Help, I'm terrified.

[Dizzybizzy]

Hi all
Just over two weeks ago my family and I got a new puppy. This has been a huge trigger for my anxiety, and I've been having the most horrible panic attacks during which I want to self harm to release the tension. The rest of the time I'm either in an acute anxious state or withdrawn and sobbing. I feel like a huge failure, I'm upsetting my kids and my husband is having to take time of to look after me and the boys. I feel so guilty and like I just can't cope anymore. I've been to the docs and been put on citalopram which I know takes a while to work, but I'm utterly desperate to feel normal again, it is all so unbearable. I've got a CBT assessment on tues and am going to start yoga this week too. I just don't know how to make it through. I've tried to do relaxation techniques but they only help for a brief period and then the anxiety returns. The worse part is that I'm waking up at 5am anxious already with what feels like ice running through my veins. I can't get up and do things as I don't want to wake the kids or dog. I'm just so lost right now. I can't settle or put my mind to anything. Anybody have any advice or things I can do in the early hours to help?

[Ruby13]

Hello Dizzybizzy, first of all, here is a hug for you :hugs: you are not a failure, believe me. I wake early and start with the anxiety too, it sometimes helps me to try to think of calming things, like visualising waves on a beach and hearing the sound they make. Try to slow your breathing down too, not easy, I know. Is it possible to speak with your GP again and maybe he can give you a low dose of diazepam just to help you over the worst of your symptoms, until the citalopram kick in.

Be honest when you have your CBT assessment. Yoga techniques will help you with relaxation too. Hang on in there, I am sure others here will have lots of support for you too.

Hugs again :hugs:

[Oosh]

I listen to podcast conversation. Distracts my thoughts whether it be going to sleep, waking in the early hours or waking and not being in the best frame of mind. So many likeable people doing them, so much interesting stuff to listen to and learn. I just find it unnecessary these days to spend much time with my mind idle. It only puts you at risk of dwelling on futile, ridiculous stuff.
Give your mind a favour and give it something external and interesting to chew on.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I saw a form of Yoga recently called Kundalini which seems to share some similarities to Mindfulness, so have a look. Look at Mindfulness too because thats not about short term like relaxation exercises, it is about long term change hence it takes time to learn it.

We had a puppy when I started with my GAD and it had similar effects on me. It will get better.

You could try and incorporate Mindfulness into this issue because it teaches you to use all your senses and thoughts in a way to really notice what you are doing. After you learn how to do this, you could spend time stroking your puppy in a Mindful manner and move onto other ways to do it with him/her. It may sound strange at first, but once you learn this it will make more sense...you won't be stroking a puppy without feeling what you are doing, you will do it slowly and think about it without trying to thing.

[Dizzybizzy]

Thank you all. The podcast (great idea) helped a little this morning until the rest of the house was up then I have to get up do all the mudane things and I'm feeling anxious about everything.

I'm not sure about the puppy. I wish so much he was gone, but the kids will be heartbroken. My husband thinks we need to make that decision when I'm a bit better, but I feel I can't get better whilst the dog is here. I'm just not strong enough.

Does anyone recommend good websites for learning mindfulness? Especially any that I can listen to?

Thanks again

[MyNameIsTerry]

For Mindfulness, start by looking on the therapy board on here because there are threads discussing it and several have links or recommendations.

You could also do Mindfulness Based CBT (MBCT) which is used by therapists now after it's creation by experts in the UK after the original version was created by Jon Kabat-Zinn called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). One of the creators of MBCT is Professor Mark Williams from Oxford Uni so you could search for him but there is a free course on a recent thread on the therapy board as well. Mark Williams & Jon Kabat-Zinn have several books out that include the 8 week course with meditations in (written & CD based). The 8 week courses are based on a blended version of Mindfulness meditation and CBT. MBCT is now recommended by NICE for depression but it hasn't for anxiety disorders...yet, but I'm sure it will.

Here is the website for the book I bought by Mark Williams:

http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

Some of Jon Kabat-Zinn's:

http://www.mindfulnesscds.com/

Headspace has been recommended by several members on the therapy board and it's free at first, can be subscrided to, apps, etc:

https://www.headspace.com/

I think other members have said there are ones on YouTube as well, but I haven't tried these.

I would recommend listening to learn because it;s much more fluid than using text, well for me it is. There are loads of books out there ranging from quick meditation exercises to longer ones & courses like the 8 week ones. So, there is a lot to have a look at as you progress.

I think your husband is right and I'm sure he is willing to shoulder the extra load as he just wants you better. He probably feels a bit lost as well because it's very hard to understand any of this unless you go through it.

I remember that the extra pressures of having a puppy, which seem insignificant to many, made me feel under more pressure. When I was at my worst, it was hard enough just to look at myself (even having a showing and everyday things, brushing my teeth, etc...people wouldn't think that could be a problem but anything can be extremely stressful) and I was afraid that anything would trigger me off or continue how I was feeling. My dog is now 7 years old and still here, it just took me some time to deal with the anxiety and then it he was no longer a part of it.

Is it all the rushing around and drama that is raising your anxiety then? If so, Mindfulness will help you because it's a relaxation exercise as well as a powerful tool to change how you think, react, etc.