xJust_Sarahx
04-08-14, 17:20
Hi
today has been a horrible day and i feel so upset and alone! With it been the summer holidays obviously the kids need occupying but there is only so much i can do, i am so obsessed with my breathing and it scares me i hate going anywhere out my comfort zone like places i dont know, and motorways and deserted places type thing like proper out in the countryside, i fear this because i have panic attacks that i cant just escape from the situation and an ambulance would take longer to get to me etc, i automaticly get into a state... well today we had planned to go out and i am trying to take small steps in going out my comfort zone abit but my boyfriend got so angry with me that i wouldnt go further away and where he wanted so he got really angry and said i have no choice and said i am such a state and embarrassment to the kids and i belong in a ditch etc.. he was so horrible to me and said if i didnt shut up he would crash the car on purpose so i was in such a state and i felt so horrible and scared i couldnbt stop over breathing and then i felt dizzy and like i was choking and dying and he didnt care he drove places with no houses near by and all tree's everywhere i didnt know where i was, and then when we arrived at the place he expected me to be fine and said i will thank him for it.
I dont feel thankful and i feel scared to go out again i was doing slow stepd like i said but now i feel worse, does anyone else think he did the right thing in forcing me like this? As in the end the kids did get to go where they wanted but i feel so shaken up and like i have been through hell. Always think i am gonna die when im out :( x
today has been a horrible day and i feel so upset and alone! With it been the summer holidays obviously the kids need occupying but there is only so much i can do, i am so obsessed with my breathing and it scares me i hate going anywhere out my comfort zone like places i dont know, and motorways and deserted places type thing like proper out in the countryside, i fear this because i have panic attacks that i cant just escape from the situation and an ambulance would take longer to get to me etc, i automaticly get into a state... well today we had planned to go out and i am trying to take small steps in going out my comfort zone abit but my boyfriend got so angry with me that i wouldnt go further away and where he wanted so he got really angry and said i have no choice and said i am such a state and embarrassment to the kids and i belong in a ditch etc.. he was so horrible to me and said if i didnt shut up he would crash the car on purpose so i was in such a state and i felt so horrible and scared i couldnbt stop over breathing and then i felt dizzy and like i was choking and dying and he didnt care he drove places with no houses near by and all tree's everywhere i didnt know where i was, and then when we arrived at the place he expected me to be fine and said i will thank him for it.
I dont feel thankful and i feel scared to go out again i was doing slow stepd like i said but now i feel worse, does anyone else think he did the right thing in forcing me like this? As in the end the kids did get to go where they wanted but i feel so shaken up and like i have been through hell. Always think i am gonna die when im out :( x