Great expectations

[NE21 worrier]

Hello everyone,

Sorry I've not been around recently. I've been busy doing my best settling into my new job. Generally, I would say the move has been a success even though I have had to drop down from full time to part time evenings. I have got myself out of the contact centre which I found very difficult, and I've been learning the various processes in my new job, taking plenty of notes.

Last night, for the first time, I was assessing the cases independently - an encouraging step within three weeks, really. But there were a few definite occasions when, if I wasn't sure what I was doing, the chest tightened up. Of course, I asked and made sure I did it right but there is now a new tranche of trainees for the training assessors to deal with.

For the first time this morning, I have woken up really early with my mind racing about work and I've not really eaten much today (just a bit of fruit). I'm already a bit nervous about assessing independently again this evening in case I get anything wrong or have to ask too many questions.

This is a bit daft really as, although I've not openly discussed my issues with anxiety, I've generally found people to be really helpful anyway. This leads me to the conclusions that
(a) my nervousness is normal in the situation and will improve with confidence; and
(b) if I might be expecting a lot of myself at this relatively early stage.

Easily the most frustrating thing is that, although rationally I can draw these conclusions, my brain still seems to short-circuit on waking to a more negative mode of thinking - and this has the effect of causing my physical symptoms (chest/throat tightening, sweating) to appear.

Is it all just about reinforcing my worthiness to do the job over and over again until I 'get' it? I even worry how long this may take considering how low my confidence is after my last job.

Thanks for reading,
Peter

[Annie0904]

Peter I think this is quite normal in a new job situation especially as you are the kind of person who wants to do the job well. The more you do it the easier it will get. Try to be positive and remind yourself that you are still in the settling in period of a new job and it WILL get easier and will become routine.

[.Poppy.]

I agree that it is normal. I understand how you feel as I never have confidence at work. I am a smart person but even at my last job I didn't take on as much responsibility as I could have or should have because I felt like I would mess things up.

I think baby steps and being kind to yourself is what you need right now. Be as independent as possible but do ask questions or ask for reviews as needed - that's how you learn. Eventually it will just "click" and all make sense.

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks for both of your replies... unfortunately, I'm still finding difficulty convincing myself of my rationale that it WILL get better (as odd as that sounds) and my mind is still absolutely racing.

I actually have a day off work today to travel with friends to a campsite in the Scottish borders with friends, around two hours away from home. We're heading off after 5pm and I am hoping, like the Carlisle trip last month, that this will take my mind off things.

As it stands, though, I've got myself so wound up that my chest is still really tight and my stomach is bloated, making all sorts of horrible sounds. I'm also feeling absolutely exhausted (stingy eyes, lots of yawning) by the hits of pointless adrenaline flowing through me.

Not exactly ideal preparations for the weekend :sad:

[.Poppy.]

Enjoy your day off work, and enjoy your trip too!

Unfortunately, I think this is one of those things that will get better, just not right now. You're probably going to feel this way for awhile and then get up one day and just feel increasingly better about the situation.

I'm sure I've said this before, but I initially hated the last job I worked. I was nearly in tears every day and two weeks in I was convinced I just wasn't going to return. But something (I don't know what) made me come back in and each day it got a little better until I loved my job. If I could do anything differently at that job it would be to take on even more responsibility because I know that I could have handled it.

I think as anxiety sufferers we are too hard on ourselves and don't realize that everyone makes mistakes, so even if you do mess up, you can chalk it up to a learning experience and move on and no one will judge you for it. I do think you should take time now to ask questions and take notes, and that you should maybe find a few superiors that are especially kind and helpful just in case you have questions later on. But in a few weeks, try to do some things entirely on your own. Obviously if you're really stumped you can ask for help but otherwise trust your judgement - I bet it's spot on. :smile:

[NE21 worrier]

Thanks Poppy.

I get myself so wound up about situations that it sensitizes me even when I'm no longer in the situation (i.e. I'm still feeling rather uncomfortable even now). Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, I have had anxiety issues for long enough so I know from my reading and previous therapy that it is no more than this, not dangerous, and I also know deep down that it will pass.

But, while that is a relief overall, it doesn't make my sensitized chest feel any less tight right at the moment. Nevertheless, distraction does seem to help. I bought my friend a birthday present (hence the camping) and went for some BBQ food and drinks at the shop just before without any problems.

Here's to the weekend, eh! :)

[Annie0904]

Have a great weekend (weather forecast not too good but I am sure you will still enjoy it)

[Rennie1989]

I started my new job two months ago and it was only a few weeks ago that it all 'clicked' and I feel like I've been doing the job for a lot longer.

I am exactly the same as you, when I first started I wanted to be good at everything straight away. I went from a job where you weren't allowed to think or use your own judgement to now having tons more responsibilities and having to use your initiative a lot (which I love) and it took some time for me to get into that mind set. There was so much to learn that it fogged my mind for weeks! But the more you do it, as others said, the easier it will get. Soon it will all 'click' and you'll think 'ow yeah, I get it now!'

There is nothing wrong in having high expectations of yourself, but do remember that you are still new and you will be learning for some time, make sure you praise yourself for how far you have come!