work stress/ bad day

[koala]

Don't know where the best place to put this is so i will try here?

Feeling upset and don't know what to do. I normally don't have any problems at work and working for a disability charity they are usually very sympathetic about my condition. However today i felt like my boss was trying to pressurize me to do things i'm not ready to do yet. She wants me to attend all these event and training courses but i don't want to go for 2 reasons
1- They involving travelling a long distance (over an hour) which i don't feel comfortable doing yet and my boss knows this (i am making slow progress on travelling out of my comfort zone on a personal note).
2- some of the courses i don't even want to go on. I am suppose to do CPD courses every year n when we last spoke i said i wanted to go on an exercise instructor course and she said work would support me to do it but now she wants me to go on admin courses which i have no interest in and i feel sick at the thought of going to glasgow to do them (i'm from Edinburgh)

In the past i have always felt really uncomfortable when people have spoken about going to events that i'm not going to and sometimes i have felt i'm not worthy of my job because i have been offered fantastic opportunities but not taken them up because of my anxiety. But in my defense they never do anything in Edinburgh. If they did i would definitely make an effort to go. I feel that while my boss was understanding to begin with shes now started to get impatient and i cant help but think she thinks i'm just being lazy and not making an effort but she doesn't see all the hard work i'm doing outside of work. i'm also terrified of having a panic attack in front of my work colleagues and then having to face them the next day at work. I tend to keep my friends/family life separate from work and like it that way. It's also not really possible to have a private conversation with her about it all cos she's never in the office and when she is it's hard to get a word in cos she's so busy with others.

To add to my stress the local Brownie unit im helping with have also started putting pressure on me to do things im not comfortable with. Last year they mentioned going camping. i said i would go during the day one day but i wouldn't sleep over cos of anxiety and they seemed fine with that. Now a new leader has joined and she's trying to get me to stay over and help for the whole thing cos she doesn't understand what anxiety actually is. She's also pressuring me to do my leader qualification which i don't want to do cos i have too much else going on and i don't want the extra responsibility this now.She also keeps suggesting we should do all these extra activities which again i'm not interested in. I don't mind helping at the odd coffee morning but i don't want to dedicate my whole life to Brownies. She's making me feel really uncomfortable.

Does anyone else find that others try to stop you recovering at your own pace and pressurize you to do things quicker than you are ready to? It's like they expect you to just magically change overnight?

Sorry for going on and on and thanks if you have read all this. Would appreciate some advice/feedback.

[nikkim]

Hey koala! You've come to the right place :) I can completely relate to you on the whole people wanting you to push yourself to do things before you're ready to do them. I almost feel like as soon as my friends or family see I'm having a good day they assume I'm magically cured and that I'm superwoman and can now do anything and everything they want. what people don't understand is it's a day to day struggle and we aren't magically "fixed" and capable of suddenly doing things we never felt comfortable doing.
Personally for me it's my friends always pressuring me to go out and drink with them when they know I just started medication and alcohol is not exactly my friend right now.


I would just continue to do whatever you're comfortable with and try and make people understand the best you can. Like you said, people who don't have anxiety don't know what it entails. they think it's some made up sickness that we use as an excuse to get out of doing things.
Push yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone sometimes because you never know.. you might actually be capable of things you never thought you were. and that's something to be proud of.

just wanna let you know you're not alone :)

Love, Nicole

[koala]

Thanks Nicole,

It really helps to know i'm not the only one out there who feels like this.

I have spoken to my boyfriend and he's going to try and take a day off work to accompany me to one of the up and coming events. Hopefully if i attend this one they will stop pestering me for a while but i have a horrible feeling they will do the opposite and pressurize me to attend more. :unsure:

[nikkim]

That's awesome, I'm so glad to hear that :) whenever I feel uncomfortable with social situations or outings I make my best friend go with me. Wish I had a boyfriend to make him go to things with me hahaha :D

Have you explained your situation to everyone? because if so that's not really fair of them to put that much pressure on you. Honestly when my friends start to get mad or an attitude with me for not wanting to do things I just tell them they're not helping me in any way by not being supportive.

It's great that you're even planning to go to one event. just be proud of yourself for that and take it one day at a time. that's the best us anxiety strugglers can really ask of ourselves!
maybe you'll even enjoy yourself and want to attend more. but if that's not the case that's not a big deal at all, don't beat yourself up about it, always remember that :)

[Brunette]

You have no obligation to help out at Brownies.

If someone there is asking you to do things you're not comfortable with and pressurising you to make more of a commitment than you're willing to do then just quit. It's supposed to be enjoyable for all concerned - it shouldn't be a cause for stress.

[koala]

Thanks guys,

With regards to Brownies I think i need to start standing up for myself more and remind them what my intentions are and what i do and don't want to be part of. i just hate confrontations and i don't like disappointing and letting folk down but for my own sake I need to do what's best for me and stop worrying about others. If that doesn't work then i will quit.

---------- Post added at 13:30 ---------- Previous post was at 13:03 ----------

Aaaahhhh :angry: my boss keeps texting me on my day off. After the week i've had i was looking forward to a relaxing weekend away from work but it seems i cant avoid the place. The first text was asking if i had completed a minor job (could have waited until next week). The next was asking where something was cos she needed it today. I know for a fact her and the other administrator could have found it without asking me had they taken 5 minutes to look, they just didn't have 5 minutes cos she's left it all last minute which was something we had recently talked about ( she asked what she could do better to help me with my job and i said she needed to stop leaving everything last minute cos it puts a lot of pressure n stress on me and i sometimes i end up sitting waiting on her only to them end up doing overtime cos she lets other people distract her when we r meant to be working on something).

Up until this week i was enjoying my job and it is the most settled i'v felt in a job for a long time. But now i'm starting to doubt myself and wonder whether i should be looking around for something else as it has become apparent this week that my work expect people to put work first and living life second and i'm really against that. I believe that when you leave work for the night that's you until your next in and you should be allowed to switch off from it. I don't want to make any bad impulse decisions though and find myself in a job i hate (like i did in my last job). Just wish i could get settled in a job as i am currently wandering around no man's land career wise.

Anyone else ever felt like this and do you have any advice. Just need to get this off my chest.