Need some rational help, please.

[Primula]

I've been having a very bad spell of health anxiety.

I'm 52 and for the last 2 years, I've had random aches in the right side of my back. Saw the doctor last year, had blood test and all was ok. I stopped worrying about it and the aches went away.

Back in February I started having the same aches again, and started getting worked up and anxious again. I think the anxiety made my tummy upset, as I wasn't eating properly. Pan can was in the news at that time, and I started to convince myself that this was what I had. Well it's August now, and I'm still worrying that I have something seriously wrong. Rationally I know that I'm probably causing all of this, because of my anxiety, and not eating regularly.

I've seen my doctor several times, most recently this morning. She says I look very healthy, and she is not concerned about any of the symptoms. Although she will do more tests if I want. I decided not to be tested, as my CBT therapist wants me to manage living with uncertainty, and to stop seeking reassuarance that I'm well.

The symptoms I have are, aches that move around my right side and back, not painful but annoying, and pingy sensations under my right rib, which the doc says are nothing to worry about, just the digestive processes.

Any words of comfort and rationality would be much appreciated.

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Please someone help. :weep:

[luc]

Hi Primula,

Two years of same pain is NOT pancreatic cancer
No change I the severity of pain is NOT PC
no new symptoms or deterioration is NOT PC
I know you do not have PC, you know you do not have PC and your doctor knows you do not have PC. You have HA and like me are one of NMP 'old timers' ha.

I have said all that and there might be a teeny, weeny,weeny chance that you, me ,my neighbour or the lollipop lady has PC and that is something that we have to live with. Please do not have any more tests - let that dragon starve.

Big hugs Lucia.

Too rational ???? !

[Fishmanpa]

Got news for ya Prim. At 52, if you didn't have some aches and pains, I would be wanting to know how you lived your life up until now! ;)

Bottom line, no matter how well you take care of yourself, you're going to have aches and pains related to getting older. I don't have a day, not one day, where I don't grunt or groan when getting up out of my chair ~lol~ (I'm 55). Side effects from my medical issues, creaky joints and some arthritis, sore muscles, back ache... the list goes on and on but it's nothing sinister. The stomach stuff? You know well enough it's stress and anxiety.

Good for you on using the CBT techniques and avoiding the test/reassurance trap. Keep up the good work!

Positive thoughts

[Primula]

Thank you Lucia and Fishmanpa, just what I needed, a good boot up the ****.

:yesyes:

[Female healthanxiety]

Hi Primula,

I know it is hard!

But us women always get pains around this area, I get them all of the time, so does my mum, aunt etc.

Nothing to worry about - how about you try some deep heat to knock the pain in the bum out!!!?

xx

[Primula]

Thanks FH, hope you are feeling a bit better.

[luc]

It is hard and that's why rational advice from someone who really understands is so important. I wish I had had that and used this forum more instead of chasing reassurance and diagnosis. I have actually been getting stronger by the day of late to where I am looking at ways to channel some of the anger that I am feeling constructively. I could dwell on the time and energy I have given to HA and what I have put myself and my family through and I do. Now however I am finally accepting that I have had a horrible, life debilitating mental illness. I am now past the how selfish/self absorbed am I stage, the HA is for navel gazers and is just a bit pathetic stage, past the pull yourself together as there are people with real illnesses out there stage!!!! I have been ill and have had very little support and understanding. Ooh where did that come from- Primula only asked I we thought she had PC or in her words 'pan can' .

[Primula]

Ha ha, that's ok Luc. I love reading posts where people are managing to overcome their problem. I've been stuck on this worry plateau for the past 6 weeks. My CBT therapist says this is normal when you are facing your anxiety head on. She told me not to be surprised if I felt a little more anxious, because she has asked me not to Google symtoms for a week. I did slip on one day, but back in the saddle now.

She seems confident I can overcome this, although because I've had this on and off for 20 years, she says it wont be a quick fix.
I need to practise diverting my attention from my symptoms.

[luc]

So do I they just seem to be a bit thing on the ground at the moment. Is this your first time with CBT? I am sure you will crack this. I have had Ha for 11 years but really I have had it forever. Mine, like many came into full swing when I had my babies and I was at home and could give it all the attention it required. I went from being a determined, outgoing,high achieving likeable person to drink dependent semi recluse with all life sapped out of me. Last winter I hit rock bottom and decided to change. Mine was a quick fix. I stopped drinking, got a job and put myself back in the real world. Each month I have gotten better and better, stronger and stronger and my confidence is back up there. Infact, I may even be getting a little cocky HA! I have just been thinking about my coping strategies and realised that apart from a few they are no longer in my conscious. Wow, and coming from me that is a big wow as I was a slave to them and a master at them.
I used to think that diversion was distraction and therefore was a no no in terms of the principals of CBT and that we must let the thoughts in and rationalise them. Then to be honest I stopped trying to overthink things and went with the bottom line which was I can obsess about this, google, feel, prod, analyse this which is clearly not working or I can go out, read a book, clean a bleeding window or talk to a friend with the plan that if I still felt the same in an hour, a day or a week then I could take action. This took commitment. However it worked and I would often find myself smirking inside when I was having that banal conversation with the neighbour or admiring that flower on my walk in a f@@k you dragon kinda way. Then I moved onto getting a job, going out with friends, going on holiday, making arrangements and that is where I am now. I never though I would see this day and do be quite candid I was not sure I would see this year. As I described earlier with the euphoria comes the want to help others and frustration and anger at the lack of understanding and services out there. Long live NMP ( and us all ha!)

Ps I hope my sort of swearing does not offend.

[Primula]

No your swearing does not offend.

I was doing well a while back, but at the moment I'm finding it difficult to get out of the hole.
I will look at some of the things you did, and try to stop overthinking things.

[luc]

Hi Primula,

Is this your first time with CBT and is your focus solely on PC at the moment in relation to your HA?:hugs:

[Primula]

No I have seen other therapists. Although this is the first therapist I've seen while really knows what she's on about with regard to HA. Yes at the moment we are focussing on PC.

[luc]

It sounds like your doing well primula and great to hear you have a good therapist. I would have needed a firm, confident directive therapist and it would have only worked if that person really knew their stuff. No testing is in my opinion spot on. You know that you do not have PC. The other stuff is just the dragon doing its best , that is the 'what ifs', the habit of worry, the cycle etc. The doctor giving you the open option of more testing is a challenge - probably the dragons had a word with her to ha!

[Primula]

Hi Luc, yes my therapist is strong,confident and directive, just what I need. She told me to discuss with my doctor about not colluding with me about getting more tests. My doc is really great, she understood about not colluding, but also said that if I had any new, unusual symptoms that I need not feel embarrassed about coming to see her.

That made me feel a lot better, knowing that I can go to see her if I'm worried. I think it's made me less likely to keep going back and fore, knowing that I can if I want to. Does that make sense, the paradox of HA?

Thank you for taking an interest in my plight.

[luc]

Makes complete sense Primula. You seem to be around the right people and I am always here for support and to chew the fat :hugs:.

[Justinf]

If you had pancreatic cancer when the flank paind first came, the horrible truth is, you would be dead by now.
It kills quickly. You don't have pancreatic cancer.