View Full Version : My story. What next? Meds, therapy?
Rosiebee87
17-08-14, 08:14
Really relieved I have found somewhere to talk where other people understand.
My health anxiety has been with me for a while I think but has never got to the point it is taking over my life, which I feel it is now.
The worst of it started around 6 months ago. I was in the process of buying my house. I started developing some breast sensations on the left side, itching, aching. It lasted a good few weeks and in that time I made numerous trips to the gp and had an ultrasound to rule out breast cancer. They blamed hormoans.
I seemed to calm right down after that and the sensations went away.
Fast forward 3 months or so and the sensations came back which has now caused me to demand another ultrasound (this Friday).
Whilst waiting for that appointment I have had a sore throat which I panicked could be throat cancer. It's left my glands swollen so I'm thinking my body is fighting something serious.
I found a bruse on my arm yesterday with tiny red scattered blood spots (like freckles) the night before. So thought I had lukemia.
This morning I've woken up examining my breast trying to find lumps which I am discovering as you do get lumps and bumps in there.
I still haven't completely lost my rational self. I find myself trying to calm myself down as I do suffer with panic attacks which my doctor gave me 10mg beta blockers for which work like a charm on a as and when basis.
However this is all really real for me. I'm 26 and a mum of 2 young children.
I'm bottling up these fears the best I can as I can't break down in front of them.
I'm on the waiting list for cbt but am told the health type has a long backlog.
I'm not sure I can wait till then as daily I seem to be getting worse.
I'm thinking about medication, but not sure it will be enough to help this type of anxiety..
And then sometimes I start thinking I'm blaming anxiety to play down what's really wrong with me. It's all so hard.
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To add to all this, my health anxiety is causing me so completely go into myself. I'm finding it hard to enjoy anything. Days out with my little family I just want to cut short and go home. I went out for a meal with my other half last night but I really forced myself to go. If I had my choice I would have like to have gone to bed and cry.
I sleep really well due to running round after 2 toddlers, so I love my bedtime where I can switch off. As soon as morning comes I seem to dread the day ahead.
This is not the way I want to live my life :(
Hi,
Really sorry you going through all this...I do feel for you. Must be really terrible! Wish I can give some advice on positive thoughts etc but I'm a worrier myself! It's a vicious circle and I also wished my symptoms were related to being too worried but I just can't..
Rosiebee87
17-08-14, 08:33
I think the fact I've already had an ultrasound and knowing surely I can't have lukemia, throat cancer and breast cancer all in a space of a few months keeps me from going slightly more insane than I feel!!
It's really hard I'm not able to rationalise all the time. Sometimes I get panic attacks about my fears and it takes me a good hour or so to calm down and put things into perspective..
It's good you've got that reassurance. At my appointment with the specialist last Friday, I mentioned that I've had a chest xray for my symptoms but what if they miss something. He said to me there is a 10% chance. So I insisted on a ct scan and he refused saying it was medically unprofessional..So now I've got this 10% thing am worried about! Never ending...
Rosiebee87
17-08-14, 12:58
Really struggling today. Spending most my days in tears looking at my children convinced I now have lukemia die to the gland in my neck.
There must be some kind of help that can help me get this under control surely...
Hi Rosie, I will not write my story but if you look at my posts you will get an idea that myself (and May others) have been in your situation and fully understand what you are going through). I was at home with two small children and HA took over my life and on top of the overwhelming anxiety I became depressed although for lots of years kept this well. I am a lot better now but still take medication. It is good that you are on the waiting list for CBT. There is a free online course on here. Do you have support from friends and family?
Rosiebee87
17-08-14, 17:03
Hi thanks for your reply.
I feel like where I haven't had this at the focus of my mind for too long, that I can beat it with the right help. My fear is becoming depressed. I have a wonderful life and family really. So much to be 'happy ' for..
I do have support but it's got to a point it's very frustrating for them to hear me talk 'silly' and they know there's not much they can say to reassure me when I'm 'on one'
I have managed to switch off abit today. Mowed my lawn. All the while convincing myself if I did intact have leukaemia I would not have the energy to do so.
I will look online for this online course. I'm willing to give anything a go to try and nip this I'm the bud.
Sorry to hear that you have suffered so long.
It's really a very scary way to live your life :(
Hi Rosie, You seem really level headed about your situation. Like you I was and I could also vocalise quite eloquently what was going on much to the frustration of those around me. Of course my husband and my mum got all the silly talk but the professionals would get what the called a 'hard nut to crack'. You have come to the right place and I am glad you have found this site.
Rosiebee87
17-08-14, 19:39
Thank you :)
Can I ask, although every person is different.. Did medication work for you? I'm reading so many horror stories about medication, and like I say the waiting list in my area for health anxiety cbt is so long.. I don't know what to do!!
Hi Rosiebee, your experience sounds similar to mine - you can sort of see yourself going down the path of getting out of control with the HA and just looking for something to snap yourself out of it so you can enjoy your life. One of the hardest things about HA is the way it will sneak attack you during moments in life you normally would enjoy. It's like you'll be doing something you KNOW you should enjoy, but then the anxiety and HA thoughts sneak in and turn everything a gloomy gray color ...
There are some posts on here about books that many people have found helpful, but I'd like to suggest one in particular - Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. It is an old book but has been a tremendous help for me. Her writing and descriptions are so spot on for me ... I've been through the book more than once with a highlighter and refer back to it when I'm feeling helpless. Might be a good way to bridge the gap between where you are now and the time when you can begin some CBT sessions.
Stay strong, remember so many people have gone through this anxiety and have come out on the other side, regaining confidence in themselves and enjoying their lives once again. I think it takes enormous patience and trust. You can do it.
Hi Rosie.
I think the medication (sertraline ) has taken the edge off things for me. With CBT you will practice exposure which is something I wish I had practised all those years ago. I also think with hindsight I would have really pushed myself when I was 'on one'. I would have stopped myself in my tracks when I was about to phone the doctors, check myself, google, ask for reassurance etc. I would have challenged my behaviour using the principals of CBT (you can read a lot about it as your wait as you are aware of could be a long one). I would have been kinder to myself. yes I have lovely, kids, house, husband etc but I still feel overwhelmed with anxiety! I would have practices all the tried and tested ways to look after myself that I dismissed whilst waiting for that magic fix for example, exercise, diet, reduce alcohol intake, hobbies etc. I would have made plans even when I felt like everything was hopeless. I would have stooped beating myself up and realised that life at home with 2 small children does not stretch your mind and leaves it idle to have obsessive thoughts. Try not to allow yourself to 'go into yourself' because it's a pretty lonly sad place. Do what you can to stay in the land of the living x
Rosiebee87
17-08-14, 21:22
Thank you both so much. I have read both replies twice, I was just about to go 'into one' again and I have now calmed down and have resisted to check myself and google.
I am however going to my gp tomorrow to ask for routine bloods to be taken in hope I can cross certain serious illnesses off my list.
I have completely reduced my alcohol intake to none atall as I know in the long run it is a depressant and I don't want to make myself any worse.
For now I am going to re read ur lovely comments and look up that book and research cbt.
I will also speak to my gp about medication tomorrow, hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel for me :)
Hi Rosie,
Just back from 2 hours tv watching with hubby and kids- one of my new things . You are doing great and sound a lot more hopeful. Believe me googling and checking serve absolutely no purpose. My boobs used to look like I had been in a fight by the time I had finished prodding. Over and over rubbing the same place for upto 10/20 mins. See when you write it it seems even dafter. Talk to the doctor about meds. What blood tests will you ask for?
Rosiebee87
18-08-14, 08:03
Sounds good :)
I will be definitely asking about Meds, anything to take the edge off as you say. Because when I'm feeling at my worst I feel hopeless.
My fear this week seems to be leukaemia use to a couple of bruses that came up and around 15 red freckle like spots over my body. They could have been there a while, it's only where I'm scanning my body like crazy I'm finding these things. But it's enough to make me think I'm dying!!
I think you also hit the nail on the head when you said being home with the kids allows your mind to wonder as there isn't much to keep my mind stimulated. I am suprised I haven't started scanning their bodies yet..!
Hi Rosie,
Reading your posts You can see that you don't really think you have leukeamia.
Your red dots find and a couple of bruises are a consequence of you searching.Your challenge now is to recognise this as HA and not go down the reassurance seeking/testing path which includes not googling. If you really feel you need to see the doctor them make the appointment now cross that off your list and get on with your day, trying all you can to make it a non HA day.
Now that was matron speaking ha. Here for support Lucia x. BTW my HA never transferred to my kids.
Rosiebee87
18-08-14, 13:51
Thanks Lucia,
Am doings pretty well today. Have just got back from the doctors. He has reassured me about my red dots (burst blood vessels). He's good as gold has given me sertraline 50mg. And is also going to do my bloods which is booked for Friday.
So breast ultrasound and bloods on the same day. Hopefully my Meds will help keep me calm although am a little nervous about side effects. I started to read the leaflet then threw it in the bin.
I've just eaten my first meal in days. Still little worries coming through but not as bad as yesterday.
It's good to hear the HA didn't transfer to your kids. Hopefully mine does either!!
That's great Rosie. The sertraline seems to work for me and I have no side effects. You taken control of the situation and that will make you feel less hopeless. By next week you will know that there is nothing wrong with you ( I am basing this on age, probability and vast experience of HA). It is then that you need to follow a plan that gives you the best chance of overcoming your HA. When your about to worry pick up a pen and write. This gives control of the situation back to you as I think for many people with HA control is an issue. make that plan your bible and refer to it and action it every time you are going to do something less worthwhile i.e. google, check, worry etc. If you feel that you really can't let go then incorporate into your plan times for checks and time frames for acting on worries. This very structured way of dealing with HA pisses the dragon off because it does not have carte blanche control of our minds which it can infiltrate with irrational, obsessive thoughts.
Well one off to make shepherds pie that my kids can push around the plate Ha. I'm gonna stay logged on so here to listen
Lucia:hugs:
Rosiebee87
18-08-14, 16:55
Thanks Lucia,
What you say does make a lot of sense.
As you say, my hope is this time next week my fears will be well and truly reassured. However who's to say I won't get a migraine the week after which I will be convinced is a brain tumor!!
So I know this positive thinking and keeping in the land of the living is going to take some commitment.
I'm so learning not to let things stress me out so much... I have a really wired brain anyway, always thinking, over analysing. Now I'm letting things go over my head. I really am.
Also going to give these Meds a few weeks to kick in. Feeling abit dizzy and sick with them already, however probably doesn't help I've hardly eaten a thing in days..
Appreciate your advice so much. Seemed although I had the support of my mum and partner (rest of my friends and family are oblivious to all this) it's nice to talk to someone who understands it's hard to control and 'snap out of'
Enjoy your shepards pie! X
Hi Rosie,
I like you have a really active brain very curious, always analysing, thinking, always in tomorrow and it's probably because of this that what I say resonates with you. I now try to practice mindfulness and get great satisfaction when it works. I am strong, driven and informed so when it came to seeing practitioners for my HA the dynamic was never right. I found them too subtle/ washy washy at the stage Of HA that I was at. My friends were, like yours, oblivious. They thought I was happy go lucky always good for a laugh Lucia - tears of a clown hey. My mam and husband whew my support but they did not understand. So in the end I just opted out.
I am so over the moon now because things got very bad. I now can see things very clearly and feel that I have support and guidance to give based on my experiences. Just shout if you need to ask anything just realise I' am quite good at donning my bossy hat ha.
Rosiebee87
18-08-14, 21:06
Hi Luc,
Ah have been so good all day you would have been proud.
However, upon sitting on the loo as you do, I've found some more red spots. It's has knocked me 10 steps back.
On top of that I'm feeling so sick on these Meds and can't eat.
How I'm going to make it till Friday I don't know.
Currently 'on one' ... I wish I would stop finding things on my body to set me off :( x
Rosiebee87
18-08-14, 21:38
Yeah these tiny red freckle like spots spread over my body. Not like a rash as such, spaced put like freckles are.. Just found more on my thighs and I'm questioning if more are appearing or if they have always been there. Obviously anxiety is telling me more are appearing. Some are very very tiny.
---------- Post added at 21:30 ---------- Previous post was at 21:30 ----------
Wouldn't even say they are spots, more like little dots. Not raised or anything x
---------- Post added at 21:38 ---------- Previous post was at 21:30 ----------
Could be tablets me worse. Doc did say I could get worse before I get better. Thought I was on the right track to getting better earlier. This is tough!!
You are on the right track. The doctor has seen the dots. So wether or not they are broken blood vessels or just something that have always been there they are of no significance. Here is where you apply a time frame. Try not to think about the dots or seek them out. If they get worse you will know about it without staring at and pulling your skin. If in a week or so you still think these dots are significant then decide a plan of action for dealing with the situation. The alternative: keep looking, pulling, blanching skin so that you don't actually know if you have caused them by doing so;exhaust yourself trying to remember if you had the dots before; spend days worrying, googling red dots, contemplating further doctors appointments etc. Be kind to yourself and go for the first option. You are working against a habit that has formed so breaking the habit will not happen over night and depending on how embedded it is will take conscious effort. Try your hardest not to put off life until you have the ultrasound, have the bloods, get the results etc because you know that's what the dragon wants you to do as that way has has more chance to chip away at your mind. Always here, Lucia x
Rosiebee87
18-08-14, 22:27
Thanks Lucia, it's true. What I want to do is go into the bathroom and start scanning. Buy I am resisting. I'm just so disappointed I've ended my day like this. Other half is downstairs while I'm googling 'no more panic red dots'
I will, like you say try my hardest to be kind to myself. Like you say working against this habit is not easy. But I was doing so well today so for that I am glad.
New day tomorrow. Thanks again for your reply x
Try to resist the googling also because you can't just keep it contained to that search Before you know you will have umpteen pages open which will have lead you to believe you have cancer of the red dots or red dot disease syndrome! xx
Rosiebee87
19-08-14, 07:43
Spoke to my sister on my fathers side today, opened up to her about my fears and she's told me she also has these red spots which has reassured me abit.
Didn't sleep great woke a few times. Again maybe the medication. Not looking forward to taking the next one today but going to stick with it.
I think the fact I'm not eating is making me feel very empty weak and nauseous anyway.
All in all feeling very drained this morning.
---------- Post added at 07:43 ---------- Previous post was at 07:41 ----------
I have shopping being delivered this morning so my focus today is to try and eat and build myself back up abit :) x
Rosiebee87
20-08-14, 09:40
Seems to help me to update my progress on here.
My anxiety hit it's peak last night where I ended up at A & E with my mum. My partner and mum really tried to stop me due to obviously not having an emergency situation. My hope was to get a blood test there and then. I couldn't stop scanning, even bruises which I know I have been caused by knocks on my children's stair gate have become a massive problem in my head.
Anyway I was eventually seen by the out of hours gp. Complete waste of time as you can imagine. Was basically advised back to my gp for bloods.
So I don't advise anyone do that. Felt like abit of an idiot really...
Anyway so I was on day 2 of my meds yesterday and I got home around 10pm and notice my pupils were huge in the mirror. Didn't worry me as such I just put it down to the Meds getting into my system.
I then got in bed and felt CALM? Was it my tablets or maybe I was emotionally exhausted? Either way I had an great sleep, woke up with a headache, quite shakey and trembly. Not as anxious as I was yesterday but still worse than I was this time last week.
The thought keeps creeping in that my doctor will call me to discuss my bloods, and find something serious. That's what I'm struggling with at the moment. Finding it hard to let that though go..
Also feeling glad I chose to opt for medication while waiting for therapy. I'm glad I'm taking actions to try and tackle this. Just isn't as easy and quick as I thought it would be.
Rosie x
Hi Rosiebee, I've been reading your thread with interest. Don't want to hijack your thread, but I'm going through a similar situation. My health anxiety is at an all time high over the last 6 months. This week I have a bad cold which is making all my aches and pains worse, so that is feeding my HA. I am also taking sertraline, but not sure if it's working for me. I'm also having CBT.
Lucia gives very good advice, and we can do this. We have to tell ourselves that anxiety is not in charge, we are. Let's kick this HA dragon out of our lives. I know it won't be easy, but we can find the strength. The problem we all have is anxiety about our health, not an actual health problem. It's the anxiety we need to deal with. Try to cut down your googling and checking. Cutting it out completely to start May be too much like cold turkey. When you get the urge, try to delay and tell yourself you can check later. Sometimes the urge then passes. Good luck.
Rosiebee87
20-08-14, 11:05
Thanks Primula,
I feel like I'm bordering OCD with the scanning and checking. I see my mum and other half watch me do it, looking at me like I've completely lost my marbles. Quite funny thinking about it, cos like I say, the rational side of me is still there. It's just finding that mental strength not to give into those urges to check, find something, panic!!
Anyway, I'm eating today which is making me feel better in myself. Shakes are going. I haven't eaten properly in days so today is progress..
Thank you for your reply it's so reassuring to know you are not alone in your fears x
---------- Post added at 11:05 ---------- Previous post was at 11:04 ----------
How long have you been on sertraline? Are you on the right dose? I'm preying it works for me x
Yes HA is on the OCD spectrum. I find it hard not to keep checking and asking for reassurance, but I have cut it down over the past few weeks. It's not easy and you will feel more anxious to begin with. This is a good thing though, as you will gradually be able to tolerate uncertainty, which is also a big part of our problem. Have a look at the link below. This is a very good website, I've been doing similar with my therapist. Try to have a go at the modules, it really is very good, and it is the model used by cbt therapists treating HA?
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=53.
Rosiebee87
20-08-14, 11:25
Yeah I'm a very impatient person anyway. I don't do well with uncertainty.. Always think the worst. I try not to but I do..
I will look up that website thank you x
If this is the first time you've taken sertraline, then I think it will work for you. Before taking sertraline, I took citalopram for many years, and it worked really well. I decided to wean off it as I felt good, but sadly I went downhill again. My doctor put me on to sertraline, a few months ago, which did take the edge off my panic. Last week I increased to 150 mg, so hopefully will help. The difference this time is that I'm with a therapist who really knows her stuff. If you can't afford a private therapist, work through that HA module, maybe with your mum, partner or a good friend. It helps if you have someone going through it with you.
You can PM me if you want to. Xx
Rosiebee87
20-08-14, 11:39
Thanks so much that website looks really good, I will defiantly give it a go later when the kids are in bed.
I was abit skeptical at first about medication as I'm not anxious about everything in life. It's all stemming from health. But gotta give it a go. Especially if I'm going down the a&e route!
Anxiety, is the same beast, whether you have health anxiety or general anxiety. But don't rely just on the sertraline, the best thing is if you can change your thinking. By that I don't mean thinking positive thoughts all the time, but thinking more realistic and balanced thoughts, then hopefully when you come off meds, you will have the tools in place to help yourself.
Hi ladies. Thank you for the compliment Primula - really chuffed. Sorry to hear about the A&E episode Rosie. Hope you are feeling a bit better. I have been at work where I have to concentrate on something other than HA for 7 hours. For this I am truly thankful. Like I said, that little dragon works wonders with those at home with small kids. My mam and hubby used to watch me carrying out my obsessive behaviours and they would try to distract me so I would just go and hide and do it. I would be there repeating movements to experience the same twinge that confirmed my breast cancer. They would be trying to distract me and I would be thinking for gods sake just leave me be so that get this out my system i.e. neutralise the thought. I would get there in the end, sometimes hours later much to the delight of my dragon. It had had my undivided attention for all that time. To what avail? The reason I had 'got there' was that I was mentally exhausted - nothing else!! The person with OCD Who washes their hands 32 times 'gets there' in the end, until the next time. I told a physiatrist ten years ago that HA was a form of OCD. He said that it was not recognised as this. Years later concensus may have changed and I suppose the question is academic but For a mind like mine these things are important especially if the medication differs for HA and OCD.
So Rosie give the sertraline time to take effect. Like primula says, dealing with uncertainty is what you are striving for. The dragon hates people who can work within the realms of uncertainty but he loves reassurance seekers. I know what I say sounds pie in the sky when your in a panic but I urge you to try to relax , really take on board what we are saying and try to practice the CBT teqnniquesthat you are currently reading about because I for one do not want you to waste so much time on HA as I have. Shout out if yo need me to get bossy again, Lucia xx.
Rosiebee87
20-08-14, 19:00
Thank you ladies. Always encouraging to read any input offered on here. Lucia funnily enough I was doing quite well this morning, eating, even contemplated taking a walk. However this afternoon I was laying down and went to get up and a deep stabbing pain got my in my breast that I'm having an ultrasound for on Friday. 2 steps back... Scanning, feeling, checking :(. Again..
Ontop of that I think I'm getting some funny side effects from the medication, (although my health anxiety is backing up my lukeima theory). Drained, dizzy, no appetite and freezing cold feet!?! I'm not even going to google freezing cold feet.
Also very tearful and generally quite depressed this afternoon. Could it be the meds I don't know?
Anyway just got my son to sleep so in going to go through that cbt link.
I also have my bloods tomorrow morning, I got them to move it forward a day. Hopefully will get the results Friday. I'm still 80% sure something is wrong.
Just been trying to eat today to boost up any results that may come in low, due to not eating much.
Rosie x
Blood tomorrow tick, ultrasound Friday tick and CBT now tick -Arn't you doing well. Try not to poke or prod boobs as you will only make them sore. I have had mammograms and ultrasounds on very sore boobs which have hurt and had the consultant looking at me in dismay:blush:
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PS I have caused the soreness and bruising
Rosiebee87
21-08-14, 08:28
Thanks Lucia :)
I read up some of the cbt modules last night. Very good. Spot on really. It's finding the strength to put those motions in action. Like having a window of 20 minutes a day to check symptoms and scan.
Leaving to go and have my bloods shortly, have managed to get some breakfast down me. I seem to be washing food down with water. Have drunk so much water lately I noticed my skin very clear when doing my make up this morning. So there's one positive thing I've found :)
Nervous about my bloods though. Just gotta go with it and get it out the way.
Have a nice day everyone x
Rosiebee87
21-08-14, 22:40
Day 4 of medication today, had abit of a wobbly morning going for my bloods. Took my kids to the park after and found myself 'on one' staring into space most of the time thinking about what my results will be..
I seemed to really improve as he day went on though - have been reminding myself of the cbt I looked up last night and have been avoiding scanning. Not completely - but I've atleast halved it. Maybe more. And I do feel better for it. Have been having the odd pain I refuse to go and check. Which I'm really pleased with. Just trying to break what's become a habit.
Even had a bath without constantly checking, feeling, prodding.
Also had minimal side affects from my medication today as I was actually starting to dread taking it. Was making me feel so sick and dizzy but I actually think it's kicking in now.
My mum and parter are over the moon I'm coming back to them and more like my old self. One thing I'm learning is that I have my ups and downs so who knows what tomorrow will hold. Hopefully another positive day.
I have my breast ultrasound in the morning and will be phoning my go for my blood results after. Hopefully they have them back and I don't have to wait through the weekend till Monday.
Fingers crossed!
And my toes are still constantly really cold (have been for days)!! Think my bloods will come back with something but am steering away from the C word x
Hi Rosie,
Sending you a hug for today.
Lucia.
Rosiebee87
22-08-14, 14:18
Thank you Lucia.
Went for what I thought was my ultrasound today but was just an appointment to be checked over. Lovely doctor. He said all felt absolutely fine and he sees sooo many women my age going in to be checked over for the same pains, sensations.
I felt really reassured by him however still requested an ultrasound incase I had a wobble later on. Thinking about it, maybe I should just take his word and challenge my health anxiety. Maybe I will cancel that appointment. I will see how I go.
I will be trying my best to cut down checking now. Aiming for once a month.
My bloods came back all in normal range so for that I am feeling so thankful. I was CONVINCED something would come back wrong.
So now I have my health reassurances I'm going to continue working on my anxieties, continue with my medication (which had definitely helped) and cbt.
Oh, and my toes are warming up!! :)
Hi Rosiebee
So glad all went well for you. If your blood tests were fine, then you are fine. Keep on with the CBT exercises.:yesyes:
Rosiebee87
22-08-14, 14:43
Thank you primula.
I will. That link you gave me was excellent. Helped me so much :) x
Hi Rosiebee,
So glad to hear you're results were fine :)!! Yay!!
So many people have said to me.. if your bloods are fine you're fine and I didn't believe them - I've spiralled down a path of more tests, more fears and more appointments which did me no good.
If you have the strength please, please just concentrate on recovering from HA.
You can do it girl :) xxxxx
Gkad to hear it. Which one did you use? cbt on line or the one specific too Health Anxiety?
---------- Post added at 14:56 ---------- Previous post was at 14:53 ----------
It's ok, just reread my own post. It's the Health Anxiety one.
That's great news Rosie. Stay strong and positive. You may have already done this but I would start a journal - does not have to take long - write down today's happenings, the results, draw tick boxes, tick them and underline the entry. This way it is not only symbolic but it's a reference that you can use if that dragon nags you to start to question or embellish conversations that took place.
That's such a good idea luc!!!
I'm stealing that one :)!
Hope you've all had a positive day! Xx
Ooh I've got loads of them fj2014 ha. When somebody is struggling I just think about what , with the luxury of hindsight and a newfound calmness, I SHOULD have done.
Rosiebee87
23-08-14, 13:24
Thank you. I'm almost back to my old self now. Smiling and most importantly eating again. I lost so much weight. Not in a good way as I'm skinny as it is!!
Anyway I am going to continue looking over the cbt info as I do think this is something which will flare up again in the near future. That little voice is still in the background trying it's luck from time to time but I'm not feeding the habit.
This time last month I wasn't even aware I had a severe anxiety problem. The shaking, panicing and worrying I thought was just part of my character really.
Thanks for all the supportive comments. I hope this thread helps someone else coming to terms with anxiety in the future :) x
So glad to hear that Rosiebee. Yes it's really essential to do the CBT, even when you are feeling good. You need the coping tools, incase it ever happens again.
Rosiebee87
01-09-14, 11:36
Hiya,
Well, I'm back. Unfortunately!! Sooner than I hoped.
I had a great week and a half I think it's been. Was almost back to my old self and 100% thought I'd seen the back on this stupid health anxiety.
I hadn't been scanning at all which I was so proud of myself for.
Woke up Saturday morning to what I convinced myself was 3 circular discharge stains on my sheet from my breast sorry if tmi. I had a brand new white sheet put on the night before so I was completely freaked out. Ruined my whole day on Saturday, found myself staring into space and again, not eating. Quite shaky. Googling. Not good.
The next night I decided to wear a white top and found I was sweating between my boobs during the night. I also wear fake tan SO I have managed to rationalise that it must have been little sweat patches from that area.
I'm proud that I have managed to (kind of) rationalise my fears, however I've been left with that sadness feeling yesterday and today. I think it can just get you so down its hard to get back up from sometimes. Even after you are (almost) reassured you are 'ok'. Beating away that dark cloud over your head I'm finding tricky today.
Have kept busy with lots of housework and trying to use my cbt in distracting my mind. My son is hitting the terrible 2s so lots of screaming and crying today which I'm finding is adding to my 'low mood'. But as always am trying not to let on to them that mummy is feeling abit sad.
I'm on day 14 of sertraline today. Can't say I feel much benefits today and weekend just gone but while I was feeling good last week I thought it was working spot on.
Going to go over the online cbt modules tonight I think. Just need this grey cloud to part abit!! X
Hi Rosie
It's quite normal to have setbacks. Infact I think there is a module on that very thing on the HA link I sent.
Keep on with the CBT, and relaxation, and eventually you will improve again.
You do not need meds or therapy - I didn't.
Just remember that if you have had Anxiety issues for a long time, then they wont just go away in a day. That's not negative thinking, just being realistic, and actually positive. Accept you will have bad days, but that the good ones are getting more and more.
And yes , that's easy to say . I know , as I too easily let the negative thoughts outweigh the positive ones. But keep going , it sounds like your making great steps forward.
If you want a good analogy , then imagine being asked to run a marathon . You couldn't do it straight away , it just takes lots of small steps forward.
You do not need meds or therapy - I didn't.
Some of us do Skippy, glad you managed to overcome without though. :)
Rosiebee87
01-09-14, 17:04
I feel they were definitely needed for me at my worst I wasn't able to eat let alone keep busy.
But now I'm getting better, I agree keeping busy can definitely help. Today I have kept so busy and made a point not to let my mind wonder to health issues. I can see that dark cloud fading away today so I'm seeing the end of this hiccup now.. Fingers crossed x
---------- Post added at 17:04 ---------- Previous post was at 17:03 ----------
Thank you for the supportive replies too :) x
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