Unsure what to do help

[Nervous]

Hi all

I'm new to this and have never used a forum before.
I have been a nervous introvert my whole life. Wear my heart on my sleeve. Fearful of letting others down. Always feel like I'm being judged and find social situations difficult. I have not dealt with rejection well in the past and still don't. I have often felt like the world is against me yet I hate feeling like this.

The past two years have been particularly stressful. My mother passed away in December 2012 after a long battle with MS. She died peacefully at home with her family around her. I have also had 4 miscarriages over the last year. I had been trying to continue to cope and work. Unfortunately my behaviour at work became insular. I could not communicate normally with team members and people didn't know how to approach me or how to help. Seeing my colleague bloom with her pregnancy made me feel so bitter and jealous. Eventually I was asked to take some time off. I have had 4 weeks off now and will have a further 2 as sickness before a holiday. I then return to work.

I am terrified how people will respond to me when I do return and am already nervous about it. I work in the health service so have a busy and stressful job. Team communication is vital. Deep down I am caring and friendly but the anxiety of the last two years has seemed to make me unable to show affection and controlling.

I need help but do not know what to do to reduce my nerves and feel like myself again.

[swgrl09]

Hi Nervous, Just wanted to say I cannot believe how much you have been through. I think most people would understand how that could have an effect on your nerves. I'm really sorry for all of your losses and can only imagine what it must be like for you.

Try to take it slowly. Can you have a talk with your supervisor before about ways to make it easier to transition back to working again?

Have you talked to a therapist at all?

[Nervous]

Hi swgrl09

I am seeing a counsellor through my works staff support service. I have seen her a few times now but I'm not finding talking therapy hugely beneficial. I feel I need someone to challenge me and help me take control rather than just listen and ask me how I feel about things.

My manager at work is aware that I am nervous and I have asked her to speak to a few people in the office for me but I'm aware that she can't hold my hand. I'm returning to work through a phased return so won't have to deal with full days in the first week. I just feel so stupid and embarrassed at how stressed I was and I don't think people understand what it has been like for me. I feel like they just think I should get over it all. The frustrating thing is that that is what I want to do but I don't know how.

The last two years have exacerbated my underlying anxiety. I just want to stop feeling negative but I don't know how to let go and enjoy life. It makes me so sad to feel like I'm wasting it.

[Fredone]

Hi
I'm new to this too. I have never used a forum before.
There seems to be a lot of support on this site so that shows that a lot of people care. You are not alone.