bulan
23-08-14, 05:02
Hello Friends,
I feel so battle weary and defeated tonight. Each time I feel unexplained symptoms I begin to worry about a new type of cancer, and before I know it I'm beginning to feel extra symptoms around my body that 'confirm' whichever cancer I'm afraid of at the moment.
Lately, I've obsessed about brain cancer, cancer of the small intestine, then oral cancer.
Tonight I developed a new fear of lymphoma... People with lymphoma often see the doctor when they have cold or flu symptoms that don't go away, and that's what's happening in my case: I've had a very sore throat and congestion for about six months.
I'm surprised how quickly my mind moves from one type of cancer to the next. From one day to the next or even from afternoon to evening I'm afraid of a new type... It's utterly exhausting, and defeating, like I mentioned above.
How does anyone deal with this? I was doing so well for a while... (I tend to measure my victory over H.A. by how long I'm able to stay away from these forums. Sorry to the admins... I really do appreciate your work! :) I would hang out more, except being here sometimes feeds into my anxiety. You know how that is...) But anyway, then my mind began to fixate on my symptoms, looking for some sinister cause behind them. It's like pin the tail on the donkey, only it's pin the diagnosis on the symptom, and my mind *needs* to pin a sinister diagnosis to every symptom, big or small.
Setting H.A. aside for a moment, I have to express how disconcerting it is to live with strange, undiagnosed symptoms. How can anyone go through life trying to ignore constant burning and tightness in their throat and pressure in their chest for half a year? Even if I were convinced I had no cancer, that these symptoms each had innocent causes, they'd still trouble me. They're not exactly like a paper cut one can treat, cover with a band-aid and forget. Some symptoms are just disconcerting and difficult to ignore, right? It isn't easy. *tired sigh*
Can anyone relate?
---------- Post added 23-08-14 at 00:02 ---------- Previous post was 22-08-14 at 23:58 ----------
I really wish there were more activity in the chat room here... sometimes the immediacy of someone else's presence and empathy gives that little bit of perspective and reassurance that makes a difference.
I feel so battle weary and defeated tonight. Each time I feel unexplained symptoms I begin to worry about a new type of cancer, and before I know it I'm beginning to feel extra symptoms around my body that 'confirm' whichever cancer I'm afraid of at the moment.
Lately, I've obsessed about brain cancer, cancer of the small intestine, then oral cancer.
Tonight I developed a new fear of lymphoma... People with lymphoma often see the doctor when they have cold or flu symptoms that don't go away, and that's what's happening in my case: I've had a very sore throat and congestion for about six months.
I'm surprised how quickly my mind moves from one type of cancer to the next. From one day to the next or even from afternoon to evening I'm afraid of a new type... It's utterly exhausting, and defeating, like I mentioned above.
How does anyone deal with this? I was doing so well for a while... (I tend to measure my victory over H.A. by how long I'm able to stay away from these forums. Sorry to the admins... I really do appreciate your work! :) I would hang out more, except being here sometimes feeds into my anxiety. You know how that is...) But anyway, then my mind began to fixate on my symptoms, looking for some sinister cause behind them. It's like pin the tail on the donkey, only it's pin the diagnosis on the symptom, and my mind *needs* to pin a sinister diagnosis to every symptom, big or small.
Setting H.A. aside for a moment, I have to express how disconcerting it is to live with strange, undiagnosed symptoms. How can anyone go through life trying to ignore constant burning and tightness in their throat and pressure in their chest for half a year? Even if I were convinced I had no cancer, that these symptoms each had innocent causes, they'd still trouble me. They're not exactly like a paper cut one can treat, cover with a band-aid and forget. Some symptoms are just disconcerting and difficult to ignore, right? It isn't easy. *tired sigh*
Can anyone relate?
---------- Post added 23-08-14 at 00:02 ---------- Previous post was 22-08-14 at 23:58 ----------
I really wish there were more activity in the chat room here... sometimes the immediacy of someone else's presence and empathy gives that little bit of perspective and reassurance that makes a difference.