View Full Version : Blip Blip Blip
Well, I'm back, and my dragon fighting skills are diminished and my shield is a bit warped from the dragon fire.
I even hit up Dr. google today, not just once, but several times. And yes, I know that's not a useful thing to do.
The last few weeks have been very stressful. My Dad started chemotherapy and is not easy to be around. He is quite demanding and very needy. My best friend's father is in Hospice and her Mother is not well and I've been helping out where I can. My partner's Mother had a stroke and my partner left for a couple of weeks to go to Atlanta and take care of her.
Being alone with no one to call for help has always been a big trigger for me. Last time she went away, I planned for it and did well. This time not so much.
I've not been sleeping well and I've had numerous tension headaches. Waking up with aching arms and nausea. This morning was no different.
I had a big presentation to do at work today and I didn't think that I was anxious about it. Ten minutes before, I walked outside my office and all of a sudden, my vision became very blurry. I've had this happen before. The strangest thing is that if I cover one eye, either one, the blurry vision goes away. The second that I open both eyes, blurry all over again. My scalp was burning and my heart started racing. Within two minutes, I calmed myself down and my vision was back to normal.
Like I said, I have had the blurry vision thing 4 or 5 times over the last few years but it freaked me out.
The next thing I know, I'm googling uncontrollably and finding TIA and impending stroke. Now I'm worried and can't get it out of my mind. I even stopped on my way home and bought aspirin.
God, I hate anxiety but I'm even more disappointed in myself. Have I been doing CBT? NO!
Have I been meditating or practicing my breathing? NO!
Have I been journaling? NO!
Have I been practicing distraction? NO!
What have I been doing? Acting as I'm cured and not taking care of myself. I know better!
Any words of wisdom are welcome and appreciated.
Ugh, I can so relate about being disappointed in yourself after a blip. I'm going through one myself. I am forcing myself to go through CBT4Panic instead of googling, but find that I still google anyway. I haven't been practicing mindfulness and need to put the work in.
I'm sorry about your dad. No wonder you aren't sleeping well and are getting headaches! I have blurry vision like you describe every so often. The burning scalp/racing heart are definitely just anxious reactions.
Hang in there, stick it out, you will get better. :hugs::hugs:
Sunflower2
19-08-14, 22:49
Blips are so annoying because it's only when it's too late you realise you've been slacking off with all the techniques and stuff you need to keep well. I get the same and it's just all the more difficult to get back to being stable again. But I suppose the upside is that you already know what you need to do, so it's not so much of trying to figure out how to stop the anxiety in the first place!
Sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment though so not surprising you're suffering a bit. As the saying goes - keep calm and carry on!
Thanks SWgrl09 and Kimberley2! It's good to be able to come to the forum and express my thoughts and fears. It's certainly not surprising to be experiencing the anxiety that I am at the moment.
The rational part of me knows that the blurry vision is anxiety. The irrational part of me knows it's a TIA. I just need to trust the rational part of my brain and do the correct things.
Fear is just the worst thing. Fear of being afraid is even worst.
Good Morning everyone. Am going to try to stay positive today. I'm trying not to give in to the anxious morning feelings and thoughts. I cognitively know what I need to be doing, yet I woke up thinking that I hoped that the blurry vision doesn't come back today.
I have to get back to the place of saying, anxiety do your best, and I'm going to ignore you. You're just anxiety and you can't hurt me or defeat me.
Sunflower2
20-08-14, 15:15
Tanner this morning I also was feeling really anxious again even though it's the same drive to work every morning so you'd think my mind would stop! But had a really tight chest and racing heart and I knew if I gave into my thoughts I would have a panic attack so I kept on with distracting myself and trying to be mindful and after a while it went away again. Just don't give into the thoughts as if you're like me, that's what triggers panic for me! My body seems to subconsciously react to anxiety anyway though even if I'm not overly worried! Wish there was a way to stop the initial feelings of anxiety!!
Dolphin8808
20-08-14, 15:27
Big hugs to all of you! I have been there with my slip ups as well... Can't beat yourself up over it, you enjoy the good times, right? Nothing wrong with that! Yes we let ourselves go, maybe its part of our minds, trying to forget the bad times, trying to just live.
We will all get through this, we always do. Just remember to breathe, work through it and look for the light at the end of the tunnel, its there!
I have to get back to the place of saying, anxiety do your best, and I'm going to ignore you. You're just anxiety and you can't hurt me or defeat me.
And you've been doing it all along. In fact, you've done what many will never do, and that's take control and refuse to let it get you down. It's Ok to have a weak moment here and there but you know what you have to do to fend off the fire and I'm sure you will ;)
Positive thoughts
Hi Tanner,
A warped shield can be mended just don't hang it up. Here to listen and support you. I would even give that dragon a swift kick up the arse (one of my favourite things at the moment) for you if I thought it would do any good! Lucia x.
Tanner I rarely post on here nowadays, in part because for some reason I can't log in from my IOS devices. However I just wanted to add my message of support. Your journey has been an inspiration to many. You know that you can do it, quite simply because you have done it before. Anyone would be struggling at least a little bit given the pressure you are under, history would suggest in your case that anxiety finds it way with you with health anxiety.
I kind of visualise it like a leak, the water will hunt it out and seep through. Your leak just happens to be health anxiety. Stay strong mate and know that you will be back on track when you start doing what you need to do.
Thanks Chris and Fishmanpa. And Luc, feel free and kick that dragon for me any time you like.
Words from each of you make me know that I can do this. You give me faith in myself all over again. The amount of stress that I've been under during the last eight or nine months is tremendous, and I need to make more time for myself and for my own peace and serenity. That hasn't been happening and it's got to change.
This morning, the low level anxiety was back and I tried my best to distract myself. I eventually got into a couple special projects at work and the afternoon was so much better.
Home now and going to work on my online CBT for about thirty minutes. Then relax with a little TV and then a good book.
Thanks for everyone's comments and encouragement. It really is appreciated.
Wow, this is definitely what I needed to read today. You woke up, felt a bit anxious, but knew what you had to do to get through and made it out on the other side better off! That's really great work. Maybe I should make CBT like "homework" and do a short amount every night. Thanks for the inspiration :)
Brought a smile to my face, Sgirl. Glad that I could help be an inspiration to someone yesterday. That really is what it's all about, helping each other get to where we need and want to be.
CBT as homework, as a scheduled routine, is a great idea. Give it a go and make it part of your daily routine and see what happens.
Could of cried last night Tanner. Wrote you a message on this thread lost it, wrote it again fell asleep doing so lost it (god it must have been riveting ha). How are you today? Lucia x
Hi Tanner,
Don't forget, from what I've read setbacks are part of the recovery process. Treat this as another chance to practise what you did before. That's what I'm going to do, what we did before will work again.
Good Morning Lucia and Primula. I've written "masterpieces" on here before only to lose them. Always makes me just shake my head in dismay.
This morning has been a pretty good morning. Better than any over the last couple of weeks. I did 30 minutes of CBT last night and made myself watch something that would make me laugh.
A little laugh therapy goes a long way. This morning I worked on CBT while I had my coffee and I actually feel ready to face the day.
It's all about repetition and consistency in utilizing our dragon slaying tools. I had forgotten that. I don't intend to forget it again anytime soon. The last couple of weeks have definitely proven that it's important for my general well being.
Have a great day!
Brilliant Tanner -enjoy your day xx
Inspiring post, that's what I love reading, when folk are kicking that dragon in to touch. It makes me believe that I can do this too. Keep us updated Tanner.
Hello Tanner,
I hope you don't mind but I've been reading through your posts and it's safe to say that you are an inspiration - I know you've got so much going on but you are clearly so so strong and driven that you can beat this dragon again :).
You have inspired me to get out of the hole I got myself into these past few weeks and fight my own dragon.
We can do it :)
xxx
Hello Tanner,
I hope you don't mind but I've been reading through your posts and it's safe to say that you are an inspiration - I know you've got so much going on but you are clearly so so strong and driven that you can beat this dragon again :).
You have inspired me to get out of the hole I got myself into these past few weeks and fight my own dragon.
We can do it :)
xxx
Oh yes! I agree, it has inspired me too. Sometimes I need to give myself a good shake.
I'm having quite a good day. I've cleaned house, and had lovely conversation with my teenage daughter. I'm trying to focus on the little things in life that make me happy. :yesyes:
It is great that like minded people (fortunately and unfortunately ha) are able to support each other. Viva NMP and on with the dragon slaying!!!
It is great that like minded people (fortunately and unfortunately ha) are able to support each other. Viva NMP and on with the dragon slaying!!!
Yes, let's try to keep that support going. It has really helped me talking to others with similar problems. Yes viva NMP!!
I'm really glad you are having a good day so far, Tanner. You deserve it! Hope it continues!
FJ, I am so glad that you got some inspiration out of some of my old posts. As you can see, I was in a really bad way when I first came on NMP. Reassurance seeking all the time and I soon found that it didn't work.
Thanks to everyone else who has given me their support and inspiration the last three days. I've needed it and it has helped. Helping others takes my mind off of myself and puts it on more productive things.
Getting ready to put in 30 minutes online on CBT and am determined to use my time constructively. I just finished cleaning my kitchen and I have some laundry to do. Today was a pretty good day. I had a few anxious moments but I was able to not let myself dwell on the irrational thoughts. Partly thanks to all of you.
Let's do this together!
Cry, cry, bubble, bubble ....... just done another really long one and lost it again and I have to go to work now! Have a good day everyone:hugs:.
TooMuchToLiveFor
23-09-14, 03:25
Tanner- popped on here for one second tonight, and searched your name for any new threads and found this one.
How are you doing now my friend?
I see my doctor tomorrow……starting to talk where to go now with my meds. I am doing well overall- still not "normal", but my new normal is a life far more blessed than many have, so I am determined to be full of gratitude. We are also discussing trying to have a third child. Very scary. It was three months after her birth that we "lost me" for quite awhile.
Anyway, just wanted you to know I still think and care about you….I am sorry I don't visit here too often. I just am trying to keep everything in balance.
Fight on dragon slayer!
(Can I just say how amazed I am that my dragon tales have become such a continued metaphor for my fellow anxiety fighting community? Puts a little purpose behind the madness. :)
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