Work meetings started my panic

[Lynne Hallgate]

I am a secretary and about 8 years ago I started to dread sitting in meetings (I take notes only). At first I feared my stomach would gurgle and make noises which would show me up. It got so bad I would have diarrhoea before the meeting and I would sit in fear the whole meeting. I couldn't get up as I would miss my notes and disrupt the meeting. This spread to school meetings/shows, cinemas, concerts, any place where there was silence. I now get panic attacks out of the blue any time, any where. I am dreading going on holiday getting on the flight. I worry that if my brain is this powerful to make me feel this bad, that my brain could actually make me do something I don't want to ie crash my car, run someone over, hurt someone. Does any one else have these thoughts? I get all the symptoms like every one else especially the fear that I am going to die or lose control. I have had counselling, CBT and even hypnosis. I collapsed at work 4 years ago, hyperventilated and was rushed to hospital in an ambulance. I live in fear this will happen again.

[dorabella]

I have a job where I sometimes have to minute up to 4 meetings back to back over the course of a day -snatching lunch and drinks without a proper break in between sessions - which is not exactly conducive to good digestion and calm. Sometimes get fear that I am going to crack at some point during the day and cannot just slip out unnoticed.

Often take a stomach seltzer before the day's sessions begin to calm myself down and then just concentrate on the paperwork to stop dwelling on the anxiety. After an hour or so I am fine - it's the anticipation of what could happen that is the problem.

Your brain won't make you do anything - it is only your fear of losing control and catastrophising what might happen (and which never does) that is occupying your thoughts. I had all the treatments over the years - CBT, anti-Ds, etc and in the end I realised that they couldn't solve the problem or alleviate the symptoms. Nowadays I just grit my teeth, take a deep breath and get on with it. Nothing will happen if you only learn to switch of the thought processes that are heightening your anxiety. Once you have gone through an experience such as you have described it is unlikely it will happen again - just remember that you have gone through it and come out the other end, and if it should raise its ugly head again you will recognise the symptoms and automatically put the mental brakes on.

Sometimes I sit through meetings doing mental arithmetic - guaranteed to make you forget the symptoms that are bothering you.

[Lynne Hallgate]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and reassure me that I am not going mad or going to lose control. You are definitely right about the anticipation and once I have faced my fears, although it is count down to the end of the meeting, I do always get there. I now get panic and anxiety most mornings from the minute I arrive at work to after lunch and beyond and having tried loads of meds I am desperate not to go back on the pills and become dependent. I find it extremely hard to concentrate especially as I may be working several tasks at once/collating etc. and sometimes forget what I am talking about and mumble on, when the panic overtakes me. I also shake a lot. I am obviously in a dark place at the moment as I also find it hard to look forward to anything like my forthcoming holiday, booked last year. Thank you again, I do appreciate others sufferers' advice.

[cloudbusting]

Hi Lynne

My panic started 20 years ago and my first attack was in a meeting at work. I ended up walking out of meetings or only being able to sit in certain seats (daft, I know !). I remember the feeling well about my stomach rumbling or doing something embarrassing to show myself up. I did get beta blockers which worked like a charm. Just half a tablet 20 mins before a meeting really worked for me.

Lynne, trust me, I know it's difficult but try and remember that you always get through the meeting, nothing bad happens and you are always OK - even after the scary hyperventilation episode you were fine.

I feel for you completely as I have been there too.

Best wishes

Lisa x