First post, any of this familiar?

[MarkS]

Hello there,
This is my first post so apologies if its in the wrong place. Not sure why im posting but im thinking it may help to write this down and perhaps it rings a bell with some one.

Im a bit of a worrier, i always have been, when i go on holiday i worry that the person behind will kick my seat, that the person in front will recline the seat all flight, that they will run out of the meal i want, that the plane will be late.. anything i can think of to worry about i do.. it pretty much carries through to all aspects of life for me, i always seem to look for something to go wrong.

Normally this isnt a huge issue, probably annoying for my wife but it doesnt effect the quality of my life.

It has on 3 occasions in my life however gone to another level after a bad event. First time i remember it was when we had a family crisis involving a very unpleaseant drug dealing cousin that meant i had to move away for a short while, the 2nd time was after my first marriage broke down, it had been my call to do so but when it was too late to go back i started to feel like i had made a huge mistake... and im in the midst of the 3rd time.

I have always had a problem with noise, or more specifically, intrusive noise that i cant control. Ill happily watch tv or listen to music loud and have no problem being in loud places in public.. but at home, i hate outside noise.

Up until 3 weeks ago my wife and i (no kids) lived in a small semi detached house just north of london. The area was very convenient for both our work places with a lot of amenities in walking distance but i was getting bothered by noise a lot. The M25 had been widened and we lived across from a haulage depot that had started working very late and making a lot of noise. We also had neighbours that we got on well with but they were quite noisy, slamming doors a lot and the young lads would play football right outside our windows, hitting our cars a lot. The houses were in very close proximity the way they were laid out and i was aware of what they were watching on tv at times and what times they went to bed, went to work etc

I started locking myself in a room with noise cancelling headphones all the time and spent very little time with my wife so we decided we had to move.

I was very blinkered about the move and just focused on getting away to somewhere quieter where i could live a normal life. We very quickly sold and even quicker found a house about 30 miles north (very little on the market at the time in our price range). Its a bigger house but came with a few downsides, the distance from our work, its in the country and has no mains gas (oil), the master bed is a loft conversion and the village itself only has a pub, not even a shop.

But it was quiet when we viewed the 3 times we did so it seemed all those downsides were worth it.
So we moved in and first couple of days things were good, but then i started to notice noises. Pigeons, planes, next doors boiler flue that faced the side of our house, combine harvesters (granted its that time of year for them). We also started finding things wrong with the house, nothing major and nothing out of the ordinary when you buy a house.. but i started to feel like i had moved us from being close to work and everything we knew, to the middle of nowhere, lost about £30k in the process and were no better off, if fact financially a lot worse off. My wife used to get up at 7.00am and had a 25 min drive to work, she now gets up at 5.30am and we car share for a total journey of over an hour and 15 mins for her.

This worry built and built until the first saturday night (2 weeks ago) it was very hot and people in the close behind us were having bbqs, this seemed to push me over the edge, i went to sleep ok but woke up and had some sort of attack, i couldnt speak properly and was very confused and panicky.

Since then ive had a couple of other episodes and have a constant feeling of anxiety, everything is a problem, im missing the house i so desperately wanted to get away from and feel ive made the biggest mistake of my live and dragged my poor wife along with me.

I have seen a GP who is referering me for CBT but have chosen to see a therapist on Monday privately as i feel i need to do be doing something as its making my life hell at the moment.

I cant concentrate, have lost all enthusiasm for anything i usually like doing and have a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach. i feel like i will never be happy living here and can only think that we will have to try and move again in maybe a years time when it wont look too crazy to do so.. but what would that solve?? theres noise everywhere

Any advice? Am i going the right way about things?

Thanks all and sorry for the very long first post.

[Oosh]

Hiya Mark

Your not alone. I've heard a lot of people on here bothered by noise pollution.
I've seen it mentioned in a book called "HSP, The Highly Sensitive Person" (something like that).

I don't blame you for being bothered by noise pollution. I dislike loud noise. Like if a loud train goes past close, at a certain level of noise I find it alarming. I can stay composed but it freeks me out.

I'd have been annoyed in your noisy street. I don't think anybody likes hearing everyone around them. There's no peace or privacy. That would have been enough for me and many to move home too.

I looked at a house when house hunting that was great apart from it was about 50m from dual carriageway. With a window open you could hear the road noise and I knew I could never live there. I think it's common and normal.

You do seem to have it a bit worse. But I've heard others on here voice the same irritation. Irritation at noise. Do a search for it and you'll find the discussions. I remember seeing people ask if anybody else is bothered by noise.

I'd love to live where you've moved to. It sounds really nice. We can't get things right every time. It seemed like it was going to be peaceful and quiet but there's more noise than you like. Everybody makes mistakes so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Just learn as you go.
I've worked as a postman, an overhead lines inspector, all sorts of roles where I've been around other peoples homes. Homes in towns and cities and homes in hundreds of hidden away rural villages and farms. There definitely are MANY places where you can find peace and quiet.
If you like peace and quiet, you like it. I think you can find it.
Just learn the lessons you've learned.

If you have to move again then you do, that's life. Tried this, didn't achieve the desired result, learned something, try again.

You could probably soundproof a home pretty well. I think you use cork board. If you live in suburbia, just on the fringes of the city you can probably find quiet spots within reach of work. Soundproof it when you move in.

Get some ear plugs ! Carry your soundproofing around with you.
I've just bought some new quality headphones. When I put them in i can barely hear anything with them in and the music off.

I don't know if being irritated by noise pollution is something you can stop with therapy or if it's just your sensitive nervous system.
You could probably learn to focus, meditate and stay relaxed when there is noise pollution so you don't spiral out of control. I think that's something you could work at and is definitely doable.

Have a read of that book. Some people just have more sensitive nervous systems.

[MarkS]

Thanks Oosh, i appreciate your response and advice.

The stupid thing is.. it is quiet here!! you get a bit of traffic through the village in the rush hour and the odd farm vehicle but aside from that its just noises of the country, kids enjoying themselves and the odd plane above. Certainly no roar from the M25 or trucks dropping their trailer on the ground at 2am or doors being slammed so hard i can feel them on the other side of the house.

My anxiousness seems to be more focused on the mistake of moving now and the loss of convenience and familiarity of where we were and finding country life so different, were actually only 3 miles from the nearest town though so hardly isolated in the highlands.

Ill take a look at that book thanks, also plan on trying so progressive muscle relaxation

[Vonnie128]

Hey Mark, I know exactly how you feel. My noise sensitivity can be overwhelming and can make you ill. I have moved several times and desperately want to move again due to noise issues but we are not in a position to move for another 2 years so I am trying hard to find ways of coping. Its very difficult for others to understand and going to the GP is hard because it is usually classes as GAD but to me its way more specific!! Anyway, keep your chin up. Nothing lasts forever just try to keep positive.