Connection feeling towards family/friends

[Ollie28]

Why do I not feel connected to family and friends. I know I love my partner & children before all this crap started so why don't I feel connected to them, it upsets me that I don't feel like the same caring, considerate person I was. I'm still that person but my personality is being hidden away by what it is I'm going through
Is that just my illness doing that to me because I know this isn't me or how I want to or would usually feel!
Before this I was a hard working, caring, kind and thoughtful guy - always put myself 2nd, now I just feel disconnected from loved ones so if I play with my children I don't feel like I'm really doing it and in the moment, the longer it goes on the more distant and disconnected I'm becoming. It's really hurting me. 8-(

Also does anyone ever experience parts of the day where they feel like time has stood still? It's freaking me out!! I have had this a lot. I then start to question myself - what's happening? where am I going? why and what for? - I then start to panic because I tell myself that what I'm doing and how I'm going about it I wouldn't normally behave or do it that way before all this started.

I sat down with an assesor for a good hour and half told her how bad I've been what I'm experiencing some of the messed up crazy things I've been close to doing and all she said was, I'm hypavigilant - could anyone please help me to understand what the lady ment by this? I had to ask my wife to come in the room with me because honest to god most days I feel like my brain is half dead and I can't be my intelligent self and ask questions or remember things.





Thanks x

[aprilmoon]

Hi Ollie
Yes,this is all part of your illness,and its hard,but as you get better,and you will,you'll start to feel the way you used to again.
I think the term 'fake it till you make it' is especially true with this,and over time,it will seem less contrived.
This is a very selfish illness,and you can end up feeling really wrapped up in yourself.
It is a sign of how much you care that it bothers you so much,so try not to be too hard on yourself.
Are you on any meds or anything to help?

[Ollie28]

Hello. Yer Ive been taking citalopram for a good 3 month now - tbh I don't feel any different by taking them, it is only a 20mg dose.

I've been living on diazepam the last week - basicaly just to give my mind a rest and to think straight, any other time I can't get out of my own head I'm constantly chattering, thinking, wondering, my mind is that exhausted i needed to. It give me a solid nights kip too totally shut my brain off for a good nights rest.

I am finding slight improvements here & there some sensations I was having have faded and gone, and I'm starting to find I'm getting interest and basic knowledge back on things I use to enjoy.

I'm going to try go back to work next week if my dr will allow it, I fit gas fires and fireplaces I have since I left school so I need to be mentaly & physically sharp working in clients houses installing thousands of pounds worth of fire places, I don't feel I'm there yet but I have to try if I can't do it then I can't do it,
Does this sound normal for anxiety - just before this started we moved in to a new home, the plan was to re decorate the hole house ECT, one of thevjobscwas to take out and install a new fireplace which any other time I wouldn't have to think twice about getting on with doin it, it's took me 5 months to find the mind strength to even think what I need and how to go about it!
I tried to measure up and design it in my head and I couldn't do it! My brain just couldn't cope!! This is something I've done no problem for the last 14 years without a problem - my brains simply not working how it use to or as strong as it was. I just can't find that balance of relaxed normal forward functioning it's like everything i have to think 110% on how to do it, even then I struggle to think or feel good idea bad idea, lol,

Thanks for your time xx

[aprilmoon]

Yup,that sounds normal.
Your brain just gets overstretched,and its hard to function like you used to.
It does repair itself though,in time. My brains becoming better now the more I've rested it,so to speak.
It just takes time,and patience.:)

[Ollie28]

Thanks you so much for your help, xx
I hope your ok btw yourself xx

[aprilmoon]

You're welcome.
Good luck at the doctors,although I wouldn't rush going back to work if you're still feeling like this as it will be counter productive,and could set you back.
Another thing to consider would be a combo of the Cit with another ad.
This is done quite a lot now,and can be very effective in making you much calmer,and give your poor brain a chance to recharge.
There's many people on here who have done this(including myself),and it might be worth asking your GP about.
Or you could ask you doc to refer you to a psych as they are the best people to advise you.
I'm on venlafaxine in the morning,and mirtazapine of a night, and I can honestly say that they have brought me back to the land of the living.
I also have an add on of a very low dose of Olanzapine at night (5ml) and this has helped me no end with anxiety symptoms, and a good nights sleep.
Olanzapine is actually an anti psychotic, but if used in very low doses,is brilliant for calming you.
I know it may sound a lot,but these combos are very common,and very effective,and they aren't addictive like the benzos are,so you can taper down as you improve.
Let's know how you get on
Good luck :)