself up and to the baths/gym everyday to give my days some shape.
It kept me out of the house and in public places for some of the time.
Confidence disappears when you hide indoors all the time.

Driving licence.
My dad paid for lessons and bought me my first car. My life simply changed from then on because my horizons broadened significantly. I could travel much further which opened up opportunities to meet new people and get other jobs.

Girlfriend.
I very briefly dated, travelled to where she was in my car and had moved in within months. It was stressful. My confidence was low. But I was desperate for change and something had to happen.
So then I was living in a new place, with a car and a partner.
I got work there. But although it brought in money it was hardly something that brought me any significant improvement. I had massive anxiety back then. I only realise that now looking back and work was a big stress for me.

Starting my own business.
Entry level jobs are the pits. You're probably quite rational to worry about them because they can be soul destroying experiences, especially suffering from bad anxiety. I managed them but by far the best thing I've done regarding work is start a business.
Come up with an idea. If someone else is doing it you can too.
Choose something that minimises those moments that make you anxious.
Build a website, advertise, get an online presence and wait for emails.
You can throw all your creativity Into it, feel productive, build something and tweak it how you want.
It doesn't have to be massively successful. We are just talking about a bit of an income and then maybe a part time income. That would mean you could get the odd days work from an agency and then you'd have a full time income.
Whatever you can make for yourself minimises the hours you have to do in those stressful environments you fear.
Choose something that doesn't stress you or it's pointless.
How creative can you be ?
What interests do you have ?
What do you know about ?
Do an online course and learn about something you could then do as a small business.

You got a ps4 ?
I'm always on battlefield 4.

[mat74]

Believe me, you are not alone, I am in a similar position.

- 40 this year and live at home
- No girlfriend
- No brothers or sisters
- Parents who are ill themselves so no support for my condition from them
- No other family
- Made redundant Feb 2013 and out or work since
- Depression worse due to signing on and on benefits
- All my friends with partners, have good jobs, holidays, social life
- Not had a night out for around 6 months due to finances and anxiety/illness
- Feel I am losing what friends I do have
- Unable to make plans due to worry over anxiety and depression
- Other medical conditions awaiting investigation
- Demoralised due to not working and being stuck at home
- Eating take aways (when I have money) and smoking more (when I have money)
- Sitting in room watching TV and on laptop and playing XBox
- Cannot see a future for me
- Seeing docs all the time because of illness

It goes on - I feel for you, I am in the same boat

I do have plans to go swimingdailyand walk daily as I need to be out - once out I am OK(ish) but staying in is not the answer - do SOMETHING even if it seems mundane and boring like go for walks, cycling etc - it does help

[HalfJack]

Routine and getting out is a big game changer. I know you're upset but you do sound pretty rational, which is reassuring. You don't sound like the kind of person who isn't going to get better, you're just in a bad place at the moment.

I have no substantial self esteem, and I am very critical, I'd definitely say the two go hand in hand.
To stifle it I've recently started to compare the standards I have for other people and the one's I have for myself. If I had a friend with anxiety and depression as bad as mine, I'd tell them it was OK to go at their own speed etc. but I expect myself to be able to keep up with Wonder Woman. I rationalise and ponder and apply the advice I'd give to someone else to myself, and it's really helped me.

Glad you have a supportive mum, I know it's hard but try not to feel guilty about her helping you, use the support to get back on your feet :) x

---------- Post added at 19:20 ---------- Previous post was at 19:17 ----------

p.s. xbox ftw!

[crystal17]

I am in a different situation (partner,child etc) but I relate to the emotions. Every day is a bleakness I can't describe and see little point to getting up most days as its just another reminder that I feel alone and time is passing so quickly. I don't talk to anyone I know about it because really, I feel no one cares.

I hope you can find support in talking to people on here, sending hugs.

[Ryan92]

Thanks oosh for the suggestions and advice. Actually, I've already wondered if I may want to start my own business in the future. I enjoy website design as its kind of an interest of mine. I've designed a few websites as part of school and college projects. I don't really have many hobbies or interests but I'm hoping occupational therapy will help me. Yep I have a ps4 :) I'm looking forward to when uncharted 4 is released next year, also the last of us remastered out next week.

Thanks mat for your reply, sorry to hear you're going through a similar situation. Sounds like your doing well, making plans to go swimming, walking etc :D
good luck.

Thanks HalfJack for the kind words, understanding and advice. It really helps. I would feel similar about myself if I ever had a friend with anxiety etc, pondering and rationalising sounds helpful.
Yay another gamer :D

Thank you crystal for your kind words and understanding. Sorry to hear you're going through similar feelings, emotions. Hope you feel better soon :hugs:

[Brunette]

Try to be creative too - Mat this is also advice for you.

Even doing something like baking a cake or gardening (if you have one) can be very therapeutic. As can be fixing something you've been meaning to fix for ages, dealing with your correspondence, clearing out a drawer or cupboard, throwing out clothes you dont wear any more for charity.

There's no end of things you can find to do even in your own home if you've got enough motivation just to start.

[Ryan92]

Thanks Brunette for the suggestions, advice :)

[Dimplesxo]

Hi, just thought I'd let you know you're not alone. I can relate to nearly everything you wrote even down to thinking my dog deserves better. It is really hard, and I hope things get better for you.

[Ryan92]

Thank you Dimplesxo :hugs:
It really helps to know I'm not the only one, hope you feel better soon.

[Toniandhollie]

definately agree with the routine and keeping busy at home. I make sure Hollie is awake, if not up, before I go to work, and she has a list of jobs, quite a long one so she can pick and choose, doing the washing, cleaning out the tortoise etc she loves baking - the guys I work with love it too! - she's sorted her wardrobe out into charity stuff etc. And this week, as school had finished, she painted the bathroom! not bad for a 14 year old. And the plus side, is that she has slept better, even in this heat, and is proud of herself. Ask your mum for things to do, give you a reason to get up in the morning, but don't beat yourself up if one day you have a lazy day,we all have those xx

---------- Post added at 10:31 ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 ----------

oh and don't forget to reward yourself by doing the gaming thing ;)

[mat74]

Seems we are all in some sort of numbness due to this condition. I also have no enthusiasm or energy and worry about diabetes. On top of it all I am currently under a consultant for a urology problem as for the last few months have had stomach pains, UTIs, cramps and various infections which need investigating and have 2 appointments for various tests and possible surgery to look forward to. every day to me feels like an effort which of course means my symptoms are worse and brought on more by anxiety and depression

[Toniandhollie]

must admit I struggle some days, and I'm technically ok! I suppose the difference for me is that I have to do it for Hollie, if I can't do it she has no chance. Smoke far too much, and probably make jokes at the most inappropriate times - I know that from the look her deputy head gave me! - but its just finding something that gets you going isn't it?

[Ryan92]

Thanks Toniandhollie :) I really appreciate the advice, suggestions, support.
Hopefully, I can find something different to do at home to help out. I do a few jobs but doing something different will help. I bet you're really proud of your daughter :D. Yeah, I'll try not to beat myself up as much, just need to try and take 1 day at a time.

[James244]

wow, your situation is so similar to mine its unbelievable. though i'm worse, i'm 24 with autism, who's never worked, still live with and off my parents and have such bad panic disorder i can't leave the house. like you, i slowly lost all my friends, barring 1 whom i don't see and no girl would ever look twice at me. and i spend all my time either having panic attacks or playing computer games and walking round my local lake or taking my cat for a walk down the street. (yes believe it or not, my cat comes for walks with me lol)

but the funny thing is, you've already explained why you're depressed, you're in a circle here of thinking that your life is too bad to have any good come of it, when you're the very cause of that by choosing to stop. you're making yourself depressed and feeling worthless because you're living in that manner. i expect you bit off more than you could chew and i think living life indoors a while was sensible, but its not what you really want and now you've been doing it so long you've made yourself depressed in other ways.

you need to find a way to ease yourself out of this situation slowly so as not to panic yourself, but not to go on feeling worthless too. don't look for jobs yet if that's too much, but look for something that makes you feel like the world has something to offer you and you have something to offer the world.
for example, i'm considering joining a well-being centre, i think its just where people get together and do simple relaxing things like art and craft or write poetry or just talk.

[Ryan92]

Thanks James :)
Always helps to know I'm not the only one, yeah our situations sound very similar, it's kinda scary lol
I definitely bit off more than I could chew when I accepted that job/apprenticeship while I still hadn't got my anxiety under control and was struggling. Being critical of myself is one of my biggest problems.

Sorry to hear you're going through something similar, walking/spending time with my dog, doing some jobs at home and playing computer games are the only things that keep me occupied at the moment. I'm hoping to eventually find new hobbies, break bad routines etc with the help from occupational therapy. I'm in the middle of the introduction/assessment sessions at the moment.

I recently decided to give counselling another try, just 1 or 2 sessions to see how I get on or maybe, eventually more CBT.
Hope you find something and good luck :)

[NickyUK79]

Hi everyone :) hope you're all ok

I often feel really down with how lonely I am. I've suffered with anxiety and OCD for around ten years but in the past few years, it's become much worse (anxiety, I'm managing to sort of control OCD)

I've been unemployed for a couple of years thanks to the economy :doh: (and anxiety) I was searching for work for a few years, last year I attended an interview and I was offered an apprenticeship but with me being unemployed for nearly 3 years, my anxiety was bad.

I was (still am) stuck at home 99% of the time. For over 3 years I've spent most of my time at home. It makes me feel irritable and frustrated.

I accepted the job because I thought "I can cope", I was just trying to keep positive :) I even phoned the job centre to cancel my JSA. I was seeing therapists while looking for work so I thought I could cope.

I had to wait a week before I started the apprenticeship which wasn't ideal, each day my thoughts were out of control. I was like a yo-yo lol, I was trying to keep positive and think to myself it'll all be okay.

Then the next minute, I'd be feeling incredibly anxious and stressed, crying, having panic attacks, thoughts of suicide. I turned down the job. I cant cope well with change and feel like I'm stuck in a rut :wacko:

I don't go to bed until 3-4am because I just don't see the point off going to bed early, getting up early, being bored and down all day. Usually spend all night on my playstation or listening to music.

I've not had much therapy this year. I had my last CBT session in January. After waiting over 5 months, I started seeing a counsellor but I didn't find it very helpful. Talking about all my past traumas with anxiety in my life was really upsetting and stressful so my mum recently referred me for more CBT. Im also seeing an occupational therapist but don't know if I can cope with what lies ahead.

I only have 1 friend but I don't see him much anymore because he's busy with his job. I feel so lonely :weep: My mum is really supportive but my dad doesn't really care or understand.

I don't see him much, probably 3-4 times a year. I have 2 half brothers and they're the only thing that makes me happy when I see my dad.

I'm critical of myself all the time, usually feeling guilty for no real reason or having thoughts like "I don't deserve the support from my mum". I also have thoughts like "my dog should have an owner who isn't useless".

My last CBT therapist told me I'm being critical of myself because of my low confidence. I've suffered with very low confidence for years.

I take our dog for walks but not usually very far. Also this heat's affecting my anxiety.

I don't drive so my mum and mums partner have to drive me to places, which makes me feel more guilty and mad about myself. I rarely catch buses due to anxiety, social anxiety. I've been on a few buses this year though.

I worry I'll be single for the rest of my life because of my anxiety. I'll admit though, I'm definitely not in the right place in my life mentally to even think about relationships right now.

I just feel like I have no future and thanks to mistakes I have made and my anxiety, the rest of my life is ruined. I was wondering if there's anyone else in a similar situation to me ?

Sorry for the long post, just wanted let it all out.

Thanks for reading

Thanks to anyone in advance for your support, replies :hugs:

Hey Ryan, reading this post made me think of myself at times . I used to stay up to all hours on the pc then sleep all day. That has to change m8, trust me, that lifestyle would hurt anyone, not natural. I found that going to sleep early and waking up naturally is a good way to start the day.

I still to this day find it hard to fill out my day, THATS MY BIGGEST PROBLEM. Sitting about doing nothing brings on anxiety! as I write this I had force myself to go for a cycle for 15 mins just to get my body working, being stimulated helps and exercise does it real good. Been poorly past few days with anxiety, makes me even worse, getting out there is priceless pal. Was messed up myself for 10 years with proper anxiety issues, past 2 years been good, but having a blip right now.

By the way too CBT, works wonders with anxiety, first time I done it I wasn't open to it, but when a fit lass was doing it the 2nd time, I was all ears. Biggest thing I learnt was just because you think it, doesn't make it real(as in thoughts) just take a step back, question it and move on. you have OCD though, so I don't know how that would work for you.

[Ryan92]

Thanks NickyUK79 :)

Yeah, I definitely need to change various routines I have. I don't even enjoy it, I actually dislike staying up all these hours. I'm just so used to it now, it's very tough to stop but I need to make that change. I have problems filling out my days too, I do jobs at home and walk our dog but thats just about it atm. I'm also thinking of other things to do just to keep me busy for longer and my mind distracted from all the negativity.

Sorry to hear your having problems with anxiety and going through a blip. I have had CBT before but it was a bit of a hassle. My therapist was off work regularly due to illness, I felt sorry for her but I was worried I was not getting the most from my sessions. Also, she expected me to do things that I found incredibly anxious way too early on, during the sessions.

I asked if we could take things 1 step at a time a little more but it didn't happen. Maybe because she knew I had some CBT before, she thought I could manage, but I last had a full amount of CBT sessions 2 years ago and in that time, it felt like it was slipping from me.

So yeah, hopefully if I have more CBT it goes ok. Its up to them if I have more CBT or not.

[koala]

Hi Ryan,

You are still young so you have plenty time to recover, get a job and a girlfriend. I've been thinking about starting my own business too as i have struggled to get a relevant job with my qualifications. This has caused me a great deal of stress, depression and anxiety and left me with low self-esteem, low confidence and feeling worthless.

However i decided to start studying again doing online/home study courses and i have found it has helped. It gives me a purpose and something to do and work toward to hopefully better my situation. It also give me a routine as i set times for when i am going to study. Maybe you could try something similar if you wanted to?

[Toniandhollie]

My therapist was off work regularly due to illness,

Sorry but that did make me laugh ! :yesyes:

---------- Post added at 13:48 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------

Hi Ryan, hope you've had a good week. Been thinking about things - that's what this forum has done to me! -and I think one of the first challenges is the going to bed late and getting up late thing. It probably about 3 weeks, for Hollie to turn around on that one.
She wouldn't go on the computer after 9pm, and we'd watch something naff on telly, Ramsey's kitchen nightmares was a favourite! I also would not go to bed until she was settled in - believe me I was knackered for a few weeks, as some times it was about 1 o'clock, by the time she had fluffed and flaffed with any and everything, putting off the moment!
Anyway, no computer upstairs and no phone, just Hols and the dog -yes I do allow the dog to sleep with her, helped us through last year. At first she didn't get to sleep until 5 ish, but I was still getting up at 6:30 for work and school so I woke her up. Didn't get some great responses to start with ;)
Any way we persevered, I tried to put off going to work as late as possible to ensure she was awake, sometimes that was about 10, and yes she was tired, but bit by bit we brought it around, and she stopped being scared of going to bed and not sleeping,w hich consequently meant she slept - what a viscious circle.
We also used nightol in the first couple of weeks. Hopefully, you might,with the help of your parents, be able to do the same. andsome of the others might have suggestions too. xx

[Ryan92]

Thanks koala :)

Sorry to hear you've been through a similar situation, I'm hoping that eventually, occupational therapy, maybe more cbt will help me get my confidence back, there was a stage in my life when I had some confidence :yahoo:

I have very little interests and hobbies etc (due to anxiety since I was a child) so this might affect me if I ever considered starting a business, that and getting started. I struggle with motivation at the moment due to my anxiety, worrying thoughts, low confidence.

I was talking to my occupational therapist recently, we both agreed that I feel like I don't even know myself, don't know my interests etc. Eventually, I'm hoping to find new hobbies, interests etc with the help from oc therapy.

So I'm not sure what kind of course I would choose. I think this might be another area where occupational therapy might be able to help me. They've said they will help me 1 step at a time but it might be a long process, I suppose it's good in a way as I don't want to rush or the therapy will make no difference, but it makes me feel a little down knowing I will feel like this for a while.

I'm going to have to start to really push myself again, when I last had a full amount of CBT sessions, I felt great. I actually had some confidence and was attending about 2-3 job/apprenticeship interviews a week, that was a few years ago.

People like my family and friends of my family were amazed at how well I was coping with the interviews. It was difficult for me to maintain that confidence over time once those interviews had dried up. I would like to think about doing a course at some point.

I just need to try and keep positive and hopeful I'll be able to get out of this rut and get a job etc and hope it will eventually happen.

Thanks for your understanding and support :hugs:

Glad that studying a course is helping you feel better :yesyes:

---------- Post added 03-08-14 at 01:09 ---------- Previous post was 02-08-14 at 23:48 ----------


Sorry but that did make me laugh ! :yesyes:

---------- Post added at 13:48 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------

Hi Ryan, hope you've had a good week. Been thinking about things - that's what this forum has done to me! -and I think one of the first challenges is the going to bed late and getting up late thing. It probably about 3 weeks, for Hollie to turn around on that one.
She wouldn't go on the computer after 9pm, and we'd watch something naff on telly, Ramsey's kitchen nightmares was a favourite! I also would not go to bed until she was settled in - believe me I was knackered for a few weeks, as some times it was about 1 o'clock, by the time she had fluffed and flaffed with any and everything, putting off the moment!
Anyway, no computer upstairs and no phone, just Hols and the dog -yes I do allow the dog to sleep with her, helped us through last year. At first she didn't get to sleep until 5 ish, but I was still getting up at 6:30 for work and school so I woke her up. Didn't get some great responses to start with ;)
Any way we persevered, I tried to put off going to work as late as possible to ensure she was awake, sometimes that was about 10, and yes she was tired, but bit by bit we brought it around, and she stopped being scared of going to bed and not sleeping,w hich consequently meant she slept - what a viscious circle.
We also used nightol in the first couple of weeks. Hopefully, you might,with the help of your parents, be able to do the same. andsome of the others might have suggestions too. xx

Thanks Toniandhollie :)

Yeah I've been feeling better the last few days, not been feeling as down. I've been doing jobs at home and then some ;) You've helped your daughter through so much :), she's lucky to have such a supportive and helpful mum. My mum and mums partner help me so much and I'm very grateful. Just wish I could say the same about my dad, oh well these things happen, that's life.

My friends busy with his job again but I'm trying not let it make me feel as down. Something that definitely cheered me up was going to see a new puppy that one of mums friends has adopted. He's lovely and wouldn't leave my side, always wanting a fuss.

[krischoy]

Hi,

It is not yet the end of the world. You can cope with that anxiety attacks by thinking positive thoughts and always remember that all of the things happening to us was given because we are strong enough to face it. Just pray and talk to anyone. This can be very helpful if you know someone from the group is ready to listen and experienced the things that you are experiencing right now. Just think on the bright side.

Kris:)

[Ryan92]

Thank Kris :)

Yeah, I'll try to think more positively, look on the bright side. It's not easy at the moment but I suppose that's life.