kitty18
03-08-14, 22:28
I'm posting because my mental and physical health have been on a downward spiral since early this year - much, much worse than I've ever experienced.
Quick backstory: history of anxiety and depression since my teen years, wasn't treated, had a resurgence of major health anxiety/general anxiety and depression in my early twenties. During this period I took Prozac for eight months and felt much better. Had a couple of years of normalcy then moved to a different country three years ago, was fine until I started suffering depression and a slow burn of anxiety. 1.5 years ago I started getting panic attacks and anxiety-related IBS.
In January this year I started seeing a therapist and things were going okay for a while. I found it frightening to leave the house for my appointments but I was doing CBT exercises. It was very hard but still do-able. My therapist was proud of me for getting out of the house etc.
One of my major issues is toilet phobia, panic and IBS. I have an uncomfortable gut most of the time which seems to be both caused and worsened by anxiety (I have tried to fix it with diet in the past but it never worked). This manifests in cramps, general discomfort, acid reflux, rumblings, gas and sometimes diarrhea. TMI, but I produce a lot of gas and defecate a lot! I eat a normal amount and it just goes through me, even though it isn't always diarrhea I'm very regular. I can go in the morning and then later on, especially if I've been stressed in the day, it all empties out of me. I don't know where it comes to me honest! Most of the time there's nothing unusual about the stools themselves.
But because my gut is so active I live in fear of needing the toilet when not in the house. At first it was just a mild anxiety, if I'd been to the toilet before leaving the house I would feel gas inside and have a panic attack but I would just tell myself it was in my head. That worked ok for some months. But then one morning I was on my way to therapy, I had already used the toilet, but I felt gas and stomach rumblings and I knew it wasn't a false alarm. I actually managed to hold it in through my appointment but afterwards I went to the toilet in the building and everything just left my gut. The sensation of diarrhea or even loose stools terrifies me, I can't explain it. I feel dizzy and ill and it frightens me and brings on a panic attack. I made it home that day because my partner was waiting for me but I don't know what would have happened if he wasn't.
Afterwards I couldn't go to therapy anymore. I explained what happened and my therapist understood, I kept scheduling appointments but calling to cancel on the morning I was supposed to go. I was terrified of the same thing happening again.
That was a couple of months ago and now I'm in a place where I absolutely cannot leave the house. I can't even sit in the garden (we have a communal garden with the landlord) without panic coming on. Sometimes I panic in the house just because my gut is playing up.
I thought that, well, I can't control my gut so I have to control the anxiety. This made me think I need medication, but I'm so scared about it. I spoke to the doctor briefly and I think he might put me on Citalopram or something similar... but I don't know if it will work (I know it's never possible to know) but I honestly think I'm too far gone for it to work.
I'm also worried because a few months ago I had a severe adverse reaction to an antibiotic, which my doctor doesn't believe me about. It's very obvious that the antibiotic messed up my body (I won't go into detail but it couldn't have been anything else) and I'm still recovering from it. I'm kind of scared about taking long-term meds because what if they mess me up too? Or make my current symptoms worse? Again I can't discuss this with my doctor because he says I shouldn't still be experiencing side effects from the antibiotic (I didn't need the drug prescribed to me... he thought I had a sinus infection which I didn't have and gave me a very strong dose of Levaquin for it). So I don't think he'll take those side effects into account before prescribing.
Still, my main issue is whether I'm beyond help or not. My question is, has anyone been housebound and medication eventually helped them? I'm willing to go through side effects if something helps. My panic is so bad right now that I tried to walk up the street the other day and burst into tears from how terrifying it was.
Quick backstory: history of anxiety and depression since my teen years, wasn't treated, had a resurgence of major health anxiety/general anxiety and depression in my early twenties. During this period I took Prozac for eight months and felt much better. Had a couple of years of normalcy then moved to a different country three years ago, was fine until I started suffering depression and a slow burn of anxiety. 1.5 years ago I started getting panic attacks and anxiety-related IBS.
In January this year I started seeing a therapist and things were going okay for a while. I found it frightening to leave the house for my appointments but I was doing CBT exercises. It was very hard but still do-able. My therapist was proud of me for getting out of the house etc.
One of my major issues is toilet phobia, panic and IBS. I have an uncomfortable gut most of the time which seems to be both caused and worsened by anxiety (I have tried to fix it with diet in the past but it never worked). This manifests in cramps, general discomfort, acid reflux, rumblings, gas and sometimes diarrhea. TMI, but I produce a lot of gas and defecate a lot! I eat a normal amount and it just goes through me, even though it isn't always diarrhea I'm very regular. I can go in the morning and then later on, especially if I've been stressed in the day, it all empties out of me. I don't know where it comes to me honest! Most of the time there's nothing unusual about the stools themselves.
But because my gut is so active I live in fear of needing the toilet when not in the house. At first it was just a mild anxiety, if I'd been to the toilet before leaving the house I would feel gas inside and have a panic attack but I would just tell myself it was in my head. That worked ok for some months. But then one morning I was on my way to therapy, I had already used the toilet, but I felt gas and stomach rumblings and I knew it wasn't a false alarm. I actually managed to hold it in through my appointment but afterwards I went to the toilet in the building and everything just left my gut. The sensation of diarrhea or even loose stools terrifies me, I can't explain it. I feel dizzy and ill and it frightens me and brings on a panic attack. I made it home that day because my partner was waiting for me but I don't know what would have happened if he wasn't.
Afterwards I couldn't go to therapy anymore. I explained what happened and my therapist understood, I kept scheduling appointments but calling to cancel on the morning I was supposed to go. I was terrified of the same thing happening again.
That was a couple of months ago and now I'm in a place where I absolutely cannot leave the house. I can't even sit in the garden (we have a communal garden with the landlord) without panic coming on. Sometimes I panic in the house just because my gut is playing up.
I thought that, well, I can't control my gut so I have to control the anxiety. This made me think I need medication, but I'm so scared about it. I spoke to the doctor briefly and I think he might put me on Citalopram or something similar... but I don't know if it will work (I know it's never possible to know) but I honestly think I'm too far gone for it to work.
I'm also worried because a few months ago I had a severe adverse reaction to an antibiotic, which my doctor doesn't believe me about. It's very obvious that the antibiotic messed up my body (I won't go into detail but it couldn't have been anything else) and I'm still recovering from it. I'm kind of scared about taking long-term meds because what if they mess me up too? Or make my current symptoms worse? Again I can't discuss this with my doctor because he says I shouldn't still be experiencing side effects from the antibiotic (I didn't need the drug prescribed to me... he thought I had a sinus infection which I didn't have and gave me a very strong dose of Levaquin for it). So I don't think he'll take those side effects into account before prescribing.
Still, my main issue is whether I'm beyond help or not. My question is, has anyone been housebound and medication eventually helped them? I'm willing to go through side effects if something helps. My panic is so bad right now that I tried to walk up the street the other day and burst into tears from how terrifying it was.