View Full Version : Having a Bad Night
Don't know what's wrong with me, just feel there's no hope, no future, can't work, can't drive. What future do I have? Feel really low. Can't stop crying. Who is going to want me like this? I'm only fit for nothing. What Life is this? Can't live a normal Life, what's the point? I've really lost it tonight. I'm a liability. Everything I do, I fail, fail, fail. How am going to manage when I get old. Might as well put me on the scrap heap now.:weep:
---------- Post added at 02:07 ---------- Previous post was at 02:01 ----------
See, no-one to talk to...............no-one there................
Aww sorry to hear you're feeling like this :hugs:
I know how you feel, I feel similar. I was crying so much yesterday.
I cant drive, cant work due to anxiety, no friends, no partner. Feel I'll be alone and be stuck in this situation for the rest of my life, starting to wish I was never born, feel like I'm a failure to everyone who knows me.
Sorry I'm not much help, sorry if this upset you. I just want you to know you're not alone and we're here for you :bighug1: x
Hope you feel better soon
Carnation, I have to take exception with what you are saying about yourself. It is simply not true. I just reviewed the first two pages of your post history, and found no less than 36 postings in support of others going through tough times. Empathy, understanding, validation, ideas, tips and lots of love offered over and over again. You absolutely know how to help others, and when you look at what you've suggested, you have a history of success at pulling yourself out of the pit, too. Therefore, you cannot say that you are a liability. You are an asset to so many here. You cannot say you have failed at everything you do, because you have succeeded in getting through so much and are capable of getting past this blip. You need to know this: you are worth your own recovery. You have earned it. You have. Period.
Marie xx
Sunflower2
31-07-14, 07:43
Oh carnation I feel bad not seeing your post until this morning! You've honestly helped me so so much, you said exactly what I needed to hear because you knew how to come out the other side. A few months ago I felt completely hopeless and every thing was such a struggle. I could barely get myself into university and I would be tense and worried all the time and crying a lot and my family was angry at me and you boyfriend was esasperated by my and I felt such a burden and could not see a way out. What was the point in anything because everything is so hard? Nothing seemed to give me any joy at all any more, which was so scary since ive never suffered from depression before. At my lowest point I sat at the side of a country road in my car unable to breathe and in hysterical tears and my brother had to come and collect me as I couldn't move. That was on me and my boyfriends anniversary and I couldn't even manage to see him on that day.
But carnation you will get better I promise you, you've done it before and you can do it again. You've achieved so much and risen above the challenges your life has given you before. You said you've been anorexic and overcame that yourself - that's brilliant in itself! A lot of people will never recover from that. So there's one thing.
Driving IS scary. It simply is terrifying hurtling down a Tarmac stretch with other cars beside you at the same speed and coming the other way. But it's also something that we can learn to become used to and not associate it with the fear response. It's not easy and it does take a long time, but you have to persevere. Think of it as learning to drive again, if you remember how scary it was doing those things for the first time? Also how about some refresher driving lessons? I got one when I couldn't get out my house and it made such a difference and the guy was really supportive.
I am always here for you if you are feeling down. You're never alone! Have hope things will be fine. Xxx
Yes I agree with the others, sorry about my last post. Just feeling down atm.
i totally agree with the others, carnation. you support many people here. i just rad the post you put on my assertiveness thread..... that was full of useful tips for me & made me feel better.
I think sometimes we all get very down. Remember that "negative automatic thoughts" are like a spiral. A downwards spiral.
What you need to do is stick a "spanner in the works". Quite literally do something that stops the thoughts where they are, so they cant go downwards any further.
Of course, what can you do to stop the thoughts? Well, if it were me - I'd do something. Anything. Be it psychological.... listening to music, watch a video, write down how you feel (you can write anything..... you wont be showing it to anyone so you can just pour out how you feel.... i have pound previously that's helped me alot).
Or you could do something physical. Go and clean the kitchen, the bathroom (maybe not hoover if it's 2.00 a.m.!!! haahaa).....
It isnt easy to change your thought pattern when it gets like this but each step you take to help will eventntually be part of what "gets you there".
"There" being a time when you can appreciate your worth. Because you ARE a worthy person. Very much so and dont you go saying otherwise, not even in your thoughts.
Next time you get into a negative spiral, come back here and read what people have said about you because what they say is true.
Like SADnomore said .....
the first two pages of your post history have no less than 36 postings in support of others going through tough times. Empathy, understanding, validation, ideas, tips and lots of love offered over and over again. You absolutely know how to help others, and when you look at what you've suggested, you have a history of success at pulling yourself out of the pit, too.
And that last bit...."you have a history of success at pulling yourself out of the pit, too" focus on that. It isnt easy to pull yourself up yet again but it is totally possible to do it.
So .... no more negativity - you get focused on the good points you have.
Maybe start by listing a few in a reply here????
c'mon, I'd like to know more about your good and positive side :-)
It's lurking in there you know, its just got buried in a pile of negative doo doo.
Sending you hugs my helpful and lovely friend.
Oh, I feel such a fool for that post I did last night. I almost feel ashamed. I don't know what came over me, it was almost attention seeking. I admit, I was down, couldn't stop crying and as usual, had a difficult week. As some of you might know, my Father died a few months ago and my Mother is also partially housebound and can not do much in the Home. Anyway, the House is in such a mess, so many jobs need doing and I have been working like a Trojan to fix all of these problems. My Partner is also not well, suffers with Anxiety and Insomnia and looks after his disabled Mother; which I help with as well. I worry constantly about money and the future and my friend is dying too. I am the sort of person that normally dusts herself down and gets on with it, I'm pretty good in a crisis and like to think I am survivor.
SADnomore, your kind words made me cry again. I love helping people, it makes me feel good to know that I have helped someone or can relate to their problem.
And, you are right, it was a blip and I will have others. Don't normally air them in public, but did this time. I have come such a long way and Life could be a lot worse, I know that, but you are very kind with what you said about me.:)
Ryan92, I forgive you for making me feel sadder with knowing you also feel this way, I hate the thought of people suffering. I'm a pain when I go to Hospitals, I'm always interfering with other patients, getting the nurses running around, just hate to see people just lying there in pain. At least you know how I feel. :ohmy:
Tessar, you have been such a great help to me. You have made me feel welcome and nearly always jump in to my posts to give good advice. You may have hit on something you said about good qualities. My Therapist had noticed that I always put myself down and put myself last. I told her that I did not think I was worthy of anything, I feel like I float around and no-one notices me or cares. I have felt like this since a child. She told me that I was a kind and caring person and that I was liked. I found this difficult to digest, have a big problem with this. Always think there is an ulterior motive or just basically being used. Had a lot of this in my work Life and personal. I suppose I may have some good qualities, but bad people seem to get everything they want in Life and succeed in everything they do. If you are too nice, you get trodden on. I can't be horrible, not in my nature, but had to be strong to cope with stuff. It is only recently that I have realized that I suffer with depression. My Partner noticed it before I did. It's hard to break from the Depression and with everything going on in my Life, it is an on-going battle.
OK, here goes, the positive things about me; caring, kind, patient, understanding, generous, and artistic. (Maybe I should become a Nurse, that paints in her spare time?) See, I'm a little better today, I made a funny.
Thank you Tessar, it takes time to write a post like that, I really DO appreciate it.:)
Kimberley2, I fell like I know you so well. I am so proud of you, it makes me happy. Your feet hardly touch the ground at the moment. I'm going to have you in the back of my Mind with driving issues and the dreaded Motorway journey when I go on my Hols. It is so comforting to know you have friends on here, at almost anytime of the day.
This Site surely has to be one of the best things for people like us. I am so glad I came on here at met all of you lovely people. :)
Sunflower2
31-07-14, 20:22
Oh see you are so kind to feel proud of me! :D that makes me feel happy too as it reminds me I'm making progress! So even on your post about feeling bad, you've given me support again haha!
Everyone has bad times and making it public on here allowed you to let it all out, and then receive kind words in return, so don't feel guilty. When do you go on holiday? I can give you a toooooonne of advice and tips that will take so long to read by the time you get through it you'll be at your destination and off the motorway :)
Glad you're feeling a bit better!
Wow carnation, what you write sounds so like me! Things you describe match entirely where I was at when I did therapy. Even now with my counsellor I still struggle appreciating my full worth I am much improved.
I must say, I didn't realise how much you have in your plate....no wonder to felt so bad last night. You have every reason to feel that was. Please, please do not feel ashamed ever. No way. You are a human being and one who is suffering pain. You've suffered loss, you have stress in your life generally and to cap it all, your friend is dying. All this is a very big deal and big deals lead to anxiously and stress don't they?
Perhaps it was a release rather than attention seeking.
And anyway, I would far, far rather you (or anyone on this form) expressed their real feelings, it's so much better to get them out. crying is a natural release too.
If I could, I'd give you a hug.
Kimberley, I go at the beginning of September. (5 weeks time). Plenty of time to get really stressed about it. :ohmy: Actually, I am really looking forward to it. :)
:hugs: really glad your feeling better Carnation :)
It's very kind, caring, helpful of you to help :D when you go to hospitals. I understand you might worry about interfering, but because you mange to break through those worries, thoughts, shows how caring you are.
I'm really glad you've received so many helpful replies. Its perfectly understandable to feel the way you do. We're all only human after all :) it really helps to let out our feelings, emotions, it's very healthy and natural.
Like Tessar said; I must say, I didn't realise how much you have in your plate....no wonder to felt so bad last night. You have every reason to feel that was. Please, please do not feel ashamed ever. No way. You are a human being and one who is suffering pain. You've suffered loss, you have stress in your life generally and to cap it all, your friend is dying. All this is a very big deal and big deals lead to anxiously and stress don't they?
You have a lot on your mind, in your life, you still manage to help other people, it's very inspirational :)
:bighug1:
Good luck with your driving and hope you enjoy your hols when you go :shades: you deserve it. YOU REALLY DO !
Thank you Ryan92. I saw my Therapist today and had another good cry. She seems to frown a lot when I am talking, which always worries me. (It's and 'Oh Dear' look).
I poured out a lot of stuff today, I still a bit shaky from that night of desperation, I feel so nervous all the time; do you know what I mean? I always used to live life on the edge and now the edge scares the living daylights out of me. Worry, worry, worry; all the time. The future bothers me a lot, where will I be, what will I be doing, will I be alone, will I be one of those people that I look after now? Worry, worry, worry.:ohmy:
Sunflower2
01-08-14, 23:04
Oh I am the master of worriers. I've worried a lot of my life away. Which since I'm only 21 is a bit sad! There's so many uncertainties in life, you really don't know what will happen. For all we know the world could explode tomorrow. I think that is the hardest thing someone with anxiety has to deal with. It's certainly my biggest struggle. I always want to be in control, but the truth is the only thing we can control is how we react. Life is going to happen, and there is simply nothing any of us can do about it. We have to just say, stop. What does this really mean? What will worrying actually do? Will it change things? Will you know any more than you did before you worried? Your mind constantly needs to analyse and solve problems because we are human. And I think that's what worrying is and because so many of our worries are irrational and therefore unsolvable, that's why we get trapped in a circle of anxiety. Our minds can't find the solution it needs to put the issue to rest.
I've found learning mindfulness to be quite helpful with worrying. I got a book on amazon that introduces it and it's easy reading. It's helping me to accept that you have to live in the moment as you can't change the past and you can't predict the future. No matter how hard you try! Tonight I realised that I'm no longer depressed. I couldn't tell you when I stopped, it just gradually went away. I got just had longer and longer spells of feeling positive, until now I'm feeling ok most of the time. And it feels nice. It's like partly old me, but with a new added twist of resilience that suffering and recovering from a mental illness has given me. I'm sure it will probably come back, and I'm not out of it yet but I'm going to keep fighting. Now you have to too!!
I worry about that too. The World exploding. Too many people will be on the Planet in the future and it will crumble and break up. I worry about the hotter and hotter Summers and everything melting. I worry about cars being gridded in the future and it taking a whole day to get to work. You would not believe how my Mind works.
But. you are absolutely right. We can't change the past and we don't know what the future holds, so we have to live in the present. Exactly what my Therapist said.
And, I never realized before, but I like to be in control; not a control freak, but I like to know what's going on so I can be ready and I like things to run smoothly, which never happens in Life. I have to analyze everything. Even people. What do they think of me? What's their angle? Am I making an impression or do think me dull? Interviews use to be a nightmare, but learnt in the end to just to be myself and had much better outcomes. I know my Mind is too over active and I have a very vivid imagination, which doesn't help. My problem is that It never shuts down. It's constantly ticking away. Lots of people that I know are so carefree and enjoying Life much better than me, I wish I could be more like this, but I suppose my current situation doesn't help this. I will look up that book though, sounds like something I need.
I am so pleased you feel you are no longer depressed, that's a huge breakthrough, because as you know, the Anxiety is heavily linked with depression.
I did say to my Partner today, that the one thing that Anxiety has done for me, is that it has made me stop and look at my Life, slowed down my hectic schedule and appreciate Life more. I've been doing things I haven't done for years and probably leading a more normal Life even with the Anxiety. If I could control the worrying and fear, I might be on the road to recovery.:unsure:
This is such a fantastic thread! It epitomises everything that's good about NMP. There's so much love and support here - no judgement, just empathy and sympathy. You don't need to be afraid of sharing your dark moments - other people have experienced the same thing, and sharing helps so much.
On your last point - it's interesting about how your life perspective changes once you are forced to look at your life differently. You can begin to appreciate different things. This is so positive.
I don't have any answers for controlling worrying other than trying to talk yourself out of it, and preparing as much as possible. Anxiety is a state of mind but is exacerbated by circumstance. Having a bit more control over circumstances helps but it won't mean that you won't worry at all. So I try to talk myself out of worrying by focusing on the good things that have recently happened.
Thanks Lior, there are some really caring people on here with good advice and support. Sometimes a few words can heal your worries. :)
carnation, its hard the few days before and after seeing your therapist. I saw my counsellor last week & for a few days felt like I was all over the place. kept wondering why I was feeling so bad. then kept reminding myself that any time you do something like therapy/counselling, you are digging up stuff that hurts. so yes it will increase your worries or make you far more sensitive to things that might upset you. you're bound to be reflecting on life as that's (for me at least) one of the points of seeing someone. it helps you piece it together & keep on going. the experiences you have in therapy are invaluable. at the time it might not feel like that but some of what is happening to you now, will make you stronger (as in more able to deal with difficult situations).
i'm really glad you shared you bad moments. otherwise how can we help you eh?
plus you being brave and sharing has already helped other people too.
Indeed as Lior said about NMP "There's so much love and support here - no judgement, just empathy".
Top notch if you ask me.
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