Major issues.

[Tim91]

Hello, new here don't usually talk to random people about things but things are really bad right now and I don't know what to do.


I have always been a little skiddish in crowds and around 18 I had my first panic attack and last January (2013) while driving in a car I had my worst panic attack ever, hence I have not left my house or been in a car since then.

My family is on the VERY EXTREME end of the non supportive chart (figurative chart of course), my mom says she is "Done with with the childish bullshit, there is nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy" and my father just says to call an ambulance and hospitalize myself or he'll just call the cops and have me removed if I don't do anything. This has been going on for the last year and a half and I just avoid this by sleeping all day and staying up all night. (I'm aware this is bad) I have no motivation and severe depression because of all of this (unfortunately I'm too scared of pain to just kill myself).

Now the issue of the last 2 weeks, I have to move. It is an unwalkable distance and a 25 minute drive. We move Saturday. I have been crying and borderline panic attack all day every day for the last 2 weeks and I don't know what to do the closer the car ride gets the worse my anxiety gets worse and worse. For the last 4 hours I have been sitting on that fearful/breathless feeling you get in your throat before you have a panic attack.

Deep breathing does NOT help and actually triggers a panic attack because I used to think I was hyperventilating due to too much carbon monoxide in my blood stream due to shallow breaths and now associate breathing control with danger and have panic attacks. I also cannot distract myself from having a panic attack if I am in a situation that triggers it. I am at the very very deep end of agoraphobia, I cannot even eat downstairs with my family.

I don't know why I am posting this, maybe just to vent, as I highly doubt anyone's sympathies or suggestions will help at all. I just don't know what to do. I wish I had a gun right now, but hell I probably wouldn't even do it for fear of the 5% chance of doing it wrong and living with this shit as a disabled person. I just don't know what to do, I just want everything to disappear...all my friends are either getting married or making money to live and spend on their hobbies and I can't even leave my damn house...

[Carnation]

Hello Tim91.
Firstly, Well Done. You have just made a big step by posting this thread.
It also shows that you want to try and resolve the issues by doing this.
Your Parents obviously do not understand what you are going through, but you can't expect them to. They have no idea what you are feeling and you probably feel a burden to them. It's not their fault and not yours either.
Now that you have joined NMP, you will receive messages from others that are feeling the same way. We can't wave a magic wand, but a good percentage of us on here have progressed back in to a normal Life again. This is encouragement for you. This is what you need. You need friends on here first and this Site is so friendly, I bet that even in a week, you will be feeling differently and a little better.
:welcome:

[Bea.2014]

Hi Tim, Are you in contact with a doctor with regard to your panic/agoraphobia? If so, could you perhaps have a short term medication to settle you for the journey and moving to a new home?

Then you'll be able to start on your recovery.

Good luck.

[jefferina]

Welcome Tim and well done on your first step in right direction... I have social anxiety and a year ago I couldn't leave the house and like you sit and eat with my family or even just be in the same room but now I can... I'm still not where I need to be but I can sit with my family and I can leave the house... If I can do it you can too... It takes time and it's hard work but you can do it... Have a look a cbt 4panic by robin hall off here it's free and might help you with where to start and what to do... As for deep breathing I too thought the same as you a waste of bloody time...the idea is to breath slowly not deeply well that worked better for me...good look to you and keep writing on here,.. I find that helps xx

[Tim91]

@Carnation; Thanks for the welcome and I do hope so.

@Bea; I do not have a Doctor or medication. I'm actually pretty scared to take anything that is for anxiety as I have read that it's hit and miss as it sometimes makes your anxiety much worse until it wears off if you take something your body disagrees with.

@Jeff, I believe I've already read it at some point but will look over it again.

Well, 2 days until I have to get into a car I have been trying to psych myself up to the task and I was calm about it until my mom tried to get me into a car today. All calmness went right out the window instantly and I was freaking out, to which she said "I'll just call the cops and have you admitted to the Hospital, you are over 18 I am not obligated to take care of you or understand; stop acting like a 5 year old"

So all in all still going horrendously. It seems no matter how much I try to mentally prepare myself for Sunday it just gets instantly forgotten and I start freaking out the instant I have to get into a car.

So I don't know what I'm going to do.

[Sunflower2]

My panic attacks were originally brought on by driving as well and although it's tough I have forced myself to get back out and face it. You're definitely not alone in how you're feeling, I bet so so many people can relate directly to what you've said! Anyone who doesn't experience anxiety doesn't realise how debilitating it can be, so your parents just won't understand. Mine can be the same as they just don't know what to do with you cause it doesn't make rational sense! But then in your head it seems so clear.
Try to not compare yourself with others, as although they may be doing those things, you never know what they might be hiding just like you, everyone has their own issues and you tend to idealise what you think you should be rather than what you are. I'm working on accepting this is the way I am. Doesn't mean I can't change and modify myself, but the anxiety happened and is a part of me that I'm working on.
Baby steps and you'll get there! And remember panic comes BEFORE improvement, not after so you've got to take the steps to see the results. Also, achieving even a tiny little goal makes you feel so proud, so like going outside your house for a couple of hours has the equivalent feeling to passing an exam or something!
(For me, deep breathing = dizziness. Slow breathing corrects that dizziness!)

[Neurotic Nick]

Hey Tim. first off there's 2 kinds of meds (as you may already know) the long term "scary" kind and the "dont rely too much on them" emergency kind. Basically tranquilizers. To me in this very specific immiment situation i think it might be a good idea to take something like xanax just to get you through it.

After that i think you should really give cbt a go, that free course jeff mentioned is really good and i highly recommend it: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=91696

It sucks your mom's so unsupportive, ive had interactions like that and they do not help to say the least. The only thing i can tell you buddy is that no matter how horrible this feels atm it will pass eventually, hang in there! ;)