View Full Version : Should be looking forward to my wedding.....HA is back!!
Hi Everyone,
Its been a while since i have been on here but unfortunatley my HA has reared its ugly head again!!!
It started a few months ago when I just noticed a lump on the right side of my neck about 2cm wide. At first i was worried but then thought its probably just a lymph node and forgot about it until about 3 weeks ago. I wouldnt say its gotten any bigger and its not painful but my HA has gone into overdrive and of course im thinking its a Lymphoma. Lymph nodes are not something that has bothered me before now. I cant sleep, my body feels completely worn out, i cant concentrate in work, but I dont know whether its my anxiety causing this or something more serious?!? Iv been waking up through the night sometimes aswell sweating, but again i dont know whether this is anxiety or what? My neck seems to feel a bit bigger/swollen on that side but I dont know whether this is just because i am concentrating on it and its my mind playing tricks on me!
Im getting married in October and I should be so excited for that but I cant shake this feeling. I dont want to look back at this time and regret feeling like this when I should just be looking forward to it!!
Can anyone help me shake this horrible feeling? Thank you for reading x
Hi Lorn
Have a look at this excellent website on Health Anxiety, and work through it.
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=53
First, congratulations on your wedding! Honestly, when my wedding was approaching, my anxiety was through the roof. If it's not growing or anything, I wouldn't worry. Anxiety can cause a lot of what you describe. You are approaching a huge life event, and even though it is a positive event, it's normal to get anxious around this time.
Yes, I had a big health anxiety flare up before my own wedding many years ago. Go and get your doc to check it out. I found a little lump in my neck a few weeks ago. I had my doctor look at it, and she said she could feel it, but it was on the tendons so nothing to worry about. I've forgotten about it since, and when I had a prod just now, I can barely feel it.
Because you are going through a big life event, it's most likely your HA is paying up, but go and get it checked, then once doc has said all ok, accept what they say, and get on with planning that wedding. :):)
Iv decided I'm going to try and get an appointment with my doctor tomorrow.
I told my bf before that I have been worried about it and he looks really disappointed in me, he said he doesn't want me to start going backwards again because iv been so much better lately.
I'm really scared to go to the doctors :weep:
You are not going to go backwards because you are going to go to the doctors to be told it is nothing. look up the link Primula suggests and be aware if the dragon tries to throw anything else at you to try to scupper your wedding preparations that he is just being silly and is really best to be ignored. This is a stressful time and we are all here to support you:hugs: lucia
I have just printed off the modules from the link that Primula posted, thank you! Im going to start working through them tonight.
Managed to get an appointment this afternoon with my doctor, im trying to not get myself to worked up I just hate the waiting in the doctors reception room i always feel like im going to faint!!
Ill keep you posted! x
---------- Post added at 15:12 ---------- Previous post was at 13:20 ----------
Ok just got back from the doctors and its not good, she has referred me for an ultrasound and she said it can take weeks to come through, I was dreading this!! Now iv got this hanging over me right up until my wedding and possibly even afterwards.
I just don't know what to do im sitting here having a massive panic attack crying my eyes out I feel so pathetic. I just wanted to enjoy the build up to my wedding day and now I cant because of this, I cant think of anything else.
Please please someone reply.....
Don't worry - just because she's referred you it doesn't mean bad news!
I've had two ultrascans, one on my pelvis which didn't show anything and another booked for a node under my arm but the breast consultant didn't even scan it after saying it felt normal!
The doc will know your history and be trying to give you piece of mind!
Enjoy planning your wedding.. You're in good hands medically so don't let the dragon ruin your day as a princess :) xx
My doctors receptionist has just called and said the doctor has also left a blood form for me to collect, why didn't she mention this to me in my appointment, it's got me even more worried now I just can't cope with this :weep:
bluetopazgirl
26-08-14, 18:48
I suffer with severe HA. I have swollen nodes in my neck and worry over lymphoma because my father died of Lukeamia and they are both blood cancers.
I had bloods took aswell to check all was fine, I had every blood test possible. I have had them done several times and all are fine. its normal for them to check the bloods as they can show markers that warrant investigation.
With the ultrasound - ive never been offered one but because they did bloods first and the Bloods were enough to tell them I didn't need one. But I don't open up much about how anxious I really am and I think if I did - id have ultrasounds too! id say its all routine to check all is ok and put your mind at rest. Its very scary with these nodes and I live in constant fear, but I am learning that they are more common than we think.
Sending you lots of hugs and want you to know you are not alone, there's a fair few of us on here with the same fears. :hugs:
Oh Lorn, I really feel for you. This doesn't mean your doctor thinks there is something wrong. Last year I went to my doc with constant upset tummy. She freaked me out by asking for a stool sample, and full bloods. Everything came back fine, but the weeks I had to wait were horrible. Another thing is she hasn't referred you as urgent, so she's not worried. Did you tell her about your anxiety? Maybe she will try to push you through quicker if you have a chat with her.Although if your bloods come through ok, then she may not think there is any need to do further investigation.
I know it's difficult by try to focus on something else, just to give your mind a rest. If your anxiety gets too bad, then go back to your doctor to see if she can put your mind at rest.
Yes I told her about my anxiety that's all she seemed concerned about until she felt the lump. Iv never seen her before but she wasn't very nice. She was like so what did u want from coming here today? Why would you say that to your patient?? She just kept asking me why I get anxious I told her one minute I'm fine and then the slightest thing can trigger it off again. Then she was like well let's have a look at it then!! Didn't do much to put my mind at ease!!
Bluetopazgirl- Can I just ask what your lymph nodes feel like, is it just the one? Mine is about 1.5-2cm wide and about 2 inches above my collarbone on the right hand side, more near the front and it's just the one. She said it's either a cyst or a lymph node, but I thought doctors could tell what a lymph node felt like??
Thanks x
Hi Lorn,
Before reading your last post I was going to commit a cardinal sin and suggest that you have a private ultrasound as soon as you can. Not for one minute do I think your glands are anything serious. I do however think that sometimes a hasty conclusion is needed. We both know it is the 'wrong' thing to do in terms of Challenging Your HA but I think that's what I would do as long as I made a pact with myself to try not to let anything else take it's place so that I could enjo this special time. I have changed my mind though. I would phone the doctors tomorrow and make the first available appointment for you bloods. If you had anything sinister this would show in your bloods and you would know about it the next day. I think this would do for me xx
Hi Lorn, I agree with Luc,
I was almost going to say get a private ultrasound, but then saw the bit about blood test. Get the blood test done as soon as you can. I don't think there is anything wrong, but I agree, with a wedding coming up this needs to be put to rest, so that you can get on with enjoying the preparation for your big day.
Let us know how you get on :bighug1:
I was thinking exactly the same. I can go private through work and I phoned them before they said they will cover it I just need to phone the hospital and make an appointment. I'm going to get my bloods done tomorrow morning but the problem is it's not done through my doctor, they give me the blood form and then it's done at the local clinic so it will still take like 2 weeks to get the results back. I just want this sorted don't know what to do for the best. Any other time I would just wait but I want to look forward to my wedding.
Is it selfish to think why is this happening to me now?!? :unsure:
Lorn,
Having read through your post, and having had cancer, I truly understand your concern. I also have been around these boards enough to recognize a HA spiral when I see one. You're getting an ultrasound and you're getting blood work. Right now, the dragon is breathing fire down your neck.
In reality, the only thing happening to you now is panic. Based on what I've read, I really don't think it's any real concern. When you get the all clear, you'll be able to put all this behind you. Congrats on the wedding. Please try not to let worry put a damper on what should be the happiest time of your life.
Positive thoughts
No it's not selfish to want to be happy.
You can also pay for a private blood test, if you want to get this all sorted out quickly. As Luc and I said, I wouldn't normally suggest you do this, but I think peace of mind is important for you at this time in your life.
I didn't realise u can get blood tests done privately I'll look into it. I'm definitely going to go private for the ultrasound I'll call the hospital tomorrow morning and hopefully get an appointment ASAP! I'll let u know. Thanks for everything!!
Lorn, I think your GP has shown that he/she has little understanding or knowledge as regards how to treat a patient who is clearly very anxious. No doubt mental health issues were dealt with in an hour's session at medical school, if that?
I agree with everyone else. Just get yourself a blood test as soon as you can-surely an NHS one wouldn't take 2 weeks to come back, would it? Does your local hospital hold a walk-in blood testing clinic? Mine certainly does-you just turn up with your form and take your turn. Routine full blood counts are often back in 24 hours but with the Bank Holiday last Monday it could take a bit longer but certainly not 2 weeks.
I'm sorry you have this worry at what should be a happy time but you're in control and you have a firm plan now. The first step is to get your blood test sent off asap.
Yes Lorn, you can have almost anything if you pay. I would imagine if you get a private scan you will be able to get a blood test arranged for the same time. I think blood tests are about £50.
It's not selfish Lorn. I have thought this many a time the conclusion being that it was going to happen, it is the nature of HA which leads to what is my personal 64,000 dollar HA question. Why my mind tries to sabotage my happiness. Why I don't think I am worthy of happiness. I struggle with this because I have never thought I had a problem with self worth.
---------- Post added at 22:37 ---------- Previous post was at 22:37 ----------
Ps I got my routine blood results back in 24 hours
Hi lorn, I have a lump on the left of my neck and I got worried! Went to the doctors and they said it's a cyst but it's not dangerous and if it gets bigger they can suck the fluid out of it but nothing serious , it may just be a benign cyst or just lymph nodes! Try not to worry hope you feel better very soon and congratulations! X
Thanks Izzie i hope thats all mine is!!
Just been for my blood test this morning, i asked if there was any way i could get them back quicker and the nurse said they usually have them within a week but apparently my doctor can log into the system in a few days and they will be there, dont know how i ask them to do that though.
She did say if there was anything to be concerned about they will contact me within a couple of days anyway, fingers crossed i dont here anything!!
I would just ring the receptionist in a few days, and see if they have them. But as the nurse said if there is anything amiss they will contact you very quickly. Any news on getting the scan done?
I have rang the hospital this morning to make an appointment but its just going to voicemail so iv left a message, I will try calling again in a bit i just want to get it booked now!
---------- Post added at 11:30 ---------- Previous post was at 10:50 ----------
Spoke to the hospital, they havnt received my referral yet the doctor said its just gone this morning, but there is still a 3 week wait even with going private :weep:
Is there another private hospital you could go to if you paid? I'm sure you can self refer in some places. I paid for a private scan a few years ago and I had the appointment within a few days.
One good thing is you've had your blood test, and that will be a good indicator of your health.
I have just contacted another hospital and they have got appointments for next week so iv spoke to the doctors receptionist who has reluctantly faxed over the referral so i can go there instead!!
That's good news, not so long to wait.
Just got an appointment through for this afternoon, im so scared and nobody to go with me :weep:
Just do it girl. Then you'll be able to relax. Xxx
GOOD NEWS!! The ultrasound was ok the doctor said it's a lymph node but everything is ok and it's just of normal size. She checked both sides if my neck and they were both fine.
I feel so relieved, I'll contact the doctor tomorrow about my blood test so hopefully all ok with them too!!!! :D
Thats wonderful news. Now you can relax
Yeah I'm so glad, thanks for all your support it really helps being able to come on here and talk to people who know exactly how you feel!!
GOOD NEWS!! The ultrasound was ok the doctor said it's a lymph node but everything is ok and it's just of normal size. She checked both sides if my neck and they were both fine.
I feel so relieved, I'll contact the doctor tomorrow about my blood test so hopefully all ok with them too!!!! :D
Great news AND... I get to say... "Told ya so!" :D
Positive thoughts
Thanks fishmanpa, you were right!! :D
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