Down in the dumps

[jo-jo]

Hi everyone

Well I think its a while since I've posted such negative feelings so I apologise in advance. I feel really pants today because last night I think I may have had a panic attack.

Just lately I've been doing so well and since I started my meds I've been brilliant, not totally without anxiety but without the dreaded panic anyway. Yesterday afternoon I started feeling a bit queasy (my most feared symptom) and as the day wore on I started feeling worse. Steve had got us a great big chinese in for supper but I couldn't face any and just went to lie on the bed where I tossed and turned and couldn't settle. I can't say I felt totally nauseous (I know this because I asked myself if I could face eating, say, an apple and I could) but my tummy was churning, I kept thinking I needed to go to the loo and I did feel quite sick a couple of times. I couldn't even concentrate to read a book and felt a bit shivvery at times too (did wonder if I'd eaten something funny but can't think of anything). Anyway, eventually I did get off to sleep but today I feel really really low, still a tiny bit churny and very very disappointed. I so don't want to end up back where I was and I'm really frightened about this setback:(.

When all's said and done I guess there are a couple of reasons why it might have happened - Steve has recently found out he's being made redundant and as he's the only money earner in the house (I'm still a student) its a real worry for both of us. Plus he holds quite a senior position and we may have to move depending on where suitable work comes up - and I really don't want to leave Darlington! Steve would be happy to live back in Leeds where he comes from but I really, really do not want to live there! So there's a bit of a bone of contention between us in that respect too. Also Holly, my oldest dog who's 12 1/2 has to go for an operation tomorrow as she has a growth on her foot that the vet said looks 'suspicious'. She's really old to be going through an anaesthetic and I'm so worried about losing her. I guess its been on my mind a bit lately that she won't be around forever but I've had her since she was 9 months old and can't imagine what it will be like without her, even though I do have a 1 1/2 year old too (same breed - Weimaraner).

So sorry for moaning, I think it helps just getting all this off my chest. Has anyone else suffered a similar set back and then been ok (please tell me yes)!

Lots of love Jo xxx

[sarah]

Hiya Jo

Sorry you are feeling on a downer at the moment!

I think you have hit the nail on the head, you KNOW why you are feeling like this, the redundancy and your poor old doggy. Its not surprising. Redundancy is one of the most stressful things (believe me I know - its the thing that set me on the road to mental ruin in the first place...lol)

Just keep telling yourself that there are reasons why you feel like this and its not just your brain having a fuzz for no reason. (I always find it easier to deal with when I can make excuses for my panic).

I have been suffering for 2 years now and have had countless set backs but each time they get less intense and longer times between them.

Last week I was really bad. I had 2 days of continuous anxiety but I had a reason and just kept telling myself that I wasnt going mad, it was just because of this reason that I was feeling like this and it worked. I carried on working and going out and no one knew one bit how I felt.

Take care hon, its just a blip and you have GOOD reason, just remember that!!!

love Sarah
xx

[sal]

Hi Jo

I am not surprised you have had a set back you have a lot going on at the moment.

But remember you have come this far and even though you have had a bad night and day it doesnt mean you are going to end up as ill as you were. Its just a blip and a reminder that when things build up on us we have to take a step back and allow ourselves time to adjust to the new situations we face.

I hope the operation for your dog goes well i am sure he will be in good hands.

With regards to Steve been made redundant that is a major worry and people that dont suffer from anxiety would struggle with that. I hope he can find a position close to home so you dont have to move if you are settled in Darlington.

And finally Yes we have all had setback and felt better as the days go on, so please dont worry about that.

Take care.



Love Sal xxxxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Jo

There must be something in the air cos Sal didn't feel too good yesterday either!

Was it definitely anxiety or could you have had a stomach bug - hard sometimes to distinguish between the feelings.

I hope you feel better today and you can try and put this behind you.

It probably is because of all the stress and the things that are going on and I hope that things work out with the redundancy and the dog's operation.

Let us know how it goes ok?

xx

Nicola

[Tessie28]

Hi Jo,

I did wonder if Steve losing his job would begin to get to you soon. A set back so soon into a new marriage and after all the trauma of finishing your course and then the wedding it is easy to see why you feel so low. Also your poor dog. that is really hard to deal with and fingers crossed she manages alright tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you and hoping.

Don't beat yourself up about this you are doing well but these things happen and the road to recovery [as many of us have discovered] is paved with set backs but that is all they are.

Keep smiling and give Holly a big pat from me, bless her.
Take care now,
love Tess xx

[jo-jo]

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for your support - I feel loads better today and guess that somewhere along the line what has happened to Steve was going to get to me in the end and you're all right, its just a set back and I'm not going to let it get to me too much.

Poor Holly went to the vets this morning to have 4 lumps removed but I've just had a phone call from the vet to say they're going to delay surgery as her pre-anaesthetic blood test showed some abnormal liver enzymes. If its not one thing its another! I have to go and pick her up after lunch and discuss with the vet what to do about her liver problems. The receptionist said they would probably advise a prescription diet low in protein but she's already on a different variety of prescription diet for ulcerative colitis, so how thats going to work out I don't know. Poor old girls - she's had all her lumps shaved ready for the op so she's going to look a right old sight!

Thanks for listening, I'll let you know what happens with Holly.

Lots of love Jo xxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Pleased you are feeling a lot better.

Hope you get Holly sorted ready for her operation soon.

Take care.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Caz Fab Pants]

Jo,

Glad you're feeling brighter and sounding very grounded and realistic about the reasons for your blip.

I'm sure you'll be feeling A1 again in no time just hope poor old Holly is ok. Its so sad when they get sick cos you wonder how much they actually know about what is happening. Give her a big hug from me.

Caroline:)
x

[jo-jo]

Hiya everyone

Holly is home from the vets and she seems to be doing fine. She's been put on a special diet low in fat and protein which will hopefully give her liver a chance to sort itself out - I'm told the liver is acutally quite good at this! The only down side is the price of the special prescription diets she's on - £55 a bag, I could have died!! Oh well, she's a special girl and I don't begrudge it really.

Caz and Tess - she's had extra hugs from you so she's feeling very pampered :D

Feeling OK today although still have a bit of a funny feeling in my tummy which only seems to be settled by eating (poor excuse to stuff my face). This is not good as I've already put on 1/2 stone since I got back from America!

Lots of love Jo xx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Pleased she is home and with you.

She will be worth every penny and i hope she gets better soon.

Speak soon.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Caz Fab Pants]

Jo,

Glad Holly is improving and hope she appreciates her new cuisine, lucky girl!! Thats almost the same as my weekly food shop and there's 2 adults and 2 children in our household, lol!!

Dont worry about eating to settle your tum, if it works then go with it. Wish I could find a way to sort mine out.

Hugs,
Caroline :)
x

[nomorepanic]

Jo

Glad Holly is ok and doing well - depsite the fact that it will cost you an arm and a leg.

I have to get special cat biscuits for 2 of our cats to help clean their teeth and that costs £21 a bag!! gulp!

You do sound a bit brighter though so that is good news.

Don't worry about the weight - you can soon burn those extra cals off and I bet you don't even notice the extra 7 lbs.

Gald to see that you feel a bit brighter about things today
x

Nicola

[jo-jo]

Sal, Caz and Nicola

Thanks so much for your posts - yes, I'm feeling loads better now and Holly is doing fine. Unfortunately she looks a right one as she has to wear a sock on the paw that has a growth on it to stop her biting at it. I bought her her own set of trainer socks yesterday and I tape them on her foot with surgical tape; I think she enjoys the fuss actually :D Hopefully she'll get her op in 3 weeks time if her liver enzymes have dropped so fingers crossed.

I have something to look forward to - Steve and I have booked 5 nights in Palma leaving 2 weeks today. I've never been to Majorca before so I'm really excited. We managed to get some cheap flights from our local airport (Teesside) and some friends recommened a hotel so we decided it would do us both good. Steve's redundancy comes through at the end of the month and he's got a reasonable deal - 6 months full pay plus a few extras so we can't complin too much.

Hope everyone is OK today,
Take Care
Love Jo xxx

[Tessie28]

Hi Jo,

glad you are feeling happier and looking forward to your holiday. Pleased Holly is okay and I'm sure she loves wearing the sock[:o)].

love Tessx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Was great to meet up today and have a good girlie chat!!

Bet you cant wait for your holidays, will do you both the world of good to chill out. Really something to look forward to.

I didnt realise you hadnt been to palma before, i was there last year with my friend and we had a brialliant time. Its really handy as its a short flight from teesside and only about 20 minutes from the airport at palma.

Think of all that nice weather and your fizzy wine, paradise.

See you soon.

Love Sal xxxxx

[Caz Fab Pants]

Jo,

A holiday with your fella sounds like just what you both need. It will be like a second honeymoon I bet!!!

I envy you because not only are you brave enough to go but it means you can treat yourself to some new togs [8D]

Glad Holly is on the mend.

Caroline :)
x

[jo-jo]

Hi everyone

Yes, I'm really looking foward to Palma and took the opportunity of doing a bit of shopping this afternoon in readiness for the trip (nothing like a bit of retail therapy to set you up for the weekend).

The great thing is, I'm not phased by the journey this time as I know its a short flight and that our hotel is only a short taxi ride from the airport. We'd booked our holiday and wedding in Americal before I started having my panic attacks and I think that given the choice beforehand, I'd rather not have gone but then I'm so pleased that in the end I not only survived but enjoyed it too :D. Still, its nice to know that this flight is only a little one ....

Holly is doing great, looking cute in her sexy sock and enjoying her new grub.

Take care, lots of love Jo xxxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

You cant beat the retail therapy treatment. Hope you got plenty of nice stuff for your holiday.

See you soon.



Love Sal xxxxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

How are you doing at the moment. Are you all sorted for your holiday next week, you lucky thing, it will do you both the world of good to get away and chill out.

Was going to come through to Darlington tomorrow but with mum having the operation today, she has to go back and see specialist tomorrow so i will have to take her, so dont think i will have time to come through, and i am going out tomorrow night, fingers crossed!!!

How did you accupuncture go. Question i meant to ask you, everytime i have my accupuncture, someone puts their children on that ride outside woolworths, the tweenies songs playing. Just wondered if you had laid there chilling out to the tweenies like i have on many occasions?? LOL

I hope Holly is ok and coping with her cavier alternative to dog food.

Speak soon.



Love Sal xxxxx

[jo-jo]

Hiya Sal

Hope your mum is OK and that her op went well - you seem to have so much going on right now its no wonder you're not feeling 100%. Here's hoping that tomorrow night will give you time for some fun and a chance to let your hair down a bit.

Holly is doing well, although, dare I say it, her poos are a REALLY funny colour on this new diet :D:D. Oh the joys of dog ownership! I've now found a new site dedicated to idiots just like me - the weimaraner forum! That way I can come here with my problems and go there with Holly's. Ahh.

Can't wait for my mini hol next week, I've got my suitcase out already. This week has been a bit of a bummer as we've been trying to sell Steve's car (due to his redundancy) and at last we had someone to view it last night but no luck. Also Steve lost out on a chance of some part time accounting work which he was hoping to do to tide him over until he gets a new job. The company in question were wanting some help with an acquisition they were on with but unfortunatley its now not happening, so no extra pennies for Steve.

Hope everyone is well - all the best for a lovely weekend.

Lots of love Jo xxx

[jo-jo]

Hi folks

Just when I thought everything was looking up again I've had another bit of a set back. My old dog Holly had to be hospitalised today as she had been sick all night, was shaking like a leaf and her stomach kept having big spasms. She suffers from ulcerative colitis and I think that its struck again due to her recent change of diet (which was to try and ease her liver problem). I know you might think she's only a dog, but to me she's so much more as has been with me constantly throughout the last 12 years, some of which were really bad times when I was very depressed and couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed. I guess she's the only truly stable thing that I've ever had in my life and to see her in so much pain this morning was tearing me apart. We were supposed to be going on holiday on Friday too but it looks unlikely now unless she makes a super speedy recovery overnight. Sorry to sound so down but it helps to talk about it a little....

Lots of love Jo xxx

[sarah]

Hi Jo

Im really sorry to hear about poor Holly. I know she's not just a dog to you in the same way that my cats arent just cats.
Lets hope she does make a speedy recovery, not just for her but so you get to go on your well needed holiday.

take care
'hugs' to you and Holly
love Sarah
xx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Hope you are feeling ok and really looking forward to you holiday, not long now.

Was going to try and call to see you today but by the time i did what i had to do in Darlington i had to get back to pick Sam up as she went to her friends for tea.

We will definately have to catch up when you get back from your holidays.

If i dont speak to you before then, have a lovely time, leave all those worries at home and just enjoy your time with you and Steve.

Hope the weather is lovely for you and you go easy on the old vino LOL

Take care.



Love Sal xxxxx

[jo-jo]

Hiya everyone

Sadly :( I'm back from my holiday already (boo). I had a fantastically great time and even managed the flights without and diazepam or sickness tablets :D. The only day I felt really anxious was our last day, which is a bit of a shame really 'cause I daren't drink much in case I needed a diazepam. I put it down to having rather too much the night before so really I've only got myself to blame and it was only one day afterall.

Holly is ok - my ex husband Paul got her back from the vets whilst we were away and he and his family gave her heaps of tlc so she was well on the way to recovery by the time we collected her. He's a good sort for a ex! My mobile phone bill will be shocking though [Oops!] as I was ringing him 3 times a day to see how she was (worried mum syndrome).

Hope everyone is ok and having a happy, panic-free weekend. Looking foward to catching up on everyone's posts.

Lots of love Jo xxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Pleased Paul looked after Holly and she is ok.

Sorry to hear your last day was a bit rough but pleased you had a really good time.

I hope Steve enjoyed it and is totally chilled.

Thank you for your text, was great to hear from you and hopefully we can meet up this week.

Pleased you are home safe and sound and hopefully feel a lot more relaxed, will see you soon.



Love Sal xxxxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Havent heard from you in a while so thought i would send you a post to see how you are getting on.

Hope Steve is ok and maybe managed to find a job.


How are the dogs?


Hope we can meet up soon, until then you take care.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Rennie1989]

jo

how was palma!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how did you find the sites, flight, food, peolple etc

Scooter Girl

if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears

[jo-jo]

Hiya Sal and Scoot :D

Sal - This was my first week back at uni hence not been around as much as usual. Having had the summer off, trying to get my brain in gear has made me quite knackered! I'm at uni on Tuesdays and Thursdays but can meet up any other day - can't wait to catch up soon!

Holly is fine altough she has used up yet another of her 9 lives (sure she's a cat in disguise) as she raided some dog biscuits on Monday and then bloated at tea time requiring emergency veterinary intervention yet again!! Amazingly, she's survived and although she's a bit shaky having had a GA and her stomach pumped and charcoal put in it, she's bright as a button :D

Scoot - Wow, I LOVED Palma! I ate so much that I put 4lbs on in just 5 days. I'm a big continental breakfast fan and I was stuffing myself with pan-au-chocolate, granola and yoghurt, fruit and tasty cheeses [:P] Then we were having coffee and cakes mid afternoon, and then a big meal at night too! Our hotel was in the old part of Palma and was really lovely, very minimalist and 'boutique'. We can get really cheap flights from Teesside (our local airport) so I'm hoping we can go again in the Spring!

Lots of love Jo xxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Hope Uni is going well.

Yeah would be good to catch up soon. I will text you.



Love Sal xxxxx

[sal]

Hi Jo

Pleased you had a good night out mate.

Well done you.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Rennie1989]

ow brilliant jo, glad u like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scooter Girl

if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears