Work Christmas party - don't know whether to go

[Elle-Kay]

It's our work xmas do tomorrow, at a really lovely Cantonese restaurant which is a five minute walk from my house (great, you're thinking - not far to go, don't need to drive so will be able to drink, lovely food etc., well, not quite... read on!). I've been for the past 2 years, and last year I started feeling unwell during the meal, went outside for some fresh air and ended up having to call my dad to fetch me and leaving without being able to go back in to explain (I had a panic attack, I later realised, after being in charge of them for some time beforehand, and since then I've been struggling with them more again). Anyway, we have organised the same for this year, and since it has been booked, my boss has been ribbing me about having left early last year ("when are you going to leave this year then?", "oh but you'll be running away early won't you?" etc.), and now because of that I'm in two minds about going. I'd like to go, because it's a nice restaurant, and it would be nice to be with all the girls from work at the same time (they all work different days, and I work full-time, so I see them all but never at the same time), but on the other hand, I'm worried about embarrassing myself by having to leave again, and getting another ribbing from my boss. I don't want to explain to him why I left last year, because I don't see why I should have to quite frankly, but I don't want to leave myself open to feeling worse about myself than I already do by considering wimping out...[:I]

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[jo61]

I can understand where you're coming from. It's the anticipation of the event that's often worse than the even itself. See how you're feeling tomorrow. If you feel you can go do, you can always leave if it's too much for you. If you don't go, the next social event might be more difficult for you.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Love Jo xx

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks Jo. The more I think about it, the more I actually want to go, so I think I ought to start thinking what I should wear! Let's hope this feeling stays until tomorrow...

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[LickeyEndBlues]

Hi Leah,
I agree with Jo, particularly about the ongoing impact of not going.

I wondered if it were possible to have a gentle private word with your boss about how his ribbing is making you feel....he may not realise the impact of it on you.

I have to say the best Crimbo staff things I've been on have been Cantonese!!.......enjoy!!

Take care

Iain

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

[bubblygirl]

hi just wanted to say i think you should go too or youll feel worse if you dont and just think how great youll feel when youve done it. good luck x

[jill]

Hi Leah

I know how you feel on this, I am working hard still on my thought pattens on social accasions. It is dame hard work even just knowing what triggers the anxiety, picking away at your brains to feed more postive thoughts than negative. I cannot stress enough how hard it is.

This year I went to hubbys christmas party, it was in a big posh hotel. We planed to stay the night as well. I new the day of the party we would be leaving about 2 oclock to book in.. I had already been fighting with my negaitive thoughts on how I may or maynot feel. I try hard to stay postive becuase how in the hell can I know how I'm going to be feeling when I'm there, I CANNOT possibley know that, For me, I always look further than the night, the day after and think how I'm going to feel becuase I JFDI.

The what if's are hard Leah, but I always try to give myself good what if's, what if I have a great time, what if all goes well, ohhh boy, I will be sooo proud of myself.

My anticapation anxiety kicked in, ohh I felt unwell, hubby was driving us down to the hotel. I told hubby, he knows full well why I feel this way, so he did his best to raasure me.

I do look now more at my surounding, think how nice things are, look more on what people are wearing and think how nice they look and tell them so. If I feel my anxietys rising I go to the loo, give myself a good postive talking too.

I know its hard for you Leah, but I would say this to any suffer, Please, go, remember there is NO fail, on this, even if you do come home at least you tried.

When we suffer anxiety pa, we think far to much on what we think people will think of us, do you know what Leah, people who are not close to us may have a fleeting thought about us, the one's who are close to us are the one's that will think more of us, and thats only becasue they care.

Do you have anyone who you are going out with that knows what you are going through. This helps if you do, you could get them to distract you alot and keep you taking, when we start to feel ill when we are out we need to distract ourself more.

Jo, is right, I am proof of this, the more you do social occations and stay no matter how you feel, praise yourself next day, the easyer it gets. It is dame hard work and takes a hell of alot of changing thought patten, but it works over time.

Don't get me wrong, I still suffer from time to time, but I have moved forward alot, but still have things to work on BUT I always go.

Not sure if I've been of any help at all. Remember you are doing just great, look more on the things you can do and be pround of yourself.

Let us know how you get on

TAKE CARE, feel for you right now, but try and stay positive.

LOVE JILLXX

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks Jill, Iain and Bubblygirl, you've been really helpful.

Jill, I wanted to take my fiance with me, as he knows what I'm like and helps me get through panics just by being there (one night when I panicked badly and couldn't bear to go upstairs to bed he sat with me on the sofa in the lounge all night until the very early hours of the morning, just watching crappy night-time TV, listening to me talk, letting me cry and holding my hand, bless him!), but it's a no-partners thing (we didn't think we'd have room for partners, and when we realised that we would have, I didn't want to invite him as it would be unfair on the other girls), and no-one else at work knows that I panic, but I think I might even prefer it that way, as like that chap on House of Agoraphobics last night, I hate drawing attention to myself when I panic. Though I suppose you are right - everyone else at the restaurant will be busy enjoying themselves and won't give a second thought to me, and those who do think about it (those that I'm with), will only think about it because they would be concerned that I was ok... hmm, lots to think about...

Maybe I'll be like the guy on House of Agoraphobics last night and write my affirmations on my hand so I can remember them if I do get anxious feelings :)

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[jill]

Hi Leah :D

The reason I mention taken someone with you was becasue, it helps, BUT only in short term.

I know from experiance that what can happen to a pa, anxiety suffer that if they use one person as, what a call a confort blanket, in long term this is no good, that person cannot be there all the time.

My daughter suffered pa's, anxiety from the age of 3 ( long story) she is 13 now and doing very well [^]:D The way her pa's anxiety manafested themself, sent us as a family down the wring root, so my daughter deveopled alot of leand behavour.
One magor problem and ohhhh boy, when I found out I could have kicked myself. I, yes ME, was part of her problem. She used me as her comfort planket, to help her through the panic, high anxiety. Without me, she felt unsafe.

Leah, it took me a long time to break this, lots of heartach on her part and lots of tears from me. I new I had to let her deal with things on her own, BUT it was dame hard work. Hay, but we got there in the end.

It is dame hard work learning to feel safe with yourself, BUT you can do it Leah. I know you can.

Ohh I wish I'd seem the programme now, it is right to find things that will give you courage and strength, little do you know, or you may not feel you have no courage, but your courage to do these things are with you all day every day. Courage is doing what your afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared. Most people in life are scared and we all have courage, YOU CAN DO THIS Leah

What I used to do to was to think about this site. I would write a success story in my head, go over the night even before I went. Use in my success story in my head all positive on how the night it going to be. I still do this somethimes.

I would wish you luck in your night out, but luck in not whats needed, whats need is a PMA (positive mental attatued) This attatued can suprise you and be there anyway, but sometimes it takes time and little hicups may happem. In my case, its the way I deal with things no matter how my night out goes, if it goes well, then party party, party, in my mind the next day and give myself lots of pats on the back.

If i have a hiccup, well, not be to hard on myself, tell myself its ok, I went, I tried and I will try again, not to put to much imjportance on this, give myself prase for trying.

You take care

LOVE JILLXX

Fear is the darkroom
where negatives are developed.....


When you fear something,
learn as mush about it as you can.
Knowledge conqers fear...

[Wenjoy]

Hi there - its me Wenjoy - I am exactly the same as you. I hate meals out in restaurants as I panic and feel icky and breathless and faint. i have been to both our work xmas parties this year - my work one was in an informal restaurant and I talked happily to everyone to divert my mind off feeling panicky and my hubbys work do in a big hotel - I did the same and left when the dancing started coz I felt panicky in hot room with tiny dance floor and couldnt breathe.
So just go with the flow - remember it could go either way - 50/50 you may love it, you may hate it so why not try anyhow - what have you got to lose??? you can always say - I have a headache - Im sorry people but Ive got a terrible headache but thank you sooo much for tonight etc etc.
I did that when we left hubbys do after 3 hours coz I felt really panicky and hot but at least I lasted the meal!!
Let us know how you got on#

Love wenjoy x

[creatrix]

i say go for it. you'll have fun... maybe ask your boss to please not tease you about it - tell him it was a personal issue and you'd rather forget it! we just had our party and it was wonderful. a friend had a panic attack, but she was fine after a bit. I gave her some of my rescue remedy and another friend kind of talked her through it. It's nice having another panic-prone person at work!! lol.... anyway, she wound up having a lovely time anyway. go, have a wonderful time, and be well!

Cheers,
Laura

[clickaway]

Go for it Leah!

I have my works Christmas lunch tomorrow and am concerned that I won't be able to make it on time, and if I do, I know I won't be able to stay beyond the meal and enjoy the bevvies afterwards! Its my one chance each year to catch up with these people, as I had to give up work three years ago.

I know if I don't make the effort, I will regret it, so I'm gonna give it a go even if I don't arrive until dessert is served!

Now go and enjoy[8D]

Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers