Devorah
27-07-14, 04:17
Hello! This is my first post and I am new to forums in general so feel free to let me know if I am doing it wrong :P I was reading through some of the threads and saw a few people mention germs, or worrying about germs, as a trigger for anxiety. I am a constant worrier. I have been doing it for so long I can't imagine a life without worrying, though I would love to get to that point someday. I just moved to the tropics and the hot humid atmosphere makes my house feel like a petri dish for bacteria. There's no a/c and everything gets dirty so fast here. You have to clean at least twice as often to stay remotely tidy. Also, the previous owners of the house were really messy and I have been uncovering all kinds of yuck while cleaning the house. I have been using a bleach solution on every inch of the place, even the ceiling, and I still feel like there are germs all around me. It's pretty gross even for non worriers. On top of that, I have been getting all kinds of weird infections, which the doctor assures me is my body adjusting to the climate. But my worrying mind thinks I've been contaminated by the germs all around me. I take extreme efforts that are very time consuming to try and limit what I touch, washing all the time and using sooo many paper towels. I seriously over use paper towels but they are so gloriously sterile :wacko:
I wash my hands after I touch just about anything and I still feel like I am contaminated all the time. This level of anxiety about germs is a new development since I've moved to the tropics. I had little to no anxiety when I lived in colder climates. I looooove a good hard winter. Here it's hot and humid and sweaty all the time and I feel like the germs are everywhere and that they are winning. I have panic attacks when I get overwhelmed. I totally freaked out on my fiancee when I noticed he was only washing the tops of the silverware and not the handles. I was shaking and couldn't breathe I was so upset. I normally don't let him wash dishes because he's not as thorough as me, but I've been sick and got behind on chores. I won't let him clean anything really because I need sterile environments, and even when he tries his hardest, he does and incredibly sub-par job. Granted, my standards are pretty ridiculous. So because of my anxiety about germs I take on the full load of house work. I won't wash our clothes together because I think his clothes are waaay dirtier than mine and don't want cross contamination. I will only use my bath towel once and then wash it. The list goes on and on. It has completely taken over my life. It feels so necessary to be this way though. My rituals and extreme attention to detail and thoroughness is so important to me. I can spend 10 hours cleaning one room. I always have to go over every inch. But man, when it's done, that sterile super organized space is like heaven to me. It's no way to live a life though :weep: I have little time for enjoyable activities and "real life". I feel as if I am living in a terrifying germ filled reality, and I am missing out on true living.
Sorry that was so long. I have problems with being too wordy :unsure:
I wash my hands after I touch just about anything and I still feel like I am contaminated all the time. This level of anxiety about germs is a new development since I've moved to the tropics. I had little to no anxiety when I lived in colder climates. I looooove a good hard winter. Here it's hot and humid and sweaty all the time and I feel like the germs are everywhere and that they are winning. I have panic attacks when I get overwhelmed. I totally freaked out on my fiancee when I noticed he was only washing the tops of the silverware and not the handles. I was shaking and couldn't breathe I was so upset. I normally don't let him wash dishes because he's not as thorough as me, but I've been sick and got behind on chores. I won't let him clean anything really because I need sterile environments, and even when he tries his hardest, he does and incredibly sub-par job. Granted, my standards are pretty ridiculous. So because of my anxiety about germs I take on the full load of house work. I won't wash our clothes together because I think his clothes are waaay dirtier than mine and don't want cross contamination. I will only use my bath towel once and then wash it. The list goes on and on. It has completely taken over my life. It feels so necessary to be this way though. My rituals and extreme attention to detail and thoroughness is so important to me. I can spend 10 hours cleaning one room. I always have to go over every inch. But man, when it's done, that sterile super organized space is like heaven to me. It's no way to live a life though :weep: I have little time for enjoyable activities and "real life". I feel as if I am living in a terrifying germ filled reality, and I am missing out on true living.
Sorry that was so long. I have problems with being too wordy :unsure: