finding birthdays difficult

[applecore]

I have found my birthdays more and more difficult in recent years. It's a combination of the attention - having to open presents in front of people is so painful for me - and the pressure to go out and do stuff, and be a happy relaxed person.

My 50th birthday is on Saturday. I'm not celebrating in any way, which is my choice, but that feels wrong as well. And people keep asking me what I'm doing, and that makes me feel even more weird.

Guess there's also a sadness that I am this age, and still suffering. Whole of my adult life really, with very little relief, despite lots of therapy and medication.

Anyone else hate their birthday?!

[Tessar]

I was 50 last yer. I didn't like reaching that milestone at all. Over the years I have struggled about being the centre of attention on my birthday. My 40th was a nightmare as my depression and social anxiety were at their worst then, but having worked hard at tolerating these situations.... I am much, much better now. It can get better :-)

[.Poppy.]

Today is actually my 23rd birthday, so I know how you feel :)

When I was asked what I wanted to do, I said that all I really wanted was to be alone. Maybe have a nice dinner and watch my favorite show on TV. The family wouldn't have it; I was allowed to do that for lunch, but now we are getting ready to go to a fancier restaurant for dinner. It doesn't help that it is also my twin brother's birthday (obviously) and that's what he wanted to do, so of course I have to accept that.

But birthdays have gotten to that point where they're not a lot of fun. I got two happy birthdays in person (not even my dad said anything) a bunch of Facebook and text messages - which is great, but despite being a Leo I don't really like the extra attention! I didn't get any presents this year and have just been kind of tired all day so it doesn't even really feel like a birthday to me. They've just kind of lost their spark for me.

I think the best thing for you to do would be to compromise with your friends and family and maybe go out to a quick lunch or something and have the rest of the time to yourself. It is your birthday, after all, but they just want to celebrate with you because they love you :)

[koala]

I know how you feel. I don't like going out to celebrate my birthday but because i'm young everyone expects me to go out partying or at least go out for a meal. It doesn't help that i am a twin and my twin loves doing all that stuff. It's got to the point now that my family will all go out for a meal with my twin one night and will have a night in/ takeaway with me another night. My twin also goes partying to celebrate and even though she organises it all it's amazing the amount of people that still expect me to be there. It's really awkward but the feeling passes and people soon forget about your birthday and move on to the next birthday party.

[Rennie1989]

I despise celebrating my birthday. It's down to the fact that everybody is all super nice and fake to me for one day of the year and go back to 'hello who are you?' mode for the remaining 364 days. I don't even have my birthday on Facebook anymore because I just don't give a damn about it.

This is the same with Christmas.

[vitbee]

It's mine tomorrow and I'm dreading it been panicky all day x

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's mine tomorrow and I'm dreading it been panicky all day x

Well happy birthday all the same, vitbee!

I totally understand, I have this problem too.

---------- Post added at 05:09 ---------- Previous post was at 05:05 ----------

I've only experienced this once I started with GAD. Prior to that, whilst I wasn't over the moon about birthdays, I did go out and celebrate and have a really good time. Once the anxiety hit, it just became another stressful event to fight through and then you get to feel all guilty about feeling like that, even if no one else really notices because you do your best to conceal it.

I agree Rennie, Xmas is the same for me. I feel very guilty over that period because I used to love Xmas and my family are doing their best to celebrate and I'm hating it all inside.

I think if it weren't for family, I wouldn't bother with either. It just doesn't feel like anything other than another day. I have had times where I have enjoyed them more but my anxiety has been presenting itself in cycles over the past few years so if it hits on one of these occasions, it's a bad experience.

The annoying thing is, the subconscious then likes to link it up with your feelings as an event to dread and it just keeps going the same way!

[randomforeigner]

I've got one upcoming in December but it's OK because it's the odd number, so there's not need to do anything special. Turning 50 wasn't all that fun, I fretted over it for six months, and I didn't invite anybody because I thought everybody would say "no" should I do it, but a few insisted on coming anyway. I refused to have anything at home so we had to go out. When I turned 40 my dad passed away right over the Big Day. At 30, I can't even remember, busy at work I guess. When I grew up nobody would come, it sort of sticks, it started right when I was small, five or so. I recall I was invited to one at 11 by a school friend but upon arrival I found it was just a prank, some guys were laughing their heads off I was so stupid I thought I would be invited. (I never was invited otherwise.) I guess it was sort of a deciding moment. I cringe when I think about birthdays and birthday parties.