What do you do in a crisis? Ever had to not go home?

[lior]

Argument last night with mum and brother
Been saving a deposit to buy (not rent)
Avoided them this morning and went straight out
Had another argument with mum on the phone, told her I was depressed and not coping, she continued to shout and I put the phone down on her
Been crying on the street for the last hour
Boyfriend not picking up the phone
In a cafe trying to calm down

I want to not go home - I want to stay at my boyfriend's tonight and find somewhere to rent asap. Then that will cut out all the problems with disagreements over the best way to do the cooking, and the fact that I am a financial burden, and we'll all get on better. I'll have to find a not-career job to pay the rent but I'd rather be doing that than continuing to feel unwelcome at home. I'll get a career job in a few months then will be able to continue saving to buy but more slowly.

Anyone had a similar experience? Have you ever had to move out immediately because you couldn't continue living where you were living? What happened?

[Oosh]

Aw no ! What happened ? Did you end up going home again ?

Last thing you need when you're already feeling low is grief from others. I know the feeling. I moved out when I was 16, dad grief.

Noticed your new blog. I think it's become increasingly obvious you had a lot of your emotional stability based on your job and relationship, hence the crisis. A new place, a non-career job and hopefully stronger relationship with your bf would put you in a more stable place than this.

Can't you stay with a mate while you sign for a flat or something ? No easy solution when you have to get out quick is there.

Hope your night didn't get any worse.

[lior]

Where did you go when you moved out when you were 16?

I'm in a cafe, waiting for my boyfriend to call me back. He might say no, in which case I might be able to stay with a friend for one night in her bed which is not ideal.

I'm applying for a job at Mind right now... it's the only application I've ever made where having a mental health problem counts in your favour!

---------- Post added at 14:46 ---------- Previous post was at 13:49 ----------

He isn't going to be home until 3.30am and nobody will be around to let me in any earlier. Waiting for friends to get back to me.

---------- Post added at 14:56 ---------- Previous post was at 14:46 ----------

I can sleep at my friend's! :)

[Oosh]

Sleeping at your friends ! Brilliant ! Such a relief when you can get away from the agro isn't it. Just a bit of space where nobody is giving you a hard time.

I was 16, didn't have many options, my anxiety had started a year earlier and I was living in a nightmare. I told dss I was sleeping on a park bench. They said find accommodation within a certain budget. I found a bedsit in my home town.

Horrible time but when you've got to get away, you've got to get away.

Mind - fantastic idea.

[lior]

Oosh, that can't have been a great experience. Such a young age to become independent. Did you ever make up with your family? Were you actually sleeping on a park bench or did you just say that to get accommodation? I guess that works?

[Oosh]

I only lasted a year. I didn't eat very well so lost a lot of weight. My mum asked me to come back home. She said my big sister would get me a job in her office block. So I did.

No I wasn't on a park bench. I was at home. But my dad had just broken my jaw so I wanted out quick.

Yes I get on with my mum great now and acceptably with my dad. He annoys me, I annoy him. It's just a personality thing.

It worked then. Not sure what the rules are on housing benefit. I think they grade you depending on your situation. So if you say you're sleeping rough they'll pay up to a certain amount. They have council properties but you can find your own too if within budget. Like I say, that was then.

I saw a doc recently on the subject in London. People were unhappy because they were being priced out of postcodes but there were properties available to them in cheaper postcodes.

[applecore]

So sorry to hear that you are having such a rotten time. Fast forward a year though - your own place, relationships with family much improved etc - and hopefully your life will be much happier for having made this decision. But very, very tough in the meantime. Do hope things work out for you.

[lior]

Thanks Applecore. I think a year on I will be happier. In four/five more years I'll probably go through another crisis again and be here all over again. This is just who I am.

Oosh I'm glad to hear that things are acceptable with your dad now. I'm not sure if I could ever forgive a dad that broke my jaw, or a mum that let that happen. Things must have changed so much.

I saw a room for £385 a month yesterday in Hackney... would be happy there for a few months I think. Got my fingers crossed.

Some mental health people came round and told me to call a self-referral number for therapy. So I'm going to do that. They said that if I hit on any problems with that to call them. That's probably one of the best things they could have said - I know that they will be there if there is a problem. I think they weren't too scared that I would kill myself, and they loved my 'Project Plan: Get My Life On Track' and my lists 'Every Day/Quick To-Dos/Long To-Dos'. I am motivated like they said. I'm scared of memory blanks and losing control of my actions. The reason I didn't hurt myself yesterday was because the weapon wasn't a beautiful enough object to die by. It's such an irrational thought - which is scary because it means I'm not rationally talking myself out of things.

[applecore]

So glad you have some support with this. Hackney place sounds good. Your own space. We all need that.