MND, utter panic, at the end of my tether

[LadyH]

Hi All!!
At the absolute end of my tether here....

Had a call with my doc on Friday, explained a bunch of stuff that's been going on. He said "Nothing ringing alarm bells for him", but put a blood panel thing behind reception for me and said if I'm not feeling great, I should go in and have those & then make an app to see him.

So much progression over the weekend!!!! Extra scared cos these are things I din't tell him. The weakness in my left leg that I feel when walking- the left is noticeably & visibly skinnier than the right. I am quite fit and active and so have some quite visible muscles when flexing them, so much more prominent in my right leg. So scared this is muscle wastage :(

I've developed the inability to complete a yawn- I have the overwhelming urge to Yawn, but can't complete it. Hard to describe- I can take a deep breath but I cannot yawn, it's really freaking me out & making me worry.

It is taking all my will power not to google these two things. I haven't, an I'm going to try very very hard not to.

Funny sensation in my throat too, like i can't satisfactorily swallow. This worries me a little- but not too much, as have been very nauseous since last Thursday, and have been finding it very difficult to eat. No appetite and having to force food down.

Sleeping is very bad too- work up at 3am this morning in sweats and a pounding racing heart, couldn't sleep after that/

Had a breakdown to my boyfriend yesterday, who is great bless him but it's hard for him to understand and he's running out of things to day, I know it's difficult for him and I appreciate that.

My thoughts are constantly occupied with the obsession that I have MND, I can't see any other solutions at the moment.

Have blood tests tomorrow morning & app with doctor next week.

Stressed doesn't even begin to describe it, I am convinced & I am devastated for myself. I feel so selfish and so self involved, I feel like a horrible person.

I just want to be told that I'm okay and go on living my life, I just want to be well, however I feel really resolved to the fact that this is what I have.... I can see no other explanation and there is no way out :weep::weep:

Help!!!

[claireypoo]

I have so many of the same symptoms as you! The yawn one OMG! I have had exactly that! Like the urge to yawn is strong, but I ended up just sort of opening my mouth with the yawn not *finishing*. Weird! It lasted a few weeks then went away, but it happened constantly.

I went to the docs about my leg size too. GP said most of us have a stronger leg or arm, and that we rarely match! We don't notice usually, but there is a difference, like the way our eyes and ears are slightly different.

Swallowing. I have this now. Feels like I have to keep swallowing but it never stops the urge to keep doing it. Like my swallow is ineffective or I have something in my throat.

All of my symptoms are from anxiety. The yawning was a really weird feeling though. I got quite distressed about it at the time.

Hope you feel better soon. X

[blueangel]

OK, a few things which might help:

* All the symptoms you're describing are linked to anxiety - have a look through the "help" pages on here and you'll find a lit
* MND is really quite rare - the current estimate is that it affects 2 in every 100,000 people, so your chance of developing it are very low
* All of us have one side of our bodies bigger than the other! This is because although we look reasonably symmetrical, we're not. We've all got one foot bigger than the other, one hand bigger than the other etc., so it's inevitable that one of your legs will have more muscle on it than the other one. I'll bet that the smaller leg is not on the dominant side of your body

Have your blood tests tomorrow, and I bet they'll be fine.

[LadyH]

Thanks guys :)

Yes it seems odd to have developed all of these, when all my initial problems were tingling, numbness & pins & needles, which have all gone away now. I really really want these ones to go away also, they're really really scary!!!!

It's just the leg that I can't get over, I started looking at it as it feels weak when I walk, and then realized it's so much smaller. It's less flexible & still too. This combined with the yawn thing just freaks me out totally cos it makes me feel like my muscles are packing up and will soon stop working all together :(

Thanks for telling me they are anxiety reflexes- I wanted to google to see if they were- but felt sure I'd find a whole heap of other scary stuff too!!

Do you guys have an advice on taking my mind off of this? Like no matter what Id- exercise, art, socialising, TV- I am still thinking about it. I feel like I'm totally on the brink of a full scale breakdown, and have even been sick a few times today :(

Thank you
Hxx

---------- Post added at 11:44 ---------- Previous post was at 11:41 ----------

Also Blue Angel, could you post me a link to that list as I don't seem to be able to find it?

Thank you
Hxx

[claireypoo]

I am trying to learn mindfulness. It is supposed to help in situations like this! X Good luck

PS I had pins and needles, twitching muscles, (esp. Eyelid) so much I thought I was really really ill. It was anxiety. It really is massively physical. Non sufferers have no idea!

[LadyH]

Funny few days, difficult time.
Waking up in panics with a racing heart and sweating, funny appetite and nausea.
Not worries about any of that-

My leg that feels weaker & is deffo has smaller muscles (I have measured) in both calf and thigh has developed some slightly painful spasms today.

Noticed twitching in right hand which is new. Again not worries about that, only worried about the leg, and the fact that I can't complete a yawn which is the bizarrest thing.

Had blood tests on Monday and have appointment with the docs on tuesday afternoon. Still such a long time away. Convinced this is MND

Ooooohhh god any advice/ help/ words of wisdom anyone??

[ItchyOne]

I can totally relate to the incomplete yawn thingy. I had that for some time when my anxiety level was the highest. I keep trying to complete the yawn and for some reason getting upset when it isn't complete. And when it did, I was genuinely relieved. Strange.

At the same time, I was also convinced I wasn't breathing properly. I thought I was taking in much shorter breaths than I usually am and tried to link that to my incomplete yawns.

Of course, now I know it's all anxiety related.
Good luck, TS.

[LadyH]

Yes, I hope you 're right and it's all anxiety.

Having a very bad day today with having noticed my shrunken thigh, and the painful twitchings that have been happening in it since Wednesday.

I am so so so scared. I can't put across on here how scared I am.