lior
04-08-14, 10:41
A big problem I'm having is motivation. I only have this problem when I'm highly anxious/depressed, and this is after being overwhelmed with huge amounts of things to do, as well as emotions to deal with. I kind of understand why it's happening but I still want to learn how to fight it. I'm going to try and unpick the voices in my head to do with motivation.
There's the Motivator and the Procrastinator. The Motivator is positive and has lots of things lined up for me to do. The Procrastinator is like a sulky teenager that wants to do the simple, passive things like sleep or check email.
This morning: alarm goes off at 8.30am
Motivator: Time to start cleaning, then you have to write those emails, then you have to see your friend, then you have to go and move to your other friend's...
Procrastinator: But I'm tired. I need more sleep. [Sets a snooze on the alarm]
M: Ok, well if you have to miss out something, you might be able to miss out on your friend. But no you can't, you've already put her off once, you can't mess her around.
P: How about those emails?
M: That wouldn't be great because you'll have to wait for longer for a response.
P: How about if I just took an hour over each thing?
M: Ok yeah sure, you'll still be doing it all so I guess that's fine! [this is totally not true, I need more time than an hour, but I convinced myself!]
P: [sets alarm for 11am] I need to sleep more anyway, I'll get ill if I don't, I drank too much the other day and I get ill if I don't sleep enough after drinking.
[falls back asleep]
9.45 am - wake up naturally
M: Time to start cleaning!
P: Nooo. I don't like cleaning.
M: [can't think of a response. M can ALWAYS think of a response when I'm in a good place.]
P: I'm going to doze for a bit longer.
M: Hey, you need the toilet.
P: Yeah but not that badly. I can wait. [Procrastinator doesn't care too much about eating and going to the toilet until it's totally urgent - I once got a urine infection because of this!!]
M: How about writing about the voices in your head about Motivation on NMP? You can write it like a conversation to unpick the issue.
P: Nice idea... ok, I'll do that [picks up computer] actually I'm going to check out my online dating inbox first.
M: Oh ok.
P: Actually I really need the loo now.
M: Fine, you do that.
[ponders what to write while in the loo]
P: Ok, motivator-procrastinator unpicking, here we come.
M: [does a secret dance of joy because she got the Procrastinator to wake up. Next stage will be cleaning, but she knows it's a chain of stepping stones to get the Procrastinator to do the important things that she doesn't like doing. If there's more than one thing she doesn't like doing, she'll do the one she is slightly less averse to. So that's one way of getting her to do more stuff. But it's a bit stressful.]
Lightbulb moment! I can see that I'm writing as if I am the Procrastinator and the Motivator is someone else. I'm not sure if that's always the way it is - do I ever talk to myself as if I am the Motivator and the Procrastinator is someone else?
Other conversations include:
M: Hey, you need to finish that bit of work.
P: I don't want to, I just want to feel good... how can I feel good...
M: Ok, if you finish that work, you can have a big dollop of ice cream.
P: [does a few bits and bobs then does work.] Ok, time for ice cream!!
M: That's right, a big dollop. [Takes a medium sized dollop because I never really want that much ice cream, it's just a nice idea]
P: [Looks up a film to watch while ice cream sits there... P even procrastinates over enjoying things. Everything has to be just right, so P delays gratification.]
Now:
M: How am I going to get myself to clean?
P: Well I need breakfast first, kind of need the toilet again...
M: So we can start with those. Maybe even watch a short TedTalks with breakfast. Then we can put on some energetic music. That's helped with cleaning in the past.
P: I kind of just want to sit here in bed though.
M: I know. [no good response]
That's where I'm at... until I need the toilet badly enough then I'm going to find it difficult to move.
As an example of how things are when I'm in a good place:
M: Time to wake up! Lots of wonderful things to do today!
P: ok... 5 more minutes...
M: Ok 5 minutes but that's it!
[Five minutes later]
M: Time to wake up!
[Jumps up, goes to shower, puts clothes on, has breakfast, looks up google calendar, packs things, other stuff to get ready then out the door - somewhat miraculous when I think about it now - no complaints, I just do it.]
I guess I find it much easier to be leaving the house than to be staying in and working from home, or doing things around the house.
Hmm I wish I discovered my tricks for motivating myself through writing this but I haven't got there yet. Any other ideas guys? What do the voices in your head say?
There's the Motivator and the Procrastinator. The Motivator is positive and has lots of things lined up for me to do. The Procrastinator is like a sulky teenager that wants to do the simple, passive things like sleep or check email.
This morning: alarm goes off at 8.30am
Motivator: Time to start cleaning, then you have to write those emails, then you have to see your friend, then you have to go and move to your other friend's...
Procrastinator: But I'm tired. I need more sleep. [Sets a snooze on the alarm]
M: Ok, well if you have to miss out something, you might be able to miss out on your friend. But no you can't, you've already put her off once, you can't mess her around.
P: How about those emails?
M: That wouldn't be great because you'll have to wait for longer for a response.
P: How about if I just took an hour over each thing?
M: Ok yeah sure, you'll still be doing it all so I guess that's fine! [this is totally not true, I need more time than an hour, but I convinced myself!]
P: [sets alarm for 11am] I need to sleep more anyway, I'll get ill if I don't, I drank too much the other day and I get ill if I don't sleep enough after drinking.
[falls back asleep]
9.45 am - wake up naturally
M: Time to start cleaning!
P: Nooo. I don't like cleaning.
M: [can't think of a response. M can ALWAYS think of a response when I'm in a good place.]
P: I'm going to doze for a bit longer.
M: Hey, you need the toilet.
P: Yeah but not that badly. I can wait. [Procrastinator doesn't care too much about eating and going to the toilet until it's totally urgent - I once got a urine infection because of this!!]
M: How about writing about the voices in your head about Motivation on NMP? You can write it like a conversation to unpick the issue.
P: Nice idea... ok, I'll do that [picks up computer] actually I'm going to check out my online dating inbox first.
M: Oh ok.
P: Actually I really need the loo now.
M: Fine, you do that.
[ponders what to write while in the loo]
P: Ok, motivator-procrastinator unpicking, here we come.
M: [does a secret dance of joy because she got the Procrastinator to wake up. Next stage will be cleaning, but she knows it's a chain of stepping stones to get the Procrastinator to do the important things that she doesn't like doing. If there's more than one thing she doesn't like doing, she'll do the one she is slightly less averse to. So that's one way of getting her to do more stuff. But it's a bit stressful.]
Lightbulb moment! I can see that I'm writing as if I am the Procrastinator and the Motivator is someone else. I'm not sure if that's always the way it is - do I ever talk to myself as if I am the Motivator and the Procrastinator is someone else?
Other conversations include:
M: Hey, you need to finish that bit of work.
P: I don't want to, I just want to feel good... how can I feel good...
M: Ok, if you finish that work, you can have a big dollop of ice cream.
P: [does a few bits and bobs then does work.] Ok, time for ice cream!!
M: That's right, a big dollop. [Takes a medium sized dollop because I never really want that much ice cream, it's just a nice idea]
P: [Looks up a film to watch while ice cream sits there... P even procrastinates over enjoying things. Everything has to be just right, so P delays gratification.]
Now:
M: How am I going to get myself to clean?
P: Well I need breakfast first, kind of need the toilet again...
M: So we can start with those. Maybe even watch a short TedTalks with breakfast. Then we can put on some energetic music. That's helped with cleaning in the past.
P: I kind of just want to sit here in bed though.
M: I know. [no good response]
That's where I'm at... until I need the toilet badly enough then I'm going to find it difficult to move.
As an example of how things are when I'm in a good place:
M: Time to wake up! Lots of wonderful things to do today!
P: ok... 5 more minutes...
M: Ok 5 minutes but that's it!
[Five minutes later]
M: Time to wake up!
[Jumps up, goes to shower, puts clothes on, has breakfast, looks up google calendar, packs things, other stuff to get ready then out the door - somewhat miraculous when I think about it now - no complaints, I just do it.]
I guess I find it much easier to be leaving the house than to be staying in and working from home, or doing things around the house.
Hmm I wish I discovered my tricks for motivating myself through writing this but I haven't got there yet. Any other ideas guys? What do the voices in your head say?