View Full Version : Having a really bad day
Dont know why and what has happened in my head, but today is one of the worst days i have had in months.
I am constantly shaking, feeling sick and feel like i am going to pass out. The slightest noise is making me aggitated and anxious.
I am finding it really hard to cope with Sam and whenever she shouts me i can feel myself wanting to run away and hide.
I havent taken a diazepam as sometimes when i feel this bad i am scared that it wont work and then there is no hope.
I know how i am feeling is irrational but cant slow down my thoughts. Have tried to distract myself by doing the garden and popped to see my mum but as usual all she did was talk about her problems and disregarded how i was feeling. So that didnt help.
I feel really tired now but have tried to lie down, but cant settle and i am just pacing the floor, whilst typing on the forum trying to take my mind of issues.
Any advice how to calm down and stop acting like a mad woman would be appreciated.
Thanks
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
Not surprised you are feeling naff after all youve been dealing with this week hon! Its probably all of that catching up with you.
I always find if I can blame my anxiety on something then I feel better. So keep telling yourself that you arent going backwards or nuts, youve just got a lot on your plate!
Can you palm off Sam to anyone for an hour or two to have a nice cool, relaxing bath and a read of a book or something?
Failing that, bribe her with a potential treat and sit her down with a video or something to keep her quiet for a bit.
Just keep telling yourself that its ok and you have been through worse than this before. You will probably be wondering where it all came from tomorrow.
take care hon
love Sarah
xx
Caz Fab Pants
14-08-04, 21:14
Sal,
I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling like this, you can join my gang as I'm having a crap day too but in a different way.
In my experience its hard to concerntrate on things when your mind is racing and i have a few different things you can try. I find simple tasks that dont take long are good, like washing up, polishing shoes, bleaching the loo etc. Sorting out a draw full of clutter is another good one, writing a shopping list, booking your car in for a service and so on. They're not hard to do and will give you satisfaction when you stand back to see what you've done which is an added bonus.
These are a great way to distract you from the anxious feelings and may help to break the cycle. Like Sarah said, tell yourself that you feel like this for a reason. Its not something thats just cropped up out of the blue so there's no need to worry that your on a downward slope.
I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow.
Caroline :)
x
Hi Sal,
Its realy not suprising condidering all the issues you've had this week. Especially the occy health and records ones .
Today may have been the first time you had time for it all to filter it through and you know that it does need time to be filtered through your system ...
How about a trip over to see those neighbours this evening .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Sorry to hear your having such a bad day sal, you always give kinds words to everyone else who is feeling rubbish, so, hope it settles down real soon and take care sal, love Tara xx
Thanks Caroline
Have tried alsorts to get my head sorted but nothing is happening.
Feel like someone has come along and turned a light off.
Felt so tired before but now the anxiety has got me wide awake and dreading the long night..
Sorry to hear you havent had a good day. Hope it has improved hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Tara
Thanks for posting. Dont really feel any better, cant seem to get to grips with my head at the moment.
Hope things are going ok for you. Hope to see you in the chat room soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Meg
How are you. Was good to hear from you. I know i have had the Occ Health to deal with but when thinking about it there are other issues that have occured this week that have took there toll on me. Just hate that feeling of been out of control, especially when i felt so good meeting you guys last week.
Head is all over at the moment. Havent taken a diazepam where normally i would but have made myself get through it without that. Still feel rough so going to have a glass of wine to chill me out or more!!!
Know it isnt the answer but you know how i am and a night without wine tonight would be a bad idea.
Sam has a friend staying so they are watching tv at the moment.
Could really do with popping over the the neighbours but they are all away on holiday.
Speak soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal,
If you want to dump Sam with me someday soon for a few hours or even a whole day, you know how to get hold of me. Please do!!
Sarah (seh1980)
Hi Sarah
thanks for your post. I wish someone could have taken Sam for a few hours to let me chill but my mum wasnt interested whatsoever. I hope tomorrow is better as cant face one like i have today.
Already starting to panic about what i will do if i feel ill tomorrow and cant cope with Sam. Visious circle going on in my head at the moment.
Sorry forgot to ask how you are. Hope you are feeling ok. Any more news about the job.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Hon
Really appreciate you offer. Been so up in the air today never even thought of calling you and asking for help.
Might hold you to that if not feeling any better. As long as you dont mind and dont feel like i am putting on you.
Thanks for that, you are a great friend.
I got your letter and money thanks, just havent had a minute to reply.
How are you doing. Say hi to Ed. Have you tried the driving yet?
Love Sal xxxxx
hey Sal,
got into the car for the first time today and drove down to the shop!! I was so proud. I managed really well and even had fun - wow!!!
please don't hesitate to call me if you want to get rid of Sam for a while. We can even come pick her up as ed loves the drive to yours!! (very sad i know). I would love to spend some time with her and I'm sure you could do with the break. Take care xxx
Sarah (seh1980):D
Thank you so much Sarah. I will if you dont mind. I am going to ask if her dad will have her for a few days just to give me time to catch up on where i am at.
Wow i am so proud of you for driving, you have cracked it hon. Well done you.
If you and Ed have nothing planned for tomorrow and the weather is ok, feel free to come over in the afternoon and we can have some crack and chill in the garden. Would be really good to see you.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
15-08-04, 09:24
Hi Sal,
Hope today is better than yesterday.
MS
Hi Sal
I hope you are feeling better today.
Thinking of you.
Briary xx
Hiya Sal
How are you doing babe?
I hope youve woken up feeling better today!!
take care
love Sarah
xx
nomorepanic
15-08-04, 13:53
Sal
Sorry I somehow missed this message last night or I would have asked if you wanted me to call you.:(
I think you have a lot going on at the moment so it may have all come to a head this weekend.
Remember when I had that glitch a few months back and I felt dreadful too. We all get these setbacks so don't let it beat you ok?
Can you take a couple of days off work till you can get your head round it all?
I do hope you are better today[^] and feeling a little more normal!
Take care ok and call me if you want a chat?
xxx
Nicola
Hi Sarah
Did wake up feeling a bit better, clouds seemed to have moved on!!! But as the day is going on i am starting to feel really anxious and really shakey.
I am trying to distract myself and i lit the BBQ and Sam has 2 friends round and they are in the paddling pool. So i fed them, now have come upstairs and feel ****.
Was going to do some housework to distract myself but at moment feel to edgy to do anything.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Nic
Dont worry about missing it there are so many post you cant be expected to read them all.
As was telling Sarah i am getting worse as the day goes on. Normally i find i am the other way improve but not yesterday or today.
I finished work on Friday and i am of for 2 weeks now so will have some time to sort my head out without worrying about the extra pressure of work.
Just feel totally lost and confused at the moment and not sure how to pull myself out of it.
Hope you are having a good weekend. Will talk to you soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal, hope todays' a little better for you, Take care sal, Tara xx
Hiya Sal
Bizzare isnt it that our panic doesnt follow a strict pattern. You usually feel it the other way around so maybe its playing on your mind now because its not what you are 'used' to?
Glad you are off work, hopefully it will give you some ME time!!!!
Just remember hon, you have had it good before, it will come again!!!
love Sarah
xx
hey sal,
Sorry, just saw your post now about maybe meeting up today...we should do something soon. How long are you off work for? Do you fancy doing something one day this week?? let me know. take care.
Sarah (seh1980)
Hiya Sarah
I have tried alsorts of tactics today to get myself pulled round but it hasnt worked. I cant wait not to have my bath then have some wine.
I am really pleased i am off work for 2 weeks because recently all i have done is worked and had Sam i have had no time to myself at all.
I got worse this afternoon, then my niece rang and asked if she could come and play with Sam. They normally go to her house as she lives on a farm and there is more to do. So i felt obliged for her to come down. Suppose kept me busy aswell. So i have had 6 girls to entertain they have been in the paddling pool and watched a video. The numbers have dwindled now so i am left with 3. They have just had there tea and are now covering each other in tatoos in Sams bedroom.
The sickness feeling has worn of and like you say its a pattern i am not used to.
Just feel really down now.
Thanks for your post. Hope you have had a good weekend.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sarah
No problem. I hope you have had a good day.
Yeah it will be nice to do something during the next few weeks.
I will call you and we can organise something.
Love Sal xxxxx
Caz Fab Pants
15-08-04, 20:04
Sal,
You amaze me. You are alot more strong willed than I am by agreeing to have all those children round while you're feeling ropey.
Think you did all the right things by keeping busy but I have an inkling I know what the problem might be. You need some adult company. Not neccessarily to talk about your problems but to have an interesting, adult conversation. Being around children distracts to a point but doesn't stretch the right parts of the brain.
I could well be barking up the wrong tree but its something I miss alot when I've been with the kids all day and haven't seen or talked to anybody.
Chin up babe.
Caroline :)
x
PS I'm taking a leaf out of your book. Going out today has put me in such a good mood I'm being a real devil and am on my second shandy today!! That's a world record for me, lol.
Hi Caroline
Thanks for replying. Well pleased with how you did today.
You could be right i have just talked to Nic then was sat thinking about what you said, and i havent physically spoken to an adult all weekend.
Sam has had all her friends round her for the last few days and all i have had is crack with children.
I just want some time for me, might sound selfish but i really need it.
Sam asked me earlier if i was ok and i did tell her that i was feeling a bit lonely as she has had all her mates with her all the time even overnight and yet again im on my own.
On a real downer, was hoping i would chill out with my wine, but it hasnt happened now.
Not usually like me to be snappy but everytime Sam speaks whilst i am trying to watch tv i am snapping at her. She has just pointed out i have been in a mood all weekend. 10 out of 10 as i knew that, but feel **** now that it has affected her.
Hope you are ok and chilled after your day out, you did brill, sorry keep telling you but am so proud of you.
Speak soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Well into the night now and feeling no better. Have been chatting to Vern which took my mind of things but now my head is racing and i cant see how i can cope.
Thanks Nic for calling me and sorry for sending my desperate text.
Eventually got Sam settled although in my bed but that has given me some space.
Its been along time since i have felt so bad and for it to last over a few day.
thanks for all your support.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
So sorry you've been feeling bad this weekend - hope things are a little better for you today hon. When we have setbacks like this its easy to get into a downward spiral but don't worry, this won't last very long and you'll soon be feeling a whole load better. I've had a couple of really pants days too but I seem to have pretty well come out of it (although tummy is still a bit on the churny side). You are a very strong person and you will get there, but don't beat yourself up along the way as it happens to all of us.
Take care - let us know how you're feeling today hey?
Lots of love Jo xxx
Hiya Sal
Only just logged and seen your post.
How are you feeling today. Did you manage to get any sleep?
Try and not worry, this is just a blip. You will get through it. You really have my sympathy.
Are you at work today? If so, hope it went ok.
Just remember you are human and take care
Hugs
Jules
Hi Jo
I know it is a set back but you know when they feel to last forever.
Hope youre day is going ok, have replied to your post.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Jules
No i didnt sleep too well but didnt help with Sam sleep talking throughout the night, was quite bizzare.
Feeling really anxious and nervous again today. No i am off work for two weeks on my summer leave, good timing because not sure how i would have coped at work.
Sounds awful but Sam is going to her dads today for the week and i cant wait to just please myself and not have to worry about anyone else.
As per usual i have a house full of children. Strange but they always seem to play in here and not at the other childrens houses. Maybe i am too soft and should turf them out to play.
Thanks for your post, i just hope this blip passes.
Love Sal xxxxx
Aw Sal, you sound just like my mum and Dad who always seemed to have the house full with my friends.
Although it's good for Sam to have her friends there, you really do have to look after yourself and so turfing them out to play might not be a bad thing every now and again.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your leave, funnily enough I often feel worse when I'm off work. Maybe work just occupies our minds. Even when I didn't have anxiety, I used to get migraines in the hols. It's cos we start to wind down.
This blip will pass, so be good to yourself and take all the time you need
Jules
Hi Jules
Thanks for the help hon.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hey Sal,
Sound to me like you're suddenly structureless and without your routine and the busyness that comes with it and are all at 6 +7ves and flailing about with thoughts are spiralling...
Plan things to look forward to during your holiday , be it pampering stuff or going to meet people or doing activities.
How is today going ?
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Meg
How was your break, i hope you really enjoyed it. I was feeling terrible this morning but kept busy and as the day went on felt ok ish!! I actually managed to go out and it was ok. But on the way home my ex wanted me to drop some stuff of for Sam as he has her.
Which i did, and he made a comment about the £125 her gave me towards the child minding costs for the summer holidays. We were going to pay half as he wasnt even going to take a week of, hence why he has to save some money. So far with me taking days here and there is has only cost me £170, and hes twisting and has contacted the childminder to give him a break down and a reciept for what it has cost so he can put it through his books.
As you can imagine i am fuming, plus i still have £75 more pounds to pay as i need Sam to go in one day next week and the tuesday before school. But he has contact the childminder before i have arranged these extra days so she said £170 was up until Sam was back at school.
So i was patient and tried to explain that i owe more as Sam has few more days there, but he wouldnt listen and was been really clever, plus this was outside is ex girlfriends house as he had popped down to see the children.
He then mentioned maintenance, the £16 he gives me a week and said if he went to them he wouldnt have to pay me anything, as though he is doing me a favour. So i reminded him that £16 was based on joint custody and now that he only has he 1 night as week if that, he would probably have to pay me more. Then we got the speal about how he has the twins to pay for. But he was so clever as though saying he could go and have as many kids as he can without it bearing financially on him.
I got so annoyed which i hate, and Sam was there, and i never ever lose it in front of Sam but he has just pushed me too far. We have argued over CSA before but however i try to talk to him he just wont see the point. Got i feel really upset now, this was all i needed to end the day on.
Sorry for rabbling on.
Love Sal xxxxx
Caz Fab Pants
16-08-04, 21:49
Oh Sal, isn't it just typical that all this has happened when your feeling like poo. There's nothing worse than arguing over money, especially when it gets heated infront of the children/child.
I can imagine how you're feeling and wish I was there to pour you a glass of vino and give you a hug. Can't believe your ex only gives you £16 a week, that's nothing. Although we wont go into that cos I know nothing about his situation or the agreement you've come to.
On a positive note, you have a child-free week to do as you please which is the best feeling when you're bogged down with life. A few good lay-ins, a bit of shopping (without popping in Tammy girl) and a night out is just the tonic you need. Maybe even get your hair or nails done and push the boat out :) Dont know about you but I always think of manicure's as *frivalous when you have kids, hence I've only had one professional one done in my entire life!!
*Note to self, ask someone to tell me where to find the spell check on here or go and invest in a dictionary!!!
There you go, you can have a laugh at my expence now as I've just made a fool out of myself to the entire forum. I dont deny I am truely retarded when it comes to spelling [:I]
Thinking of you mate.
Caroline:)
x
Hi Caroline
How has your day been.
Still chewing over what he said, it was just the way he spoke to me that threw me, because normally we actually get on really well and now and then he will pop into see Sam and i will give him some tea.
Just been made a mug again havent i. I would prefer to do without his stupid maintenance, but it really annoys me how he begrudges paying for Sam, it isnt me that it affects.
Have stewed on it all night and been trying to work out my finances. Might tell him to stick his money feel that upset at moment. But wont any rash decisions until i chill out a bit.
Yeah you are right i should treat myself over this week. Going to organise my accupuncture and see if i can get my hair done and have some reflexology.
I am going to have a few nice lies in to then might go to the gym and then relax by the pool and even treat myself to a sunbed sessions.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
I'm sure that's all you needed right now.
I think some pampering sessions are definitely in order. Try and enjoy some time for you.
Am thinking of you.
Love
Briary xx
Thanks Briary
Yep i need some time out!!
Thanks for posting and will speak with you later hopefully.
Love Sal xxxxx
Caz Fab Pants
16-08-04, 23:19
OHhhhhhhhhh...(to be read in long, whiney, annoying voice) I wanna come too [Sigh...]
See, you're going to have a great week now and look all glam' and get all fit 'n' stuff while the rest of us carry on in our boring routines.
Only kidding, make the most of it Sal you deserve it babe!
Caroline
xx
Hey Sal
So did you get a long lie in this morning.
I really hope you are feeling a bit more chilled. Sorry your ex seems to be being such a pain. Try and not worry about it if you can.
I hope you have a great day today. Cor I'm so jealous, I definitely didn't want to be parted from my duvet today.
Hugs
Jules
Well plans for today went a bit pear shaped.
I woke up this morning quite early, and felt really anxious. So i had a cup of tea and went back to bed.
Now i am just dozzing around the house as cant face going out.
Typical when you have the freedom to do things this happens.
I am going to try and put a film on and see if it will take my mind of things.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I'm sorry you haven't been able to do the things you planned today. It's horrible to wake up feeling like that.
I hope you enjoy your film and you feel better.
Love
Briary xx
nomorepanic
17-08-04, 16:43
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
Thanks Nic for calling me and sorry for sending my desperate text.
<div align="right">Originally posted by sal - 16 August 2004 : 00:31:55</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Hiya Sal
No probs about the phone call - not sure if it helped but you got to talk to an adult for 5 mins lol.
Call me anytime ok?
Sounds like you are having a bad time with Sam's dad!! Typical aint it - money always spoils things. Hope it gets sorted soon.
As for laying around well I do this sometimes and I say to Alex, "I am being a lazy so-and-so today and not doing anything" and he says "no you are relaxing and chilling out". So look at in that way ok?
Hope you feel a bit better today?
xxx
Hiya Sal
Hope you're feeling a little better today hon. Do you know, I think there's something in that being off work thing - I've been on holiday for ages now and seem to be thinking about my anxiety rather too much probably because I've got the time to dwell on it.
Sorry to hear about your problems with Sam's dad, but try not to make any rash decisions over the money thing as every little bit helps in the long run and as you say, its for Sam.
Sounds like you really do need some pampering - try to get out the house and do something nice, you'll really feel a whole lot better for it. How long have you been having acupuncture? I'm onto my 9th session and I'm sure its helped. If nothing else, just lying there relaxing for 20 mins or so feels good. Don't forget, I'm not far from you so if you need some adult company just give me a shout.
Lots of love Jo xx
Hi Nic
thanks for your reply. Forced myself out today and went to see my friend that had fell out with me. We went for a late lunch and had loads of crack and left our mobiles at home so we couldnt be distraced.
Trying to sort things out in my head and plan the week. Going to see if i can have some reflexology tomorrow, have my accupunture on thurs and getting my hair dont on firday.
My friend wants me to go out on Friday night, aaahh but i am going to do it. It has been ages since we have been out, and we used to have some real laffs. Not really wanting to do it but also part of me knows i need it. As usual with Caroline will get drunk but then havent got Sam until Sunday so have all day on Saturday to get over it. Maybe it is time i let my hair down and be me without worrying about it all. Actually talking about it has made me really look forward to it.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Jo
Booked my next session for thursday at 2.30 it will be my 8th time and i do feel it has helped. If you fancy it we could meet for coffee after it. How about meeting outside Dr and Herbs at 3 pm. Will text you to see if ok with you.
Thanks and look forward to meeting up.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Glad you have so many things planned now. Get the hangover remedies ready for Sat. Have a great night out, you deserve it.
Jules
nomorepanic
18-08-04, 16:46
Sal
The night out sounds like just the right thing. Don't worry about the hangover - I will call you early Saturday morning to see if you are ok. LOL - only kidding - would I dare wake a woman with a hangover?
Have a great time ok and forget all the worries for at least one night!
x
Nicola
Caz Fab Pants
18-08-04, 17:21
Sal,
Go for it girl!!! Friday night sounds like a great idea, better start planning what to wear and call your friend to compare outfits in true 'girly' fashion.
Oh and just incase you text and dont get a reply over the next few days, its because my mobile has died. I'm not impressed at all as I feel one of my crutches has been taken away.
Going to Tesco now to do food shop and going to be a total whimp and ask Ed if I can take his phone.
Caroline :)
x
Not a wimp . Sensible .
and a bottle of water of course . lol
Love
Meg
Hiya Sal
Really looking forward to meeting up this afternoon - glad to hear the acupuncture is helping you too. I spend most of my in the little room looking at the pictures of acupuncture meridian lines on the wall and can't help noticing there's one in a very sensitive place if you're a man ...[:I]
I think Friday night will be just the ticket for you and as you say, you've got all Saturday to recover so you've nothing to worry about. Can't wait to hear how you get on!
Take care, lots of love Jo xxx
Hi all
Thanks for your posts, i am actually looking forward to friday night and even if i dont feel up to it i am going to push myself because once i had a few lagers and talked to my friends i will probably ok. Plus if i dont feel too good i can always come home but that will be my last resort.
Hi Caroline,
Hope the trip to tescos went ok, hope your phone gets sorted soon, i would be lost without mine as well, can see how you feel youve lost part of you!!
Hi Nic
How are you, sorry didnt reply yesterday but kept of site as had a bad day. Not feeling to good so might go and chill and post later.
Hi Meg
Hope you are well. Been talking about you today??? Nice of course.
Hi Jules
Yeap hangover remedy already by the bed, lots and water and plenty of sleep!!!
Hi Jo
Was great to meet you today, really enjoyed it. You are a really loved person, and can talk as much as me LOL
Will see you again soon.
Lots of love Sal xxxx
nomorepanic
19-08-04, 20:48
Hey Sal
You don't have to reply all the time mate - just when you are ready. You know where we are
xxxxx
Nicola
Hi Nic
Thanks mate. Just seems when i feel anxious like this i feel guilty that i havent replied when you have taken time to see how i am.
Just another worry that we all probably feel.
Hope you are ok?
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
Dont worry about it at all.
I dissapear for days at a time (checking posts each day but not having the oomph the reply) then come back one day and post for england...lol
i hope you are doing ok today mate!!
love Sarah
xx
Hi Sarah
Having yet another bad day feel all shaky and head is all over the place. The looking forward to tonight has turned to dread, busy pubs, talking when i feel like this.
But i cant pull out as my friends will kill me and i think they literally would. Well i have got a few more hours to get my head round it. I dont feel like eating but know i will have to as i cant go and have a drink with no food inside me.
Hope you are ok hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I'm sorry you're feeling bad again today. Did you get any sleep?
I hope you are able to enjoy your night out, you were so looking forward to it.
You know where I am if you want to talk.
Love Briary
xx
Hiya Sal
Oh poor you hon, I really hope you get to go out tonight mate. Just think of how proud you will feel when you get back home and show off to all of us what a fab time you had!!!!
Pamper yourself this afternoon, take it easy, relax and take your emergency diazepam in your purse just so you know its there and you will be fine.
take care mate
love Sarah
xx
Hi Sarah
I will make myself go and hopefully tomorrow will wonder why i got so chewed up.
I have got an appointment to get my hair cut at 5 and already questioning what if i panic and need to get out etc. But will go there and see how it goes. After i met Jo yesterday i went and bought myself a new top, so that cheered me up a bit.
So will have to go out to wear it tonight.
Thanks and will let you all know how it goes.
Love Sal xxxxx
Good luck tonight .
Anticipatory anxiety is almost the worst kind .. get stuck into a conversation and it'll get better quickly.
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
nomorepanic
20-08-04, 16:46
Hiya Sal
Bet you are looking gorgeous now - with the new hair do.
Have a lovely time tonight and enjoy it ok - you deserve a night out.
Take care
xx
Nicola
Hi Sal,
well about now you should be coming out of the hiardressers looking all glamed up[^]. Hope you do get out okay tonight and no panics. Take care,
love Tess xx
Caz Fab Pants
20-08-04, 18:43
Sal,
Have a great time tonight and try to pace yourself with the drinking, lol.
Dont worry about talking to everyone if you're feeling uptight, i know it can be so hard to chat when you're mind is going ten to the dozen. Just take a back seat but listen to what's being said and join in when you feel ready.
Will be thinking of you and hope your new hair doesn't get ruined by the rain (its chucking it down here!!)
Hugs,
Caroline :)
x
Hiya Sal
It was really lovely to meet you yesterday and I apologise if I talked too much (my mum says long before I could walk I was able to sit in my pram and recite nursery rhymes, so I've had extra practice on that front [:I]). Can't wait til we meet up again, I enjoyed myself so much and really feel a part of the forum now :D
Hope you're feeling a bit better about tonight now that you've had your hair done and feel all nice and girly. I'm sure once you're out there you'll have a good time and a glass of wine or two will help you calm down. Can't wait to hear how you get on...
Take care hon, lots of love Jo xxxx
nomorepanic
20-08-04, 19:37
Jo
Glad you enjoyed meeting Sal - it is so nice that this forum is bringing people together to meet up.
You have always been part of the forum Jo but I am pleased that you feel it has helped more.
Take care
x
Nicola
Hi All
Thank you so much for your well wishes for tonight, but as you will probably notice by the time i havent gone out and it wasnt my fault!!!! Got myself all sorted and was looking forward to it again, felt totally chilled. Went and got my hair done and i really like how she had cut it.
Then i got the dreaded phone call that is usually me that makes it. But Caroline isnt very well at all, Debbies husband got held up in a meeting down south so wont be home in time and have no one to baby sit.
So that went pear shaped, thought i might have been relieved but was actually gutted because had got my head round it and was actually looking forward to going in to the town as i know loads of people down there from my younger partying days LOL and was really looking forward to catching up with them all.
Typical i get my head round it and plus i have got Samantha.
Oh well we have arranged it for next Friday if i can get a baby sitter, which is unlikely but i will try and persuade my mum.
Thanks for all the support and so sorry i have no exciting gossip to give you all.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Jo
You have always been part of the forum like Nic says.
It was good meeting you and i look forward to seeing you sometime next week.
Hope you have a good weekend or at least a better one than the last.
Love Sal xxxxx
hey Sal,
You poor thing!! All ready to go and then that happens! how typical, huh?
Oh well, next Friday hopefully. if you can't find anyone to babysit Sal, you can always drop her off here if it isn't too far out of your way - that wouldn't be a problem at all!!
Look forward to seeing you and Sam on Wednesday.
Take care.
Sarah xxx:D
Hi Sal
Sorry about your night out. It's such a shame when you were looking forward to it. I hope you can get things sorted for next week.
I hope you've had a better day.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Sarah
Yeah i am looking forward to next wednesday day aswell havent told Sam yet as she will get over excited, you know how she does.
Thanks for the offer, never though about you, and wasnt hinting at all. But cant expect you to have her, she would wear you out or drive you in sane.
Sorry havent replied to your text but keep forgetting to take my phone out. Hopefully going to meet up with Jo later on in the weeks so would be nice if we could all meet up but we can arrange that on Wedneday.
So how are you doing, the driving going well i hope.
Speak soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Oh Sal, sorry to hear it all went pear shaped, thats just typical isn't it, it's usually the other way round isn't it, you plan to go out and then you just can't do it , never mind sal, look on the positive side, you saved yourself some money and maybe a hangover lol , Take care Sal, Tara xx
hey Sal,
Yeah, I would like to meet up with you and Jo. I had no idea she even lived near us.
I was serious when I offered to take care of Sam for you next Friday. She wouldn't be a problem at all!
Take care.
Sarah (seh1980) xxx:D
nomorepanic
21-08-04, 16:52
Oh Sal - what a let down after you had psyched yourself up for it as well!
Glad you like the new hair cut though lol
Maybe it will work out next week - let's hope so.
Hope you are having a chilled day today?
Nicola
Hi Nic
Yeah it was a bit of a let down as got my head round that i need to get out and get a life!!
Oh well maybe next Friday, and Sarah has kindly offered to have Sam.
Just pottering around today, got up early for me then went back to bed after a few hours. The anxiety is still bashing around in my head but i am starting to feel down with it, but i suppose i could expect that with how the week has been.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal,
sorry you didn't make it this time. Enjoy that new look now! Take care I'm off to Switzerland tomorrow [^] but [V] to the flying bit LOL!
Mind you Roge reckons I'll have to be surgically removed from ebay first:D.
I've just thought I know when I should have the colonoscopy - right after a flight when there is nothing in my bowels [:I] LOL
see everyone,
love Tess xx
Caz Fab Pants
21-08-04, 22:31
Sal,
What a bummer, bet you were well miffed. Hey-ho, with a bit of luck it will all work out next friday.
I know what you mean about anxiety getting you down after a while. Hope you're not feeling too naff as from what I know you've been doing really well just lately.
Cross your fingers my phone gets fixed soon, I'm really missing it even though Ed has lent me his. It isn't the same as although I can put my sim card in it I cant retrieve any of my numbers. So I'm very limited as to who I can call at the moment LOL.
Would love to have a chat on messenger sometime over the next few days if you get time.
Hugs
Caroline
x
Hi Tess
Have a brilliant time and you take care of yourself.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Caroline
Great to hear from you and i hope you are having a good weekend and the family are all ok.
Bet you are lost without your phone have been dying to text you but no point until you get it sorted.
Was a bit upset about friday night but at least it wasnt me making the excuses for once LOL
Would be good to chat on msn soon. Until then you take care and keep up the good work you have been doing, ok.
Lots of love Sal xxxx
Hiya Sal
Hope you're feeling a little better today. I guess being let down on Friday night hasn't helped your anxiety. I know you were anxious about going out but at the same time I think you needed it too. I really hope that you will be able to make it out next Friday and have some really good, hard earned fun.
Thanks Nic and Sal for telling me that I've always been part of the forum, that's such a nice thing to say. I really do feel like I've got so many friends here and I really appreciate everyone's support.
Take care, lots of love Jo xxxx
Hi Jo
Thanks for your post. I hope you are having a good weekend and enjoying the nice weather while it lasts.
Love Sal xxxxx
nomorepanic
22-08-04, 15:45
Hi Jo
Nice that you think of us all as friends now - thanks.
You will even get to meet up more with Sarah and Sal now so that is great news.
Hope you are ok today Sal?
Nicola
Hi all
Well coped only toooooo well last couple of days and thought i was on road to recovery. The BLIP over!!! But no such luck have been away with Sam overnight and coped (with diazepam) only one though, but came home tonight and it all went pear shaped.
Boring but short story, when my dad died my brother took over the farm since then it has been war between bruv and mother, so he has bought her a house away from farm so he can get on with his life, can see both sides, but she is choosing extra and she is paying for them so he is telling her to back of (as he is scared in 5 years she cant afford to live and he will have to bail her out) I am not close to mum but can see how she feels wants it to be the perfect home before she steps in it.
So i am piggy in the middle, whatever i say i upset one or the other.
Never been close to either but as they have always put me in the middle, so now they are asking for sides.
I cant do that and want to see them all happy then i can chill out. Brother has bought the house, and i appreciate that, but he got all my dads life assurance and mum wants to spend about £9,000 to put extras in and make it her home.
Can see how my brother is worried as if she spends it all now he will have to give her an income in later years.
Might sound strange but when my dad died his life policy was due to mum, me and John (my brother) but as farm was in bankrucpy stage he got it all. So mum has always held a grudge can understand it but believe if meant to be it happens.
So now although buying her an house which looks great but knowing the story it is least he can do, especially as he buys and sells them now, so i am left wondering who to support. Can see both sides and dont want to be dragged into yet another of their arguments, so have told mum tonight if she wants it all brand new and spotless to spend the money and tell my brother i have paid for it. He cant complain as will add value to his house. So obviously i havent got that money now, so going to draw up solilictors letter to say in 5 years time i will pay her that money.
What else can i do?
Love Sal xxxxx
Oh Sal, what a pickle.
I can see that this is a really tough one for you but its between your brother and mum and maybe its best if you try to step back a bit to see if they can work it out for themselves. Its not fair for either of them to expect you to take sides and I don't think it would be good in the long run anyway. For your own sake, you must try not to get too involved, especially as you're feeling a bit 'off' at the moment anyway. You are a lovely, hugely warm hearted person and I can understand you wanting to help your mum but do you really think its the right thing to do when you have yourself and Sam to think about? Maybe its time for you to think of you for once and let them get on with it - maybe they will reach some sort of a compromise?
Whatever you do, you know we are here to support you hon.
Take care, lots of love Jo xxxx
Caz Fab Pants
25-08-04, 13:20
Sal,
Hi mate. Just read all about the dilema but going to be totally honest by saying I'm struggling to grasp and make sence of the whole story. I'm sure you've explained it perfectly, I'm just being a thickie [?]
I'm assuming your mum doesn't have an income, except possibly a state pension so because of the whole farm incident your brother is providing her with a new home. However, if she doesn't have the £9,000 to pay for all this extra work herself why does it mean you or your brother have to pay?
I'm trying to put myself in your position by imaging how I would feel about my mum wanting to do up her prospective new home. Although I'm not sure my mum would want to burden me with a debt if she knew I couldn't afford it.
I'm probably seeing it all wrong but like I said at the start, I'm struggling to grasp the facts. At the end of the day it sounds like more for you to worry about which you could do without. Perhaps take Jo's advice and take a backseat in the hope they will sort it out for themselves or at least reach a compromise.
Hugs,
Caroline
x
PS Mobile is fixed :)
Hi Sal
Whatever you decide, don't get stressed by it.
I'm so pleased that you and Sam had a nice night away.
Take care
Jules
Oh yeah and enjoy friday night if you manage to get out
Sal,
Sounds like you're best off on the periphery and not fully involved or implicated .
You could stay out of it and not offer the money to Mum now and see how it goes.
In 5 years time if she needs it , you could offer to top her up if you feel so inclined and can afford to do so, rather than promise it now .
Its a long way off and Sam will be coming up to Uni time so it may be best for you and her not to overcommit yourself and have another yet another worry on board longterm .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi guys
thanks for you replies.
If so easy i would stay out of it. But i have my brother pressuring me then my mother calling me all upset and then the next time it will be all forgotten when the next call comes and she is all upset.
However i try to keep out of it they are dragging me in.
I went to see the house with mum today and managed to cut out some extra costs that she had on extras that she really didnt need, like fitted wardrobes in the second bedroom, which to be honest would only be used for if the odd friend stays or mainly Sam. What they were charging she could kit the whole room out in nice pine furniture, so she asked if i would do that room and the 3rd bedroom and get it into a study which i can do really cheaply and will look nice. she has not idea about furniture and how to do room that look just as good at expensive ones.
It is really getting to me as i went to Sarahs for tea tonight was lovely to be out and when i came home there was a message from my brothers wife.
They wont leave me alone and as they dont get on well they are both using me as a stepping stone.
I really dont need or can handle this pressure at the moment.
Thanks for listening.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi all
Well today has been a hard one for me, have felt really anxious all day and to the state where i am losing it again.
But a big thanks to Meg as she called me and sometimes it is so much better talking rather than typing it out. Thanks Meg your call couldnt have been better timed if you tried and was really good to chat with you.
Well i dont know what went wrong but felt really bad as soon as i got up, fought it for a while then my friend called round with a card and some wine to thank me for her support last week which was really nice.
But in the end gave in and took a diazepam, and feeling that anxious i dont feel it helped but struggled on and didnt take another one.
Really feel i need to get back to work and get into a routine again. I know it is nice to have time of work but yet again it gives me too much time to dwell on things, plus have had the added pressure of my mum and brother, which i didnt really need.
Feel the blips are getting closer together and get that depressed feeling as well, dont want to go back to where i was because even though i feel bad when i think about how i used to be it scares me and i wonder how i ever got through it.
Sorry for twisting just needed to get this of my chest.
Thanks
Love Sal xxxxx
Oh Sal hon, things seem to be really tough for you right now, you could just do with a break from all the hassle. I can understand how you feel you can't take a back seat from your mum and your brother but I'm sure if you explained to them that its putting you in a difficult position and making you feel poorly, they'll try to understand. Maybe getting back to work will help you get your routine back in order and give you less time to dwell. I sweat that the more time I have to think about myself the worse my anxiety gets! Hope you have a nice weekend honey, take care and have a nice bottle of wine to help you unwind.
Lots of love Jo xxx
Caz Fab Pants
27-08-04, 17:40
Hi Sal,
Sounds as though things are still pretty pants and its such a shame because you really are a lovely person and you dont deserve it.
Think you and Jo are right in what you say and going back to work will be a blessing in disguise. Always good to keep busy when anxiety is trying to get its foot back in the door, so to speak.
Sounds like you're using the diazepam sparingly which is good. Wish my doctor would let me have some, just for emergencies.
Keep us up to speed with how things are going so we know the panic monster isn't taking charge or causing too much upset.
Thinking of you.
Caroline :)
x
Hi Caroline and Jo
Thanks for your replies. Have had a pretty down day but seem to be perking up and i am going out tonigh (at last!!!) and i am really looking forward to it, can wait to get out of the house and forget about it all and have a good time.
Sam has gone to my mums as she had an operation yesterday on her knee and asked if Sam could stay with her and give her some help, and Sam wanted so that is one worry of my mind. Plus she is going swimming tonight with my brothers wife so will give mum some peace.
I think if either of them mention the house thing at the moment i will crack up, but they cant seem to see what a position they are putting me in.
Oh well i will forget about that. I am going to get ready soon, there are only two of us out, the other group we go out with are of to Durham, but we didnt fancy it so we are hitting Bishop in style. No doubt i will have a hangover tomorrow as Amanda can drink like a fish and we always end up last ones out.
Speak soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal, I'm so glad your off out tonight, sams taken care of, and hopefully you'll get some peace from the house suituation. I really hope you have a nice time, have a little drink for me, lol, Take Care Sal.............Tara xx
Hi Sal
I'm glad you are looking forward to your night out. I hope you enjoy yourself and forget everything else for a while at least.
Don't forget to have a drink for me!
Love
Briary xx
Hi Tara & Briary
Had a really good night out, so pleased i went out, but home now and feel so alone.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal , really glad you had a nice time, Sal it always works out like that. When i used to go out I used to feel great then when I got home I'd hit earth with a great big bump. After a sleep now perhaps you'll feel good....Take Care Sal.......Tara xx
Hi Sal
I'm glad you had a good night out. I think it is natural to feel alone afterwards. I know I feel like that if I've done been out with my friend and then come home to an empty house again. You should've texted me, I was still awake.
I hope you managed to get some sleep and are feeling better today.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Briary
Thanks for your reply.
I am feeling a bit of a hangover today but not as bad as i expected.
My neighbour has just been over and invited me to a BBQ at 5 today, so another session, as they always turn into late nights, but i might not keep up the pace and wimp out early.
Had a really good night and saw loads of people i havent seen for age and even got a few drinks bought, so overall a good night. I was canny drunk my mate rang me this morning and said i was really funny by the end of the night. I blame her for giving me too much wine LOL
Love Sal xxxxx
hey Sal,
Glad you are going out and seeing people!! Was nice to see you and Sam the other day - we should do it again sometime soon!! Take care
Sarah xxx :D
Hi Sal
I'm glad your hangover wasn't too bad. I woke with a headache, must have been in sympathy with you!
I hope you enjoyed the BBQ tonight. It is good that you are meeting friends and enjoying yourself.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Briary
Thanks for your the reply. Just got in from the BBQ so feeling quite tired now. Cant believe the children stayed awake so late so hopefully we will all get a lie in???
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Tara
You are so right after having a good night out like that you do feel a bump down to earth, if only it could be like that all the time!!
Hope you are ok hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sarah
Good to hear from you. Yes we will have to do it again soon, you and Ed could come over here soon. Sam loved it and thanks again for a great evening.
Speak soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
Sooo pleased you've had a good couple of nights out, bet you feel like you're back in the real world now!
Hope you manage to get a lie in this morning - I've been up and about since just after 6 as the dogs decided they were bored and hungry and started messing about play fighting and barking! Still, can't complain, they were left on their own for ages last night as we went to Redcar races with some friends and had a totally fab night. I love the old gee-gees and another friend of ours who's involved in racing managed to get us in free with owners badges, which made the evening even more special as we spent quite a bit of our time in the owners/trainers bar!
Looking forward to hearing from you Sal - I'm around until Friday (hee hee holiday time again) if you get chance to pop through, otherwise I'll be back on Thursday 9th Sept. If you don't fancy town and can put up with 2 big dogs, you and Sam are more than welcome to come to the house.
Take care, lots of love Jo xxxx
hi sal,
glad to hear you've been getting out and having a good time,
hope your hangover wasnt too bad......
xxx grace
its better by far at the rainbows end
to find not gold but the love of a friend.
Hi Sal
I'm glad you had a good time at the BBQ.
I hope you slept well and are having a good lie in.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Jo
Pleased you had a good night out too, 6 in the morning god its been a while since i have seen that, but i am back at work in the morning so i will have to be up at 5 YUK and on a bank holiday!!
Hope you are doing ok and i will try to get through to see you this week as i do need to go to Darlington as soon as i can get through.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Grace
thanks for that, it has done me good to get out as i was becoming a bit of a hermit, got myself in a bit of a rut, so hopefully i can start to pull myself out it.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal, up at five!, try and get some sleep tonight, even if you don't i'm sure after a day in work that will make you tired. Take care Sal...........Tara xx
Hi Tara
I will try to go to bed earlier than i usually do but yet again wide awake.
Hope you ok hon. Great picture.
Love Sal xxxxx
HI Sal ,
I really pleased to hear you've had a couple of good nights out this weekend . You really needed those .
Sleep well
Hope all is well when you get to work tomorrow .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Meg
Hope you have had a good weekend away and enjoyed it.
Feel a little bit stressed at moment as Sam has gone to her dads and keeps ringing up crying saying she is missing me, she did it after 30 minutes of dropping her off, but her has his girlfriend there so she probably does feel left out, so had a go at him and tried to get Sam calmed down but felt nothing but guilt, but i have to go to work tomorrow.
Had some hazzle with my mum tonight aswell, she lost the plot on me, a long story but i can see why the things that are going around her are going on, but she wants my sympathy and cant do that as what has happened to her is only natural.
Short post about it but at 13 she told me she was having an affair, which isnt really a good time to tell a child and has been going on since then 20 years. But recently his wift found out, and she invited someone round for a dinner party next week, who is the wifes best friend, and basically she said no. Normal and why cant she see that. I have never pre judged her on the affair even though at the time it tore my world apart and made me realise happy families are far and few between, especially with what i had been through, the only comfort to me was that they were together.
I will never forgive her for putting me through that at such an early age but i have to live with it. But how can i sympathise as my best friend would stand by me whatever, like i would her, so i cant get my head round she exptected the wifes best friend to be okay with her.
So had that grieve then Sam breaking her heart and have to be at work early on my own in office as bank holiday and i really cant cope with it.
The brave face is slowly sliding away. Then on top of that feel i have upset Briary which wasnt intended i was just trying to make her feel a bit better. It upset me when she replied to Nic then went off line.
Feel in a no win situation, then on top of that have erased your number from my phone when you called the other day, doing so well arent i.
Plus another twist my boss rang me today to tell me about tomorrow which i was trying to call him as you need to know the situation where i work and he said see you on Tuesday, but i have had tuesday down as leave for months as knew Sam would be back at school, so he isnt happy and after 2 weeks of he thinks i am taking the P***
Making a real mess of it arent i, thats why hiding and replying to post hoping to help others.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I just want to say again that you didn't upset me. I'm glad I saw your post because I would hate you to carry on thinking it and it adding to your stress. I'm glad I managed to get you by text to explain.
It sounds as though you are having a really stressful evening. You know I understand how you feel about your mum telling you about her affair when you were 13. I know I was a bit older, 15, when dad told me about the affair he was having but it is still a lot to deal with at that age. I don't know about you, but I really didn't need to hear all about my dad's problems with mum and details of their private life etc.
I hope things are okay for you at work tomorrow. Sorry I'm not very good at giving advice, but I hope you manage to get some sleep.
I don't think you are making a mess of things though. Hang in there.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Sal,
With you Sam has had your undivided attention continuously for a little while now and with her Dad she has to share him..
As you know only too well change is unsettling but she will get back into the swing of it but knows how to push everyone emotional buttons ..
I'm with you on the wifes friend side - but I guess when you're deep in the situation personally and have totally accepted what you've been doing for so long then its harder to see where loyalties lie and you assess situations differently .
As Briary says I don't know why parents feel they can off load on to their kids about their messy adult private lives. As if the kids aren't having enough teen age issues of their own to deal with.
The forum was certainly not helping last night . I managed to answer some posts/Pm's but not others I wanted to before I got chucked out alltogether.
I'll send you my numbers again . ..
Think last night was an overload situation where everything seemed to be going against you - just when you needed some help and support about going back to work after a couple of weeks off.
Had it been a different day, under other circumstances it would have been far more dealable with .
OI do so hope today is going well with you and look forward to hearing from you later .
The weekend went well. Felt like a cart horse but all that needed to be moved has been - to a variety of locations and the stuff that came back here is even in place and the cupboard rebuilt correctly.
Bit of a domestic getting dining room table in the house but all ok now . Thanks.
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Making a real mess of it arent i, thats why hiding and replying to post hoping to help others.
<div align="right">Originally posted by sal - 29 August 2004 : 23:12:26</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Sal, I don't think any of the problems you mention appear to be in any way your doing, and you shouldn't blame your self for any of them.
Just seems there is a lot of things going on around you, most of which you have no control over and you should be proud that you're dealing with them around your anxiety. If you can get through all of this, then once things calm back down a little everything should be a doddle [8D] .
Take care
mico
Oh Sal, what a pickle eh! As we all know with children they know just how to get what they want. As for parents (aaaaaaaahhhhhhh) they just don't realsie what they do and say has a direct impact on us, my mum blurted out one day when i was about 8 years old and i was sitting on my dads lap that he he no longer loved me and he had another women (bet she don't remember that !), but my parents were like yours and stayed together until 5 years ago. As for briary, shes told you evrthing is fine :) and as for deleting numbers, we're all allowed to get angry and do silly things lol (but people have done much worse). Your such a great person sal and give out so much support and advice, i reckon sometimes thing just get thrown at us just to wind us up and test our patience lol. Your a great person sal.........Take care tara xx (hope today went well !)
nomorepanic
30-08-04, 17:44
Hiya Sal
You do have a lot on don't you!
I hope you aren't taking too much on by replying to posts on here all the time. Don't forget to take some time out for you won't you.
How was the day back at work? Hope it was ok.
Chill out tonight and have a nice relaxing bath
:)
xxx
Nicola
Hi Meg
Thanks for your reply and pleased you had a good weekend.
Work went ok, seen as i was the only one in the office, i did the bare minimal that needed to be done, (lazy git i am), then went down to a wing to see a guy i am really good friends with and spend an hour chatting to him and having a cuppa, then when i went to the office, he came with me and stopped chatting for another hour, he can leave a wing as he is the boss, used to be my old boss and we hit it of from there.
It helped talking to him and he gave me a big cuddle to cheer me up, bless him.
I have been up to see my mum and she was still full of it all, repeating all i heard yesterday, so i made my excuses and left.
I finished work early and picked Sam up so she was happy i had come for her, her dad had gone out and his girlfriend was looking after her.
Still not feeling too good, felt ok at work though, not that i could get motivated, but know when i am back on Thursday i will have loads to do and hopefully keep me occupied.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Tara
I know you are so right at times parents dont realise what they have put you through. My mum has no idea how it affected me and still she cant see what she is doing.
Its like my life should revolve round sorting her life out.
Hope you are doing ok hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Mico
How are you doing hon?
thanks for your post, i agree just a bit too much going on at the moment and added to that feeling pretty anxious anyway and just getting to me.
What have you been up to recently?
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Nic
How are you?
Work went ok today, better than i expected, not that i got much sleep with all that is going on and as you know had no wine left, devastation!!!
Dont worry about me replying to post, it isnt too much, i would back of if couldnt cope, suppose in the job i am in i am always there wanting to help and offer advice to people. sometimes helps aswell helping others and put things in to perspective as we can all get bogged down with our own problems.
Hope you enjoy your week of work.
Love Sal xxxxx
Sal,
Glad it went ok...
A bit of routine and familiarity can do wonders .
Think Mum may respond to a bit of vague distancing and distraction when she starts going on at you and become attentive again when she changes the subject.
She likes attention so if she don't get any she may soon learn to some extent what will get a preferred response.
I agree it can be cathartic to repond to others. When I was posting on another site before finding this one and was still having bad times I found it good to see people journeys through it all and it made me realize how much I'd learnt and implemented ...and how good I was in comparison to those
newly diagnosed .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Meg
I agree responding to others post helps you put it all in line and helps you realise you are not alone and in my profession i am so used to offering advice and support.
Have tried the numb approach with mum then on different topics try to sound enthusiastic but it isnt working. If black was black she would swear it was white so i honestly cant win on that.
Just need to get back into work, into routine and start to get a life.
I know i am not feeling too well at the moment, but i am determined i wont go all the way back down that road to how i was. It was the most horrendous situation in my life and however long it takes to sort mum out and my brother i wont let them pull me down.
Thanks xx
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal honey
You know, its really no surprise that you're not feeling so great at the moment with all the hassle you have going on in your life. Maybe if your mum isn't taking the hint you might have to be more direct with her and tell her that the subject of the wife's friend is out of bounds and that you don't want to discuss it. Family's have a horrid habit of putting us in difficult situations don't they - mine are no different :D Just remember you have a duty to take care of yourself and Sam and as much as you like to help others, being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea with your family right now is not what you need.
Hope work goes OK for you this week, I reckon you'll feel a lot better once you're back in the swing of things. Don't forget I'm here anytime if you want to phone or text, you don't have to feel pants on your own.
Take care, lots of love Jo xxx
Hi Sal
Not been up to much recently to be honest. But doing ok I guess.
Good to see work is going well for you, and keeping up the positive attitude too. Doing good by the sounds of it, even if you do have a lot to deal with.
mico
Hi Jo
Hope you are doing ok and looking forward to your holiday.
Good to hear from you and it is good knowing you are only 15 minutes away if i need you, i appreciate that someone so close that understands what its like.
I have avoided my mother today, i went to see her yesterday and got her the shopping she needed in.
But i suppose tomorrow i will have to go and see her and see if she wants taking anywhere.
When i pick Sam up from school i am going to pop through to Darlington, so will call you and see if you are about and call for a cuppa if ok with you.
Speak tomorrow.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi
Not feeling tooo good!!!!
Guess bad day at work, put it all in and got no return.
I have lost interest but it pays the mortgage.
Am acting up tomorrow so brave face will be on, had a disagreement with a friend last night that really got to me. But can accept the slightest things upset me, its just me and i have to live with it.
Starting to get to me how paranoid i get and it is affecting my life.
How do i change and stop comments hurting me?
Actually need help here?????
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I'm really sorry you are not feeling too good and that work is not good.
I wish I could give you some advice on not letting things get to you and not letting comments hurt you, but I have the same problem and react by letting things get to me too.
I feel I let you down tonight because you wanted to talk to me and I couldn't answer the phone. I really am sorry. I feel so bad because you have always been there for me.
Love
Briary xx
You havent let me down at all, so dont worry please.
Would have been nice to talk but we can do that anytime.
Dont punish yourself ok hon.
Here if you need me.
Love Sal xxxxx
nomorepanic
05-09-04, 13:58
Sal
Sorry to hear that you are not so good again.
I think we are all over-sensitive so get hurt a lot more easily by comments than "normal" people LOL.
I get hurt easily too and just a little thing said can hurt a lot. I think some of that is self-esteem and we need to develop thicker skins sometimes.
Hope you are feeling a bit better today?
Big hug coming your way
xxx
Nicola
Hi Nic
Thanks for your post.
Have been feeling really bad all day but managed to get through work and ASO on the wing went ok.
I have taken a couple of my diazepam today as felt so over anxious, i even felt hyper if you know what i mean.
Well i havent been in long and mum has Sam as i rang her ealier and said i was working late and i knew i couldnt cope with her tonight. Well she has rang up crying so had to go and see her and make excuses about starting work too early tomorrow, so now i feel guilty for Sam.
I feel like a useless mother and i am sat here questioning what have i got in my life worth anything. I know when i think rationally there are loads of reasons but at the moment, i just feel so down and anxious that i cant take anymore.
I would have rang you but cant stop crying. I keep telling myself it will past, but then the what ifs come in, what if i cant cope with Sam tomorrow, what if i am going back to how ill i was before.
All too much at me to cope with and i really dont know how to get through the night.
Love Sal xxxxx
nomorepanic
05-09-04, 21:40
Hey Sal
I was going to call but I don't want to hassle you cos you have my number so you can call.
That may sound mad but I don't want to intrude on you at the moment if all you want to do is cry :( Sometimes I just want people to leave me alone when I feel like that.
Hey call me ok if you want - please don't do this alone. We are all here for you ok?
xx
Nicola
Hi Sal
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad today. You are not a useless mother just because you need some time to yourself.
I know it is easy to think there is nothing worthwhile about life when you are feeling low but it is just a blip. You have a lot to deal with and you do cope.
I'm not very good at this but I am thinking of you. I am here for you if you need me. I am sorry I can't actually talk to you on the phone but I will do anything else I can to help.
Love
Briary xx
Caz Fab Pants
05-09-04, 23:04
Sal,
Wish I could pop round to give you a big fat hug, sounds like you could do with one right now.
I know there's not much anyone can say at the moment that will change the way you feel but I'm hoping you will read all the replies you've had and feel a bit special. Everyone here thinks you are a lovely person who clearly has alot of qualities and spends a great deal of time thinking about others.
I'm pretty sure you are also a fantastic parent even though like all mum's you probably feel you could do better. I know I do.
My mobile number is the same and is in full working order, so if you want to text or even call feel free.
Hate to think of you getting strung out when you're on your own. Hopefully this will just be a temporary set back but just remember you're alot stronger than you think and will get through it no matter what. Its a fact, we are survivors.
Hugs,
Caroline :)
x
Hi
Thanks for your replies, it does make it easier to bear knowing people understand how i feel.
I have tried all night to make sense of it and i cant.
Briary sorry havent replied to your posts but cant think straight.
Nic, sorry wanted to call you but keep crying so now use trying to talk. Hope work goes ok for you mate.
Caz, made me smile knowing you are ok, will text you tomorrow.
Briary sorry havent posted you will try and read it now but head isnt with it.
Feel like such a failure at the moment, as i cant cope, it has been a long time since i have bailed out having Sam in such a determined way that i knew i couldnt cope.
I feel at the moment that i cant face another night on my own, I know i will and have to but its all too much at the moment how i feel.
Feel lke in a constant panic attack and it wont go away whatever positive action i take.
I am trying as dont want to feel like this but it wont go away.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
How are you you doing hon.
Please don't feel like a failure. You aren't but are just having a bad time with the anxiety. Things will get better but I guess it doesn't feel like it at the moment. I think you're right to take some time for yourself. You shouldn't feel guilty about Sam. I have no doubt that you are a great mum.
I find being gentle with myself (yes I can be sometimes) does help. Don't beat yourself up about how you feel, cos it just makes things more difficult.
Great big hugs to you and I'm here if you want to talk
Love
Jules
Hi Sal
How are you feeling today? I hope you managed to get some sleep last night.
Please don't worry about not replying to my posts. You need to look after you and not worry about me. You are obviously having a really bad time at the moment and you need to concentrate on looking after yourself.
I don't think you are a failure at all for feeling you couldn't cope with Sam last night. Everyone needs help sometimes and you just needed some time to yourself.
I am here for you if you need me. I am really sorry I can't talk on the phone with you, I know you wanted to last night and I feel really bad about that. I know it isn't the same but if you want to talk to me online I am here for you.
You do have people here who care about you. Don't do this alone. You are always there for everyone else but for now you need to concentrate on looking after yourself.
I really hope today is better for you. I'm thinking of you.
Love
Briary xx
Sal....
Sorry its a particularly rough blip.
There is no question about any sort of failure .
Its hard enough being a Mum, then add in working fulltime plus the sort of work you do and then load on current family issues and just as a bit of icing you have extra personal issues to manage .. is it any wonder you have bad days !!!
I'm around for any sort of chat if you want to have a good off load.
Love
Meg
Hi Sal, hope today has gone better for you. Sal your not a useless mum, you work full time, your a single mum, you help your own mum, you help people on the forum, jesus Sal you deserve a break from Sam and you should have one too, I can turn to my boyfriend when I feel I've had enough. You've said it yourself you not thinking rationally at the mo because your too worked up. Take a bit of time out for you Sal, have a nice bath, bottle of wine a nice meal (delivered of course) really pamper yourself. Your a great special person Sal, Take Care Sal .........Tara xx
nomorepanic
06-09-04, 21:20
Hey Sal
No probs you not calling. That is why I didn't call you cos sometimes we want to be alone and cry.
Don't forget you can call ok and I would take Meg up on her offer and have a good chat to her. She will sort you out.
Big hugs mate
xxxx
Nicola
Hi Sal, hope yesturday went ok for you and today as well, Take care Tara xxxx
Hi
Thank you so much for your advice and support.
Dont know exactly where it came from how i felt, but it knocked me for seven and i really thought i was losing it. Have had some terrible thoughs and got really scared when the diazepam didnt calm me down.
Feel a bit better know and have a bit more confidence now as how i felt and have come through it has showed me i can do it.
Never been so low when i thought there was no point and i got scared and it made it all worse. Not sure how i feel at moment but have made myself come on site tonight as was starting to hide.
Know i have a lot going on in my life at moment but nothing so major to make me how i was.
Sunday was a day i wont forget and how i got through it has given me some positive thinking. After the work senario then trying to ask Sams dad to help and my mum and they both rejected me was too much to take.
I always think i over react but it reduced me to tears at work and Dave who is a good friend was there and said it was really bad how they treated me but he gave me a big hug and promised to be there for me whenever i needed him and true to his word he has.
Sorry sounded so bad but i really thought i had lost it and there was no way back.
Will keep fighting it because i cant face those days again.
Hope you all are ok and thanks again.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
I'm glad you are feeling a little better today.
I've sent you a pm. I have been thinking of you and I hope things improve for you.
Love
Briary xx
I'm away from here but on mobile all the time
I think this is a cumulative effect of recent events coupled with escalating thoughts about deeply ingrained fears.
Its a blip and will pass. Well done for not hiding ...
Meg
Hi Sal nice to hear from you :) Thats not very nice of Sams dad and your mun not being there when you really need them, thats pants. It gets me real angry that you give so much and when you need a little back it's not there!! GGGGGRRRRRRRR. Sal you'll be suprised where you'll get the strength from to get through this, but you will find it and it'll make you a whole lot stronger. I'm really glad to hear you say you going to keep fighting, thats the way!!!!. Sounds like you have a good friend in Dave! Take Care Tara xxxxx
Hi Sal
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit more grounded. I have been thinking about you over the last couple of days.
I'm pleased you're back on the site. Once again you've shown us that anxiety won't win.
Take care
Love
Jules
Thanks everyone for your support.
Again i have slumped right back down today, and havent been able to stop those horrible thoughts and questioning what is the point of it all.
I asked my mum to help me tonight but she cant and Sams dad had rang so called him back when got out of work and he was at home and hadnt even bothered to call me to see if he could pick Sam up from after school care. I was late for Sam as i couldnt get away from work but didnt call him as he keeps telling me he doesnt finish work until after 7!!!
Been given promotion today for nearly 3 weeks, was really pleased and actually lifted my mood, but then to find other people have been slagging me for getting it, asking why they hadnt been chosen. So again with how i am feeling that really upset me.
Just woke up this morning feeling really down and anxious and cant seem to get away from it. Really thought i had moved on a little bit yesterday but today i have just got worse as the day has progressed.
Cant actually see the light at all at the moment and again am in the midst of another anxiety attack.
Hi Sal
I am sorry you are feeling down again today. Again, your mum and Sam's dad have let you down when you needed their help.
It sounds like the people at work are suffering from a case of jealousy because you got the promotion for 3 weeks and not them. You obviously deserve it and are the best person for the job or it wouldn't have been offered to you. You should be proud of yourself for earning the promotion with everything you have been going through.
I hope things improve for you. I am not feeling too good myself today.
Love
Briary xx
Caz Fab Pants
08-09-04, 19:57
Sal,
Basically things are pretty sh*tty at the moment then. Your colleagues sound like a great bunch...NOT (excluding Dave of course)
It doesn't sound as though Sam's dad realises where you are mentally and its probably because you're so good at putting on a front making you appear fine.
I know its desperately hard to stop worrying about the 'if, buts and whys' but do your best not to go down that route. I'm guilty of doing this alot when things aren't looking good and fret terribly about getting as bad as I've been in the past. Its a hard cycle to break because feeling down and negative breeds negative thinking.
Why not try going through your music collection and putting on some old tracks to lift your mood and have a boogie around the lounge to get the 'happy' endorphins flowing!
Also remember you are allowed to have these rough patches, we all have them and they're completely normal. It wont last even though it feels as though you cant step up a gear to get out of it.
Lastly, keep busy to stop yourself dwelling and try not to withdraw too much from the outside world. I could be wrong but I dont think being alone does any favours for us worry/anxious types.
Keep in touch and let us know how you get on over the next few days.
Hugs,
Caroline :)
x
PS I hope I haven't come across as a 'know-all' or a bossy boots, I'm just trying to come up with useful advice and its difficult to get across the tone in which its meant when its not spoken.
Hi Briary
Thanks for that. Did feel really proud i had got it but tomorrow i guess the one making all the fuss is going to put his case forward and probably will get his own way, so its short lived by all accounts.
Hope you are ok hon, will read your post soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Caz
How are you doing?
Thanks for that advice, and no you didnt sound bossy at all babe. I know when i feel bad i do withdraw from the outside world and dwell which tends to make it worse. But i get to the state where i cant be bothered to think, let alone communicate but i am pushing myself tonight.
Dave has been brilliant again today, I saw him at lunch time and told him i had got the promotion and he rang at tea time at work to congratulate me and i told him about what some staff had said.
So he has just rang again to see how i am doing now and give me some extra advice on what to say tomorrow to put my case forward.
He has been brilliant and seen as he saw me break down in tears the other day he realises how much this promotion will give me some confidence back.
So tonight i am going to list all the point why i should get the temporary promotion and when i was leaving work i even mentioned it to our number 1 governor how people were bitching. Dave reckons the number 1 would give it to me first anyway.
Cant win at moment, very defeatist attitude i know but feel whatever way i turn im getting negativity thrown at me.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal,
Seems to me you already have won.
You were the first choice for this promotion - not this gobby chap whos creating all the fuss. If it is overturned you still were their first choice and that cannot be taken away.
Being alone with negative thought pattern is not helpful especially when you're such an outgoing person. You would really benefit from something outside of work and Sam -something possibly like being involved in a drama group - not to be the star if you didn't want to - lol - but its lively and lots of diversity of people and things needing to be done both in front and behind the scenes and whatever you did would make a difference.
Sams Dad is unlikly to offer to do more than he has to, so unfortunately down to you to subtely organise him to meet your needs rather than relying on his good will.
Think about what he must do to forfill his responsibilities that will help you out a bit more too and try to implement it quite slowly so he doesn't notice that things are changing.
I hope things went ok today. Catch you later
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Meg
Yeah is down to me but i cant handle it.
Helped talking to Nic tonight, but have just posted to Marco how i feel about him, Dan and Karl could have it wrong but said my piece.
Today was worse than yesterday, cant see the light and the anxiety is rising. Have taken my diazepam but it didnt work so where do i turn now.
I am so scared that i am going back to where i was. Meg i cant do it again.
Merlinssister
10-09-04, 10:24
Hey sal. I hope you managed to get some sleep last night, and that you've woken up feeling a little better. From reading some of your other posts here and elsewhere you sound like an amazing person, and are coping wonderfully. Hang in there!
nomorepanic
10-09-04, 20:19
Hi Sal
Thanks for the call last night. Hope I cheered you up a bit.
I had a relapse like yours and thought I was never going to get over it.
Not sure how I did but I just tried all the things that I thought may work and one of them did - not sure which one.
Don't worry about the guys (Karl) etc they needed to know how you felt.
Hugs and a big kiss and how are you feeling today?
Nicola
Hi Sal, nic said she was on the phone to you last nite while we were in chat, hope she helped you!!!. Hope your ok sal, thinking of you Tara xxxx
Hiya Sal
So sorry to hear that you're still feeling lousy and having a rough time of it. Maybe you're fighting too hard this time - you will get through this and you will feel good again but perhaps you need to be honest with your family and Sam's dad about what you are going through right now and ask for a little extra support to help you through this bad patch? Don't think you're a bad parent just because you're finding it hard to cope right now - I think the fact you know you need some help with Sam shows what a good parent you are because you're putting her first and thinking of her needs. You are a top notch person and a fantastic mum and don't forget that.
As far as the promotion goes, you have lots of reasons to be proud :D. You were the first choice and that is because you are damned good at you job and its just a case of sour grapes from the sad acts who have been bitching. I know its hard to be tough when you're feeling so sensitive but you really must see what's going on for what it really is - petty jealousy. Best to try really hard just to ignore them.
Don't forget I'm just a phone call away - like Nic I don't want to intrude on your privacy if you need to be alone but please, I really mean this, you can call me any time at all if you want to chat or get it all off your chest.
Hope things look up for you really, really soon,
Love and hugs, Jo xxx
Hi
Thanks for all your replies. Nic did make me feel so much better and gave me the reassurance i needed.
Have had another day but didnt take my diazepam and tried to fight it. Woke up feeling so bad but motivated myself and only did a little in the house then Dave from work called over, after he had gone maybe i did give in but i went back to sleep and slept for 4 hours. Have Sam tonight and have had a good night with her and have tried to dismiss how i feel.
At end of day it isnt her fault and she doesnt understand.
I have had a go at her about her behaviour when i have to work and she cries and how she makes me feel, right or wrong but needed to let that bit out.
Still trying to keep head above water and struggling but without you all i think i would have been temped to give in to it all.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Sorry to hear you had another bad day but it is good you are fighting it. You have a lot to deal with and it's bound to affect you but you do well to keep fighting.
I'm glad you had some company with Dave. He sounds like a good friend.
Thanks for your text last night. I'm always here by text if you want.
Love
Briary xx
Merlinssister
12-09-04, 11:14
Hey Sal. Sorry to hear you're having a bad time still. If you use Yahoo IM always feel free to give me a ping if you'd like a chat about life, universe etc. :D
MS
Hi MS
Thanks will do that. Hope you are feeling ok today, well done.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Briary
Thank you for your support, appreciate it hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thought i would post about today, been a hard shift but later on it got harder and i feel i totally lost reasoning and how to cope.
Was on a wing and a cell bell rang so i answered it and they guy (known to be a pain, as to why i was on wing) had set fire to his mattress. I reacted but i dont feel the right way. Straight away my head went into put fire out mode and ran in to do so. Should have opened the door let him out then put the fire out but didnt do that. I did tell him to move out of the way and the door was open but was so pre occupied by putting the fire out.
In reality i should have kicked him out then dealt with the fire. Not saying he was harmed at all and he did walk out of the cell, it was me that got all the smoke inhalation, but only minor. Just wished now i had told him to get out then dealt with the fire with a water hose, but scared it escalated so did the instinct act. But looking back now i should have told him to leave then got the hose even if the whole cell had gone up no one would have been hurt.
Cant get it out of my head, and feel like i am crap at my job now, another reason to cruzifiy myself, and as we anxiety suffers know it doesnt take much.
Dont get me wrong feel ok and have replied to post to take my mind of it but feel i failed at my job and didnt put his safety first.
Dont suppose it has hit me the reality of the situation yet, as i am one of those that copes in stress then afterwards falls to bits, but will try to move on again and put it down to experience.
Thanks for listening.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
14-09-04, 08:42
You sound like you were running on instinct, and the first thing your mind would have told you to do would have been to put the fire out.
Be kind to yourself. You're not crap at your job. You did what you needed to do, even if in an ideal world you would have done it slightly differently.
So really Sal, the right thing did happen, he had space to move out of the danger zone and you did indeed tell him to move out of the area , so its what you're saying you wanted to do with one sentence ( direction ) less. I think that's totally fine .
He could see to himself and you enabled that by leaving the door open - and you saw to the fire .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Sal
Hope you are feeling a bit more positive today.
I think you acted instinctively too and that you still got the right result in the end. It's easy with hindsight to say I should have done something else instead.
If I were you, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. You worked well in a stressful and dangerous situation.
Love
Jules
Hi Guys
thanks for your replies. Any incidence like that we probably always are going to think we should have done this or that rather than but i suppose it is human nature. But at least all end safely.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
Hey, stop beating yourself up about something that you did well! Ok, so you may be a little annoyed that you didn't perform the textbook operation but then in the face of a fire I'm not really sure who would. You did the right thing in leaving the door open so he could get out and then attending to the fire - your instincts were totally right and everyone is ok.
Keep your chin up babes, you're doing really well :D
Lots of love Jo xxx
Hi Jo
Thanks for that. Have stopped dwelling on it and now i have experience on that situation will know what else i could do.
Hope you are doing ok hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
nomorepanic
19-09-04, 17:01
Hey Sal
Sorry that you had to go through that - must have been scary!
Your instinct was right - put the fire out and he could have easily walked out so you don't need to worry about that!
Glad that you are over it all now and have put it into perspective. You are not crap at your job, it is a difficult job to do and you do it the best you can.
xx
Nicola
Hi Sal
How you doing, you feeling any better?
Jules
Jules
Hi Jules
We get scared to say it dont we incase we are tempting fate. But yes i am feeling a lot better thanks, getting back to how i was.
Work is really stressful at the moment so i am trying to slow down and not let it get too me. Saying that it did today but i removed myself from the situation and went for a walk around the jail. So at least i know i can walk away from it whereas before i felt so guilty.
Thanks for asking how i was.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
Great news babes :D. Isn't it amazing just how grateful we are to feel something near normal? I've got everything crossed for you that you're on your way up again!
Lots of love Jo xxxxxxx
Thanks Jo
How are you getting on. Hope we can meet up soon for a cuppa and a chat.
Havent had a good night, started to feel anxious and cant slow it all down but know i can. Come on site to take my mind of things and hopefully will be off to bed soon to get some well need sleep.
Until i see you take care hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Well done on walking away from the stressful stuff at work. Doesn't it make you feel better.
Hope you are feeling a bit more settled today and got a good night's sleep
Take care
Jules
Jules
Hi Jules
Practice what you preach is my next adventure. Walked away yesterday but let them suck me in today and felt like i was cracking up.
Not sure i like this promotion game as its all down to me and i havent got enough hours in the day.
Love Sal xxxxx
Yeah I don't play the practising what I preach game very well either.
I know how you feel I need about 48 hour days at the moment. You take it easy though and make some you time.
Jules
Thought i had cracked it and moved on and felt a lot better. But work has become more stressful and when you get tired and head battered you make mistakes and i made one yesterday and it totally back fired it my face.
Toiled someone of and had even checked the reserve list but didnt see this guys name for some reason and i cross deployed one over to his wing and she opened her mouth and told him that i had toiled someone of so he wasnt happy and cant blame him but was genuine mistake.
So talking to my mate today after i sorted it last night and started crying on duty last night, was told that he hadnt had a go at me so why did i get upset.
Like he is going to say he had a go at me. But what hurt the most was the person who said he had denied having a go at me is a friend and questioned me. And on top of that wanted to tell her that after to talking to her last night and i am 100% sure she could tell i had been crying why she hadnt contacted me to see if i was ok.
Me been too soft i know and i wish i wasnt like that but its me.
Made a mistake and still getting grief for it now.
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
24-09-04, 19:46
*hugs*
You're human. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks Merlin
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal,
Everyone makes mistakes hun!! Trust me, I know I have made my fair share!! All you can do is get on with life and try not to make the same one again, huh? Don't beat yourself up about it!! Take care.
Sarah :D
Thanks Sarah
It was only a minor mistake and just something i missed at work but everyone seemed to take it the wrong way. I got upset because i have been feeling a bit put on at work at the moment and think a bit of pmt crept in LOL.
But i am of over the weekend so hope i can have a nice lie in tomorrow.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal
You know, its the most human thing on earth to make mistakes from time to time, everyone does it. Trouble is that us folk are such perfectionsits that we beat ourselves up when we do the slightest thing wrong! Stop being so hard on yourself babes - here's A REALLY BIG HUG from me .....
I'm doing OK although I've been fighting off a cold for the last week and when I feel poorly I feel anxious and I've been getting those horrid 'fizzy' feelings in my tummy rather too often. Also I've enrolled back at uni so I guess I'm a little nervous about starting my new course, sitting in 2 hour lectures and the workload etc. I'm in every Tuesday and Thursday starting this week but it would be great to meet for coffee on the days in between ....
Lots of love Jo xxx
Lisa Marie
03-10-04, 03:47
Hiya Sal,
I am fairly new to this site. You have replied to my posts each time and I am so grateful as you really do help me. I have read this post from the beginning and I never realised that you too were actually suffering too right now. May I first of all commerate you on being so supportive to everyone else yet still be going through similar probelms. You are amazing. [Wow!]
I really hope you are feeling better, I know how hard it is to cope, only after about 3/4 years did I actually realise I was suffering from panic/anxiety attacks (doctors are useless). You seem to have overcome this at some point but have took a few steps back.
As you very well know these things happen too often and are very hard to overcome. Work situations (and yours seems to be very stressful by reading past posts) dont help however it does keep your mind occupied. It is a no win situation. Take time off and you get bored and your mind works overtime resulting in silly 'what if thoughts' and the like. Go to work and it stresses you out adding to the usual load you worry about anyway!
Sorry to go on, I didnt mean this to be a long post! You obviously have a lot of support on here, in post and personal form. It really does help to have someone there to listen (and vent!) to. Yet it seems to be down to our own minds to overome this terrible affliction. How do we do that forever? I'm sure if someone knew the answer to this they would be a millionaire by now. But at this moment its down to people like you that understand this 'condition' and offer advice which seems to help us along.
I sincerely hope you feel better soon hun. I know only too well the feelings you describe in your past posts.
Love and best wishes,
Lisa.
xxxx
;)
Hi Lisa
Thank you so much for that post after a bad day that is first post i have read and feel so much better.
I do hide behind it and try to help others and when i sometimes read my posts i cant believe it is me as i know how i feel.
Thanks for that really needed it and hope all is well with you.
Love Sal xxxxx
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