Knife phobia as of yesterday

[Lohani]

Hi all,

My mom had an accident with a small knife yesterday and she had a really deep cut. Fortunately, it was not too wide, so she did not get have to get stiches. We took her to A & E. I am really scared of blood, so I did not even look at her hand which had the cut. She even collapsed half way through due to blood loss, and bashed her head in the car. She has been treated and has the wound bandaged, so she is doing ok. However, I now have a terrible knife phobia. I also feel guilty for not being there for mom.

I found it really difficult to sleep last night. Yesterday's incident also brought back past memories when my dad was violent and would threaten us with knives. I am finding it hard to concentrate on work. And I keep having these visions of blood in my head. I don't know how to get rid of it. I came here and found out that I am not the only one. I think I will start feeling better, but it will take time.

I tried to read a book to distract myself, but that did not work. I'd be grateful for any suggestions.

Thank you :)

[Oosh]

Hiya

Do you know what, I'd probably have images of blood going through my mind for a bit too after that. But images in your mind fade and these will too.
Google image lots of pictures of red roses. When an image of blood pops into your head see red roses instead. It'll weaken those strong images of blood you have.

Knives are ace. We'd be lost without them. Think how useful they are to you.

Welcome to the site.

[Lohani]

Hi Dave, thank you for ur response. All day I have been dreading to go to bed thinking I am gonna have a blood full nightmare. I have just googled and saved lots of pictures of red roses and I dont feel as scared to go to bed now. I have also been going thru the threads here all day to make myself feel better.
Thank u once again

[Oosh]

:D

[Lohani]

Do you have any phobias Dave?

[Oosh]

My problem has been social phobia although I've improved a lot.

[Lucinda07]

Oosh, you give sound & intelligent advice about obsessions. I'm struggling today with my anxiety. Finding it hard to see logic about cleaning products
How did you overcome and manage your anxiety/fears? I know you had CBT, but what else do you find helps?

[Oosh]

Hiya

Thanks !

I'm afraid I don't have any miracle cures :)
I've ALWAYS used perspective. Things can look different from different perspectives. I learned that very early on. I learned to use it to see things in a better way.

I used to listen to gigantic cbt audio series and masses of NLP.
What I took from the NLP was that you can actively choose to see things differently in order to gain control of your anxieties/emotions.
I was doing it anyway so it was something I felt rang true and adopted.

Other than that I think my problems will be different to yours. I had big people issues. Getting back amongst people enabled me to break down some negative beliefs I had.

Once again, choosing to see a world full of good, likeable people instead of being fearful, anxious, cynical about it all helped a lot. A change of perspective.

Cleaning products, what like you fear touching them will harm you ?
Oh I'd envisage all the stringent tests that go into making them safe.
Turn it from an enemy into a friend. Find reasons to be thankful for it.
These days these companies would be sued into extinction if they made a boob over the safety of their products. Something like that. It's a tricky one though because ive never really thought about it before. :)

I also think panic has a lot to do with it. If you're experiencing panic it can use all of these things and it's the fear of the panic and loss of control that you fear more than the actual thing it's using against you.

When you dont feel you're in any danger of panicking a lot of the power leaves these things and makes it easier to get a normal handle on. I used to have a big problem with panic/doubt. Doubt that my mood would disappear in an instant for eg

You know to be honest, I could go on forever about all the things that played a part. :)

[Lohani]

Hi Dave,
Sorry I keep asking you but you are the only one who has replied to this thread.
Your advice about googling roses really did help me yesterday.
Today we had some visitors to see my mom and while they were talking I find out some more details about my mom accidents that the knife had gone in, and she took it out straight away, which was obviously very brave of her. But I keep getting that vision now, of the knife going in her hand and her taking it out. I guess I have such a weak mind that it can't even take the thoughts away. The thoughts are horrifying me. I am supposed to be working for my Master's dissertation, but I just can't concentrate. I just want to cuddle on my mom's side. I feel so vulnerable. Apart from this, I also got dumped a month ago by my ex, which is just making me think that nothing is going ok in my life and it is all starting to fall apart :( I wish I was stronger

[Oosh]

Hiya

That's ok. No problem at all.

I know it's hard when your anxiety levels are high to control those intrusive images that pop into your mind.
Ironically I remember studying electrical engineering for a course I was on and after a long while doing it I had the conscious thought that "this studying is helping me keep my anxiety at bay".

It was full of mathematics and I found that when engrossed in all the numbers for a prolonged period it felt like such a relief. The longer the period when I was engrossed in other subjects (other than anxious thoughts/images) the longer my state had a chance to change.

It's almost like its a cycle/habit that you get locked into. A thought/image about something else is like stepping out of that little dark shed of anxiety into the sunlight. And the longer you can have those OTHER thoughts/images the longer you spend outside in the sun and in an improved mood with improved external thoughts.

Eventually IT becomes the new habit and IT becomes your default and you stay outside of the dark, dreary shed of anxiety (lol) .
Then the brief times when you find yourself back in the anxiety shed (lol) become your setbacks. And setbacks are good because they are a sign that you spent longer and longer outside of your anxious mindset.

Throw yourself into your studies. It is REALLY good for you.
Become engrossed in your work. It's so productive and confidence building that feeling of knowing you KNOW your stuff and feeling ready. It's such a positive base to build on.

Fill your head with positive images of your mum. Consciously focus on the good times you've spent with your mum. See her smiling face, see her laughing, remember holidays and good times.

That knife ? It was made out of rubber. See it repeatedly boinging off things. Boinging off your hand. Boinging off the table and maybe making a funny sound as it does it. Just take the image of that knife and RUIN it !
Make it ridiculous !
It's the most ineffective knife in the world.
It's got a little unhappy face on it because it knows how inadequate and rubbery it is.

It's YOUR mind and it's YOUR imagination ! You see whatever you want :)

It might be hard at first but it's simply a new habit your learning and by constantly chipping away at that block you'll get control over it and get out of that anxious mindset for good.

P.s I'm aware I said "anxiety shed" and refered to a "boingy knife" in that post and can assure you I'm not a complete loon lol

[Lohani]

Hi Dave,
lol you are funny. Boingy knife boingy knife boingy knife is what I will be thinking now.

And my mom and I, although we've been through a lot in the past few years, we do still have lots of good memories. She has been so strong and has been through a lot more than I have. She never does complain. She does not ask for a lot and is happy with what she can have. I wish I was even a little like her, strong and bold and brave.

I am thinking of sticking a little unhappy face clip art by the space where we keep our knives in the kitchen as see if it will work.

My sibling told me yesterday that she keeps thinking about the incident before she goes to bed. I do the same too. I am a Hindu and I keep chanting religious songs in my head to get those thoughts out.

Thank you Dave. You have no idea how much your words help me. really do appreciate :)

[Oosh]

Aw that's alright. I'm glad I could help :D

Yeh I used to do little mantras in my head too. Even if it was just
"SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH" anything to just break it up, drown it out, disrupt it.
Then replace it with something better.

[Lucinda07]

Oosh, thank you very much for taking the time to reply to my post. Good advice about perspective - but easier said than done when what you feel seems "right"! Anyway I have been given a strategy & will try a different approach. I know I'll have to work at it!!

[Lohani]

Lucinda, you have to keep trying and I am sure you will get there.

I know this sounds a bit selfish, but I wish Dave was here by my side to support me everytime I get those terrible thoughts of knives. But I do have to admit I do feel a lot better now :)