Arshness
25-08-14, 09:36
Hi. I'm Arsh. I'm 29 F, and I have panic attacks, anxiety and depression, and health anxiety.
Brief history on me:
PTSD from traumatic childhood.
Probably developed bad thyroid function after birth of only child, but was diagnosed as normal. (Have found out since that local labs use an outdated range and thus it is likely I had thyroid issues as suspected when I was first tested years ago.)
Suffered from many unexplained symptoms which didn't frighten me over the years such as unreasonable weight gain and inability to lose it or halt it, severe depression and female issues that lead to severe anemia.
I didn't find out any of these things until I had a sudden increase in symptoms due to a new traumatization (storm destroyed my house, I was struck by a falling tree) .
Saw GP, got help for depression and anemia, spent months attempting to diagnose cause of female troubles and anemia.
After months of studying me, concluded that the female issues and resultant anemia were likely caused by the thyroid which is now confirmed out of range.
Depression meds were poorly mismanaged. I was given Wellbutrin 300mg/day (as 150mg 2/day) without being stepped up on doses at all.
Developed severe anxiety suddenly. Had first panic attacks in life.
GP assumed unrelated to the meds she'd just put me on and so began attempting to treat my anxiety with klonopin.
Klonopin generally ineffective and I didn't want to be addicted, so didn't take them for long.
Realized through my own studies that the Wellbutrin could well be causing the anxiety since it didn't appear until I began taking the meds.
Asked GP to get me off Wellbutrin.
GP suggested a two-week reduction that involved skipping doses.
Did research, found that skipping doses was a terrible idea, even according to the medicine's website.
Using "Suriving Antidepressants" forum for advice, began to reduce Wellbutrin slowly, reducing at 10% of dosage per drop and steadily reducing only every few weeks.
I have since reduced my dosage from 300mg/day to less than 75mg/day.
Still attempting to come off it. Currently taking half a 75mg tablet in the morning and 3/4 of one at evening.
Last reduction was about a week and a half ago, increase in symptoms since that reduction with more anxiety than I was having at the dose before it which was half of a 75mg tablet twice per day.
Also began thyroid medication about 3 weeks ago. Mostly it's made me feel a bit better. My anemia was brought to normal levels months ago and my female issues abated after attempting several different birth control methods... it suddenly stopped being an issue a few weeks after I quit the nuva ring (due to fear of blood clots).
Currently having a panic attack because of twitches below the left rib cage.
Have had this sensation several times before.
These have been a bit stronger and have lasted for longer than is normal.
It's a repeating set of muscle twitches that make me feel like my heart is vibrating behind my ribs. Terrified I'm dying of heart attack soon. Or that something catastrophic will happen to kill me.
This is the health anxiety part.
I have a wife and daughter (I'm lesbian) and am terrified of leaving my family behind both due to my own attachment to being a part of their lives and fear because they need me.
I have no peace toward the idea of dying so when I fear I'm dying, I panic.
I have had this same sensation so many times. I've learned to talk myself out of most of my panic attacks, but tonight I'm failing to talk myself out of it.
The sensation is a vibrating or muscle twitching sensation below left rib cage at the front left side. I worry that it is a heart arrhythmia.
But I have investigated this several times in the ER. I have had EKGs and nothing has ever come up worrying. I have never had a high blood pressure reading in my life that didn't occur while I was currently panicking or in distress.
My obesity and generally sedentary lifestyle are my only serious risk factors tho I vaguely remember the possibility that my father had heart issues. I'm not completely sure on that as I distanced myself heavily from family (due to traumatic childhood).
The risk factors make me afraid that I have some issue. I know this is health anxiety. I know it's unlikely I have any issue with my heart, but my fear is just so gripping.
I can feel my heart beating in a distant sort of way. I feel it somewhere in the middle of me, toward my back. I almost feel it in my breath. My breathing feels a little hollow. If that makes sense. I've had palpitations, plenty. They are a fluttery feeling where it feels like you can't quite breathe for a few seconds. But these feelings are not like that. They are more just... vague. Ghosty. My breathing is happening. There is no pain in my lungs. I just feel a sort of hollowness to the breath like it isn't all it should be. And the twitches under my ribcage. Is it my heart? I'm so scared.
My heart almost feels like it's distantly/vaguely beating in my throat. I feel vaguely like I'm vibrating all over.
I took an attarax, but it's not helping so I'm probably going to take an Ativan so I can rest tonight.
I just keep telling myself this has gone on for hours, has happened before, and if I go to ER, they'll just give me Ativan there and charge me hundreds of dollars.
I'm hoping someone here can tell me that this is all normal and I'm being silly. I'm hoping all of this sounds just like something someone else has gone through and the twitches were nothing. I'm hoping. But I'm also afraid that I'll still be afraid even if I'm told that.
I wish there was something I could do tonight to help myself be unafraid.
Sorry for the long post.
Brief history on me:
PTSD from traumatic childhood.
Probably developed bad thyroid function after birth of only child, but was diagnosed as normal. (Have found out since that local labs use an outdated range and thus it is likely I had thyroid issues as suspected when I was first tested years ago.)
Suffered from many unexplained symptoms which didn't frighten me over the years such as unreasonable weight gain and inability to lose it or halt it, severe depression and female issues that lead to severe anemia.
I didn't find out any of these things until I had a sudden increase in symptoms due to a new traumatization (storm destroyed my house, I was struck by a falling tree) .
Saw GP, got help for depression and anemia, spent months attempting to diagnose cause of female troubles and anemia.
After months of studying me, concluded that the female issues and resultant anemia were likely caused by the thyroid which is now confirmed out of range.
Depression meds were poorly mismanaged. I was given Wellbutrin 300mg/day (as 150mg 2/day) without being stepped up on doses at all.
Developed severe anxiety suddenly. Had first panic attacks in life.
GP assumed unrelated to the meds she'd just put me on and so began attempting to treat my anxiety with klonopin.
Klonopin generally ineffective and I didn't want to be addicted, so didn't take them for long.
Realized through my own studies that the Wellbutrin could well be causing the anxiety since it didn't appear until I began taking the meds.
Asked GP to get me off Wellbutrin.
GP suggested a two-week reduction that involved skipping doses.
Did research, found that skipping doses was a terrible idea, even according to the medicine's website.
Using "Suriving Antidepressants" forum for advice, began to reduce Wellbutrin slowly, reducing at 10% of dosage per drop and steadily reducing only every few weeks.
I have since reduced my dosage from 300mg/day to less than 75mg/day.
Still attempting to come off it. Currently taking half a 75mg tablet in the morning and 3/4 of one at evening.
Last reduction was about a week and a half ago, increase in symptoms since that reduction with more anxiety than I was having at the dose before it which was half of a 75mg tablet twice per day.
Also began thyroid medication about 3 weeks ago. Mostly it's made me feel a bit better. My anemia was brought to normal levels months ago and my female issues abated after attempting several different birth control methods... it suddenly stopped being an issue a few weeks after I quit the nuva ring (due to fear of blood clots).
Currently having a panic attack because of twitches below the left rib cage.
Have had this sensation several times before.
These have been a bit stronger and have lasted for longer than is normal.
It's a repeating set of muscle twitches that make me feel like my heart is vibrating behind my ribs. Terrified I'm dying of heart attack soon. Or that something catastrophic will happen to kill me.
This is the health anxiety part.
I have a wife and daughter (I'm lesbian) and am terrified of leaving my family behind both due to my own attachment to being a part of their lives and fear because they need me.
I have no peace toward the idea of dying so when I fear I'm dying, I panic.
I have had this same sensation so many times. I've learned to talk myself out of most of my panic attacks, but tonight I'm failing to talk myself out of it.
The sensation is a vibrating or muscle twitching sensation below left rib cage at the front left side. I worry that it is a heart arrhythmia.
But I have investigated this several times in the ER. I have had EKGs and nothing has ever come up worrying. I have never had a high blood pressure reading in my life that didn't occur while I was currently panicking or in distress.
My obesity and generally sedentary lifestyle are my only serious risk factors tho I vaguely remember the possibility that my father had heart issues. I'm not completely sure on that as I distanced myself heavily from family (due to traumatic childhood).
The risk factors make me afraid that I have some issue. I know this is health anxiety. I know it's unlikely I have any issue with my heart, but my fear is just so gripping.
I can feel my heart beating in a distant sort of way. I feel it somewhere in the middle of me, toward my back. I almost feel it in my breath. My breathing feels a little hollow. If that makes sense. I've had palpitations, plenty. They are a fluttery feeling where it feels like you can't quite breathe for a few seconds. But these feelings are not like that. They are more just... vague. Ghosty. My breathing is happening. There is no pain in my lungs. I just feel a sort of hollowness to the breath like it isn't all it should be. And the twitches under my ribcage. Is it my heart? I'm so scared.
My heart almost feels like it's distantly/vaguely beating in my throat. I feel vaguely like I'm vibrating all over.
I took an attarax, but it's not helping so I'm probably going to take an Ativan so I can rest tonight.
I just keep telling myself this has gone on for hours, has happened before, and if I go to ER, they'll just give me Ativan there and charge me hundreds of dollars.
I'm hoping someone here can tell me that this is all normal and I'm being silly. I'm hoping all of this sounds just like something someone else has gone through and the twitches were nothing. I'm hoping. But I'm also afraid that I'll still be afraid even if I'm told that.
I wish there was something I could do tonight to help myself be unafraid.
Sorry for the long post.