Anxiety about germs - new member, 1st post

[Devorah]

Hello! This is my first post and I am new to forums in general so feel free to let me know if I am doing it wrong :P I was reading through some of the threads and saw a few people mention germs, or worrying about germs, as a trigger for anxiety. I am a constant worrier. I have been doing it for so long I can't imagine a life without worrying, though I would love to get to that point someday. I just moved to the tropics and the hot humid atmosphere makes my house feel like a petri dish for bacteria. There's no a/c and everything gets dirty so fast here. You have to clean at least twice as often to stay remotely tidy. Also, the previous owners of the house were really messy and I have been uncovering all kinds of yuck while cleaning the house. I have been using a bleach solution on every inch of the place, even the ceiling, and I still feel like there are germs all around me. It's pretty gross even for non worriers. On top of that, I have been getting all kinds of weird infections, which the doctor assures me is my body adjusting to the climate. But my worrying mind thinks I've been contaminated by the germs all around me. I take extreme efforts that are very time consuming to try and limit what I touch, washing all the time and using sooo many paper towels. I seriously over use paper towels but they are so gloriously sterile :wacko:
I wash my hands after I touch just about anything and I still feel like I am contaminated all the time. This level of anxiety about germs is a new development since I've moved to the tropics. I had little to no anxiety when I lived in colder climates. I looooove a good hard winter. Here it's hot and humid and sweaty all the time and I feel like the germs are everywhere and that they are winning. I have panic attacks when I get overwhelmed. I totally freaked out on my fiancee when I noticed he was only washing the tops of the silverware and not the handles. I was shaking and couldn't breathe I was so upset. I normally don't let him wash dishes because he's not as thorough as me, but I've been sick and got behind on chores. I won't let him clean anything really because I need sterile environments, and even when he tries his hardest, he does and incredibly sub-par job. Granted, my standards are pretty ridiculous. So because of my anxiety about germs I take on the full load of house work. I won't wash our clothes together because I think his clothes are waaay dirtier than mine and don't want cross contamination. I will only use my bath towel once and then wash it. The list goes on and on. It has completely taken over my life. It feels so necessary to be this way though. My rituals and extreme attention to detail and thoroughness is so important to me. I can spend 10 hours cleaning one room. I always have to go over every inch. But man, when it's done, that sterile super organized space is like heaven to me. It's no way to live a life though :weep: I have little time for enjoyable activities and "real life". I feel as if I am living in a terrifying germ filled reality, and I am missing out on true living.
Sorry that was so long. I have problems with being too wordy :unsure:

[shakey1961]

Hi Devorah, welcome to NMP.

First of all I'd say you have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and you really do need to get some help for that.

Secondly, I believe that being too clean can actually make you physically ill. Our bodies have various bacteria which helps give our immune system a bit of a workout. If we are too clean, the immune system will not be able to recognise a something harmful quickly and so we'll get ill and take longer to recover.

All these anti-bacterial sprays, especially when children are around, is causing our kids immune systems to not be challenged and this is how kids are suffering from allergies. When I was a child I used to go out and get really mucky sometimes, but it's not done me any harm, I'm still here.

There's nothing wrong in being clean, but you only really need to be clinically clean in a hospital and that's just so germs can't get into open wounds.

I hope you can conquer your fears.

[Sunflower2]

Fellow ocd germ sufferer here. I do a lot of the same things as you do, and have done so for so long that it seems normal to me. I get upset when staying at my boyfriends house when he has no paper towels! I have to go out and buy them or I air dry my hands and he thinks I'm mental haha.
There's nothing wrong with being clean and liking everything to be nice and clean and beautiful, but you need to take it back some notches so you are controlling it rather than it controlling you and your life.

[Brunette]

Hi Devorah,

Just something for you to think about that might help you get things in perspective: most people aren't too concerned about bacteria. In fact some of them live in pretty dirty, messy homes. In general, those people (unless they have a problem with their immune system) don't get infections from bacteria the environment around them. Even if the environment is none too clean.

They're all living, breathing evidence that clean enough is, well, clean enough.

[Devorah]

Kimberly- No paper towels?! Aaaahhhh! I have been able to find a happy medium sometimes. Like being at an outdoor concert and having to use a porta potty, or camping and not showering or having a proper toilet. Have done these with no issue many times. The anxiety comes and goes as it pleases. Though lately it's been pretty constant. Brunette- That is a really good point. If there was truth in my anxieties about germs, there would be epidemics of mythical proportions of people getting infections from bacteria in their living spaces. This thought popped into my head the other day as I was driving around thinking about how other people live their lives with minimal to no concern about germs, and they're fine. Must be glorious (but at the same time I am still horrified that they are probably just blind to the cesspools lurking all around them). I tell myself that it is good for my immune system to be exposed to germs because it makes my body better able to fight infections and such. And I truly believe that.
At this point I am aware that most of my freak outs over germs are completely irrational. In the moment I do my best to breathe and see the truth in the situation, but the instinct to validate my germaphobia is so ingrained that I find my self shaking trying to shift my perception of my reality. My therapist one said that after years of experiencing a habit, your thought's easily fall into that "groove" of thinking that has been formed, like a needle in the grooves of a record. To change a thought pattern, you have to work the needle out of the groove and form a new positive groove. The deeper the habit/groove, the harder you have to work to get into a new habit/groove. The more positive thinking/work you do, the easier it will be to naturally think that way in the future. The "holy crap the germs are going to get me" and "sterile environments are absolute heaven" groove is very deep for me. I guess being aware of it is a big step. And life has placed me in the perfect germaphobia boot camp to work on my issues, so I'm going to keep plugging away at it. Finding this forum is a blessing and makes me feel more at peace with my struggles :)
Thanks for replying!
Also, should I be discussing germ anxiety in the OCD section in the future? It seems valid as an anxiety discussion to me, but I want to make sure I am doing this forum stuff right ;)