View Full Version : nervious about living on my own in new flat
so iv been offered a veiwing on a flat through the council and looks like im going to finaly get one.great news yes,but for the last 26 years through being in relationshipd and sofa surfing ,iv allways lived with people.so the thought of living on my own is scary.it will feel very strange to be in doors without any company and just be around myself.i get very strange mental feelings when just on my own.almost like im watching myself move around my enviroment which feels horable.its almost like im aware im.on my own and that starts off strange thinking and i feel awkward around myself.its hard to explain.but my own company is mentaly weird and scary.i just dont feel relaxed and at ease in my own company any tips.
Keep the radio or the TV on so that you always have a voice in the backgound.
And get to know your neighbours.
Rennie1989
06-08-14, 09:25
Make sure you get out and see friends, don't stay in the flat cooped up all day.
no plans to stay in all day ,but its when i do go back at the end of my day for tea etc and sit in.esp when winter arives as i still have no job.just being on my own in the flat.i should be excited about it all,but insted of that im scared.plus the fkat im going to view ,iv been told there nice and big and all new carpets and cooker goes in.its sheltered ccomadtion.so has comuneral lounge etc and sounds loveky.BUT the flat im viewing is on the 5th floor.dsnt sound to high,but i do have anproblem with hights and dont know how im going to feel about looking out of the window.i cant avoid it forever and knowing im up high
See how you feel after you have seen it greg.
Sheltered accommodation sounds good, and you can mix with other people.
Good Luck x
shakey1961
06-08-14, 11:27
Sent you a private message.
Congrats on getting the flat and for taking the steps to get yourself back on track!
I think you'll get used to it rather quickly. When I first went on my own after my separation and divorce, it was the first time I was truly on my own. I had similar feelings but it really didn't take long to adjust.
You've been so wrapped up in just getting by for a while. When you finally get your place and can relax a bit, you'll find that the freedom it offers will be beneficial. If you want to sit in your chair naked and eat chips, do it! If you're gassy, rip away! Dishes in the sink? Ahhh, they can wait till tomorrow :) Other than employment, you can do what you want when you want. I was on my own for over 10 years and came to quite enjoy it. Concerning the height thing? That will be beneficial as well IMO. Exposure is one of the key elements in overcoming anxiety and being exposed to the view from above will help you overcome it. You will probably come to quite enjoy it.
Good luck and positive thoughts
thanks magic and fishman very possitive posts and you are both right.esp doing what i want when i want.as for the hight fishman id thought about that actually.there was a time i went to butlins three years ago in bogna.when we got there i descovered we were on the 6 floor in there new hotel.i dreaded it and ciuldnt look outside for a few days,but after that i found myself taking peeps over the bowcany and was soon sitting out on it.so yes i suppose it should be the same hear.thanks
Congratulations! Are you able to have a pet at your new place? That helps me when I am alone at home.
you can have pets,but i dont think i would get a dog or a cat as the cat would be locked in doors all day and if i got a job a dog would be in on its own all day.plus im ocd when it comes down to having a clean home and dont think i could manage the hairs.lol
you can have pets,but i dont think i would get a dog or a cat as the cat would be locked in doors all day and if i got a job a dog would be in on its own all day.plus im ocd when it comes down to having a clean home and dont think i could manage the hairs.lol
Greg,
Our cat is an indoor cat. He only goes out if we take him out and then, it's on a harness and leash (yes, you can train a cat!). He's perfectly fine indoors all the time and alone during the day and definitely happy when we come home. He has places he can look outside and enjoys it. Since they use a litter box, you don't have to worry about accidents. Cat's are generally less maintenance and can be wonderful companions. The hair thing?... well... that's part of the territory. If you have an animal, hair becomes part of your wardrobe ;)
Positive thoughts
Things are looking up for you greg and that is great news, I am really happy for you. I think the advice I would offer is what we all preach but rarely do and that is to keep busy. I live near the beach so sometimes go for walks to clear my head and if feeling anxious and panicy just breath in and sit down for a while.
If you have nothing to do rather than let your mind wander simply go outside and go for a walk. I tend to stop and chat to strangers with dogs and pet them as my own - I love dogs but cannot have one where I live but the interaction with people and animals helps with anxiety.
Only yesterday I was signed off for 3 months - I was on JSA anyway as out of work but this way I have 12 weeks of ME time with no added pressure so can concentrate on my health - our health is the most important thing so we have to try our best tolook after ourselves - god only knows how I do it sometimes as I get shaky and panicy daily!
Best of luck to you!
---------- Post added at 15:21 ---------- Previous post was at 15:19 ----------
Greg,
Our cat is an indoor cat. He only goes out if we take him out and then, it's on a harness and leash (yes, you can train a cat!). He's perfectly fine indoors all the time and alone during the day and definitely happy when we come home. He has places he can look outside and enjoys it. Since they use a litter box, you don't have to worry about accidents. Cat's are generally less maintenance and can be wonderful companions. The hair thing?... well... that's part of the territory. If you have an animal, hair becomes part of your wardrobe ;)
Positive thoughts
I agree, my cat is 19 - he is an old boy and stays indoors now - cats love sleeping anyway so if used to being inside they will not care one bit as long as they get their grub!
thanks again fishman,ill give the pet thing some thought once i move into my flat.i havnt got it yet but was told im top of the list for the one i bid on and really hope i get it because its shelter accomadation so would be around people and they have nights where they have entertanment and bingo.yipe.so would have people to interact with.plus if i get this place they put down new carpets in your fkat and decorate before you move in.fingers crossed i get good news when they call me...thanks mat for your post sorry to hear you have been signed off but by the sound of it you are going to enjoy it.ill try and focus on all the possitives...
Wow, that sounds really nice, Greg! I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
I agree with the above posters - I have 2 indoor cats and they love being inside and are very happy. The fur however can be a lot, but I just vacuum every other day and keep up with it. For me, it's worth it for the companionship!
I will have to tell you this Greg. I have never really liked cats.
Anyway yesterday we went to see my niece and her new partner
in there new home. Low and behold there was a monster of a cat
lying on a big cushion on the floor.
It is the most beautiful cat I have ever seen. 16 years old.
long fur and a really lovely. great big paws. I have never seen a
cat like that before. Apparently he just sits by the outside door,
then goes back inside. I was surprised at myself that I stroked it.
Sending you best wishes xx
thanks guys.ill think about the cat.i do love dogs and cats,but im just so fusy about hair and mess and think when i get my flat i want to keep it sooo clean and tidy.i love cleaning and love a clean home.im so fussy
Good luck Greg hope you get it:)
Lovely to read through this thread - some great news and positive steps, and lots of lovely replies from people... Makes me realise why I love this site so much already :D
As Fishmanpa said, it can be a little daunting at first, but you'll soon come to enjoy living on your own... I most definitely loved having my own place... Coming and going as a pleased... Doing what I wanted, when I wanted etc. etc. Enjoy it while you can, I say ;)
Best of luck to you Greg... Hope everything works out for you :)
So pleased to hear your good news. Just one thing. You are assuming you are going to be on your own all the time. Once you are settled in you can invite friends round for a meal, watch a film/sport, you can do anything you want. The world is your oyster!:)
thanks guys meens a lot all your support it really does.im sure you are all right.its just all such a new big deal and as you say,will take time to settle.i am looking foreard to enjoying life on my own in my own flat.just have to be possitive and strong
Hi Greg
Hope you hear soon about this flat,it sounds great.
My Mum lived in sheltered housing for quite a few years,and it was lovely.
I used to love going to see her there, all the people were so nice,and she made some lovely friends there.
Good luck with it all take care :)
thanks april.i hope i get it to.waiting for the call anytime now..fingers crossed.it did say on the bidding that i was first in the quee so just have to wait and see.
Good luck Greg on getting the flat, and a new phase in your life, just look at it as exciting no negatives the only way is up :) xx
thanks kim.ill try my best.
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