What am I teaching my children?

[happy1]

I am so worried for my childrens future because of me.I have no friends anymore.I find it frustrating to know how to talk the right way to people.My kids see all this they see me panick I try to hide it but they are very aware.My 5 year old didnt want me to come to his carol concert at school because (people might stare at you mummy).I dont know what to do for whats right for them.There is no family so they dont get a break from me.Everyday I try to give them the most normal day I can.
These tv reality shows promote how important socail life is within familys.Like that tiny tear aways programme I am so scared of ruining there life.How do you make friends and make it so your not "boring"to talk to.I do try to talk when it comes to it I am either on the verge of major panick.Or nothing comes out my mouth.It doesnt help with my neighbourhood being so clickie and hostile.
thanks kat

[happyone]

Hey there Happy1. This is a bit strange being Happyone talking to happy1!!
I don't know what help you are receiving for your anxiety/panic. Have you had any CBT? It helps you to look at your thoughts and challenge them. What you 'think' people may be thinking is often likely to be wrong, as
1. People, I believe (when I am not down or anxious) are mostly good.
2. We can't mind read.
3. Some people, particularly if depressed or anxious, project how they see themselves onto others.

I have worried myself sick over how I am affecting my children. I still am but it is not quite so intense any more. I now believe there is a way to stop all the negativity (haven't managed it yet, but believing it is a step forward) and also to forgive me for where I am just now.

I don't know if this helps or not.

Take care
Happyone

[darkangel]

I used to ask myself the same question.

What did I teach my child - who watched me suffer with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, extreme agoraphobia and self harm for 10 yrs?

She is the most caring, loving, understanding, supportive and non judgemental person I know - yes it has changed her life but she will be the first to say for the better. She is a strong, capable and level headed teenager who knows what she wants out of life and is really outgoing and has learned to appreciate the value of life.

My breakdown happened when she was 6 yrs old and yes it has had an impact on her but we can't change what happened, but we can sit down and talk about it and all you can do is your best at this moment.

Try not to give yourself too a hard time over it, your children will love you for who you are.

TAke care

Darkangel

........life is for living not just for surviving

[bearcrazy]

Hi Happy1,
I know that my illness has affeted my kids, they are well adjusted, caring, supportive and sensitive to the needs of others. They have learnt that sometimes people have issues bu this does not make them bad parents. My kids know that they are precious and loved, but also know how to love and support others in need of help.
dont worry about the effect you are having on your kids, if they know that they are loved, they'll get through!
tc XXXXXXXXXX

[ConfusedByLife]

There is no doubt children learn how to act based on their parents reactions in situations. I know my mum was very anxious when i was a kid and although i didnt realise it at the time I think this is where i learnt some of my bad habits. Alot of is in the genetics as well i think. The family on my mums side suffer alot with anxiety disorders from generation to generation. I don't believe this is co-incidental. On the other hand ur kids should grow up very tolerant, understanding and sympathetic people.
From my personal point of view I don't want to have children for the above reasons. I don't think it would be fair on them, and it would kill me to see them go through what i have and still am going through, but this is my own personal belief.

[bb01234]

happy1, when we are stuck inside our brains it's easy to rationalise that 'we' have problems no one else does and all the other parents are ok. That's plain not so!

Some of them will be nursing the same kind of fears and concerns that you have - not that it makes yours any easier to deal with.

TV is entertainment - that's all it is. Don't confuse TV, sound-bites, reaction shots and set up events with reality.

Whatever it is you are suffering from that's impacting your family can and will be resolved at some stage - if you can take the good steps now you will be able to move quicker to that date.

I'd assume from the way you write that there's an issue with panic attacks or agoraphobia ( sorry if I'm wrong ).

Perhaps you can find a way to talk to someone that offers a theraputic approach to understand why the symptom is being caused. From that point you may find a release or a significant reduction.

People often think 'when I'm ok I won't ever panic' Not so. a bit of panic or nerves is useful since it sets us up for performing well. So you may still be a bit jumpy, only you will know how much this has attenuated

rgds

brian