View Full Version : Making mistakes.... is scary....
Hmmn well today turned out to be a really bad one, somehow I managed to really mess something up at work, big time. Potentially another colleague of one is also responsible for the mess up.
Today it was a major battle just getting through the day.
Like anyone, I hate making mistakes.
First thing this morning my manager blurted out across the office something about about what's happened. It came as a big shock.
It was a pretty horrible feeling I have to say, being plunged into fear at the drop of a hat. one minute it's all good. The next I am trying to sort out an almighty mess.
I told myself I am not going to get upset, I am not going to cry.
I need to focus, it's important I sort this out.
So for about 20 mins I got together information that was needed to help sort this out. I was pleased I stayed level headed. Of course I was still expecting the tears to come.
When I was little and then growing into adulthood, I had very critical parents. Often if I had "misbehaved" my mother would say stuff like "get out of my sight" or "wait til your father comes home". That really scared the hell out of me.
To this day, when things go wrong (but especially big time like this) it triggers instant fear. I am in so much trouble.
Even though I know my fears are relating to the past, I still get this disproportionate reaction. I wish I was able to stop it.
After about 30 mins my composure deserted me & I started to cry. There was no point trying to hide it as we are in an open plan office. To my surprise (& relief) my manager actually sang my praises and told me not to get so upset. She said we all make mistakes & the important thing now is to deal with it in the best way we can.
Trouble is, they don't know my background and why I got upset. I know that making a mistake doesn't make me a bad person or instantly change me in some way. i am not suddenly bad at my job, in fact one thing my manager said was that if I wasn't as organised, well I wouldn't have the job in the first place.
Despite all that, I had this huge stress over it all, I can see clearly that the stress I feel isn't so much about now, today. It's a build up of what I have carried around for many years. I do struggle with not getting upset in highly stressful situations like this but I am much better than I used to be.
At lunchtime I took a walk, I needed to think about this whole thing. I had two options, fall apart completely & be no use to anyone ... especially my employers. Or I could go back in, get stuck in to my work again. Well I did the latter, went back to work. It wasn't easy at all. I just felt so awful. My mind kept returning to what had happened. It muddied my thoughts. It made it so hard to concentrate but I did get though plenty of work.
In the end, that's what you have to do, get stuck back in. I knew there was no point in dwelling, but saying that, it isn't easy. I spoke with different colleagues about what happened and they all said the same thing. That people do makes mistakes and not to worry too much.
But I just hate that anticipation, the fear. Like I am really "going to get it". My big bosses are in next week so I am anticipating they will say something. They are entitled to since of course it is their company. I hope I can keep my composure then.
My plan is to enjoy the weekend, I am not at work now and this is my private time. So I shall try not think about it too much. It's inevitable I will think about it at some point but I am not going to think about it non stop as I don't want it to spoil my weekend.
So, I know the situation is far from sorted out but this first stage is at least done with now. I even managed to remind myself that although this doesn't feel great, as I said.... I am not suddenly bad at my job, also compared to the traumas people go through in life... This really is nothing.
Also, in the midst if all this, I was able to show my emotions and far from being vilified, I was given support. Seemed odd really, that on the one hand i feared I was for the chop and then on the other ... I was given praise.
Oh well, it is time for me to stop thinking about this now. I hoped that sharing might help someone else as I know only too well how awful situations like this can make you feel.
So Sorry you had a bad day today. These things to do happen from time to time and I think you handled it pretty well.
I know how you feel about the emotions stemming from your childhood, I had a similar situation myself. And, I hate making mistakes and failing and have been known to breakdown in tears in many situations during my work life.
I'm not a baby, neither are you, people do not understand. You could be 105, and still feel the same way. You feel the same inside no matter what age.
And, like me, you are a fighter, you did exactly what I would have done as you don't want to let anyone down. We always think the worst and like you, was fearful of losing your job. Everything can be rectified somehow and your Manager has already reassured you that he does not want to lose you.
Chill out the week-end, try not to let it worry you; ha ha, whatever will be will be anyway, you can't control that.
1. You know you are a good person.
2. You know you do a good job.
3. You know you are a survivor.
Sending you a Hug.
:hugs:
I understand how you feel. Similar things have happened to me & I have felt bad, ashamed & fearful.
You worked hard to sort out the problem & importantly your manager & colleagues were supportive. Don't give yourself a hard time and learn from the experience.
I'm sure the big bosses will appreciate your efforts. Remember they make mistakes (very big ones I'm sure!) but may not tell all the staff.
Perhaps your parents had a low tolerence threshold & thats why they were too harsh & punitive -not realising how hurtful & intimidating they were to a child.
Tessar, I am sending you hugs.:hugs::hugs::hugs:every thing will be all right.
Have a good week end xx
I totally know how you feel! I'm a perfectionist, everything has to be incredible when I work. If I make a mistake I'm terrible at forgiving myself.
You are really lucky to be in such a supportive work force. Once I made a mistake at work (just after my grandparents died) and I was publicly reprimanded, then privately reprimanded too, and my manager didn't accept that I didn't know to do something and believed that I was just careless. I had forgiven myself for that mistake until she spoke to me... I got made redundant three weeks later - nothing to do with the mistake but it sure left a bad feeling.
You are really lucky to have a wonderful team who are supportive if you cry. Wish I could work there! :)
Oh, how many times have I started crying and embarrassed myself at work? The answer is a lot, lol. I know how you feel, when you realize you messed something up, then freeze, face goes hot, lump in throat, etc.
Try to remember that even our bosses make mistakes. We are human! I hope you are feeling better.
Thank you everybody very much. I have been for a lovely long walk today, round a pretty village & it's surrounds (I'm away for a couple of nights with my partner). Part way round, my mind did slip back to the events of yesterday & I felt much better about it.
during the night I woke many times, each time thoughts were there in my mind bout all this, words to do with it that seemed to be spinning around.
I would compare how I feel to the way I have been when I've run a high temperature. On those occasions I have had a repetitive & very intense dream. Usually rather unpleasant.
I'd relate last night to that but having a temperature of my brain rather than body if that makes sense. I equate these situations to my body exercising the germs .... Or in this instance working the bad day out of my mind.
Swgrl, u describe it so well.... About you freeze, face goes hot, lump in throat ....
Funnily enough my manager did tell me of instances when both our bosses (& she) made mistakes.
It was odd, I have never been in a situation when I messed up, got upset .... And the people (especially senior to me) tried to make me feel better.
Perhaps because I wasn't afraid to hide my feelings (like I could possibly have done that) I was rewarded with support. So many times I've been on the receiving end of unpleasantness from bosses. I anticipated vilification.
I am indeed lucky to be supported this way. Very lucky. actually that sort f made it feel harder at the time,,, but that is because i have been dumped i so many times.... i really never anticipated a more positive reaction.
but my colleagues know I care about doing a good job. That's obviously why they didnt want to see me upset, I guess too... They all know it could happen to them... Perhaps they felt my pain!
What I need to do is really take on board what has been said. Both at work and by people here. The positives of a bad situation.
My instinct (the way I have always reacted) is to carry on berating myself. yesterday I thought of something I wanted to say to one of my big bosses.... Then I thought "oh he won't want to know me so no point even attempting to speak to him n a social level".
But then I stopped & thought .....one thing I know my colleagues (all of them) like about me is that I am always cheerful, helpful, nothing is too much trouble. Even when "the chips are down" (for me or my colleagues) I will still try to be upbeat.
Why change that now? If I mope about then I am just not doing myself justice. So no way am I going to trudge down the negative route. I'm typing this thinking "do I really believe that"? Right now it doesn't matter.
Right now I am deciding to be positive even if caving in feels easier. Yes, that's it isn't it. Caving in, crumbling & allowing a spiral of negativity overwhelm me would actually be easier. It feels much harder to stand up & be counted. I have visualised that big boss of mine thinking "look at her, screws up & then acts like normal as if it doesn't matter". But I am sure he knows, like all my colleagues is very much does matter. In fact I have no idea what he might think, do I? Mind reading again....
Lucinda, I am sure my parents didnt know how harsh they were. Even now they don't. It does feel easier to slip back into the old pattern of behaviour but I am determined to fight it. Just because I was made to feel so bad all those years ago doesn't mean I have to continue feeling bad now.
Lior, that was awful the way you were treated..... Employers sometimes do let people down. Hopefully you were able to reiterate to yourself that it was ok to forgive yourself for the mistake?
Carnation you are right.... I am a good person, a survivor & I am good at what I do.
Thank you magic, your words and hugs are reassuring :-)
What I need to do (& I am sure I will do) is get back into my job & carry on as I always do :-)
It's very helpful having people to confide in, that's what I like about this place.
This just shows what a caring, sensitive, conscientious and dedicated person you are because if you were not all of those things you wouldn't give a damn about what has happened.
Okay so you made a mistake and quite a big one but A) you are probably only partially to blame for it. B) It was a MISTAKE. Mistakes happen and I am sure your big bosses have made some in the past too. We all have and when I was at work if a mistake was made even if I knew it was someone else I used to panic and get upset in case any one would think it was me and the real person wouldn't own up! :D
Yes some of your reaction came from your past and you expect others to respond and treat you the same way as your parents did but your manager has already shown you that most people are much more understanding.
Well now it is the weekend so SWITCH OF WORK THOUGHTS AND GET OUT THERE AND ENJOY YOURSELF!! okay...that is an order from me (sorry I know you don't like being shouted at but it was a nice shout :) )
U r rite, Annie...... it IS the weekend & time 2 switch off....... i am Going to follow orders.
Its all about separating the past from the present.... i think at the moment i am perhaps less worried about the mistake and actually more mindful of my reaction to it.
It really brought it home 2 me how my reactions are disproportionate.
Its spotting when you overreact and why (& then listening to the voice of wisdom aka my friends here.... including you)
Don't worry...be happy :)
Just adding to the already great replies here because I'm so the same with work mistakes. It's an awful feeling, isn't it? But how else are your employers going to know you can handle everything unless they see that you can handle mistakes too? Its all a learning curve, even years down the line. The feeling sucks though, I know. But I think you handled it well :) in a way it's good you felt anxious because it means you like the job and don't want to let them down at all? I know I'd still be a mess without my job and my amazing team there.
Lyn, my manager said she'd be more worried if it didnt matter. Of course she was angry it happened but getting it sorted was her main concern.
I find it hard not to "look over my shoulder" at work. It was ok til a particular colleague seemed to make me & everything i did "her business". Since then.... its been hard switching off her "critical voice".
Really... this situation represents an opportunity to sort all of this out.
Luckily I've got tomorrow off :-)
There seems to be an interfering nosy parker in every workplace! Make the most of your day off tomorrow.
Yeah 'fraid so, Lucinda, she really gets on my nerves at times, like I can breath without her noticing. Pleased to say I really did make the most of my weekend including the day off.
Back in work today, a difficult and not particularly reductive day but I stuck at it. Alot going on in my office (that's not to do with me but impacts on me) which is making the atmosphere difficult.
Anyway, I got on with it today. Even tho my mind was telling me I needed punishment (for making a mistake) I talked back at my negative voices. Stood firm. Just did what I do best and got on with my work.
At times I felt a bit apprehensive, like what if I screw up again.
But the advice I give other people is to carry on as normal. To be yourself.
So that's what I did.
Seemed like incredibly hard work but I know if I keep at it, things will settle down.
My anticipated "grilling" by my bosses (in my kind's eye -a separate grilling from each boss plus a private meeting with them where they would "take me apart") never materialised... Of course.....
If I listened to all the rubbish my mind spouts out.... Well I wouldn't ever dare make a decision ever.
No point in that eh?
All the decades of experience I have would go to waste.
Well,I am not going to let that happen.
No.
Great thread Tessar. Sounds as if you enjoyed your weekend and put things into perspective. Good for you.
Great thread Tessar. Sounds as if you enjoyed your weekend and put things into perspective. Good for you.
Thank you very much Tanner.
Today felt better...... If I am patient I know I will feel more confident.
I had to put stuff together (of the same type that the mistake got made over).
Usually I "do it without thinking".
Us I was mindful today of what went wrong before and tomorrow I out the "finishing touches" to the work.
It's up to me now, as usual everything's been checked by a 2nd person.
After that it is my responsibility.
I will be careful but then I am always careful.
Whatever happens I shall jut keep plugging away :-)
Glad you are feeling better ... Nice to hear :)
Well.... The whole episode was put to bed today. I checked with my Manager if I had done everything I needed to...and she was happy with the outcome. That was it. No problems. No being haled over the coals. Nowt. Amazing, I had anticipated being vilified, made to feel such shame. But it didn't happen. The worst didnt come about, must try to absorb this for
future reference.
I am so busy this week as someone's on holiday. Don't like it this busy as it's stressful.
Only 4 days to cope. Hope I can manage it.
Oh while I think of it, a 2nd potential disaster could have happened as a colleague gave me the wrong file to do something with. I don't know how I spotted it was wrong but there would have been implications if I hadn't noticed.
She apologised, I made certain people knew it wasn't my mistake. I jut didn't want to be blamed for something I had nothing to do with, not so soon after the other thing. But I didn't make a big sing & dance as that wouldn't haven fair to my colleague.
You see some people treat other people as normal human beings and accept that mistakes will and do happen...no point hauling anyone over the coals about it as that would achieve nothing. We get so scared sometimes of consequences and it can be a pleasant surprise when it is better than we expect :)
I am still amazed it all petered out, I have been so used to things coming to a head and then I get reminded constantly of how bad I was.
Mind you, a few years ago my therapist pointed out to me "you have a very good memory". In other words.... I remind myself of past mistakes, I don't let myself forget it.
I worry that other people (bosses) will always remember.....
But in reality.... Normal, rational people deal with it & let it go.
I am realising now that the bosses i have worked it's before weren't rational, they had issues & they'd bring their issues into the office.
At least now I know the people I work with are normal & rational ..... :-)
I am just the same with my memory...I seem to remember all the bad things that happen and not the good. Maybe every time we remember something not good we should make ourselves remember a good time :)
Very true.
I "got one over" on a horrible boss..... A few years ago now this is.
I had been signed off with depression - in part because of him. I decided I would get myself back together..... Go back to work... Show them how great I am at my job.... and then leave. Well, I didn't have to leave as I got made redundant (they made all of us redundant). But... I ended up feeling confident.
My horrid boss on the other hand, well he continued to have issues with his "ego".... I think he always will.
Me........ I came out of it far stronger as a person. I can look back on it all and see how he would suck the life out of people.in the end I stopped him doing that to me.
I don't let people do it to me anymore.
I was feeling more confident at work today. I still double- and treble-check what I am doing, but then I always did. Can't say fairer than that.
The manager I thought might be nasty because of the mistake has been absolutely fine,
It's changed nothing, she was nice to me this afternoon. Long may it last.
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