View Full Version : Tips/advice on Mourning?
I lost my Uncle who was my best friend and a father figure to me five months ago. I know this loss has been the epicenter of all this increased anxiety/stress/panic. I'ts been crazy without him.....
I'll answer any questions if any of you guys need more details, but I wanted to keep it short and simple...thank you all in advance and be well.
Mourning needs time. 5 months is not long in the grand scheme of things, particularly someone who was so close to you.
How are you feeling just now?
Restless...very on-edge. Hopeless, lost, distant from everyone/everything...overwhelmingly depressed.
A whole bunch of new physical symptoms have cropped up since as well..making it even more difficult to relax and try to cope. It's driving me insane =/
How much longer is this suppose to last...? I don't think I can withstand another sleepless night, vivid nightmare, or waking up directly into a panic attack.
I lost my Dad in November 2013 and I'm still struggling, I just take each day as it comes and try to focus on the happier times I had with him.
I was given details for Cruse Bereavement, they have a website and I think you can refer yourself if you think that might help? I didn't go ahead with it as I'm having therapy privately.
They say time is a great healer... I just hope that's true.
Hi Wintear
I'm sorry for your loss.
Five months is not long at all in bereavement, its impossible to say how long it takes though,because everyone is different.
Are you on any meds or anything to help?
They can be a useful tool,in terms of getting a good nights sleep ect,because they can help a lot with the panic symptoms you have,while you deal with the loss as well.
No medications as it's a personal preference to stay clear of pharmaceuticals.
I figured I still have a long way to go...until the day I am reunited with him, I will never ever feel whole again.
I also get the intrusive thoughts of "if you're just barely able to handle this kind of loss, what are you going to do and what is it going to be like when you lose another? Your mother, another uncle or aunt, a friend, etc?" and to be perfectly honest, I can't even contemplate any more loss. If that were to happen......I don't even want to think about it.
Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the grief, don't try to fight it; that might help with the anxiety. No magic answers though. Remember the good and feel grateful for knowing/having someone who meant so much to you. Know that death doesn't separate you, as you carry him with you. Sadly for all of us death is a part of life. Accepting this might help cope with the loss, as it is not something you have any control over. Do something in his honour in remembrance - eg. plant something if you have a garden. Get help, eg. bereavement counselling, anything that will help. Know that that someone who loved you would want you to carry on living your life.
Thank you for the responses. I appreciate them all.
This is one of the most draining and negatively consuming ordeals I've ever faced so far...
It does get easier though.
In time you will look back and think of the happy times.
Don't give yourself a time frame though.
Just be as kind to yourself as you can,and sharing with others can be very therapeutic.
Take care
Thank you. None of my "friends" have checked in on me, though. They all know what I'm going through, too. You'd think they would care...
The only one I have to talk to about this is my other Uncle. I may give him a phone call sometime soon.
Your friends are probably just giving you some space to grieve, that or they don't know what to say to make things feel better for you. Some people really struggle with knowing what to say to grieving people, it doesn't mean they don't care. Maybe it would be good for you if you got in touch with one of them or your Uncle and had a nice chat about the past and your good memories.
I am really sorry for what you are going through. Grief is a long-haul. Honestly, for those who we love so dearly, it is lifelong. I lost my mother over 3 years ago and I can say it is still a journey. That isn't to scare you, but just to give you some perspective. This is going to be a journey for you. The loss will always be there and affect you in some way, but over time it will maybe feel less "in your face" or less heavy all the time, if that makes sense.
I encourage you to let it ride. If you feel sad, feel the sadness as fully as you can. Although in the moment it will feel awful, in the long run it will help you. The worst thing to do after a loss is to push the feelings away and try to not experience it. And you know what, it's OKAY to feel sad or scared. It's all normal. Over time it will lessen in intensity. But the emotions are something you have to feel in order to get through this difficult time.
As for feeling afraid of future losses, oh my god - I could have written that myself. After I lost my mom, I became terrified of losing anybody else. I still think sometimes "If I am like this after losing my mom, how will I be if I lose my husband??" Just know this is normal. It will not be as strong eventually, but be kind to yourself and let yourself feel what you have to feel.
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