Unusual trigger for bad moods!

[craigj1303]

Hi All

Here's one for you! I want to see if anyone else has this one as a trigger!

I have been doing a CBT course for about 6 weeks and I recall one session where I was asked what my mood had been like during the week since the last session. I commented that a small "incident" on a Saturday morning had triggered a whole day of feeling down.

I recall feeling pretty good, it was the weekend, Saturday morning, looking forward to spending a day in Maldon at the Promenade Park with the wife and kids. At breakfast I mentioned to the wife that whilst in Maldon I wanted to pop in to a shop that sold picture frames and pick up a few as I wanted to put up some pics in our home office room. The Mrs said "What do you need those for now? We can't afford to be wasting money on stuff like that at the moment, we're a bit short at the minute".

Well, that was it. That triggered something in me and the resulting mood for the entire day was down....way down. Thoughts I experienced was stuff like "I can't have picture frames, I must of failed badly in my life somewhere, i'm 38 years old and we can't afford to go and buy a few picture frames? Our friends are going on holiday's abroad and driving new cars and I can't have a few picture frames?"

Everyone picked up on it, the kids, the wife. We met some neighbours down at the park in the afternoon and I recall just hardly saying anything to them whilst the wife chatted to them. I knew I was being irrational but I just could not shake myself out of it!!

Then yesterday, we took the kids to a toy shop to buy them a £10 item between them. The Mrs gave in to them and let them have an additional treat each so we spent about £40. I felt that was triggering something in me again. "So if this was me and I wanted to spend £40 on some clothes or shoes there'd be a problem, we probably couldn't afford it this time, but the kids have got these toys O.K. haven't they."

So what is going on here?!!:D I think it goes beyond being a spoilt brat:D I wasn't raised like that. Does anybody else have triggers for mood swings anything like this?

My wife controls the financial matters. I am the main earner in the house but she is responsible for paying the bills, she knows when everything is going out etc. I don't even carry my own bank card. We decided many years ago that was how we would work it. Maybe it is that has caused me to feel a little out of control of things? Should I try and get back control over my own finances a little more so I feel more in control?

[Annie0904]

I certainly think that this is something that you need to discuss with your wife, maybe you can manage the finances together? It does seem a little unfair that you couldn't buy yourself a few picture frames although I obviously don't know the financial circumstances but if on the other hand it was okay to spend that amount of money on the children :unsure: You are earning the money so should have some say in how it is spent.

[gregcool]

Hi craig.
I had exactly the same thing in my life mate when i was with my wife.she paid all the bills out of our money.i was working and for 15 years never had my own bank account or anything.didnt even have a wallet.never had cash in my pocket.my wife was the one who dished out the kids pocket money,so they always felt it was mums money they received.she allways had the joint money and when we went on holidays i allways had to ask for money if i wanted anything.this made me feel like a child and powerless.i had no control or independance with the finances.if i wanted to by anything my wife was like yours saying we cant aford it,but at the weekend the kids would get stuff from the shops when we were out or my wife would buy herself something like a pair of shoes..i feel you pain mate.this was one of the things that eventually split us up.i hated it.