Tim91
13-08-14, 23:36
Hello, new here don't usually talk to random people about things but things are really bad right now and I don't know what to do.
I have always been a little skiddish in crowds and around 18 I had my first panic attack and last January (2013) while driving in a car I had my worst panic attack ever, hence I have not left my house or been in a car since then.
My family is on the VERY EXTREME end of the non supportive chart (figurative chart of course), my mom says she is "Done with with the childish bullshit, there is nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy" and my father just says to call an ambulance and hospitalize myself or he'll just call the cops and have me removed if I don't do anything. This has been going on for the last year and a half and I just avoid this by sleeping all day and staying up all night. (I'm aware this is bad) I have no motivation and severe depression because of all of this (unfortunately I'm too scared of pain to just kill myself).
Now the issue of the last 2 weeks, I have to move. It is an unwalkable distance and a 25 minute drive. We move Saturday. I have been crying and borderline panic attack all day every day for the last 2 weeks and I don't know what to do the closer the car ride gets the worse my anxiety gets worse and worse. For the last 4 hours I have been sitting on that fearful/breathless feeling you get in your throat before you have a panic attack.
Deep breathing does NOT help and actually triggers a panic attack because I used to think I was hyperventilating due to too much carbon monoxide in my blood stream due to shallow breaths and now associate breathing control with danger and have panic attacks. I also cannot distract myself from having a panic attack if I am in a situation that triggers it. I am at the very very deep end of agoraphobia, I cannot even eat downstairs with my family.
I don't know why I am posting this, maybe just to vent, as I highly doubt anyone's sympathies or suggestions will help at all. I just don't know what to do. I wish I had a gun right now, but hell I probably wouldn't even do it for fear of the 5% chance of doing it wrong and living with this shit as a disabled person. I just don't know what to do, I just want everything to disappear...all my friends are either getting married or making money to live and spend on their hobbies and I can't even leave my damn house...
I have always been a little skiddish in crowds and around 18 I had my first panic attack and last January (2013) while driving in a car I had my worst panic attack ever, hence I have not left my house or been in a car since then.
My family is on the VERY EXTREME end of the non supportive chart (figurative chart of course), my mom says she is "Done with with the childish bullshit, there is nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy" and my father just says to call an ambulance and hospitalize myself or he'll just call the cops and have me removed if I don't do anything. This has been going on for the last year and a half and I just avoid this by sleeping all day and staying up all night. (I'm aware this is bad) I have no motivation and severe depression because of all of this (unfortunately I'm too scared of pain to just kill myself).
Now the issue of the last 2 weeks, I have to move. It is an unwalkable distance and a 25 minute drive. We move Saturday. I have been crying and borderline panic attack all day every day for the last 2 weeks and I don't know what to do the closer the car ride gets the worse my anxiety gets worse and worse. For the last 4 hours I have been sitting on that fearful/breathless feeling you get in your throat before you have a panic attack.
Deep breathing does NOT help and actually triggers a panic attack because I used to think I was hyperventilating due to too much carbon monoxide in my blood stream due to shallow breaths and now associate breathing control with danger and have panic attacks. I also cannot distract myself from having a panic attack if I am in a situation that triggers it. I am at the very very deep end of agoraphobia, I cannot even eat downstairs with my family.
I don't know why I am posting this, maybe just to vent, as I highly doubt anyone's sympathies or suggestions will help at all. I just don't know what to do. I wish I had a gun right now, but hell I probably wouldn't even do it for fear of the 5% chance of doing it wrong and living with this shit as a disabled person. I just don't know what to do, I just want everything to disappear...all my friends are either getting married or making money to live and spend on their hobbies and I can't even leave my damn house...